What kind of responses are you ladies here to give?

I don't know how to delete this post, but I don't feel comfortable with asking for help on this website anymore, nor do I want replies like the ones I got.

I came to this site because I was feeling like my workouts weren't paying off the way I wanted and needed help to be steered in the right direction. I posted my situation for helpful tips and stories.

Instead, I came back to some replies that are written very poorly and came off in a negative manner.

I did not come here to be in competition with anyone.

Thank you to the one girl who did offer me sound words.

You cannot "gain" muscle on a calorie deficit.  Is this how you have been losing weight?  By eating at a deficit?  If so, then I HIGHLY doubt you have gained muscle.  You have likely gained muscle DEFINITION due to fat loss.  The loss of fat has revealed the muscle you have always had.  There isn't a whole lot you can do to get rid of muscle...unless you let them atrophy, which is not something I suggest.  The best thing I can tell you is that, from looking at your picture, you are not "bulky", as you put it.  You are very thin and your arms do not remotely resemble anything I would call "bulky"....they are very slim. 

The only suggestion I have for you is to continue with a healthy diet and try to accept your muscles the way they are.  There are people who would KILL to have your arms. 

What exactly is this calorie deficit that you are referring to?

My arms used to be MUCH skinnier. Suddenly they are thick. From the front my arms look thin but sideways I have those Popeye sort of muscles. There was no loss of fat in my arms, just a sudden obvious muscle gain. Maybe from certain yoga poses, but now I'm scared to continue those poses for fear that they might make it worse.

In terms of BULK I was not talking about my arms, but about my thighs. I know what unhealthy fat looks like on the body, and it's there on my thighs-on the back under my butt from the outter to the inner. I've been doing more leg routines and they started slimming for a second and then really firmed up with muscle, and are now getting larger looking!

Could it possibly be that my body type just doesn't getting thinner than this in a healthy fashion?

You mentioned that you have lost weight, so I assume that that means you have been eating less than you burn each day.  That is how we lose weight.  Whether you do it by eating at maintenance and adding extra exercise or by eating less, the only way we can lose weight is through a calorie deficit.  Unless you are eating MORE than your maintenance level and doing LOTS of weight training, I cannot imagine that you have gained actual muscle mass in your arms.  For a woman, that would be incredibly difficult. 

If you are worried about the fat on your legs, I would recommend doing a mixture of cardio and weight training plus a good, balanced diet.  You HAVE to burn more calories than you eat in order to lose fat.  You also cannot choose where to lose fat...so it may take a while for you to lose it from your thighs.  If you have been doing leg muscle exercises, the "larger looking" part might be because your muscle tissue is slightly swollen from the workout...give it time to go back down...drink LOTS of water.

Try using the tools on this website to find how much you should be eating each day in order to lose weight...that is the only way you will lose the fat on your legs. 

Original Post by grassdress:

I have dreadlocks and in caring for them my arms have gotten SO muscular.

You did not gain muscle by doing your hair, sorry.

You also did not gain muscle by exercising less.

honestly, do you know how much time and effort it takes for women to gain muscle?

try MAYBE a gain of 1-2lbs of muscle every 2-3 MONTHS.. and that's while TRYING to gain muscle

do you know how much work and nutritional/caloric planning it takes for those "bulky women" to achieve that look??

obviously you don't... women do not gain muscle mass easily, and you are NOT THE EXCEPTION, I'm sorry but it's highly unlikely

what I hear is that your obsession over your body is making things look 'bigger' or 'worse' then they really are... this is like the rail-thin girl complaining that she is fat

why don't you try focusing on what you DO like about your body and respect it for what it is, and not hating it for what it's not... you should be proud of your accomplishments already

remember:  the longer we look in the mirror, the more flaws we find in ourselves

I agree with sully and carmen - Honesty is the best policy.

this thread may help you

http://caloriecount.about.com/squat-thighs-bu lky-ft142605

I'm very surprised at the level of rudeness on a site that's supposed to be for positive support and help. Instead it seems more like women competing.

First of all, unless you have dreadlocks you would know, dreadlocks take one year to form. Every day you have to do something called palm rolling which means you have to roll the dread between your palms, each one for about two minutes. This means pressing firmly to where you can smell the hair burning, which means you are using a lot of force in a clockwise motion and lifting your hands above your head. I literally sweat when doing this, and I do it for about two hours a day because I have to.

Second, do I need to take pictures of the muscle? Why do you ladies feel the need to come and reply if you are going to tell me about my own body like I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't understand this. I have a LOT of muscle, and it didn't come within the past few months. My body has been quite muscular, just never in my arms as much as now. I'm sorry that you guys don't believe me and think that I'm lying.

I didn't come on this site to be accused of lying about gaining muscle. If I don't want the muscle why would I lie about having it?

Wow. Thank you guys for your true support.
If you need to get out this anger please take it out elsewhere next time.

Kaetlyn-I wasn't aware of the calorie deficit information. Thank you for that.
My muscles are quite sore in my legs right now from working out so it may be that they are inflamed and that makes a lot of sense.

I just checked out the tools that the site has to offer, too. I'm new to the site so I don't know everything here yet. That really gave me new insight.

Thank you for giving me helpful comments. I really appreciate it.

Listen, I don't understand why you are choosing to come on here again with more things to say like this.

If you felt upset about weight and wanted advice I don't think you would want these kind of replies.

I just wanted help after feeling quite lost like maybe my efforts weren't paying off.

You are not hurting my feelings, just accumulating bad karma for yourself.

Please don't come back here with negative things to say, or at least re-think the way you respond. If you didn't mean to come off as rude, then I apologize, but the way it was worded was very negative.

Original Post by carmenxox:

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Carmenxox, there's no need to be rude! You may not like the look of dreads, but lots of other people do, including the OP. Would you walk up to a stranger in real life and say to hir what you just said to grassdress online? I certainly hope not.

(grassdress, I'm sure you look awesome with dreadlocks! I hope you continue to rock the dreads for as long as you want! :) )

Hi there...OK, so I admit, I didn't really read through all the posts down the line. Honestly, once I sensed the hostility I decided to stop reading.

What I would like to offer to you Grassdress is maybe the idea of Pilate's? I'm sure it's been mentioned somewhere in these posts, and if so, forgive me, but it can work for toning muscles and giving you a more sleek look vs. "bulky" looking muscles.

Another REALLY great workout is the Slim In Six DVD series. I have done this in the past and have seen really good results. It takes dedication, but I get that you have no problem committing to something like that. Especially if the results are guaranteed to work.

I'm sorry your posts haven't seemed to gain much positive response, that really sucks. Actually this is the FIRST thing I've posted/replied to on this site due to the chance something like that might happen :(

Well, hope the two suggestions have HELPED...and p.s. I think the hair looks great. And I come from a long line of cosmetologists...so there carmenxox (sorry, couldn't resist...not trying to make enemies, just trying to make a truthful point!)

you know I just might one day

I doubt she's going to change to suit your idea of "fashion".  Why all the hostility?  Are you jealous?  Leave her alone.

To grassdress:  Sorry you got this kind of response to your post.  I didn't see what you wrote originally, but I don't really have muscles so I probably wouldn't have been able to help anyway.  Hope it doesn't discourage you from posting in the future.

Some people are so ugly on the inside...

I'm sorry grassdress. There are some mean spirited people on this site. If you have another question don't be afraid to post though! Chances are someone will be helpful....and not rude.

You can always block members, that way their responses won't show up.

Original Post by andi8983:

I doubt she's going to change to suit your idea of "fashion".  Why all the hostility?  Are you jealous?  Leave her alone.

 I don't count on it... but she's making a big deal about how her dreads are making her arms "bulky", so if it's that much of an issue then she should decide what's more important to her... her arms or her dreads?

Jealous? me? hah! NO... just bored

I am also sorry that you got such a hostile response. I have found (most) people on this site to be helpful and encouraging! I'm not sure what your original post was, but if you want to PM me, feel free. I am also relatively new, but I would be happy to share what I do know. No one starts this knowing everything, and I'm not sure what the people who have replied to you think these forums are for if not to ask questions! Some people are just naturally bitchy, I guess.

Original Post by carmenxox:

Original Post by andi8983:

I doubt she's going to change to suit your idea of "fashion".  Why all the hostility?  Are you jealous?  Leave her alone.

 I don't count on it... but she's making a big deal about how her dreads are making her arms "bulky", so if it's that much of an issue then she should decide what's more important to her... her arms or her dreads?

Jealous? me? hah! NO... just bored

If you are making these kinds of comments because you are bored, I hope you realize that you are ruining her day with rude and undeserving sarcastic comments. And she didn't come here for fashion advice..?

But grassdress, some people do get annoyed that there are many newcomers in this site everyday asking very similar questions, without searching. Not that they are justified...

And unfortunately I can't see the original question..?

I have no idea what the post was about but it seems to be about muscle. I would like to know the original question so I can offer some sound advice :)

op was gaining muscle and didnt like it.

op; my experience with my pain in the ass of a body is that, if i eat "too well" (too much) and combine it with exercise, not necessarily weights etc, i will gain muscle. to both muscle and fat there must be a calorie surplus. to lose both, there must be a deficit.

tools on this site should help you attain correct numbers