Kiss your sister!!!!!!!!!

One of my most potent (if not fondest) "family togetherness" memories is of a time about 10 years ago when my husband's family had gathered at my mother-in-law's house.  My approximately 5-year-old nephew had done something to my approximately 3-year-old niece, which prompted my sister-in-law to start screaming, in a manner reminiscent of the Wicked Witch of the West, "Kiss your sister!!! Kiss your sister!!! KISS YOUR SISTER!!!" 

Anybody else have lines that will live in infamy?  Maybe it was a family member saying something funny or ridiculous, maybe it was an obscure line from a tv show or movie, but it stuck with you.  One of my favorite lines is from Star Trek:  The Next Generation--"Quick, Nelix, get the cheese to Sick Bay!"  

Let's hear those great one-liners!

Original Post by babygirlnaenae1:

Right after I learned my colors, I went grocery shopping with mom.  I'm pointing out diff things and yelling out the color.. until I point at a woman and yell.. look mom! look at the purple lady!!!  She walked up and said, no honey, I'm black.  The lady found it humerous... My mother was horrified.

 My mom's youngest sister was born in 1965, in the suburbs.  She never even saw a black person until she was about 5 years old.  The first time she did, she cried out, "Look, mommy, it's a chocolate man!" 

My mom, who was there (and 23 years old), remembers this clearly and still teases her about it. 

I wanted to start kindergarten a year early, but the school made me do an interview with the teacher to make sure I was "emotionally ready" to go to school. The teacher asked me what I wanted to learn in kindergarten and I told her "I want to learn what bugs taste like!!"

My Mom, my younger sister and I were all in our car driving to school one morning, and my Mom was giving me 'the talk'.

I was probably around 10 or 11, so my little sister was 5 or 6 at the time. I was in the front seat, and as my Mom has always been very candid with me, I knew all the ins and outs of sex already. We were merely going over it again, to make sure I understood why people had sex, and when I would be ready (i.e. 18 and in love, like my Momma said haha).

My Mom was telling me something along the lines of 'and when the man climaxes, he releases.....well, he releases into the woman's vagina.'

And my sister pipes up from the back seat "I know what you're talking 'bout!"

And of course my Mom doesn't believe her, so the response is, "Oh really? And what's that?"

And my sister blurts out in the loudest voice ever for a 5 year old, "SPERM!"

To this day, whenever we talk about sex, I still laugh until my sides hurt when she breaks into the room and goes "SPERM!" just for the hell of it. Oh I love my family.

Ha! I can so picture that. Then and now. :D

One of my favorite obscure movie quotes:  "Wind the frog!"

From childhood (well, pre-teen) - We were visiting relatives in San Antonio, and for lunch my mom informed that we were going to Mi Tierra (a tex mex place on the Riverwalk).  I just looked at her puzzed and asked "Why are going to meet an Arab?"  To this day Mom asks me if I want to "meet the arabs" when I suggest mexican food.

And "You can't miss it."  Same San Antonio trip, and my mom wanted to go to the Pioneer Flour Mill for lunch, and when my cousin gave her directions telling her to look for the huge sign she said "you can't miss it."  Yeah, you can predict this - she missed it, by a lot.  Didn't eat lunch until about 3 hours later.  To this day "you can't miss it" is a bad omen in our family.

Heh. We always had ill-fortune when setting out for lunch - especially if we didn't have a place picked out before getting into the car.

One afternoon we drove around for two hours trying to decide where to eat. I think my boys have been permanently scarred by the incident.

My father is a notoriously aggressive driver (like, he will run you off the road if you don't get out of the way).  I once asked him about a huge gash along the right side of his car.  His response:  "I was trying to merge and this guy wouldn't let me in, so I just eased on over and we ended up bumping." 

Now whenever any of my family is in the car together and someone needs to merge we all advise the driver "Just ease on over there!"

my 2 year old cousin had just been given a bath and asked my nana if she could go outside and play on the swing.  my nana said "you have to ask your mother".   she then went up to her mom and said "Mama, who's mother?"  i guess she had never heard her mom called mother before.

Original Post by santonacci:

One of my favorite obscure movie quotes:  "Wind the frog!"

 

 my dad says that all the time.  we have tivo and he says "wind the frog" when he wants us to unpause or rewind the tv show.

Ahh my crazy crazy boy!

Ok, Social Security office. My son walks up to the black security guard, asks him why he is brown. I almost died. Security guy, explains he was born this color. My son says, you sure are lucky, I wish I was brown like you. hahaha

My son (age 4) and I sitting in a booth at a restaurant, in the booth behind him are 3 police officers, One of which is an EXTREMELY masculine female cop with short hair. My son completely turned around staring at them, loudly exclaims while pointing at the WOMAN, "Look at that big man, look at him...." repeats this about 5-6 times. MORTIFIED. I snatched his butt up and booked it out of there as fast as I could!

My son, a few months ago ( age 6) comes home to tell me he likes this girl in his class named Ally. He says "Mom, she's so cool and nice to me. and you know what, she has really dark tan skin and she doesn't  even have to lay out all day like you do, SHE WAS BORNNNNN THAT WAY!"( his eyes justa sparklin') so frickin cute! ( I saw her too, gorgeous Native American girl)

Oh as far as I go, theres a crazy video out there of me age 3 or 4. My uncle is taping, and asking me questions and one of them was whats my favorite tv show.... I'm like TJ HOOKER! (hahahaha) and I said my favorite movie was LACE and The Color Purple. No idea what the heck "Lace" is, but mom said it was some sexy mini series that was on in the very early 80's I dunno  :)

"Get me a box of kittens, stat!"

From Scrubs. I love that scene (youtube link).

I think of it whenever I see a patient who is obviously sad, frustrated, and/or unhappy with life.

EDIT: ahaha there's even a great website called "box of kittens"!

When I was 4 my dad brought me to the grocery store and I was being bratty (like usual) so jokingly he said "Buzz off". I responded (in french) Dont say "F*ck off at me" He said "Chantale I said BUZZ OFF" Loudly I shouted "DONT SAY F*CK OFF AT ME" There was a few ladies near by and they were giving my dad the evil eye. He was so embarrased he took me out of the cart and left w/o groceries. Today I am 23 and have yet to live it down.

Another time, again at the grocery store with my dad we were in the deli section and I dark skinned women walked by and I said "why she so dirty?" My dad quietly said "Shes not dirty she just has darker skin then us..thats all" About 10 minutes later we met up with her again and loudly I shouted "Im good eh dad I never even said the madame was dirty" ....thankfully the lady was nice and thougth I was cute.

I'm a little late for this post, but I'll share anyway.

When I was about 4 years old, I went for a ride in the car with my aunt and my mom and was sitting in the back seat. We reached an intersection and stopped. On the corner, waiting the use the crosswalk, was a short man, obviously of older age. Me, being the observant (and innocent!) child that I was, squealed, "Look, Mama! It's a grampa-kid!"
My mom and aunt had to kindly explain to me that he was a dwarf.

I didn't really say anything..but I drew it. In pre-school we had to draw a portrait of our families. So I draw away I draw my mom, my older brother, me and then my dad. However, on my dad I put him in a red or pink dress. (but, still gave him his beard, and my brother had pants on.) When one of the women presented the portrait to my parents the woman working there, my mother and my dad laughed and he asked me puzzled, "Why did you put me in a dress?" and I said "Eh, because it was easier to draw. Pants are too hard." I just don't understand how I managed to put my brother in pants, but not my dad. LMAO! My mom still has the drawing today and we laugh over it whenever it's mentioned or shown. :P

Every time someone had a loud bodily function, my one-legged great grandma would always say "Excuse the hog, the pig's engaged." She never told us what it meant, and we still have no idea to this day. =\

When we were younger my sister didn't really understand the concept of how the TV worked, one day my parents were discussing how the anyone in the viewing area was under a huge storm warning  she pipes in and says  "just change the channel and we won't be in the viewing area anymore".  To this day she doesn't live it down. 

She's also the one who thought there were little people living in the TV just waiting for us to turn it on so they could entertain us.............

I was about 2 - 2 1/2 and the story goes; I walked up to my sister's best friend (she's 14 years my senior) and said "nice t**ts" and walked away from her.  No reason that they knew of that I would have even heard that before; but I must have.

I still hear about it now and again and she's now 60 and I haven't seen her in 20+ years. You never live some stuff down. Even though I was innocent!

Original Post by jewelsmcblah:

Outside of a grocery store once, my nephew saw a rather large lady who had flabby arms.  He looks at my sister and me and says, "Man!  That lady's got big muscles!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh wow, I havn't "lol" in a while on computer, my roommates I think are questioning my sanity right about now.

I hate real fur on coats, I did ever since I was a kid. When I was younger if someone who was wearing fur walked by, I would point and yell, "Look MOM she's wearing FUR!!!" If a old lady walked by wearing fur I would not point and scream because apparently "they didn't know any better" HAHAHAHA

My daughter pointing out to her friend the perfectly round hole in the side of a grocery store chicken where the rotisserie skewer had been removed, explaining: "That's where they shot the chicken."

My daughters friend brought her very quiet little cousin who watched our black cat Gigi eating. Gigi's tail was straight up and the boy gently poked the flesh spot under his tail, causing her to run off. She retuned to eating and the boy, still intrigued, bent down eye level to the spot and asked, "Why his butt open?" 

My daughter, who I taught from an early age proper term for sexual parts instead of nicknames, walked in on her father peeing in the bathroom.  She came out to me, laughing to announce, "I saw Daddy's vagina."

I told my daughter young that people could get their feelings hurt if told they are fat.  Sitting in a restaurant, a very large woman approached and just as she passed my daughter and was starting to pass me, my daughter loudly said, "See - I didnt tell her she was fat" loudly enough for the woman and those around us to hear.