Kitchen & Food Drama

I couldn't figure out what topic to post this under....

My husband is a picky eater. It's just that simple. I've been trying to make new dishes anyways because I am just tired of the same old things. Last night, he tried it, but didn't like it. I've got more new meals planned for later this week, which I'm sure will not go over well. He says he loves the same things time after time but honestly, I'm tired of eating them. Here's what our current meals look like:

Grilled salmon with veggies. Grilled chicken with veggies. 3 bean chili. Tacos. Repeat.

My feelings are getting hurt now every time I try a new dish because he doesn't like them. I WANT to cook for the two of us. It makes me feeling like I'm nesting. I'm pretty fed up with him and told him last night, he's on his own for dinners from now on. I'll cook my own food aside from the above listed "generic" dinners. How do I put aside my hurt feelings?

Ohhh, I can so totally relate . . . I have one of those, too.    Mine will tell you outright that he likes "simple foods."  He doesn't mind trying new things but doesn't mind eating the same ones all the time, either.  Here's what I normally do, which works pretty well:

Don't make lots of "new" dishes all in the same week.  Space them out, mixed in with "old standby" ones. 

When making something new, be sure to pair it with something old and tested that you know he likes.  Don't make a completely new whole meal, especially if you aren't sure what the reception to it will be.

If he isn't totally jazzed with something, ask why.  Ask if there is any way that it could be modified or changed to appeal to him more.  Often, a small change can make a big difference.  If you don't know what that is, or if he doesn't volunteer it or is afraid you will take it as an unwanted criticism, you can't fix it. 

Don't fix separate meals.  Cook something that you both like in the same dinner, or cook favorite meals of each of you, and the other one of you can just suck it up.  I mean, come on, assuming the food is good, and we are just talking about personal preference, either one of you can tolerate a meal that isn't your favorite every now and then, for the same courtesy in return.  I mean, don't make a habit of making something you know he truly despises.  Healthy cooking and meal planning is hard enough already, without a picky eater to try to work around every day.  Ask him for suggestions of what he might like for a change.  If he doesn't/can't give you any, then do the best you can and don't worry so much about it.  If the food is good, if he's hungry, he'll eat it.  If he doesn't, or if he complains with obvious efforts on your part to be fair and accomodating, then he's being a craphead and needs a manners lesson. 

You need to realize he's not actively trying to hurt your feelings. He's just stuck in a rut. My SO is gradually coming around to trying more new things, especially vegetables. I am a very adventurous eater. I get tired of the same things. I like to try new foods and have new experiences. I'm beginning to realize that I am the exception. It seems that most people develope their likes as children and then never go outside their comfort zone. 

Just keep cooking new things. If he doesn't like it he can go fix something for himself. That means you now have yummy leftovers for lunch the next day. If he keeps seeing new dishes and realizes you don't care what he thinks about them, he might give them a try with a more open mind. Key word is might.

When you have children, please offer them a variety of foods and don't keep fixing the same old thing the same old way. That way they can develop a palate. I truly wonder if this isn't the problem. People aren't developing palates anymore.

My husband and I have been cooking our own meals since the early 80s, when basically the same thing happened with us--I liked to try different things, he liked meat and potatoes, period. We cook for ourselves all week, then one day a week (usually Sunday) we cook together, or I cook for both of us, or we go out to dinner together. It's been working just fine for over 25 years. If your hubby wants the same old, same old, let him cook his own, and stop feeling bad. He's a big boy. Don't let him cramp your style. If you need to nest, change the bed linen or something.

Yeah, I love getting wild and crazy with food and trying new things all the time.  I don't mind leftovers, but I can't do the same thing over and over every week.  Fortunately my hubby is a little more adventurous than yours, but there are still some things he won't eat.  For example mushrooms.  To me, mushrooms are one of my favorite things and I could practically eat them on anything.  It blows me away that he hates them so much when I think they are so lovely.    Anyway, I have learned to just saute my mushrooms on the side and mix them in or pour them over whatever I am having.  That way we are both happy. 

I don't understand the people not wanting to try new things either.  My mom is totally like that.  She was recently put on a restricted heart patient diet, and she keeps complaining that there is nothing on there she can eat. I don't like this, I don't like that.  Can't do fruit, gives her heartburn.  Can't do vegetables, gives her gas.  The list goes on.  She is just incredibly picky and has been known to buy her own food at a fast food joint and eat it on the way whenever she goes to someone else's house for dinner, then claims to not be hungry so she doesn't have to eat whatever they made (Yes she has done this to me, but my dad ratted her out).

My hubby is the same. I get mad when he gives our children license to criticize new or different foods, or just reject them altogether. I cook the old favorites but throw in new stuff too. I used to get hurt feelings until this happened: I work two jobs he works one. One day I came home to make dinner before I had to rush off to job number two. He asked what I was making, I told him, he made a face. That was it! I handed him a raw potato, told him that was his dinner, and went to work. I think he gave the kids cold cereal. Now, I make what I want. I don't let it get to me. The family can either eat what I cook or fend for themselves. We still have plenty of potatoes.

My husband would eat the same thing over and over if I wasn't such an adventurous eater. My suggestion is to cook the same entree (steak, fish, chicken, whatever) and make his usual side dish (fortunately for me he likes a baked potato), but make your own jazzy side dishes. This has made my husband try the "new" side dish and now he likes quite a few of them. Then you can start fixing the entree a little bit different and he may try that too.

We also try to copy dishes that we eat at restaurants when cooking at home. It has made him like to cook now too.

So, I'm lucky.  My SO will eat pretty much anything, except chili, cooked nuts, or anything with the spice cumin in it.  Since I'm allergic to bananas and peanuts, we're pretty much even.  :D  And, if he wants bananas or peanuts--or if I want chili or something Indian (cumin)--we make our own meal/dish and go from there.  Simple.

What I'm wondering is how these SOs (a woman could be picky, too, right?) survived before they got all of you wonderful, caring chefs in their lives.  Did they cook?  (aha!  problem solved!)  Did they eat out?  (again, options are pretty good that way for everyone getting something they like).  One thing you might suggest is that you each cook 3 nights a week and go out or get take out the last night.  They could cook what they want and either make you something you want or not, and vice versa.  :)  Of course, if one of you is home more than the other this might have to be different, but my fiance and I both work full time, so there you go--even Steven!  :D

Good luck, everyone! 

He asked what I was making, I told him, he made a face. That was it! I handed him a raw potato, told him that was his dinner, and went to work.

Lol!  That sounds like something I would do!

Original Post by writestuff:

What I'm wondering is how these SOs (a woman could be picky, too, right?) survived before they got all of you wonderful, caring chefs in their lives.  Did they cook?  (aha!  problem solved!)  Did they eat out?  (again, options are pretty good that way for everyone getting something they like).  One thing you might suggest is that you each cook 3 nights a week and go out or get take out the last night.

Love that idea. Cooking only a few meals a week might be a good option for us. And it would cut down on the planning I have to do. Woot! I will be trying to incorporate new sides too as nannydeb mentioned. Starting off small is a great plan :)

Before we were married, his version of dinner was hamburger helper, mac n cheese and chef boyardee. And he only drank hawaiian punch.

When I was in my 20's, I had a keychain that said, "I dont cook and you wont care". 

I think my ex complained twice before I refused to cook for him.  We went years - him cooking, me cleaning the kitchen which sucked because he had no incentive not to use too much kitchenware. 

I think its a matter of accepting you adventurous about trying new foods and he likes the stand-bys, and not taking it personally because I bet he really love some of those standbys you make.  Im like him with food - theres a comfort in what you know you like. 

Maybe if you take baby steps towards change - a different flavored grilled chicken or salmon plus a completely new side you could have a mutually happy dinner meal.