You do not know what it's like to be obese: Follow-up to rant.

Anyone keeping up may have noticed my 'rant against skinny people.' Throughout the topic and its crazy varied replies, I finally stumbled on the point I actually wanted to make. My apologies if my flailing attempts at clever frustration came off as offensive, or if I came off as 'insecure' mean or with any other horrible personal flaw : ) This is meant as a completely independent topic.

My point: You do not know.

If you have never been obese, then you do not know what its like. You do not know the specific difficulties that come with it. You do not know what it feels like to be laughed at or talked about for being obese. You do not know the myriad of ways others' perceptions of the obese come off. I am not saying that being obese is harder than being any other weight. I'm saying it is different. I do not know what it's like to be underweight. I assume that the looks, comments, suspicions of crazy diets and EDs are all pretty horrible, so I try and temper my words accordingly. I like the same regard from others.

If you have never been the obese, fattest person in a room, on a roller coaster, in a store, in a fitness class, at a family meal; if you have never heard the constant weight comments, the snickers, the 'advice;' If you have never been medically classified as morbidly obese, then you DO NOT KNOW what it is like. Please don't assume that you do. Please assess your comments accordingly.

Good point. :) I`ll check back to this thread every now and then because I`m curious what you`ll get flamed for this time. xD

lol, indeed. I'm like a flippin moth, I can't control myself even knowing what may happen : )

minda:I totally agree, I also want to "throw something out there" that it also is different for people who have been obese all their lives vs. people who have only been obese for a certain time period in their lives, I think the 2 groups of people see things differently (just my own theory by the way;O)...What do you think?

I agree with you also Minda, my partner is about 25kg lighter than me and he cant seem to understand why I cant walk as quickly as he does! But at least there are people out there who would like to know what we go through. I think a few of you might find an article on Paul James interesting. He is a personal trainer/model from sydney who at the start of the year started what he calls a "social experiment". In an endeavor to find a greater understanding of what it was like for his overweight clients, he decided to gain 40 kilos in six months and then give himself six months to get back to his super bod! He starts his weight loss (having hit his goal of 120kg a month or so ago) in July but is already having doubts about his ability to lose the weight. He can now understand the difficulties that those who are trying to lose weight face each day. Have a look everyone and let me know what you think :) www.todaytonight.com.au and click on the link titled "fat experiment health risk"

Tash (Australia) 

so are you done on your pedestal? ready to step off the soap box? got all the sympathy and pity you wanted?

wtf..

edit: also - why are you so concerned with placing all these glass walls around yourself and barriers, separations... we're all human. lighten up and open up.

I'm confused, minda-spk. Didn't you respond in a thread about an anorexia-related question saying that you had never been anorexic yet you were a cutter in high school? You admitted that it wasn't the same, but that it was similar, and you suggested that by the similarity of your situations, you could help the OP. I get that. I think that's how people relate and can be empathetic and help one another. If we haven't experienced the exact same thing, we try to find situations that might be similar and relate to people that way.

Yet now you are saying that if someone has never been obese, then she simply DOES NOT KNOW what it is like. And she shouldn't assume that she does.

So in one thread you suggest that you do not have to be in the exact same situation in order to understand what someone is going through. But now you are saying that if anyone has not been in the exact same situation as you, no one can understand you or feel your pain.

Which one is it? Why isn't the OP in the other thread justified in answering your comment to her the way you are responding to non-obese people here?

I don't mean to be confrontational, I'm just curious as to why your ability to relate to others seems to conflict with your ability to let others relate to you.

I smell what you're steppin in Minda, yeah I see your point there.

OMG.........enough already. Face the facts, you can't take back what you said...get over it, and move on.  Your not the first person to feel this way and won't be the last.  Stop trying to justify why you feel the way you do, it only makes it worse.  Your not going to get everyone to agree with you so please stop trying.  Everyone has a right to bitch.  If you have never been obese, then of course, you can talk to your blue in the face and not everyone will know what it is like.  Persoanlly, I chose not to go there.  I am not obese, and hope to God I never know what it feels like.  Just like someone can say to you, do you know what it feels like to be 5'9 and 100 lbs?  it's awful.  Maybe they are "naturally" skinny, maybe it's an eating disorder...who knows. 

I've got an idea...instead of wasting one more breath on a topic that is clearly so divided, let's take that energy and have a good work out!!

I think the bottom line is that no one person really knows what it's like to be any other person regardless of body size or any other attribute.

One obese person can certainly empathize with another one when they talk about fitting into a movie theater chair or airline seat.  Or talking about finding clothes that fit.  Or the disapproving looks and disparaging remarks made by insensitive people.  But, unless they became obese the same way and lived the same way the other one did, they really don't know what it's like to be that person.

I think life experience is more of a guage as to understand a person than body size.  For example, who is more likely able to help an obese person that turned to food because their parents went through a divorce: another obese person who got fat because of an injury and was forced into a sedentary lifestyle, or an anorexic person who developed their ED when their parents went through a divorce?  

Very true, a person who was never overweight does not know the day to day obstacles that us overweight people face, but there are so many other facets of our lives that we can connect on.  I know what it's like to play a round of golf, just like skinny people.  I know what it's like to graduate college, just like a lot of skinny people.  I know what it's like to go to a Green Bay Packers game or a Milwaukee Brewers game just like skinny people (yes, I live in Wisconsin).  I know what it's like to write a computer program, just like a skinny person.  I know what it's like to really succeed at something just like some skinny people and I know what it's like to fall flat on my face like some skinny people.

Yet there are a lot of people that don't know what it's like to do any of those things whether they are skinny, fat or morbidly obese.

I understand where you are coming from Minda, but I'd rather focus on what we have in common rather than what we don't.  And if that skinny person doesn't feel the same way, then "F" them.

i'm not going to flame you, if that's what you're worried about.  i appreciate people sharing their own experience, and naming it as such.  i don't appreciate people making assumptions about others.  so - thanks!

Original Post by majorpayne05:

Very true, a person who was never overweight does not know the day to day obstacles that us overweight people face, but there are so many other facets of our lives that we can connect on.  I know what it's like to play a round of golf, just like skinny people.  I know what it's like to graduate college, just like a lot of skinny people.  I know what it's like to go to a Green Bay Packers game or a Milwaukee Brewers game just like skinny people (yes, I live in Wisconsin).  I know what it's like to write a computer program, just like a skinny person.  I know what it's like to really succeed at something just like some skinny people and I know what it's like to fall flat on my face like some skinny people.

this is a great perspective, major.  makes me think about the fact that people with EDs tend to define themselves in terms of their disorders, when really we are all so much more than what we eat and how much we weigh.

Among the millions/billions of people on this planet, each and every one of us comes equipped with our own personal set of experiences and facts of daily existence. There is also a great deal of overlap or commonality.

Many of the comments I read at CC are from people trying hard to relate to others. Some really do not seem to understand that their comments are not helpful to a particular person. Offering support is a difficult task even for three dimensional friends. Yes, there are a few that may never "get it" and will say things that deliberately cut or hurt. Maybe they are unpleasant or unhappy individuals, or maybe they think that they are somehow encouraging an another to change for the better without realizing that this particular cc member may be at a very fragile point in their lives and is in fact injured by such comments.

Write encouraging comments even if you do not understand why someone is having such a hard time with what seems so simple to you, or refrain from commenting. When you read a comment that is not nice, comment briefly on that fact as a show of support for the individual on the receiving end, and then ignore them as you should ignore the rude people you will meet throughout your entire life.

Peace out people.

(edited for a very obvious silly typo)

Original Post by slimtobechicken:

I agree with you also Minda, my partner is about 25kg lighter than me and he cant seem to understand why I cant walk as quickly as he does! But at least there are people out there who would like to know what we go through. I think a few of you might find an article on Paul James interesting. He is a personal trainer/model from sydney who at the start of the year started what he calls a "social experiment". In an endeavor to find a greater understanding of what it was like for his overweight clients, he decided to gain 40 kilos in six months and then give himself six months to get back to his super bod! He starts his weight loss (having hit his goal of 120kg a month or so ago) in July but is already having doubts about his ability to lose the weight. He can now understand the difficulties that those who are trying to lose weight face each day. Have a look everyone and let me know what you think :) www.todaytonight.com.au and click on the link titled "fat experiment health risk"

Tash (Australia) 

 

 

interesting! thanks for posting this

Original Post by majorpayne05:

I think the bottom line is that no one person really knows what it's like to be any other person regardless of body size or any other attribute.

One obese person can certainly empathize with another one when they talk about fitting into a movie theater chair or airline seat.  Or talking about finding clothes that fit.  Or the disapproving looks and disparaging remarks made by insensitive people.  But, unless they became obese the same way and lived the same way the other one did, they really don't know what it's like to be that person.

I think life experience is more of a guage as to understand a person than body size.  For example, who is more likely able to help an obese person that turned to food because their parents went through a divorce: another obese person who got fat because of an injury and was forced into a sedentary lifestyle, or an anorexic person who developed their ED when their parents went through a divorce?  

Very true, a person who was never overweight does not know the day to day obstacles that us overweight people face, but there are so many other facets of our lives that we can connect on.  I know what it's like to play a round of golf, just like skinny people.  I know what it's like to graduate college, just like a lot of skinny people.  I know what it's like to go to a Green Bay Packers game or a Milwaukee Brewers game just like skinny people (yes, I live in Wisconsin).  I know what it's like to write a computer program, just like a skinny person.  I know what it's like to really succeed at something just like some skinny people and I know what it's like to fall flat on my face like some skinny people.

Yet there are a lot of people that don't know what it's like to do any of those things whether they are skinny, fat or morbidly obese.

I understand where you are coming from Minda, but I'd rather focus on what we have in common rather than what we don't.  And if that skinny person doesn't feel the same way, then "F" them.

i do not know why not discuss both what people ahve in common and what not. the real life to me is about both and i like what minda is writing

Original Post by phimegaphi:

I'm confused, minda-spk. Didn't you respond in a thread about an anorexia-related question saying that you had never been anorexic yet you were a cutter in high school? You admitted that it wasn't the same, but that it was similar, and you suggested that by the similarity of your situations, you could help the OP. I get that. I think that's how people relate and can be empathetic and help one another. If we haven't experienced the exact same thing, we try to find situations that might be similar and relate to people that way.

Yet now you are saying that if someone has never been obese, then she simply DOES NOT KNOW what it is like. And she shouldn't assume that she does.

So in one thread you suggest that you do not have to be in the exact same situation in order to understand what someone is going through. But now you are saying that if anyone has not been in the exact same situation as you, no one can understand you or feel your pain.

Which one is it? Why isn't the OP in the other thread justified in answering your comment to her the way you are responding to non-obese people here?

I don't mean to be confrontational, I'm just curious as to why your ability to relate to others seems to conflict with your ability to let others relate to you.

LOL!! foot-in-mouth 'eh minda_spk??

Anotherrrr pity party....started by the same person!
This is just getting obnoxious.

Original Post by minda_spk:

Anyone keeping up may have noticed my 'rant against skinny people.' Throughout the topic and its crazy varied replies, I finally stumbled on the point I actually wanted to make. My apologies if my flailing attempts at clever frustration came off as offensive, or if I came off as 'insecure' mean or with any other horrible personal flaw : ) This is meant as a completely independent topic.

My point: You do not know.

If you have never been obese, then you do not know what its like. You do not know the specific difficulties that come with it. You do not know what it feels like to be laughed at or talked about for being obese. You do not know the myriad of ways others' perceptions of the obese come off. I am not saying that being obese is harder than being any other weight. I'm saying it is different. I do not know what it's like to be underweight. I assume that the looks, comments, suspicions of crazy diets and EDs are all pretty horrible, so I try and temper my words accordingly. I like the same regard from others.

If you have never been the obese, fattest person in a room, on a roller coaster, in a store, in a fitness class, at a family meal; if you have never heard the constant weight comments, the snickers, the 'advice;' If you have never been medically classified as morbidly obese, then you DO NOT KNOW what it is like. Please don't assume that you do. Please assess your comments accordingly.

I know what it's like to be obese. And as a child nonetheless. I know what the stares, remarks, the non-fitting clothes, and so on are like. (And I'll tell you, kids on the playground don't have political correctness in mind when they comment on your weight).

So what?

Big deal.

Stop acting like you have an entitlement to misery. I changed my situation, and I don't feel the least bit sorry for an obese person who is not making a serious attempt to change as well. Obesity is a problem that you bring upon yourself (And I'm saying that as someone who got obese at 10 years old), and it's a problem that is each person's responsibility to fix.

I've noticed that a lot of obese people love to avoid the blame for their situation. Either it's everyone else's fault for not being accepting, or it's their metabolism or thyroid or genes' problem that they happened to get stuck with and "can't control" (Not that they'd ever actually tried to).

If someone is obese and so upset about it, then they can quit feeling sorry for themselves and start doing something to fix their situation. It's not like having a deformity that you were born with and have no control over; fatness is, in almost every case, an outward projection of a lack of self-control.

Life is not so sweet that you can just tell everyone to love you and they will. If you want to improve your life, you have to make it happen, rather than complaining incessantly to anyone who will listen.

Booster: That is an interesting question, and yes, I do agree. Though even more specifically, I think how your weight affects your childhood and adolescence plays a huge role in how you feel about later in life. I was not a chubby child. I was slightly overweight in high school, but I was also very athletic and went to a small school, so negtive social impacts were negative. I wasn't made fun of nor did I experience the cruelty children can be good at : ) And yes, I think that the opposite side of it would make for a very difference experience.

Slimtobechicken: Interesting article! I enjoyed it.

phimegaphi: I did, and I admitted in the problems weren't exactly the same. My specific experience in my parents and school finding out applied directly to her situation. If she had replied saying its different and that I didn't understand what she was going through, I would have dropped it. I am not saying that non-obese people can't talk to obese people, I'm saying to just be aware that they may not be expert on it. It's a small difference, I realize. To quote someone else I read recently, you wouldn't ask a bulimic person if they've tried just not throwing up. Doesn't mean you can't be supportive. Thanks for the post, hope this helps clarify.

Huggitbear: I love that phrase, it always makes me giggle.

majorpayne05: Thanks for the reply, very thoughtful and I agree with you on many counts.

pgeorgian: I admit to being a little scared of you : ) You're welcome.

Jannid: I agree.

musicalfishmich: My decision to share my very personal experience with cutting in hopes of supporting someone else is not something that should be mocked. If you have a question, ask, otherwise, that would also be classified as quite rude.

So basically your epiphany was: "Don't judge a man till you've walked a mile in his shoes." ?

I applaud your reaching this monumental revelation.  Perhaps next you can devote your attention to figuring out why water is wet or maybe why you are obese (hint: the blame lies with you not the skinny people)...

PS: I am obese as well so I know what its like and I know exactly how I got this way.  I'm working hard on getting healthier, there are some obnoxious skinny people out there,yes, but they can kiss my oversized posterior.  Just focus on yourself. 

Original Post by bootser1:

minda:I totally agree, I also want to "throw something out there" that it also is different for people who have been obese all their lives vs. people who have only been obese for a certain time period in their lives, I think the 2 groups of people see things differently (just my own theory by the way;O)...What do you think?

 I completely agree.