A few nights ago, my boyfriend said, "I love you," for the first time, and I returned the words. We have been dating 5-6 months, so I know we both waited until we really felt it. Of course I practically melted when he said it.
But now he's saying it kind of often. I think the word 'love' is very special and should be saved for very special or intimate moments. I have barely ever said it. I have barely even said it to my parents. So when I say it, I feel odd and vulnerable. I do love my boyfriend, but I just don't like saying it that often. I have a feeling that when I don't return the words, he feels hurt.
I'm going to talk to him about this, but I'm not quite sure how to say it. He and his parents are the type that always say, "I love you," after every phone conversation, so it's more natural to him. I feel so heartless but I can't help the way I feel... :\
You approach him in much the same manner as you did here. I am so glad that you take the words/feelings seriously. So often I see where young people just toss off a 'I Love You' at the drop of a hat.
Talk to him, explain your past and your feelings. I am sure the two of you will find common ground where no one has hurt feelings.
I love you, too. And devilish_patsy. And teddy bears. And gerbera daisies. And rainbows.
Awww I always knew there was a lot of love here.
Withholding the words doesn't make you any less vulnerable, honey. Agree with Patsy that you should talk it over with him - rather than simply not responding. But don't be afraid of his expressiveness, it's a good thing. :)
I never used to say it much(my family never verbalized it) but a friend of mine was always saying i love you to her family on the phone etc. and Maria Shriver said you never know when it could be the last time you say you love them. After all that, I came to a decision to begin to say I love you to all the people who i really did love - at first it seemed stupid and really awkward but after awhile it seemed natural. It was a good change for me....and i'm glad i did it.
I really thought this would be another Lose vs. Loose thread again.
I agree that you should tell him about your difficulty vocalizing your feelings. You shouldn't be forced to do something you don't feel comfortable doing. However, just try saying it, as it gets easier the more often you do. Just don't blow him off when he says it. If you can't say it back, at least acknowledge it by saying something like, "Aw, thanks hun."
I know exactly where you are coming from. I didn't grow up with a lot of Iloveyous, plus I tend to be quite reserved, so saying it was always really hard for me. My ex didn't say it much, so I didn't feel pressure to either, but it ended up being a really bad thing for our relationship - I felt like the only time he said it was when he was trying to manipulate me into something - but that's a whole other story lol
My bf now is much freer with those words, and lets me know how he feels often. It's awesome, but I still feel slightly awkward saying it back sometimes. I really had to push through that - if you feel it, say it! I love him so much and want him to feel good, and I know it makes him feel good to hear it so...:). Sometimes I text it or email it, that's easier!
And amazingly, I said it to him first. It really meant a lot to me to do that.
I think I tell my fiance I love him like a hundred times a day.
Maybe two hundred.
I tell my bf I love him all the time. I think it's very important for someone to hear. When my bf tells me it makes me feel great.
I'd suggest that you should consider changing - it might feel weird at first, but after a while you will realize it makes you feel good to let your partner know regularly how important he is to you. If you with hold that from him, you might as well be with holding your love IMHO.
I don't think the "L-Bomb" should be dropped without first being entirely sure, because you can't take it back... but once you've gotten to the point where you're sure you're in love with someone, it's nice if it doesn't feel dangerous to say it. To love and feel loved in return is the most beautiful experience on Earth.
Original Post by lisa032385:
I really thought this would be another Lose vs. Loose thread again.
Kinda disappointing, isn't it?
I say I love you to end every phone call with my loved ones, and that would include a serious boyfriend, if I had one at the moment... I would suggest you trying it out and seeing if you can change, only because I know what it feels like to be on the other end of not recieving the "love you" in return. It hurts so bad, even if they're already said it before.
I don't see the harm in saying I love you too much if you really mean it, I do see harm in withholding it for only "special" moments, but that's just me... I don't like having to tiptoe around when its okay to say or putting conditions on the phrase.
jmo. dont flame me. Youre lucky your boyfriend is a sweetie.
The thing is love is individual. It is not that you have to be like
him cause he says it you have to say it equally. Not at all. You
need to get comfortable about it and say it from comfort not pressure.
The thing to do is share your honesty about the issue as you have
done here. If he is as he says he is (loves you, etc.) he will give you
the time and rspect you deserve to come to your own feelings and
not be pressured. if he starts to pressure you and you say you
are not comfortable, monitor his response closely. It is then in
how he responds to your feelings that shows where he is on
the issue of love. And about you. The worst thing, from a guy who
is likely old enough to be all you gals grand dad, is if this guy or
\any guy is using the L word for power or influence or control
and not out of being genuine.
I thought this was gonna be about the tv show... Damn. haha
Original Post by alibsam:
I thought this was gonna be about the tv show... Damn. haha
SO DID I! lol
congratulations on falling in love etc..
me and my man have been together for 5 years in May and i cant say it enough to him were just still so crazily in love.
i think its the same with him he is in love with you and he just loves to say it because it feels so good to.
make sure you dont hurt his feelings because if i personally would be hurt.
good luck
I dont understand the frequency thing....
I dont see love as a passing or sittuational feeling. I see it as a state you reach after a while in a relationship when your feelings towards that person develop to such a level.
Him saying it all the time doesnt seem like a problem to me? Its his feelings towards you...not just some trivial thing like two co-workers who have known eachother for a day going "i love ya, call me" as a way of saying goodbye.
I dont understand....do you want him to only love you during special / intimate moments? I'm not sure loving someone so conditionally is really that strong of love?
Lorik, I can understand how you got that idea from reading my post, but that's not what I mean to say. I mean that, some people (especially younger people like us) tend to just throw the word, "love" around and it almost loses it's meaning. Like they'll write it all over their myspace or facebook, on their phones, cars, say it every second of the day, etc.
I'm serious when I say that I have said "I love you," less than 10 times in my life. But now I realize that it feels so good to respond. I'm saying it more often and I know I'll get more comfortable saying it. Thank you all so much. :)
Yes! It is precisely that joy, when love is real and reciprocated, that makes saying it so special. :) Good for you, Mutt. :)
