I have gotten to a weight where I know I don't need to lose anything else. I have a healthy BMI, etc. Yet I still want to tone up. What is so wrong with that? I lost the majority of my weight unhealthily, so my mid-section still has flat and fat that doesn't seem right to me. Thus, I want to keep exercising, "dieting", so that I can tone that up. You know...lose more inches.
I don't care if people support me in this by saying "I'm happy you are doing this" or "Congratulations on exercising an keeping fit". If they don't comment, I am fine with that.
However, some of my family -- my mom, especially -- is showing the utmost lack of support and it being critical of what I am doing. Two weeks ago she freaked out because my arms (primarily my wrists) have become quite thin. I can't help it that my wrists and ankles are naturally the thinnest part of me -- and also the first place where I lose weight. So, yeah, if you looked just there, I may look "unhealthy" or something. (But trust me, aside from that spot, I don't look that thin.) I got upset at that point, told her to stop, and she pulled a teenage-like hissy fit.
Anyway, subtle comments of things like "You don't have to lose more weight or tone up. You are already fine." have been the norm from her. I know I don't have to lose weight. That isn't necessarily what I am aiming for, and I have told her that. I want to tone up, exercise, etc. She doesn't get it.
I just came back from reading a book while biking on a stationary bike when my parents came home. She looked at me funny and automatically said: "You're getting too thin."
FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! I have lost maybe one pound since that confrontation two weeks ago. If I have slimmed down, it is because of toning or something such as that. I'm exercising and doing ab work...obviously -- hopefully -- I am going to slim down some more. I admit for a few weeks prior to two weeks ago I lost weight by not eating much of anything. But lately -- especially this past week or two -- I have been eating more. Especially around my parents, my mom primarily.
Part of me thinks that the reason that she so often says that I don't have to lose more weight, tone up, am becoming "too thin" (I'm not, dang nabbit!), etc. is because she is jealous. (God that makes me sound narcissitic and self-obsorbed). She has struggled with her own weight and I am pretty sure that my having slimmed down over the past few years while she has not frustrates her.
In the past, since I have had symptoms of an ED, I can understand her fear. But this is just frustrating, almost disrespectful, and downright annoying on so many different levels.
Does anyone else have cases where they have a lack of support for their efforts, successes, etc.?
Reason: Moved from Motivation to Health & Support
Mothers can make odd comments sometimes that are meant to be offhand remarks but we sensitive souls take them as insults. When I started my weight loss journey my Mom has told me to lose 60 pounds but I want a normal BMI so I had to lose 70 to get there. I've lost 50 and Mom says I look fine, not to lose more...I am thin enough. I want to lose 20 more to get to the normal BMI and then see where I should go from there.
Anyway, she is nagging me not to lose any more. She says I look fit and healthy, but she doesn't see me naked and I know I need to lose more. I felt like I was getting no support until I learned that the lowest my mother has ever been is 165- 10lbs less than me right now and 10lbs more that where I want to be. Prehaps she just doesn't want me to be more successful than she was??? I am an inch taller than her so maybe she truly belives that I am thin enough?
Whatever it is, it hurts that she does not support me. One day she says I am too thin and the next day she tells me my butt is flabby!!!Why must Mom's be so elusive???
You say in the past you have lost weight unhealthily, so maybe your mom is genuinely concerned that this might still be the case? Sit her down and explain to her exactly what you have explained to us, and maybe she`ll understand.
I have already explained to her that I am doing this healthily, and that I am not as concerned with the weight as I am about toning up. It doesn't seem as if she actually believes me though because she keeps bringing this up. Last night she actually said I should go see a doctor or something., :/
luna, she's your MOM. Of course she's going to worry, especially if you've had some ED symptoms before. Moms are like pitbulls, if their kids are hurt or in any kind of physical dissarray, you can bet that they will be watching their child like a hawk and jump on every genuine or perceived problem. Try and cut her a little slack, she can't help that she cares about you and wants you to have a long, happy and healthy life. She WILL nag you about this until she's proven wrong so maybe you should go to the doc just to dispel her fears and so you can carry on, business as usual. Then if she says anything you can tell her to talk to your doctor!
From what I understand from your posts here and in other threads, you are undereating. Quite severely so. Therefore your mother or other "unsupportive" people in your life are probably just worried. You are showing signs of disordered eating and along with the fact that you are at a healthy BMI and certainly look amazing, of course she doesn't want you to lose more weight.
I doubt she is jealous .. of course I don't know her, but I am sure as a mom she is proud that you lost weight and look great but wishes you could do it the healthy way.
You need to start learning the healthy weight maintenance habits NOW before you continue to do long-term, life-changing DAMAGE to your body.
good luck!
Luna, you will not receive support from us if what you want supported is your drive to lose more weight in an unsafe manner.
If you want to work out, gain a bit of muscle, and maintain your current weight, all while eating at least 1800 calories a day (if not more) that is wonderful. But you have expressed that you do not eat enough even to maintain basic organ function (1200 calories a day) and that you wish to become thinner. And that you eat more when others are watching you, which indicates those who care about you are very worried about your appearance and behavior. This does not sound healthy.
I don't care whether or not I lose more weight. I am happy with the weight that I am. It is what I see in the mirror that I am unhappy with, and I know that the only way to improve that is by toning up -- which is what I am planning, and working, on doing.
Right now I am trying to maintain, and I am increasing my calorie in take. And yes, I am afraid of eating 1200 calories. I'm paranoid that doing so will suddenly make me gain weight since I was eating less than that (which I know is wrong, and I am ashamed of doing...but I couldn't stop myself). However I'm slowly pushing myself to eat more and more. The past few days I've reached that, and today I got more, so I'm making progress. Reaching 1800 will be a struggle, and I don't know how that will work...but I'll try.
If I only focus on weight training and do very little cardio, though...won't that almost be counter-productive in a sense? 'Cause while I will gain muscle and tone up...won't I also not be getting rid of whatever fat I may put on by increasing the calorie intake? (Considering I haven't been eating what I should.)
Original Post by lunaropal:
If I only focus on weight training and do very little cardio, though...won't that almost be counter-productive in a sense? 'Cause while I will gain muscle and tone up...won't I also not be getting rid of whatever fat I may put on by increasing the calorie intake? (Considering I haven't been eating what I should.)
When you do strength training you are still burning calories, and therefore you can burn fat. The WONDERFUL thing about strength training is that it helps you MAINTAIN your muscle while still burning fat. Given that you said you will only be eating about 1800 calories, you will NOT gain fat, nor will you actually be eating enough to gain muscle. That amount of calories should MAINTAIN your weight. In any case, strength training is a great exercise for you. You can still burn fat while maintaining your muscle.
you will not build any muscle. you are undereating. the body needs an EXCESS of calories to create/build new muscle tissue. so all the resistance style workouts are just burning cals. you say you dont care whether u lose, but ackowledge youve lose 'maybe a pound' since your confrontation with your mother.....your issue isnt with your body. youre unhappy with yourself. fearing eating 1200 is abnormal and very very dangerous. you should listen to your parents.
