Lack of support :(

I'm really proud of myself today.  Really proud.  I lost 2 whole pounds last week and I'm only about 3 1/2 from my goal.  I've been sharing my successes with my BF, telling him how I lost another pound, or an inch somewhere, or my body fat % was down...but he never seems proud of me.  Really the only comments he makes about my weight are things like "I hope you're not trying to lose any more weight because you're so perfect."  I don't like that negativity disguised as a compliment thing.  I wish he was proud of me.  I wish I could go home today and say "I lost another 2 pounds!!!" and have him scoop me up and kiss me and tell me how beautiful and tiny I was.  But I won't.  And neither would he.

On a happy note, however, my best friend just moved back to the east coast after spending 7+ years living in L.A. (we hadn't seen each other in 4 until last Saturday!) and she lives like 5 minutes from my apartment now.  She went through some hard times that caused her to move back here, and she gained a little bit of weight and wants to get back into shape (she used to be really tiny) so I'm going to tell her about CC and maybe start working out together.  I've already got her hooked on DDR.  It's good to have a girl to talk to again :)  All of my friends around here besides her are guys.

Star.. I think it's great that you're nearly at your goal weight!!!

I get comments at work... you've lost too much.. you'll fade away.. you don't need to lose anymore.. you look great etc etc... (I think they're just used to me being 'bigger'!)  Can you tell him how you feel???

Maybe it's just his way of expressing himself.. or maybe he just doesn't know the 'right words' to express himself and is worried if he doesn't chose the right words, he could put his foot in it so to speak..........

And it's great you've got your best friend back close by!!! It'd be a great motivator for the both of you to get out and do some working out and extra support!!!!!!!!!

Hey, at least you have a boyfriend who says those things to you. I only have dogs at home...you think they offer any positive support? Nooooooo. And they always want more food (mostly MY food), and they never, ever clean up in the kitchen, and do you think they could care less whether I weigh more or less? Nooooo.

Drat those dogs.

I don't know, my dog really likes that there is a steadily growing space inside my sweater that he can snuggle into when I'm sitting down.

Of course, he's a 6-lb dog and maybe I should bump up my thermostat.

My cat is supportive.  Whenever I'm eating chinese food or something bad for me he literally jumps up into the middle of it and starts chowing down.  Having cat hair/saliva in your food is a great deterrent from eating badly.  He even stole cookies off a plate on the counter last weekend, which was quite a feat.  He's just a baby and the cookies were almost as big as he was and he carried them all the way to underneath the dining room table to eat.  He's generally disinterested when I'm eating veggies or something healthy.

Haha, animals are great :)

Congratulations! That's wonderful that you are so close to your goal! Guys can be funny creatures at times...I hear very similar things from my boyfriend when I'm all excited about losing a couple more pounds, and he says "You look amazing, you don't need to lose weight" while I'm trying to better myself...

...but I also understand that he sees me differently than I see myself...he can overlook little flaws and a few extra pounds that might not be very noticeable, while it's the first thing I (and many other women I'm sure) zoom in on...and plus they care about us and our health and don't want us to over do things, or feel like if they act proud, then we are testing their reactions, and will get upset if they are cheering along weight loss like we need it... haha :)

Have you tried telling him how you feel about his reactions?

If he can't be supportive in something like weight loss, I would hate to see what he won't support you in the future.  Better to get it all in the open air right away.

Communication is key

Well I have the "verbal" support at home.. (from my daughter), she is very understanding of my wanting to lose weight or wanting to get healthy.

but it really sucks that she is only 5'2"/95 lbs/16 yrs old, and she is trying to "gain" weight, so naturally she's eating all the stuff I only "wish" i could......(all I have to do it look at it and I gain weight)......

It's great to have support, but somehow I don't think he's being negative at all - it seems more like he accepts and loves you whatever weight you are and even if he's not very encouraging, it's still a good thing to know. :) 

Star, I know how you feel, I want my husband to say things like how he notices how hard I'm working at losing weight, or tell me that my jeans are looking a little baggy. Or SOMETHING. But no.....I get "I like you fine", "If you lose weight your boobs will get smaller." "You're not fat." I'm glad he's so accepting, and I'm glad he still loves me, but I am losing weight, end of discussion, so he can quit saying how perfect I am. Doesn't matter how muich he likes me now, I am losing weight for me, for my health, for my kids. Any way he fell in love with a skinny flat chested chick, and that is what he's going to get again! lol

It is soooo cool that you are so very close to your goal! I understand how you feel. After my kidney transplant I needed to and have been losing weight and I get alot of don't lose too much don't lose it to fast. Mostly from extended members of my family.

Also my dog is the same as your cat if I am eating something healthy he wants it and will try to sneak a bite any way he can but if it is healthy he just turns his nose up at it.

My husband is coming around slowly but surely tho. Here lately he has said a few good coments about the progress I have been making.

my husbands supportive of anything i do... but i dont get those comments either lol..  although he was gone for a month, and when he got back, within the first five minutes he was like "so HOW MUCH DID YOU LosE??" LOL.  it felt so great, i had lost like 14 lbs, haha...  (it was a freak loss lol..  not normal for me)...  

its my family members and friends who have me all freaked out..  they all tell me.. oh you look so good.. blah blah blah..  and then i get the "i hope your not losing too much" speech..  ugh.. i am 20 lbs away from my goal weight..  which is what cc tells me i should be at..  and they are all freaking out that i am going to turn anorexic or something and not be happy with myself til i waste away to nothing...   my mother of all people was like "oh my your arms are so thin... are you okay??"  gee mom.. my arms have always been thin :P  i am small boned, what do you expect??  just support me in the awesome job i have done (lost 50 lbs) and when/if i really start losing too much weight, THEN you can talk to me about it.. i am doing it the right way.. eating plenty of calories, exercising, etc..  

dont worry about it.. just feel good about YOUR accomplishments..

btw, i LOVE ddr :)

Sometimes people get upset when you reach your goals because (And this isn't always the case) they're jealous. You have shown great self-restraint, control, and motivation which is something not a lot of people have! (Seeing the overweight/obesity rate in the US, and the number of people on this website....yeahhh....)

Some peope just get jealous of others' successes. An amazing new look, weight loss, promotion, money....it all goes hand in hand. While some are genuinely happy many will look at their own life and feel bad for not meeting their own goals. But...congrats!

Well, when a guy said "I like you just as you are" or "But you already look great" or "I love you the way you are honey" perhaps he is trying to not come out as if he wanted someone that is different than you. An attempt to not hurt your feeling. It is notorious that women would interpret some responses as the total opposite of the intended meaning (I blame PMS for that reputation on women). So, the guys might just take it the 'safe' way by answering like that.
It's great that he loves your and likes you the way you are. Yet, it is hard to believe that a guy would not like it better if the woman in his life improve her appearance (sure we say we want to be healthy, but we can't just brush off the visual "side effect" now, can we? ^.~ ).

I swear that those responses actually much better than having a guy who ask you when you're going to loose the weight? Comment on how you not loosing the weight? Or praising you about loosing the weight? And that you can loose some more?

Praises are so good to hear and encouraging. But you know, what I would give to hear "I like you just as you are" or "But you already look great" or "I love you the way you are honey" ...
And let me tell you why: Because by that, you know that you are doing this for YOURSELF. Not for others not for your man. Not by request of others nor because he would like you better. But because you want it. You are the one willing it.
So, while you may feel deflated by the lack of enthusiasm, still, take comfort knowing that you are already accepted. And your improvement is just going to make it better.

Well, that's my take :) on this kinda situation.

Meh...it's more the way he says stuff than what he says.  He has a kind of annoyed undertone a lot of the time.  I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that he's actually overweight and not doing anything about it, and I'm a healthy weight and just want to "look better."

I did tell him that I lost another 2 lbs when he got home last night and he said "I hope you don't think you're fat."  I told him I didn't, and it wasn't about "being fat."  When I started on CC I wasn't medically overweight, but I had gained 16 lbs and I didn't like that and wanted to take it back off.  I see where I am now and I think I look good (I'm in the best shape of my life) but I know I could look better and why not try?

I dunno...when I lost weight the first time (2 years ago) I was dating a guy who would pick me up all the time and say stuff like "you're so tiny and cute" and I guess I just got used to that.  Everyone's different.

Hey Jeansmith! I've got two doggies too... and one says in her annoyed bark when I'm not sharing... I'm only doing it for you.. so pass it over!!!! (She's the one who turns her dish over and then slaps her dish against the fridge if the food is not to her liking! And she thinks she's thin!!!! Hehehe.. she's got a weight issue too.. she eats dreams and thinks about food all day long!)

Just think.. they're doing it for you.. they'll eat some of your food to save you from the calories of it.. and it's usually the good stuff... they'll allow you to do the dishes 'cause you burn a few calories off that way.. and sweep up the crumbs they didn't want. Then once they're fed and you've sat back down, they'll give you encouragement to get up off the couch and be their personal valet opening and closing the door for them and when you're done of that, they'll want to have you carry them upstairs and tuck them in with their treats at night because of course they didn't get enough to eat and they expended all that energy 'just for you'!!!! And if you're lucky (or depending how you look at it!) at 3am, they'll want you to exercise again by telling you like a drill sergeant to move you butt...  that you must stumble out of bed, open the door, oh yer.. carry at least one of them down the stairs , open the door, let them out, fill your lungs with the fresh -30 degree frigid air, hop around trying to stay warm (aerobics), exercise your lungs to get them back in and get them back to bed exercise routine! Yeehaa!!!

Yes, everyone is different.  But in a commited relationship, support plays a huge role in all aspects of the relationship.

Communication is key as well.  Maybe you are just misinterpreting what he is saying?  You say its the way he says it...no...its the way you hear it.  Maybe he means it a totally different way that you are hearing it.

Wow only 3 and a half pounds from goal weight!? GREAT JOB!!!

You worked really hard!! 

I agree with bigtwinky, maybe try telling him that you appreciate his acceptance of you just the way you are, but that it would be nice if he was more supportive/entusiastic about it.  Maybe highlight the fact that you are doing it for health, as in you want to live longer to spend more time being alive and doing fun things with him. 

Also just like you had a really supportive boyf before, he might have had a really negative girlfriend before you.  My ex had a girl before me that was ALWAYS saying "im fat" and he would try to disagree and she would basically tell him to shut up or disagree with him alot.  So then with me, he would walk away if I started talking about calories or else he would get really really mad.

Maybe you just need to talk it out with him.  Maybe he just isnt "that type."

But either way, you should know that alot of people on here are proud of you and are inspired by you.  I know I am!

I feel the same way!  My bf loves me, and tells me all the time that he thinks I'm beautiful, but we both know I need to loose a few.  He's only ok with me loosing 5-10 pounds and gets mad at me when I tell him I want to loose aobut 20.  I'm 5'4" and small boned.  I used to be a size 8-10 and 130.  Now I'm a 10-14 and 150.  All I want to do is loose the weight I gained....is that so bad? 

He didn't know me when I was 130 and he's afraid I'll be too thin, but I promise I won't.  I've always been curvy...blessed with more booty and boob then a girl my size prob should.  He says he doesn't want me to loose my curves....trust me, my chest is the same size now it was then, it's just my tummy that's bigger.

When I tell him I'm doing cardio and some light weights (arm and leg stuff mostly) he criticizes me and tells me cardio is usless and won't do anything if I really want to loose weight...that I have to do weights.  I know I need to do some, but without the cardio weights alone won't do it.  How do I make him understand and not criticise?

I've only been doing this for a few days so no results yet...but I'm trying.  It's just all the snow and ice we got the other day combined with the fact that I have a cut in my nose that was causing frequent nose bleeds.  I've been treated for it, but now my head is all clogged making it hard to breath while doing cardio.  Hopefully by next week I'll be back on track!

P.S.  Congrats on loosing so much!  That's great you're so close to your goal!  You've worked really hard and should be proud of yourself!!  : )

star1020, here is another thought of mine (fresh in the morning, the other was from the wee hour of 2am). I been at 'this' for 3 months and loving it. And all I can talk about is stuff that relates to this - eating healthy, what food I eat, what I did at the gym, what I accomplished so far etc.
Now, even if my husband is not over weight (in fact he is in a good shape) hearing these all the time, or as often as they were, could get old. And this is a guy who is so self conscious about himself and about his spouse.
Imagine if you are trying to share your enthusiasm with someone who is not even remotely into this topic of health or body conscious, or close to any understanding of what involves. It's just not going to spark any interest at all. It might even become a source of annoyance to that person, like you were rubbing it in his face about your good news. So instead of happy with you, your trying to update him and share the news might back fire and create resentment.

I know it sucks that you feel he is not with you in this. How about from now on, pull back a bit on sharing your development with him.
Don't be discourage, k? You can always broadcast your achievements here with us, create a thread and update it weekly or daily if you like. :) We all in this together so we share the same sentiments with you. Don't waste your energy where it's not expected, share it with those who are more receptive.

First of all, WAY TO GO!  Keep it up.

Coming from a guy's point of view, and knowing what its like to discuss weight issues with a girlfriend, I can sympathize with your boyfriend's position.  I don't think it's that he's not proud of you or that he's trying to be negative, it's just that weight is a very sensitive issue with a lot of women.  He probably doesn't want to say the wrong thing, and he probably wants to make you feel good about yourself by saying you look perfect the way you are.  Some guys can be very cold hearted when it comes to the way their significant other looks.  I think your boyfriend just wants you to be happy.

Communication is important, but I also understand that it might not be an easy subject to broach.  Some guys (myself included) can get a little defensive when told how they should react to something their girlfriend says.  ESPECIALLY in regards to their appearance.  I would suggest just trying what you said:  Tell him that you lost another two pounds.  Say it with a smile on your face and excitement in your voice.  I bet he'll take the cue.  If he doesn't, sit down with him and (gently) let him know it's important to you and you'd like his support.