Ladies: Do you compare yourself to other women?
Ok...this will be a very vain and superficial posting, but deal with it -- I need to find this out from other women: Do you compare yourself to other women? I have always, always done this. My hubby seems to think I'm abnormal, but I think most women are like me and may not admit or talk about it openly. -- Just for reference, I'm 28 and hubby's 32.
When I walk in a room with him, I scan the room to see what the women look like and who catches his eye. Sometimes I make a mental note if a woman is wearing something that makes her look great or if she does her makeup a certain way that kicks ass. And I compare -- I can't help it! I think, "What can I do to get my ass to look like that", or "she needs to get some sun on those legs, stat". I don't judge the person as a whole by the way they look...I just compare and I'm VERY hard on myself.
I have to confess, one of my motivations for staying fit, doing the hair, the nails, the tan, etc. is I want to be able to "compete" with all the pretty young things that catch his eye out there.
Now, we've been happily married for 10 years, have 2 kids. He tells me repeatedly he loves me for more than my looks, and I know he does. I have no worries that he would ever cheat on me or anything like that. He does make an occasional comment when he sees a beautiful woman, and depending on my mood, it may make me jealous. But he proves DAILY how attracted to me he still is. I know that men look. It's in their genes (or jeans, literally) and I don't think any of them can deny that (or help it).
What I want to make sure of is that when he does look at them, he'll still be excited about what he has to come home to. I don't want him to look at them and say "wow" and then look at me and think, "uugh", you know? I also think it's good for him to see the guys look my way every once in a while so he doesn't take for granted the hard work I put into my appearance. (And yes, I KNOW appearance is FAR from the most important thing about a person...I told you this would be a VAIN and SUPERFICIAL post...so no preaching, please.)
Looking great when you see the occasional high-school friend or ex-boyfriend (or even better, his not-so-in-shape ex-girlfriend) is just a bonus.
Man, I sound mean and bitchy! I swear, I'm not. I think women are beautiful too (that's another topic entirely though). But do you compare yourself, ladies, yes or no?
Perspectives from the guys are welcome too...
i think it only becomes a problem when you are consumed by jealousy of others or treat people differently based on their looks. sounds to me like you don't do either of those Huntermom, i think you are totally normal! there's nothing wrong with wanting to look your best!
"she needs to get some sun on those legs, stat".
Not everyone likes to suntan.
hey!
well first off Id like to start with this...
you are VERY very beautiful! a lot of women would die to have your body ;) (saw ur profile pic) and its ok to feel like this...Im not married and nowhere near to having kids, but I do live with my boyfriend in a relationship of 25 months, and I feel your pain.
Due to this, a lot of problems did rise in our relationship and actually brought upon me a terrible eating disorder that I regret more than anything. Its good that you care about your looks and about your husband's likes, but try not going overboard...I mean...every woman is very different, and each one has that special thing to her that makes her unique and beautiful. So in my opinion, its a silly thing to compare yourself to other women...you'll always find one thing or another that either you'll "envy", want to copy from, or think they need a little fixing up....its going to end up into a cycle of being constantly worried that will make you very unhappy with yourself....just think on this...your husband picked you out of the bunch, and thats somethin to consider! even more so if you take care of yourself so well. Be confident in yourself, you have nothing at all to envy on any other women, or feel like you need to be jealous...
there's also prettier women, or uglier women than you..and thats just a fact that every woman has to face whether we like it or not.
In the end I guess is all a thing of being confident and feeling good about yourself...knowing you're beautiful, even to the eyes of a lot of other women and even on other guys... and knowing that if you take that much care of yourself, and worry about what your guy thinks is not bad at all! its actually really good.
I bet a lot of women look at u and do the exact same thing :) and maybe some get inspired by you to keep working out and taking care of themselves to look as good or nearly as good ;)
take care!
I hope this helps
-xo
That is SO me.
I do that too. if my boyfriend says something looks good on someone else I'll see how I can make it work for me because you never know until you try, you might look amazing!
Also when I see women dressed up, or shopping, or on the train, anywhere really, I'll think to myself, why didnt she wear a blouse instead of that strappy top and she would look fabolous in red. And if he hairs great, I may recreate it at home (if I can) or copy her outfit.
I love being female!
You're right about the suntan thing...I probably shouldn't be thinkin' that.
But I feel self-conscious in the summer when I don't suntan. Do you?
I guess that's maybe because I had people make fun of me before I started tanning during the summer. I'm just too sensitive, I guess.
Even my husband looks for girls he thinks I'll have an interest in and talks about why he thinks their outfit works and why it doesn't, same with hair and makeup, and their personalities if they show it.
I don't try to copy other people, though. I look for what I like and use it as a reference later.
Hell, I used to think bigger girls in halter dresses would look gross because the arm flab would be hanging out and if it wasn't tailored perfectly you'd get arm pit overspill and it would just make you look stumpier, which it does. But after seeing a girl with a top on that was a little long for a typical top but too short for a dress, I found a happy medium in the hem. And I look damned good in these halter dresses now.
I think of it like masturbation, any girl that says she doesn't do it is probably lying. That's not to say there aren't girls out there who really do not do it, but a good majority of people probably do.
I guess that's maybe because I had people make fun of me before I started tanning during the summer. I'm just too sensitive, I guess.
I don't feel self-conscious at all without a tan. My legs haven't seen sun in at least 4 years. I get made fun of all time (mostly by family) because I'm so pale, at least in the States. Here in Korea, I get complimented for how pale my skin is. Lighter skin is seen as more beautiful, even on Westerners here. Koreans don't understand why most of us whities like to suntan. haha
It is so interesting how other cultures view "beauty" differently. My brother-in-law is stationed in Seoul, Korea. His wife is very pale so she would be viewed as a knock-out! I've heard people make fun of her too but, like you, it doesn't seem to bother her, and I admire that.
Ok so now I feel like a schlub because I totally don't do that. I will objectively look at a woman and go "pretty/not pretty" etc, and I will look at people who I think are a similar size to me to see what I look like to other people, but I don't compare myself to them. There will always be prettier people, there will always be uglier people, and I don't care either way. In the "competition" for my husband's affection, I've already won. If he trades me in for a younger model, oh well. I'll be better off without someone who would do something like that.
although; back folds from the bra is something I still DO not have and notice some women have which always makes me feel better, becuase I so thought I would get that with these new baby boobs that have grown!!!
and, my tummy is cute and compact. just very round now!!
Ok so now I feel like a schlub because I totally don't do that. . . . There will always be prettier people, there will always be uglier people, and I don't care either way. In the "competition" for my husband's affection, I've already won. If he trades me in for a younger model, oh well. I'll be better off without someone who would do something like that.
You are not a schlub -- your take on it is EXACTLY the way my hubby says he wishes I was. The line about "prettier, uglier people" and the "competition" being over is right out of his mouth. (He calls it the "competition factor" and says I should "throw it out the window".) I just can't seem to help it. I can remember doing the comparison thing even before high school - I'm talkin' like middle school and junior high!
Well - y'all are making me feel a little better. Kind of like a member of an exclusive club or something! So if I ever meet y'all, we'll all know we're secretly checking each other out! Ha...I'm so sick.
Hey - you enjoy that baby belly -- before you know it, that bundle of joy will be calling you for more lunch money, or a change of clothes because he/she "fell" in a mud puddle or (heaven help) talking about cute boys/girls in his/her class. It goes by too fast. And you'll get back that body -- taking care of a newborn is exercise in itself!
Hey - did anybody ever tell you you favor Christina Ricci? I'm not comparin'...I'm just sayin'...
That's a good thing.
i think everyone does this...some people are just harder on themselves than others. i know that i'm very critical of myself, as opposed to other people. even if i am looking at pale legs, i'll counter it with, but she has very pretty eyes...
i think it's fine as long as you're not making judgements, and as long as you're comfortable with yourself.
:)
I do, but it's always filtered through my own goals for myself. Like, I would like to be as toned as that, or I want to get my hair to do that, or even, I want to know where she got that purse, I want one.
I thought so -- I think I can declare that I was right (mostly).
Thanks for sharing! I have really enjoyed reading viewpoints on this topic! Keep 'em coming.
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