60 lbs down..accused of starving myself!!

So I've managed to loose a good 60 pounds! I'm so proud of myself. I have worked super hard to get here. Most of my family is happy. There is about five that are really starting to upset me though. It's that time of year as you all know where most of us dieters have to watch out for the food at the family gatherings. I told myself I wont mess up this year so I have been eating before I go. All of a sudden I feel as if I'm being accused of starving myself. They watch me eat. Ask me if I eat.?!? I can't believe it. I'm 160 pounds..it's not like I'm all bones or something. I tell them no that I am just sticking to veggies at the parties and I eat before I go. All they pretty much have are sweets and pizza. Then they tell me how I'm going to end up in a hospital. WHATS this all about?!? You would think they would congratulate me at least. Im eating 1600 cal a day for sakes. I have no past ed's so they have no reason to suspect that I do.

Screw 'em.  You know you're healthy, they're just weirded out because you're changing before their very eyes.  Don't waste your energy on how to solve this - the problem is not with you.

I feel you! My family thinks I'm starving myself too, just because I managed to lose a good amount of weight.

They sound a peculiar bunch...   I expect if you were trying to give up smoking they'd be offering you a cigarette? LOL!   Maybe relax your rules a little at the parties and enjoy the occasional thin slice of pizza rather than just eating vegetables. You'll draw much less attention to yourself if you do.

Original Post by twoheartsjoinedtogether:

So I've managed to loose a good 60 pounds! I'm so proud of myself. I have worked super hard to get here. Most of my family is happy. There is about five that are really starting to upset me though. It's that time of year as you all know where most of us dieters have to watch out for the food at the family gatherings. I told myself I wont mess up this year so I have been eating before I go. All of a sudden I feel as if I'm being accused of starving myself. They watch me eat. Ask me if I eat.?!? I can't believe it. I'm 160 pounds..it's not like I'm all bones or something. I tell them no that I am just sticking to veggies at the parties and I eat before I go. All they pretty much have are sweets and pizza. Then they tell me how I'm going to end up in a hospital. WHATS this all about?!? You would think they would congratulate me at least. Im eating 1600 cal a day for sakes. I have no past ed's so they have no reason to suspect that I do.

I can honestly say I can relate...it happened and still does happen to me today...

Dave 

Ohh, I can so relate to this because I have also lost 60 lbs and I am around the same weight as you. My fiances grandmother even went as far as to comment that if I lost anymore weight that I would be skin and bones, which at 165 lbs and 5'3 isnt very likely. My family also asked if I ate anymore because I lost 20 lbs this semester, and I eat anywhere from 1700-1900 calories a day, hardly starving myself.

The only advice I can give you is to try to ignore the comments of others. You have done so well and you should not feel pressured to make yourself feel guilty by eating, just to please others. However, it is the holidays, so if YOU want to sample some of your favorites, then by all means do it and dont feel guilty! But, do what you want to do and eat what you want to eat, dont do it to make other people comfortable. You worked hard to get to where you are, you should not be pressured to do anything you dont want to do!  Good Luck.

Congrats on your hard work and your weight loss. I can understand your frustration with your family's comments. Maybe they truly mean well! They may not know what to say to you and ARE really concerned (even though you don't have a ED and are NOT skin and bones... it is obvious by the forums on cc that people DO get ED's) My mohter-in-law has recently lost about 20-25 pounds (she is 78 years old). I am concerned. Though I tell her she looks great (she does!) I also want to make sure she isn't sick... so, cut your family some slack. Instead of getting offended, say something sweet back to them--"Thank you for your concern! I still want to safely lose another 10-15 pounds" and then smile. And Kep1984, when people ask if you  "eat anymore" they just are trying to make small talk! Just laugh it off and say, "you bet--you should see me attack the carrots and brocolli!" 

I have lost about 15 pounds but looks like more because I firmed up. I teach yoga and people see my in tight clothes where I can't hide my fat body! Several people have come up to me and said how "great" I look. It makes me sound like I looked horrible before (and I kinda did!). They don't mean it to sound mean, so I just say "thank you!" and take it in the spirit it was meant.

Ah, you've described my experience to perfection. I've lost 70 pounds and this past weekend was drowned in comments like that- to the point where I had to eat more food really fattening food than I wanted just to shut people up! Most of my family is overweight and made me feel so uncomfortable about having lost weight! I really don't think they do it to be mean, it's shock. Chances are, I would have said the same things to me in their shoes. We're feeders.

After losing nearly 40 pounds (and being just under 200 pounds for the first time in 10 years) my best friend and his wife commented that I looked emaciated.   After tons of positive feedback from co-workers (at my last job), here I was getting negative feedback about my progress.   It hurt my feelings because this was my best friend (not to be confused with my wife who is my very best friend).  That, along with my personal weakness (and some other things), helped me put back on nearly 20 pounds.  But I'm back on the right track and now I'm armed against any of that garbage.

I agree with gi-jane though, if you want less attention... then learn to pick healthy food from the dinner parties.  A slice of pizza won't do harm.  Eating the whole pizza will.   So pile on the veggies and add a slice of pizza.   When I was doing well and lost the first 40 pounds I had pizza as a regular part of my diet.  Counting calories and sometimes not nutrition, still works and sometimes helps push weight loss through possible stall outs.

Your family sounds jealous and/or envious of your seccess and determination!

I'm rpoud of you for standing your ground with so many holiday temptations around ... keep it up!

Sounds like a bad case of the green eye. They may also not be used to seeing you at a lower weight. Still, accusing someone of starving themselves is horribly rude. Do know you can treat yourself every now and again (you needn't ALWAYS stick to salad at a party!) but in the end remember you're doing this for you and to get healthy. As long as you're eating right, enough, and well - keep it up!

Congratulations on your great success.............wait till you reach the age they say "losing weight always makes a person look older, don't lose anymore!"  I believe overweight might be one of the biggest aging options available, except years of course!

I find most of these people mean well but I chose to give them a smile and say "Really!".  You don't need to offer excuses for good health.

Have a happy Christmas season and enjoy what you chose to enjoy, and leave the rest for the rest!

I am worried that the same thing will happen to me over the Christmas holiday.  I am flying home to see my family for Christmas, and I know them... I will get the same reaction when I don't eat the "normal" food. 

I have only lost 2 pounds so far (I just started this), however my starting weight was 150 pounds... so, not huge, just huge for ME.  For that reason, I know that my eating well will cause quite an uproar with the family... although I'm sure they would all agree that I could stand to lose some weight. 

Each and every time I diet - and see my family - I get the same reaction: "Oh, come on! Eat something! You're starving yourself! It's not healthy!"  I think it's hilarious when they call my excessive eating of vegetables & healthy food "not healthy" as they try to force-feed me some cake.  Ironic?

Try to stay strong.  I know it's hard... but I think most people get this same reaction from some people in their lives.  Maybe it's their way of telling you that you look just fine the way you are.  However, you know what is best for you... so stay strong!

I had the same thing happen, but I'm a lot older than you are and have a thicker skin.  I realize that some people just have to say something negative (my mother is one of them)

I just pay attention to everyone who wishes me well and ignore the idiots who don't know what they're talking about. 

Have a happy holiday and be well!  You did great this past year.

edited to add:  When my chubby cousin told me I'd "never lose weight" eating a small serving of mashed potatoes, I asked her how much weight she's lost during the past year.  I lost a total of 43 pounds since I started CC in 2006, and 20 pounds before I started back in 2005.  Sure it took a long time, but here I am, still getting thinner, and there she is, still fat.

First, congratulations on the weight loss! Second, you have probably already noticed that the people who say these things are generally obese themselves.

This happens with my family as well. My sister and I are always watching our weight and are the only 2 females in my family for generations that are not overweight or obese. It never fails at holiday functions or other family get togethers there is always at least one comment made about how we are "sickly thin" or "starving ourselves". Neither one of us is underweight and we both tend to put on weight easily.

We have attributed these comments to jealousy, mainly. believe me, they are more likely to end up "in a hospital" for a condition related to over-indulgence than you are in relation to starvation. Keep up the healthy living!

It's just like with me! I also lost 60 lb and most people congratulate me but there are always those that think I'm on a gastric bypass or something. Like it's impossible to lose a lot of weight without starvation or surgery! I've lost this weight in 7 months, eating between 1600-1700 cal and exercizing. The old formula, plus a lot of determination.

I also eat my healthy meal at home before going to parties and just munch on the veggies. Just ignore your "friends" and keep doing the great job you're doing! Congratulations!

I've lost 82 pounds and i had a similar situation happen with a friend of mine who pretty much asked if i was anorexic then wondered if i was bulimic. I've never had an eating disorder and I eat 1500-1600 calories every day and eat healthy food. I think people just don't understand how you can look at a plate of cookies and not have to have several.

Don't worry about it! Just keep eating healthy and doing what you're doing! good job!

I lost 20 and people said I puked food! I would never do that!

just ignore them. they'll stop nagging soon

Congratulations on your weight loss!

I get this alot and have learned to ignore it. I think they are just jealous.

My two cents, and what I would do. I realize this isn't for everyone.

You know whats coming, someone is going to comment. So, be prepared.  embarrass them by giving them a copy of your weightloss path.  Showing starting weight, current weight, goal weight.  Have a week of food and exercise logs with you.  Have a pie chart on carbs/proteins/etc. 

Best of luck, don't let them bother you.

I understand your frustration (I get similar comments from some distant cousins now and again) and I know that their intentions may NOT be "pure", but on the other hand...

They can't possibly know that you eat 1600 cals and even if they did, it would probably mean nothing to them, if they are not interested in nutrition. They may watch shows on TV or read articles in papers on young girls who starved themselves to death because they wanted to lose weight. And they may even hear that EDs often have very innocent beginnings. And that the affected person is in denial about their disease.

And I wonder how many people would be saved from EDs if only their families were more observant, more caring or simply paid attention from time to time if the girl (or boy) is actually ever seen eating.

Not trying to justify your family's behaviour... but just a thought.