290 lbs.- WHY AM I INVISIBLE?

JUST STARTED MY "DIET" MONDAY. I WANT TO CALL IT "LIFE STYLE CHANGE"...IM 24 YRS. OLD...290 LBS. (JUST LOST 3 LBS.)

I HAVE A LOVING HUSBAND,(HE IS ON MY PICTURES...W.OUR BOYS)

I AM YOUNG, I LAUGH (QUITE A BIT), MOST PEOPLE THINK I AM "HAPPY-GO-LUCKY"...BUT REALLY, I FEEL EMPTY. I FEEL COMPLETELY ALONE. I FEEL LIKE NO ONE REALLY CARES, LIKE NO ONE REALLY UNDERSTANDS. I FEEL COMPLETELY INVISIBLE. EMPTY. LIKE A ROBOT. NO, NOT EVEN A ROBOT...THEY MOVE AND DO "STUFF". I FEEL LIKE I HAVE LITERALLY SLEPT AWAY ABOUT 9 YRS. OF MY LIFE. NO ONE, NOT MY HUSBAND, NOT MY FAMILY, OR MY FRIENDS WOULD EVER IMAGINE HOW BADLY DEPRESSED I AM. WEIGHT AND FOOD SEEM TO HAVE BEEN A PROBLEM FOR ME ALL MY LIFE. I ACHE ALL OVER, REALLY, ALL OVER. I FEEL LIKE MY ENTIRE BODY IS ONE GREAT BIG BRUICE. IVE NO IDEA WHY, BUT IM CRYING AS I TYPE THIS UP...I GUESS THAT IS GOOD THOUGH, I NEED IT. MAYBE NO ONE WILL READ THIS, MAYBE THIS WILL COMPLETELY BORE SOME, BUT TO ME IT FEELS LIKE THERAPY ALMOST! I FEEL BETTER ALREADY, AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVENT SAID ANYTHING REALLY WORTH SAYING. IN ANY CASE, I AM I HERE. I AM TRYING, VERY HARD THIS TIME,TO WIN THIS BATTLE OVER MY WEIGHT! TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE. TO BE HEALTHY. TO NOT FEEL GUILTY. TO LET GO OF THE PAST, AND LOOK TOWARDS THE FUTURE-WITH HOPE. IF YOU HAVE ACTUALLY READ ALL THIS I THANK YOU...

IF ANYONE NEEDS A FRIEND, SOMEONE TO TALK TO,  I AM HERE-

OH YEAH, AND I AM NOT INVISBLE!!! :-) GOD BLESS.

shelley - i know how you feel

i too have felt like you - like no-one cares, you feel isolated because of your weight - the girls i work with make me feel involved etc but i dont feel they mean it even when they do

my husband at long last is behind me better than ever - its taken a while to make him realise how bad i have been

you are not boring, invisible etc - you are a person

it will take time and effort to lose the weight - i did it once before and i now have to do it again

i carried many demons from my past and they helped me form a habit of binge eating - now some of the demons have been shot i am now trying to get my life on track

people on the forum are great - you will see. i will add you to my frend's list and i will contact you via mail box

you are not alone - please dont think that

Well, I have to admit, I know how you feel.  Sometimes it seems like everything else outruns how we feel about ourselves.

However, the last line of your post is the right way to think.  You aren't invisible!  You are important and you can do this, with a little help from your friends... wherever you may find them!

hey shelly...you are definatley not alone.  Reading your post it was like reading my story a few months back.  I felt the same things you are feeling now.  I felt like my life had been on pause for 10 years, like nothing I had done mattered and no one would care or miss me if I was gone. 

I had to seek help from a therapist to get me out of my hole.  You may be strong enough to help yourself, but I was not.  Now 4 months later I am a different person.  I am dealing with the sadness that got me here, learning to forgive myself and not be so hard on myself.  I know you can do it to.

I have lose 65 lbs to date and am taking my life back one day at a time.  You are not invisible, we see you and we understand.  You are not alone!

sorry double post

I completely know how you feel ... and it is so hard to keep up the happy front.  There are days when I don't know if I can do it anymore.  I want people to know how I feel ... but I'm afraid to let them in.   The sad part is I don't even let my husband in ... he's very supportive and I know he would love me no matter what.  I am trying very hard to break out of this prison of weight I have put myself in and to break through this depression and actually be the person I have been pretending to be.  I am 40 lbs on my way ... I have about 110 left to go.  I just hope I can keep up the motiviation to get there. 

If you ever want anyone to talk to, I am here as well.    God bless!

Hi shelly, I see you're from Puerto Rico! Me too! I added you as a friend! You are not invisible!

Good morning Shelly,

As soon as you joined this site, you were no longer alone.  There are so many great people here that are more than happy to help and listen. 

I was very depressed for a number of reasons, I didn't even want to get out of bed.  One thing that helped me was starting to lose weight.  It made me a little happy to think about how I was doing something good for myself.  It was actually often the only thing I looked forward to for a couple of months. 

If you can focus on this and hang in there, I think you will be very suprised at the results and how much better you will feel.  Please feel free to post whenever you are feeling down or like you want to quit and we will all be there to help keep you going.

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

You are NOT alone, please believe that. I know it feels like that sometimes, I feel like that too.

But this community is made up of people from all walks of life with many of the same goals as you have - so we are here to support and love each other and help with anything any of us may be going through.  I am so happy to have found this place - even though I mainly lurk and not post in the forums.

I read yours and I just had to post and give you my support and good wishes!

You can do it!

xoxox Nina

I know this is a bit off topic, but have you seen any doctors about your body aches? How long has that part been going on?

Has anyone ever mentioned fibromyalgia to you? You should look it up for yourself, but one of the main side effects of fibromyalgia is depression.

My God!!! I can't begin to express,or try and put into words how I feel right now...I didn't expect anyone to reply, much less really feel like someone cares! Thank you, THANK YOU all. I was feeling sad this morning (I really wanted to eat ice cream for breakfast), but i checked my email, and sure enough some wonderful, wonderful people had replied to my post. One day at a time is key I hear. And for today, I know, I KNOW I will be ok. And I WILL STICK TO MY DIET!!!!!  I am so...glad I came across thi web site. God was listening for sure when I said I needed help! Thank You all, best of luck & wishes for all...congrats on all the weight loss & taking back your lives! I'm so happy we have decided to get healthy...together! :-)

Shelly,

Good morning.  If you want a friend that can relate and help you through...I'm more than willing.  I'm not that far from you.  Just a hop, skip, and a wiggle over the Oregon/Washington border.  Let me know.  If you want to know more about my life long battle with the beast you can go to the website i linked in my profile and read up...if you have the time.  Let me know.

Hi Shelly,   I am just starting my life over today.  We are close in weight and I feel much the same as you .  Your post spoke to me and made me realize that I am not alone in my feelings.  You are not invisible and neither am I!  This weight will come off and we will feel better about ourselves.  Sounds like we both need to realize that we are valuable just as we are.   

  Good luck in your journey.  We will both succeed in our goals.

I'm not going to assume you are counting your calories, so let me ask... are you counting your calories?

Are you using the tools on this site to help manage how much to eat?  Are you eating enough?

I ask this because you know what... for a few days I underate a bit and man did it make me cranky and no so happy.   I have also been pretty down on myself for what i allowed my body to turn into.   I've been working hard for a year to lose weight, but only on april 2nd did I learn about counting calories and how to get portions under control and so on.   Before that I dropped 15 pounds just working out and cutting out softdrinks.   Now I'm down 20 pounds in 2 months thanks to counting calories, eating healthier, and learning even better exercises and how to shake up my routine to keep it fresh.

You can DO IT.   You can lose the weight and not feel totally deprived of food or feel like your journey is hopless.   It took years to pack on the pounds, it'll take time to let it all go.  But what i like to tell myself is I'm a work in progress.

I'm like that new bank downtown being built, the foundation was layed, the walls are going up... the columns and fancy stuff installed... eventually they'll get it all looking shiny and new, but in the process it's just a work in progress.   WHat it looks like now is perfectly fine and ok, those workers are out there making it better each day much like I am taking care of myself each day.

So, hey not sure if it'll help at all ... but changing your mindset is a big step.  Accepting yourself and that  you are doing something makes you no  longer invisible.  You aren't just sitt ing back and doing nothing oblivious to  the outcome of eating too much.  You  are an active positive force making a differenc e in your own life.   And if that means you get to live longer for  your husband and kids, what a great r eward beyond being thinner and just hav ing good health. If it means less time  in doctors offices, great.   The rew ards you are going to get are so great and wonderfu l... even if you do have a health related setback, getting healthy  will certainly speed along the recovery.

No one here is truly alone.  We are a community and most of us all have the same goal.

I feel like I wrote that. That is also how I felt just a couple of months ago. I felt like my life was lived thru everyone else, my husband , my kids, but never for me. I felt it was time to find out what makes ME happy, not me the mom or me the wife or me the co-worker, just me RONAE. I figured out that I would truly not be happy until I fixed that one thing that has brought me down for the last 14 years, my weight. I have done some soul searching and decided it is time for me. Since I have started here on March 21st, I have completely changed my life. I thank everyone here and this site because finally I can go somewhere where people get me. They help me and I have learned sooo many things by being here and I can say I have lost 22 pounds because of it so far. Other people may not notice, but I notice. My self-esteem has gone up alot, my confidence and I actually wake up smiling. My moods are better, I have more energy and most importantly I know I can do this. I find time for myself by going for walks or coming on here and talking to other people about my problems. Believe me if you stay  here you to can be feeling good in a couple of months. I am like a totally different person now. I still have a long way to go but I am confindent I will make it. I am doing this for myself and I am proud. So just know that you are not invisible and your family loves and needs you and you are on the right rack to the lifestyle change you want so badly. Once you start you will see the pounds coming off and you will be sooo happy. It is a change but once you get going it isnt so bad! Hang in there! We are all here to help.

((HUGS)) and welcome to CC.    i find moving (walking, aerobics, etc.) really helps with body aches. gets the blood and joints moving.  your not invisable anymore.  =) 

Shelly!

Let me start by giving you *massive hugs* because I've walked in your shoes (probably still am).  I know that empty, hollow, loneliness you described.  in fact, since I'm at work, I had to hold back some tears, babe, because I feel it for you!

Welcome to CC! 

Please add me to your friends and email me any time you need someone to talk to. 

I'm 25, married, no kids and my nearest family lives a 14 hour drive south of me (I'm in Wisconsin, family is in Oklahoma, Connecticut, California and my best friend is in Florida) so I feel that loneliness you described, ever day and have felt this for the past 7 years. 

*HUGS* Good luck and you're no longer invisable! (I CAN SEE YOU!!!!!)

((((HUGS))))

I see you, :o)

elttiks .x.

I know how you feel, Shelly...uncomfortable just being with yourself. It's awful...except I'm almost ten years older than you are and didn't do something about my problem until now.

The key is to make a healthy, realistic, and complete lifestyle plan and stick to it. The weight WILL come off, and you will transform yourself, no matter what anyone has told you to the contrary, and no matter how hopeless you feel about your genetics or your own habits.
 
I had over 100 pounds to lose (still plugging away at it)  and I had begun to feel like it wasn't possible to change my behavior or to beat my fat genes (everyone in my family is overweight).  But I've lost 30 pounds of fat since November and to my surprise it was all very painless!

I hope you have some support from your family; it's hard to resist treats and bad food in the house, especially in the first few weeks. And don't let anyone bully you or guilt trip you into eating food you shouldn't- not friends, family, coworkers or anyone. Some of them will probably try.

I would say good luck...but luck has nothing to do with it. You're the one who will make this happen.

And you know what? Eating right, exercising, and taking care of yourself is really fun once you get going!  I added a skincare, hair, and beauty regimen to my diet plan, and joined a really great gym full of nice, supportive people- and it made things easier. Most of all, don't punish yourself or think bad things about your body- it's just trying to keep you alive and well.
Just start making sustainable changes and it will all get better.
 
...One suggestion I have for you is to give up sugar and refined carbs- they generate mood swings and depression, jack up your blood sugar, lead to insulin resistance, crosslink your collagen (which makes your body hurt and your skin look older) and most of it gets stored as fat unless you're a marathon runner and burn it up shortly after eating it. With this simple change in my diet, I was able to stabilize my cravings and stop bingeing. It might help you too. Google for "Glycemic Load" and use the chart (not the "Glycemic Index- that's a different thing). It really is an awesome tool in your weight loss plan.