Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Pansexuals, Transsexuals, and everyone in between! Come here for friends and support!

Welcome welcome. ^_^ My name is Amanda. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance.

If you are part of the LGBTQ community (or if you are straight, you are welcome also), I decided to make this forum for anyone who needs support.

There is so many great sites that offer communication and support between queer youth. www.mogenic.com is personally my favorite site.

This is also a place where you will be able to just BE YOURSELF. That is the most important thing.

I am doing this because when I came out, I didn't have much support. I felt alone. And I don't want anyone to ever feel this way.

I am actually pansexual, which means I love someone for them, not their gender. But I do lean more towards the female sex.

Feel free to introduce yourself. ^_^ And have fun!

Original Post by funindasun:

Ok I have never actually told anyone this and I am not sure where to put myself. I am physically attracted to women but I have no interest in dating one. Are there other women like that? I have no idea...

 i wouldnt consider you bisexual. i felt that way at some point too (not anymore) &i never thought i was bisexual. i still think you are straight with some biCURIOUSITY.

Original Post by shoeofkuribo:

Original Post by aiseiah:
it's annoying to her the girls at school say they're bisexual when they haven't even had sex with another female. apparently it's the"cool-thing" to say nowadays. 

Yeah, I agree that it can be considered a "cool thing" lately, which is really obnoxious. It disparages actual queer folk. 

UGH...  seriously, why does everyone think that those girls are saying it to be cool?

 

i think they are saying it because it is more widely accepted. i think if our culture was okay with male bisexuality, there would be a HECK of ALOT of bisexual males.

Because there are a lot of girls who say it "to be cool". I've met more sorority girls and trashy girls at bars who make out with other girls for attention from guys. They aren't actually interested in girls... it's the attention from guys that they crave.

and wombatboi- I think you're a very good looking guy! :)

I'm 14 and I've been out as a lesbian for about 9 months now =) I've known for ages though, ever since I was about 5 I've been drawn to females and never liked males in a romantic way. I live in Canada, and pretty much everyone I've told has been really awesome, espescially my family. =)

Hey, Sam!  Awesome to see a trans guy on here; I asked a year or so ago (out of curiosity) if there were any trans-ID'd CC'ers I didn't personally know, and ... *crickets.*  ;c)

 

Um, so yeah, also - intro post.  I'm 24 (on the old side of YoungCC, I guess), queer and femme.  I'm a grad student, and co-facilitator (with my partner) of my university's trans/GQ/questioning/allied discussion group, the chair of the queer grad student caucus, and the former queer programming intern.  Annnnnd, most people who don't know me think I'm straight.  *grin*

Aw, thanks alibuch. And hi nassira! :D

Anytime :P

Hello, I'm new to this little group thinga-mabob.

I'm Aiden, I live in Calfornia, 14, and I'm gay.

 

:)

 

I don't mean to be all sentimental and crap on my last post but can I please get some advise on an issue.

 

I've known I've been gay since like, 5th grade. I was always okay with it. I'm currently in 8th grade, but I'll be moving onto highschool after summer vacation. So techniclly, I'm a freshmen.

Anyways, I came out to my parents late decemeberish (I was smart and waited until christmas) at first they took it as a  'oh my poor baby he is mentally ill' but things have changed now. For the past 4 months my life at home was been a living hell.

My mother takes me to a pshycoligst in hopes that I can get 'cured' but my pshycolgist is taking my side on it saying that it's my choice. She's really cool and helping me cope with things. But I only see her once a week.

But that's the least of my problem. Whereas my mother beleives I'm sick and treats me like some angel, my father is the problem.

For the past 4 months I've been constantly harassed.

Just alot of gay bashing from him towards me. He takes everything away. He sold my ipod, my computer, and he even took my room. I sleep on the couch now. Took down my poster and even looks through my emails and journals.

Yest. I was coming back from jogging, and he was getting into the car. I asked him if the house was locked. He say "Yes" and I was like "Can I get the key" and then he started saying how I deserved to be let outside like a dog for 'what I did' (Being gay). So I was left out there for two hours (he got back around 10 PM) alone without my cellphone since he took that away too.

I had told him before he left "I'm going to tell mom that you locked me out"

When he came back he kind of yelled at me to go inside, then he pushed me on the couch and smacked my arm. Not really hard, then he told me my jacket was a '****' jacket and really violently unzipped it and threw it on the floor.

He just kept at yelling at me, and saying all these really mean hurtful things.

I don't even know how to describe it. Let's just say it was bad enough to make me go to bed early, only I didn't sleep. I just laid in bed, for hours. Crying, I couldn't even speak. I was actually whimpering.

 

Has anyone gone through this? This has been happening pretty much everyweek for the past 4 months. It used to be a few comment, then it turned into small arguements, then it was big arguements, and now he's shoving me and getting ready to hit me.

This can't go on any longer. My pshycologist tried talking to my mom about my dad, but my mom is blind to it. She doesn't beleive it, and when she does she say's my father just wants the best for me.

I don't know what to do, I'm torn. Sometimes I just feel like leaving; but where to?

Hi Aiden.  I am so sorry that your father is treating you this way.  It's unfortunate, but I think it does happen to a lot of kids.  Some parents have that old school mentality.  Can you mother help you at all?  Does she know what he's been doing to you?  Because you're a minor, the incident where he left you outside..by yourself..without a cell phone..put you in danger..and that's abuse.  The other stuff is emotional abuse, which you don't deserve.  What about your therapist...how about some family therapy?  At the very least, he needs education on adolescents who are gay and what they go through.  I'm here anytime...I'm a college student majoring in social work and I love helping adolescents.  Anytime you want to talk...I'm here.  =)

Be well!

hey Aiden being teenager is hard enough yet alone growing up gay you an expect this kind intolerance from others but not from your own father, Your only 14 why would he treat you like this and you being taken to a psychologist to be cured is a psychotic idea,

I think your really brave for coming out at this age I kept going out with different guys until I was well into my 20's and never got to tell my father I'm a lesbian So I don't know how he would of reacted and I kind of regret it now to this day because he never knew the fully mature me,

But it doesn't look like its working for you do you have a bff thats a girl that could pretend to be your trophy girlfriend and just endure your parents until you can elope with your boyfriend, I dont know if I'm being to harsh but your situation doesn't sound normal, people shouldn't be locked out of the house yelled at and abused for something they can't control,

xxoo tonya,

Wow aiden I feel very sorry for you I also see a psycologist but not to be cured of homosexuality but because my father my was very obnoxious to be when I first came out, which I then foolishly took it very personaly and took it out on my body leading to nurmerous ed phases which I never really got over,

Probably the worst thing he did was nearly broke my wrist when he found out I was talking to other gays on msn and destroying numerous relationships I had by making it difficult to out with them, but I dont try any more which isnt to say that you shouldnt either but my father has stoped with his abuse now so I dont know......?

Aiden -

When I came out, my mom pretty much flipped.  She sent me long e-mails about how I was destroying the family, how I was being brainwashed by my friends, and how horrible and ungrateful a daughter I was.  She called me nonstop, and if I didn't answer, she called the police and reported me missing.  She even googlestalked and threatened to out my partner.  This lasted about a year, but every time people told me I just had to give her time to get used to it, I could never believe it would.

So, there's a possibility that your dad will grow out of this.

But I wouldn't count on it.  I was 21 when I came out, in my senior year of college three thousand miles away from my family.  When my mom finally came to her senses, I was 22, in graduate school, still half a very large continent away, and in a stable relationship with the person I'm now going on three years with.  She had a choice between a functional relationship with her adult daughter or nothing.

Your parents, on the other hand, have pretty much complete control over you for the next four years or so.

Leaving, as you point out, is not really a viable option, either.  There are already enough queer runaways on the streets - you really don't need to be one of them, and honestly, it might not be much of an improvement over the current situation.

I don't always agree with Dan Savage, but I'm right on board with him here:

Lie.

Or, as he puts it: Tell your a**h**e parents what their a**h**e ears want to a**h**e hear: "It was just a phase, Mom and Dad, I was just curious, I'm totally straight, Jesus is the only dude I'll ever get on my knees for, blah blah blah." Get yourself a **** hag, delete gay web-browsing histories, create and refrain from deleting straight web-browsing histories, and bide your freakin' time.

I would add: focus on getting the best grades (and extracurricular track-record) you can possibly get so you can get a decent scholarship to a school far away from home.  (That way, if you come out in college and your parents attempt to use tuition money as leverage, you're in a better position.)  I would also add, as a former **** hag myself: please be honest with any girl you may choose to use as cover!

 

Now, in terms of getting through the next four or so years: Dan's readers wrote in here with some extra advice for G/L teenagers.  Pay particular attention to the part about ways to mask your browser history, because the next place I'm sending you is a support website for GLBT teenagers - Youth Guardian Services (http://www.youth-guard.org/).  Most of their work involves mailing lists (which in your case will involve a separate Gmail account), but I've known a lot of the people involved with it (as members and as staff), and it's an incredible sanity-preserving resource.   (And, of course, there's always Calorie Count!)

 

This can't last forever - in four years, you'll be legally out from under them, and free to do whatever you want with whomever you want.  But in the meantime, this is a question of safety and self-preservation.  By all means, keep seeing the therapist, since she's being helpful and your parents are willing to pay for her anyway, but otherwise, just hang on.  There are worse things than being closeted in high school; you're already experiencing some of them.

Hey Aiden,

Firstly, I think it's great that you were brave enough to tell them in the first place, good job =). A lot of people never tell their parents, it's good that you did. It's really to bad that your dad has taken it so bad, I know it's hard to believe now, but eventually he'll accept that you're gay, maybe not tomorrow or next week, or next month, but it will happen. Have you talked to the theripist about how your dad is treating you? Maybe try asking her to find some help for you and your home situation, social services is there for a reason, they can help. I think pretending to be straight should be the very last resort, if you feel you need to, they definatly do it, but try to use some other alternatives first. Maybe try getting them to go to a PFLAG meeting? (http://www.pflagcanada.ca/en/index-e.asp). I hope everything turns out ok for you. If you want someone to talk to, add me on msn (just send me a messege on here, I'll give you my msn). Stay strong, and proud. =) 

Thanks for the suppport everyone.

Things are still ***** but I'm still hanging in there.

My therapist actually tried to get my parents to do the whole Pflag thing. Pretty much they lied to her face.

Anyways, I would totally love to get myself aquaintanced. But until my father 'inspects all my emails' then I'm screwed.

Ughh, so frustrated.

Anyways, thanks so effing much and I hope I can really get to know everyone when I get my computer back (hoping if I do).

Original Post by alibuch:

Because there are a lot of girls who say it "to be cool". I've met more sorority girls and trashy girls at bars who make out with other girls for attention from guys. They aren't actually interested in girls... it's the attention from guys that they crave.

 mabye it seemed that way, but i dont believe it. i think its a veil (the whole "impress the guy thing" they use as to why they like girls cause they would feel weird if they actually LIKED girls.

Original Post by enzyme1:

Wow aiden I feel very sorry for you I also see a psycologist but not to be cured of homosexuality but because my father my was very obnoxious to be when I first came out, which I then foolishly took it very personaly and took it out on my body leading to nurmerous ed phases which I never really got over,

Probably the worst thing he did was nearly broke my wrist when he found out I was talking to other gays on msn and destroying numerous relationships I had by making it difficult to out with them, but I dont try any more which isnt to say that you shouldnt either but my father has stoped with his abuse now so I dont know......?

Ouch. I have so much respect for you dude, because if I had been put in your situation (nearly breaking your wrist) I would of honestly killed a bitch.

About the E.D thing I can relate with you on that. I've been through that too, and it's such a horrible thing. I recovered and now I'm at a normal weight, but I just want to lose some. Plus, counting calories keeps me sane ya know?

Anyways, let's stay strong right? My father has ruined relationships too.

 

But whatever, we forgive and we forget...right?

-Aiden

but really, how do you know? i've been questioning my sexuality a lot lately. if you plan on acting on it, does it still count?

Original Post by subwaybusker:

but really, how do you know? i've been questioning my sexuality a lot lately. if you plan on acting on it, does it still count?

 

This is one of those questions like "how do you know you're in love" - in fact, in some cases, it might even be the same question.  Unfortunately, the answer in both cases is the incredibly unsatisfying "you just do, except sometimes you don't."  Some people have just Always Known (lucky little monsters); for some of us, there's a long period of total oblivion followed by a brief intense uncertainty and then an epiphany (in my case, something like "wait - I'm really madly attracted to this girl and I'll kick myself if I let her get away - I guess this means I'm not so straight after all!"); and for some people, there's just a gradual building up of questions and clues until finally one answer fits better than the others.

There's no points system, either - acting on your feelings isn't necessarily ranked higher than planning to act on them, which in turn isn't necessarily ranked higher than having them in the first place.  In other words, you can be an L/G/B virgin.  (You can also be a straight virgin or a monogamous bisexual.)

 

My advice, for what it's worth, is to cut yourself some slack for now.  Labels are really useful if you know they describe you accurately, but if you're not sure what label to use, they can be worse than useless.  So instead of trying to figure out if you're Officially A Lesbian (or whatever), focus on figuring out who you're attracted to, and in what ways.  (That's a big enough project, trust me!)  Pay attention to your feelings; notice your crushes; try and spot common threads in past relationships you've had or desired, if there have been any.  And then, once you've got a clearer picture of what your sexual and romantic desire looks like, it'll be easier for you to futz around with labels and see which fits you best.  Until then, "questioning" works as well as anything.  :c)

"But whatever, we forgive and we forget...right?"

Even at times when I think I can never forgive my parents I always do, remarkably quickly as well, but it's still sad that I have to assume the roll of a child while I continue to live with them.

 mabye it seemed that way, but i dont believe it. i think its a veil (the whole "impress the guy thing" they use as to why they like girls cause they would feel weird if they actually LIKED girls.

For some girls, yes.