LGBTQ?

We've had the college roll-call ... we've had the Canadian roll call ... we've had the roll calls for every weight class imaginable.  So I figured I'd try and get a sense of what the queer demographic was on the site.

I'm also curious; does your sexual orientation/gender identity have an influence on the way you think about your weight?  I was talking to someone yesterday who commented that - in their opinion - the gay men's community was less forgiving than average about weight, while the lesbian community tended to be *more* forgiving than average.

Back when I was still dating, I swam in two dating pools, and it's true that women tended to be much more appreciative of my curves than straight guys did.  And while I've never been a gay man, it seems to me that skinny gay boys are the standard "hot item" - whereas the heavy-set studly butch and the sensual fat femme are at least as popular as the weedy hipster-dykes.  So I don't know - my highly unscientific observations seem to suggest that it's a lot friendlier for overweight queer women than for straight women, and friendlier for straight women than for queer men.  (I don't know where straight guys fall into this, since I've also never been one of them.)  Is that your experience?

And on the chance that we have trans folks lurking about (welcome welcome!) has your gender played into your reasons either for gaining weight or wanting to lose it?

 I'm bi. I'm in a serious relationship with a guy currently. I only admitted to being attracted to women about a year ago, though Ive known a long time.
  I've gotta say, it feels more important to be skinny and gorgeous in the gay community. I would feel comfortable hitting on a guy and being overweight but I'd have to be alot prettier before getting the courage to approach a girl.
 Also, I find society is still uneasy about gays and overweight gays seem to get it worse.
 Not to mention the whole hot-lesbien thing some guys are always going on about. Lets not get into that.

Good to meet you, GC.  I'm wondering, do you think the nerves about approaching a girl when you look less than "perfect" are partly because it's just easier to hit on guys in general when you haven't been out very long? 

I've only been out for a year and a half or so, but I sort of plunged in at the deep end: I came out because I was really head over heels for a girl and I couldn't let her get away ... and then I got really involved in the community and I had to start convincing people I liked guys, too.  But I guess I'm just bubbly-bordering-on-flirty with everyone, and unless there's someone in particular I'm going after, I let potentially interested people come to me.  So it's been a while since I've had to worry about getting rejected by a girl I'm into.  (It's also been a while because I've been in a serious relationship for almost a year ... *grin*)

Anyway, good to see you around!

updated roll call?

This thread is too short so far...
Nice to meet you nassira and guycrazy87.
I'm bi-ish.  Have had a boyfriend for three years.  Dated about half women half men before that. 
Thanks for speaking up on your other post about the "gay speedos" mbrianm.
To answer nassira's question, yeah, my experience is lesbians are usually more open minded about body shape than straight men.  I'm naturally on the stringbeanish side, so I don't have to deal with too much crap either way.  But I love the way dyke-y women tend to be confident about their appearance even if their bodies don't conform.   

ahhh pepper you are so right.  i think because the lesbian community has an accepted norm of a spectrum of women--ie, the trditional lesbian stereotype on one end with the lipstick lesbian on the other.  But i think there is a large group of wafy, vegan types too......

OH I know I may be wrong and hear about it, but I think that lesbians tend to have a larger number of acceptable "types" but none the less I think there are still limits....

Skinny gay boys might be "hot"...i see us portrayed in that way.  LA is oh so body conscious that west hollywood is painful if you don't look the part, however, if you go to other bars in LA or even in SF, the vibe is way different and the diversity of shapes is much more apparent.

Think about straight people.....Los Angeles vs. northern MI (I have lived in both and actually have read studies supporting the variances in shape/size)......There is a huge difference in average between those communities....

I'm rambling and have probably pissed of someone.

and thanks pepper

also...i'm a bit intrigued by the dearth of gay people here.......see my other thread....everyone is "bi"...ha or self-identified as straight.

Bi here. (Sorry I'm not shaking up your trend, Brian. Hope the "ha" wasn't directed at us bi-identified girls, who typically are really "bi" rather than lesbian-and-closeted. Have heard the opposite is true for guys, not sure if that's accurate).

I have probably gotten more attention from women, while fat, than from men (and the women who were attracted to me were, on the whole, better catches than the men - in all respects). I think it's one of the things that makes me fairly convinced that I will live out my later years with a woman (my BF is probably going to die long before I do). Nassira, my observations coincide with yours. My confidence about my attractiveness is actually higher if I'm flirting with women, because I feel that they are responding more to my charm and not JUST to my body.

okay.....so think about my two points:

1) Since quitting smoking and going back to the gym, I have been totally cruised/hit on by numerous men and women in the gym, CVS, the pizza guy, etc...like a couple a week.  so I chalk this up to whatever vibe i'm now sending---confidence probably

2) now, at this point, its way easier to flirt with men because i'm used to it.....But i've long thought that flirting with men, and sex with men was way easier because I kbew the drill.....what attracts me and turns me on is basically the same for them....so couldn't your flirting with women make you feel that way because you know how they think.......?

Just thoughts.

Actually, I find women really hard to understand when I flirt with them. I feel for straight guys sometimes. :)

And my sexual and flirting experience has been quite skewed towards guys over the years - I think guys are in some ways easier to predict and "simpler" to flirt with. However, being fat has changed the vibe I get from guys, drastically - it hasn't done that with women.

I think women really are less visual when it comes to their definition of "sexy" or "attractive". Not that they don't appreciate physical beauty, but that other factors are also important to them - whereas those other factors take a significant backseat when it comes to guys' perceptions. One of the counseling rules of thumb is: "the people who have body image issues are the people who sleep with men." (Sure, there are exceptions, but you get my drift.)

i think i agree

i aslo know that I am visual.  I record what i see...images of book pages, contracys, signs, people (i may not remember their name but i know the face)....But not all men are.....my partner sees nothing!  nothing!  "hey, sis you see, that person with the neon earlobes pass by usw?" He will say, "no...when?"

argh

so men don't all function that way...howvere I have been in way too many testosterone filled conversations to not know that

"fat girls" are easy and skinny girls could be a relationship.....

Hmm, im not too sure about the skinny "hot" guy thing. I guess it would depend what type the gay male is... im fairly sure the taller and better built men are high on the "hot" list.

I don't really have an opinion on this but I just wanted to pop in and say that my real name is Nashira, and I'm assuming yours is Nassira, what a coincidink! :-P

K Bye!

Hey, mb and everyone else - thanks for reviving this thread!

The comments coming up from the guys (re: skinny gay boys) made me start to wonder - even if you're pretty pigeonholed into an archetype as a queer woman (ie, high femme, butch daddy, granola-eatin'-earth-mother, etc.), there are a range of weights that fit into the archetype.  But it seems like if you gain or lose weight as a gay or bi man, you almost have to cross categories - I don't think I've seen a skinny person self-identify as a bear, for instance, and ... well ... overweight twinks?

So, as someone who's pretty involved in the femme community, I don't feel any pressure to lose weight, but I know that I'll still be femme no matter what I weigh.  (Although there's been some really unfortunate backlash recently against a prominent fat femme who has decided to trim down a little, making me woder if there might be a subtle pressure in our community *not* to lose weight.) 

 

Anyway, do any of these considerations play into things for the rest of you folks, or am I the only one who obsesses about identity politics this much?  ;c)

identity politics oh my.

wow!  i guess maybe a hairy skinny guy could still be a bear?

but i can't imagine an overweight twink.

 

I think you just gotta be hairy to be a bear? ...

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear,

Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair

Fuzzy wuzzy wasnt fuzzy was-he


Wait, i guess they dont have to have hair ><

This is kind of off subject...But...There's this really HOT gay guy at my school.

Why do they all seem to be that way??

Oh, don't worry, there are plenty of unattractive gay guys out there, too.  Ted Haggard and Elton John both spring to mind.  ;c)

nope!

I choose to believe the often coined phrase about goo looking men being gay.

 

I don't care much about the weight of a potential gf.  I base attraction more on the face, eyes, personality, shared interests, etc. than body type.

About myself, my desire for a better body has more to do with love of cosplay than my orientation.  A lot of the charas I wanna dress like have revealing clothes, and I don't feel I can do them properly until I'm thin enough to not have rolls sticking out over the costume -_- .

eyes attract me, eyes make or break my interest in you

but good eyes have made me wake up and say....whoa!!! you didn't look like this when i looked in your eyes!