Libido (adults)

Ok, here goes. Sorry if I share too much! I have a much higher libido than my boyfriend. We used to be about equal, but then he got a very stressful job and it dropped. So... is it fair to talk to him about this? Self love just ain't doing it! I don't wanna harrass him, but I feel like we should try to meet some way in the middle. I said something a couple of days ago and he was pretty surprised, and thought "we were pretty good for a couple that has been together for two years". My thoughts were that, if we are good for two years... what's good for 10 years? 20? Are things always going to slow down?? Things have been a bit better since I mentioned it, but I hope I haven't pressured him into it. Any comments?

Ha ha ... have to giggle at this .. just for the simple fact i am going thru it too .. and we have been together for just over 2 yrs .. but i'm not to worried .. its just the ebb and flo of a relationship .. it seems to line up with his emotions (or mine for that matter), if he is down or stressed out we hit a lil dry spell .. when things are going great, they definately go great ...things will pick up again like they were in the beginning and then they will slow down again ... its normal (from my experiences anyways) ...

cheers

EDIT: removed post, I think that was my own stuff getting out.

I don't really have anything constructive to add, except good luck...

ok .. lol .. i think you might have misunderstood my reply cuz of the word beginning (honeymoon is over, the excitement of exploring a new body has faded) .. what i am saying  is that one can't be in the mood for all the time .. i know when i am feeling down or have a lot on my mind (stressed), sex is not the first thing on my mind .. doesn't make my relationship anyless secure ..

can you honestly say you want it everyday? or do you have days where you think .. i love ya honey but i'm just not in the mood ... so they hit a lull, i don't know a single couple who hasnt .. now granted if it starts to go on for a month or so i would start to get worried or his/her personality started to change and it starts to send up red flags i would be worried .. but if the guy/gal is just bummed/stressed and his/her affection towards you hasnt really changed (still gets hugs, kisses, emotional support, etc .. ) then i wouldnt worry ..

but in the end it comes down to what do you think? .. take in account the times you 2 do spend together .. is it a wham bam thank you mame or is it more intense? .. its not always quantity

Cheers

ps: i don't always put my thoughts into words properly .. sometimes they come out confusing

I agree with nextdoor that it is quality, not quantity, that matters.

Instead of asking your boyfriend to have sex more often, why not simply ask him if he wants to try something new? There are books out there about sex, different positions, adding toys into the mix, roleplaying... you get the idea. Do things that you are comfortable with.

Also, surprising your boyfriend is always nice. When he comes home from work or comes over, have a hot bath waiting for the two of you. Or, massage him with oils. I'm sure he would love it! :)

ebb & flow, great way to put it. let him get accustomed to his stressful job, and help him by being gentle and soothing after his long day.

Nextdoor1977 - ebb and flow is a good way of looking at it! Haha, to be honest, yes I want it everyday, I can't think of a time when I wouldn't have been happy to get it on! Dependent on an appropriate place and privacy lol... I am not one to be caught in the lift or anything like that! I realise I am a little unusual in terms of my libido, but that's just the way it is

Muttlover - Some good ideas. We don't have a bath (sadly) but the massage oils are a good idea. And yes, there is definitely truth in quantity over quality.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm hoping once he's used to this job things will even up and I'll get a little more action

That's how we alway thought of it too, ebb and flow. after 32 years I'll tell you - life sometimes gets in the way. If your saying once a week isn't doing it during a stressful time then what will happen during illness and other times? If it's months without then there is probably a problem that needs to be addressed. Give him some time to adjust to the job and see if thing work out. the massage oils are a good idea.

If its important to you, you should talk about it honestly - whatever it is. Just keep in mind that a man's feeling of self worth and his percieved sexual performance are closely tied. Sharks are basically eating machines - and men are basically breeding machines. Biologically its our most important function. So when critiquing a man's libido, you're basically critiquing one of the most important aspects about him - so handle with kid gloves.

i always thought bj's were the perfect way to help a man when stressed? for me there's sex & there's making love. sex is good when you need that release & making love is good for some connection.

maybe you'll have to help him in other ways to relieve stress. stress depletes testosterone. ive been with my new husband 13 years and i can remember a couple of times when the stress would get to us. neither of us can function in that capacity when stressed. you have to find ways of connecting outside of sex then.  i wouldn't say that its really because the honeymoon or excitment is over. i know it can be a bit frustrating, but yes dont apply the pressure the wrong way or you'll make things worse. and dont let him see you posting stuff about it either.

Well, I think we both handled it pretty well when we talked about it a few days ago. I tried not to offend and I honestly don't think he was offended... I would never be accusing because I know he can't help how he feels. I just know that I can't help how I feel either. Our relationship is a strong one so I'm not worried about how we would cope through tough times, illness etc.

On the plus side, I got lucky last night! Haha sorry... sharing over...

Original Post by octo-luv:

i always thought bj's were the perfect way to help a man when stressed?

... ive been with my new husband 13 years ...

 I like the way you think.

Stress is definitely a libido killer so I think the best way to increase your action is to learn how to relax your husband after a tough day at work.  I think the massage idea is a good one. 

There was a book called "Sex-Starved Marriage" that was a little hit-and-miss but had some good tips for how to discuss stuff like this in a nice, non-hurtful way.