a little help?

Hi there,

I'm posting this in hopes of receiving some input and answers to my questions about anorexia recovery. After over 6 months of severe restriction (200-300 calories daily) I'm finally seeing some really negative results and I wish to start recovering and eating more. I'm very unhappy with the way I feel, act, and look, and I'm ready for a change. However, I go to bed with positive thoughts and ideas about the next day. I tell myself that 'tomorrow, i'm going to start increasing my calories and eating food when i'm hungry.' unfortunately, i wake up and i'm scared to death of putting that delicious food into my body and return to my normal restrictive habits. With that being said, lately my body has been really weak and sick, mostly at night. My heart starts to pound so hard it seems to shake my body. I've guessed it's just an anxiety-like attack and ignore it, but I'm a little worried that it's more than just an attack. With that being said...

1. Calories. <-I've let them rule my life. I stay up all night figuring out what I'm going to eat in order not to gain weight or eat too much. I stick to salads, fruits, and vegetables. I WANT to eat bread. I WANT to eat granola bars and cereal, but I can't seem to pass my mental block. My worry with recovery and calorie increasement is that once I start eating more, I'll gain weight like crazy. I'm terrified to see anything over 200 calories, and avoid most foods. So any advice or input on that would be EXTREMELY helpful.

2. Exercise. Should I cut back? Or not do it at all? I currently force myself (and hate it) to do 30+ minutes of step aerobics each day, sometimes a 20-30 minute walk along or a dance video with that, and pilates every m/w/f. I'm at a very low weight/bmi, but I can't seem to stop myself from exercising right after I eat something. I am SO SO scared that if I DO cut back on exercise, I'll gain all of the weight that I lost - and gain it back in my stomach. I'm always afraid that I haven't burned all of the calories that I ate in one day, and I'm looking for some advice regarding calories in/out and exercise.

Please respond if you can help, thank you in advance :)

Most people will tell you that for health's sake, you need to jump right into eating more to gain weight back. I both agree and disagree. Yes, the longer you keep undereating the worse your condition will become. But if you just jump right into it, not only will it shock your body (which is also not healthy), but it's detrimental on the mental part, even if you're seeing a therapist while doing it. It takes a LOT of time, determination, dedication, and a strong will to get better.

I won't lie to you, when you start increasing calories you will gain weight. You have severely slowed your metabolism. Your body is trying to function on the average number of calories you feed it, and if you don't give it much it's gonna save what you eat and eat it's muscle to fuel your activity. Eating itself further lowers the metabolism.

But in regards to trying to eat more and exercises you should do, I would suggest NO exercise and an increase in calories, starting out at least at 1,000 and work your way up from there. Anorexia is a mental disorder, so I know it's gonna drive you absolutely insane. To minimize that I would just say to start out slowly. Add a few calories here and there to whatever you usually eat. Add a tbsp. of olive oil to your veggies, add some nuts to your salad. Put some peanut butter on that apple or celery! It's the little things that can add up. Add flaxseed to oatmeal or as extra crunch on your salads. Drink 2% milk instead of skim and gradually work up to whole. There are plenty of high calorie foods you can add without adding too much bulk in the stomach. The bloating and feeling of fullness are the worst parts, that's why I suggest increasing a lil' at a time. Not only is it physically uncomfortable, but mentally as well. Baby steps are the key. And absolutely do not weigh yourself. Get somebody to take it away. If you "hide" it yourself, you'll end up just digging it back out again to check the "damage".

As for exercise, don't do anything that burns too many calories. Walking is the best thing to do. It'll help with digestion, mentally keep you sound because you're moving, and it's just healthy in general for anyone. And if you can handle it, try lifting some weights. Nothing fancy, just enough to help build back some muscle you've lost.

And finally, if you're not seeing a nutritionist, counselor, doctor, or any kind of therapist, you should consider doing so. Although not completely impossible, your chances of recovering are a LOT greater with some extra help, support, and advice. You need someone to keep pushing you forward if you should start to slip backwards.

Oh, thank you SO much for responding. That plan sounds quite good to me. I'm still a little shaky on quitting exercise, but I guess I need to be strong. Thanks!

first of all im very glad youve decided to change . you really are undereating . i understand your fears. ive had anorexia for 14 years and ive been where you are you can happly think of eating mroe but doing it is a different story right ? tomorrow never comes. all i can do is go on my experience and that it does get easier . i like you was eating low amounts and scared to change , i finally found the courage to change it was very hard at first , but it did get easier and became more of a normal habit. you metabolism will be at rock bottom at the moment you are so undernourished your body will be doing everything to get you to gain . the only way to fix the metabolism is to eat more and often. all your worries about weight on your stomach and exercise is the ed talking these are not rational fears .do you really want to spend the rest of your life worried about eating and exercise ? i dont think you do. your mind is starved and all these feeling will be so much easier to rationolise when you are eating more and restoring weight. you really shouldnt be exercising at the minute especially if your bmi is very low. exercise when so underweight does nothing but cause havoc to the body you are putting your body under so much strain your little body cant cope with it, and osteophrosis. you will be able to exercise but you need to be a healthy first to the point where you enjoy it and its not a chore. are you seeing a doctor and a theapist ? i really think you need help and to be monitored . my advice to you would to be up your calories every few days by 200 until you reach a minimal of 2500. i know your freaking , but nothing bad is going to happen. initally you may gain more this is normal it isnt weight just the bodies systems working again . this wont carry on your metabolism will speed up but you need to be consistant , trust your body it s intent is to get you healthy thats all . i can see my self in you so much , and im rooting for you to change it can be done, i did it and everyone here is here to support you h x

thank you so much. i need all the support i can get. i'm always so upset & reading these supportive/informative posts make me feel better :)