a little note on venting....

i know there's a common belief that "venting" will help to prevent acting out on frustration.  it's supposed to be cathartic.  but guess what?  that's an old, outdated, disproven idea.  used to be thought that when you had a violent kid, you should put him in boxing or give him an inanimate object to hit, let him "get it out of his system."

turns out, it's not true.  aggression breeds aggression, and "venting" just fuels frustration and lends credence to irrational beliefs (especially when others implicitly or explicitly agree with the vent).

just something to think about.

What about ranting? Does a rant just lead to more rants?

I think it depends on how you are defining "vent" - I think talking to a therapist or friend could be a "vent" - letting your emotions out, sorting through how you feel about something, and getting a different perspective on the issue (or hearing that it's ok that you are angry at your coworker for whatever he did).

Your post seems to equate vent with agressive and irrational, and I don't think venting has to be either.

I was told to hit a tree with a plastic baseball bat to relieve my anger/frustration.

Well I wasn't about to do THAT in front of my neighbors (they already have enough goods on me to blackmail)...

so I beat the crap out of the mattress. I hit it and hit it until I was exhausted, couldn't lift my arms.

And I was STILL PISSED OFF, but now, there was nothing I could do. I couldn't even lift the plastic bat anymore!

which frustrated me even more.

But if I just say or write it out, it kind of puts everything in its place. If I just get a little confirmation that I'm not completely **** insane, then I feel better.

I'm only moderately insane!

So my feeling is... talking through your vent works, but if you really want to kill people, you should vent physically - then even if you're still angry, at least you won't have the energy to hurt anything.

working out helps me alot

thats why im an evening, not a morning

burns off the daily residuals

Do you have any backup for this?  Studies?  Articles? ...

It would be interesting to read.

Hmmm, that's interesting! I can see that...

Although I have to say, recently I realized that my mother is my emotional eating trigger.  But that's another day on the couch ;o)

And I find that on some days that I spend lots of time with her, I come home and I either have to rant to my husband just to get out my frustration, but he never says a single word, just listens, or if he's not home, I need to get on my elliptical and ride like there's no tomorrow.  I used to just keep it all in, and would end up eating anything and everything I could find. Figured it out when I realized that the only days that I fall off the wagon, even when presented with some pretty big temptations, were the days that I saw my mom. And those days I would eat things that I don't even enjoy!

I don't know if venting & ranting are the same thing, but it seems to be the only thing that keeps me sane those days.

PG, is this a rant about venting?

I think venting is an excuse people use, after the fact, to rationalize their irrational behavior, rather than trying to get to the root source of their anger.

Most of the arguments I ever had with my husband could be traced to either a deep down feeling that I was wrong about something and trying to justify it, or an expectation that I had that my husband didn't share. 

On a few occasions they were policy issue debates (ie how to deal with our sons), and when I was coming from a position of principle, he generally ackowledged it and altered his position. 

We were lucky to finally figure out how to be angry and own it, without hurting each other.

Original Post by moonikins:

What about ranting? Does a rant just lead to more rants?

 only when it's about zombies.

stupid zombies.

Original Post by amethystgirl:

PG, is this a rant about venting?

either that or a vent about ranting.  i'll have to get back to you on that.

Original Post by amethystgirl:

I think it depends on how you are defining "vent" - I think talking to a therapist or friend could be a "vent" - letting your emotions out, sorting through how you feel about something, and getting a different perspective on the issue (or hearing that it's ok that you are angry at your coworker for whatever he did).

Your post seems to equate vent with agressive and irrational, and I don't think venting has to be either.

i think venting often is aggressive and/or irrational.

my main point, though, is that it's a mistake to assume that venting is harmless and ineffectual.  it can serve to solidify and reinforce thoughts and beliefs that are inaccurate, unhelpful, or both.

for those who want hard research, search catharsis.  you'll find it.

Yes. In my experience the word 'vent' doesn't even come up until the venter has belched out some nonsense. Then by way of an apology it's 'sorry, I just needed to vent'.

In the words of Maya Anjelou 'Words are things.'

Venting is quite essential - but it needs to be cleaned or you get inefficient operation at the least, and at worst a fire.

Wait....

Seriously - when my kids have excess energy, whether from stirring up each other, or my poor judgement in letting them have a few M&Ms as a treat, it actually is good to let them "vent" and burn it off - I love Monkey Joe's for this reason.

Not the same as aggressiveness or frustration, but I can see the argument.  Could the catharsis could be so relieving, the release feel so good, that it simply continues a cycle so the person can deliberately feel that?  I have no idea...

If there are studies on it, they would be fascinating to read.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by amethystgirl:

PG, is this a rant about venting?

either that or a vent about ranting.  i'll have to get back to you on that.

You just ripped a hole in the space-time continuum

This topic does bring something to mind I have begun to wonder about. I am alone alot more nowadays, and have actually found myself talking to my dog - usually 'venting' about some political situation. Saying my thoughts out loud.

Am starting to wonder if it is so deeply imbedded in our nature to express ourselves that we need at least one other being to hear us....Or....am I just crazy old cat/dog lady?

Original Post by kathygator:

Am starting to wonder if it is so deeply imbedded in our nature to express ourselves that we need at least one other being to hear us....Or....am I just crazy old cat/dog lady?

Why can't it be both?

Original Post by kathygator:

This topic does bring something to mind I have begun to wonder about. I am alone alot more nowadays, and have actually found myself talking to my dog - usually 'venting' about some political situation. Saying my thoughts out loud.

Am starting to wonder if it is so deeply imbedded in our nature to express ourselves that we need at least one other being to hear us....Or....am I just crazy old cat/dog lady?

 No, I think you're right. Our natural need to be social is what makes us start to talk to our animals. I talk to my plants too lol. I think somehow it validates our existence to share a part of it. Plus dogs are natural born listeners and they never judge. Perfect audience! :D

Plus the dog likes the attention.

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Original Post by kathygator:

Am starting to wonder if it is so deeply imbedded in our nature to express ourselves that we need at least one other being to hear us....Or....am I just crazy old cat/dog lady?

Why can't it be both?

 heh. It probably is.

There have been studies that show that repeatedly complaining/venting/ranting about the same thing is a subconscious way for people to feel as though they are doing something to rectify the rant-worthy situation.  This allows them to continually put off real action.

Of course, there have probably been studies that show that painting your butt blue and dabbing motor oil on your elbows will lower your blood pressure.

So.  You know.  Grain of salt and all that.

what shade of blue?