living the "kitchen police"- drives me CRAZY! (rant)

so i have a roommate who is driving me NUTS!!!! she spends all day going in and out of the kitchen and has this weird obsession with food. she is also extremely underweight and all i ever see her eat is vegetables and beans. i think she might have some issues with food but i am not sure what

i feel like i cant enter my own kitchen without her questioning what i'm eating. she is extremely judgemental if i am eating anything the slightest bit bad for me (she'll be like, wow, thats alot of oil your using, etc). in addition when i go out to dinner with my boyfriend she ALWAYS asks me what i ate.

when i am trying to cook something (i love cooking and i love to do it ALONE) she will cling to me and almost take over. she'll stir the pots, saute whatevers in the pan, etc. it drives me to the point of insanity

she has this radar for whenever i enter the kitchen. its like she follows me and has to see exactly what i am eating. it makes me SO SELF CONSCIOUS!!

she has this weird thing where she always has to taste everything anyone is eating. first of all it grosses me out. second of all its rude and just plain annoying.

my last annoyance- whenever i eat something healthy/low cal, she'll make a comment like "i cant believe THATS all your eating for dinner" first of all i probably weight double what she weighs, and second of all i never see her eat ANYTHING other than vegetables!!

UUUUGH! sorry i just had to vent... does anyone else live with the kitchen police? is it getting in the way of your own weight loss efforts?

i just feel so self conscious in my own house and its really upsetting me, to the point where i actually cried about it today. 

Wow - that'd be frustrating. Her behavior reminds me of an aneroxic person that was featured on Intervention once.

I've never dealt with anything like that but I think with any roommate situation you really need to be up front with her about it, even if it is awkward. She probably has no idea it's bothering you.

have you tried to actually talk to her about this...in a non-confrontational way? maybe she doesnt know shes being really annoying...I would leave out the part of her eating habits, just focus on what shes doing to bother you in the kitchen and with your eating habits (its really non of her business..)

what do you bet her mom was that way?

 
Also, what is yalls age ranges?  Im getting the collage age to mid 20s vibe

we are both in our mid 20s (good instinct!)  i am the most nonconfrontational person in the world.  the last thing i want to do is create an awkward situation between me and her.  i do live with her after all.  i think the awkwardness would be worse than the current situation.

we are not really that close so i feel weird confronting her about it.  if we were like best friends then maybe it would be different, but i cant talk to her like a sister.

my method of dealing with it is to totally avoid her and wait for her to retreat to her bedroom before i will go into the kitchen (although like i said, she will somehow hear me and follow me into the kitchen 75% of the time, its actually kind of funny).

i know this is totally unhealthy for me to be avoiding the kitchen like this but i dont know what else to do.  i should be more confident and just not care what she says/thinks about my eating.

we are also ending our lease in a couple months so there is an endpoint, which is why i dont feel an urgency to say something. i will suffer in silence a few more weeks.... 

1) remember just because she may have an eating disorder does not mean YOUR eating habits are wrong

2) tell her point blank that her obsession with your food is annoying

3) tell her also point blank that you do NOT like her sticking fingers in your food. I HATE THAT!!! GROSS!!

Be upfront and completely CLEAR about what you are saying because that's the only way to deal with someone as unbalanced as that! UGH!

She reminds me of my ex-mother in law. She would always stand in the kitchen and watch me cook, make comments, and the final straw was "Do you think you put enough salt in that already?!". What I did was ask her if she wanted to cook. Lol, that ended that, she got mad and left the kitchen. Some people just think their way is the best way. Tell her she is bothering you or ask her to give you some space when you are in the kitchen because its your "you time". Its not that much to ask.

Ugh! Roommates are always so hard to get a long with even when they are your friends lol.

Room mates are hard...I learned later in life AFTER tippy toeing around room mates that it would have been far better to calmly, firmly and politely tell them what was pissing me off instead of clamming up because eventually the tension would ruin the living situation anyway and I'd move.  It's not like you have to yell at her and make her feel horrible but you should say something before she makes you crazy.  That is not normal behavior, she's obviously obsessed with food and you have a chance to possibly open her eyes to some really unhealthy behavior.  And if she takes it poorly, oh well, at least she might stop!   Good luck!

i totally feel like i have to tiptoe around her!!   im telling you- it really makes my living situation miserable when you have someone who is 1/2 your size constantly monitoring what you put into your  mouth.  she already grilled me on where i had dinner last night and where i had brunch today, and wanted to know everything i ate.  she's in the kitchen right now baking something and i am sure she probably wont even eat it.

 

she looks sickly thin lately and i DO think she has some form of an eating disorder, i just dont know if its full fledged anorexia or not.

 

seriously i HATE my living situation right now and i cant wait to move.   i am suffering from some low self esteem/body issues right now and she is really not helping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

it is a very annoying thing, hopefully it will make you stroinger or something - that has to be hard for you to live with that

oh man, that has to push your buttons, i would die. my dad used to be like that when i lived with him in high school. now its not so bad, i live with my aunt and cousin, but they know i'm trying to eat better, but to them its just a "diet" so everytime i eat something "are you allowed to eat that" or they cook gross fatty dinners and say things like "too bad this isn't on your dietits really good!" when its like fried chicken and greasy everything that i wouldnt even eat normally haha and then they KNOW i love sonic, which i havent had for like 6 months before i even started counting calories, they will call me when they are there to ask if i want a double cheeseburger. WHY?! haha im not one to give in to temptation, but its still annoying to have two overweight people sit there and eat 3 helpings of mashed potatoes and then look at my delicious grilled chicken and rice and steamed veggies and say something like "i hope your diet works, that looks gross"

 

oh no! that sounds so stressful!  i think its the absolute RUDEST thing when someone tells you what you're eating looks gross!

oh she def def def has an eating disord.....that is coming from some one who used behave like HER!!!

yeah defo....specially the low cal thing.....she's afraid your going to try "catch up" with her.

its one if the tell tale tell tale signs....some one who is utterly obsessed with food but wont actually eat any of the shaggin stuff!

My roommate last year in the dorms used to be like this- It was awful. I just avoided her (we were in a dorm so it was actually a little easier). My mother also does the 'pick at your food' thing. It drives me nuts that I can't just eat my food without her sticking a fork in.

I tend to go over the top in my responses to these kinds of things. For example:

Annoying roommate: Wow, thats a lot of oil you're using.
Me: I usually drink it straight out of the bottle, but it was giving me gas.

Annoying roomate: What did you eat for lunch?
Me: A baby.
AR: No, really, what did you have?
Me: Seriously, I ate a baby. They taste just like veal.

Or, put some aside for her and say: "I made a little extra for you because I know how much you like my food. You're always running out here when I cook. Makes me feel like the world's best cook." It's a tad passive aggressive, but it may work in drawing her attention to her own behavior.

hahahahahahaha!!! i especially like the oil one, thats hilarious!

when she asks what you ate shes 'eating through you' since she doesnt eat much she feels the need to have some sort of attachment to food. some link. preparing food and giving it away is something anorexics do often. she may not have many people to prepare food for so she listens when you go into the kitchen. i doubt she realizes  shes bothering you-i am sure shes only focused on her enjoyment of being close to food.

im very passive also...so it would be hard for me to confront her. honestly, id avoid her as much as possible since the lease is up. if youre feeling brave, take a shot at being blunt and just ask her to please give you some space. maybe tell her its therapeutic for you to cook alone-that you like to reflect on your day and its your 'alone-time' or something. then she wont feel like the criticism is aimed at her.

 

i had uncomfortable roommates before..it sucks :/ hang in there, lease is up soon!

mpatitucci- that's the best thing i've heard all day. hands down. i love that baby one (ever see the standup comedian eddie izzard? he does a whole bit on babies tasting like chicken...)

as for your roommate, that sucks majorly. i can sort of relate. my roomie is awesome and i really do love her, but she's got weird eating habits as well (not disordered, just odd. all she eats is tomato soup, tuna melts, and vodka pasta. and she's really secretive about eating. she's lucky that she has a great metabolism, i suppose). it sounds like you're on the home stretch though, so if it's only a few more months and then you're free of her i would say just try and tough it out so that you two can walk away amicably (but do by all means get the heck outta dodge!)

yeah, i cant wait for the lease to end!  i am now realizing how she's lowering my quality of life  i am on vacation right now, and being alone in the apartment is so GREAT. i feel calmer and overall happier.  when she gets home i tense up and immediately feel like i need to go retreat.  its amazing how much this whole eating thing has affected me and my quality of life.  i think writing about it has really brought it to the forefront of my mind and i am so aware of this now!

 

thanks for all the support. im happy to hear that i am not crazy and that other people would be upset by this also!