Locker room suggestions?

Hello,

I was traumatized last night in the gym's locker room, and I'm scared to go back.  I think I cried all night and I'm still shaky.

Last night I cam out of the shower at the gym and came face-to-face with a man. I have been abused in the past and it terrified me.  I reported it and the gym confronted the man (I'm not sure the outcome - I had to leave).

I don't want to go back, but I know that I've done well there and the staff are very encouraging and supportive. 

Help?

I am so, so sorry. I would call the manager of the gym and do a follow up over the phone today.  He or she needs to hear how this affected you.  That way you might feel safer with the phone distance as well.  Ask them what steps they have taken so far and what will they be doing to insure this never happens again.  You have the right to know their plan of action.  Ask for extra security for when you go back until you feel safe again.  I think that is reasonable.  In the mean time I will be praying for you.   Again, I am so sorry.

Thanks  amycs22.  The manager, in fact, has already contacted me to make sure I was okay and to advise that they'd be looking into additional precautions.  It turns out that he had two daughters in the locker room and wanted to bring clothing to them.  They verified that he did in fact have two daughters there (the manager did not think that this excused his appearance in the locker room though).  They have suspended the guy's membership since there was a family room available and there were other options for the guy other than entering the locker room.

I may just take a few days off, then see how I feel about going back.  As I said, the people who work there are really great and usually make me feel really good about my effort to work out.

I am sorry that this happened to you. I think that yes, you should take your time until you feel good about going back. But do go back. You should not stop doing something that made you feel good.  Maybe go with a friend or ask the staff to accompany you until you feel more comfortable.

In the meantime, maybe work out at home and look for other alternatives. Dont let this incident stop you from reaching your goals.

Ugh, that is terrifying...even if the guy sounds more clueless than malevolent. You just don't do that!

I have severe OCD so I tend to avoid showering in locker rooms at all costs (mostly for germophobic reasons but people seeing me naked doesn't exactly sound like a hoot either) but I know thats not possible for everyone. Its good to hear that the gym took some action. Still, I agree that you should take your time in going back until you feel comfortable. 

O my goodness I would have clawed his eyes out!!!! OK maybe just screamed my head off....not sure. You did the right thing and I do hope they will take better precautions for avoiding ANYONE having to deal with that!

By all means if  you think taking some time off then do but do go back you sound like you enjoy the gym. Maybe (this may sound strange) but wear a swim suit or have close at hand a body towel or wrap for when you get out...not sure that will help. It gives me chills just to think about it, so you might need to just give your self some time.

I do wish you all the best! Good luck  ~hth

by the way heatherparks my husband and I have OCD too, my hubby is worse than me about it...but we both have gotten our fair share of teasing through the years growing up. Its great when you find others like you. all the best.

Maybe look at this as an empowering situation - you were terrified...but so would anyone who hasn't had your horrible situation!!  Then you obviously handled it and got action taken without any physical harm coming to yourself!  Pat yourself on the back- you were very brave and you made the gym a safer place for all woman!!  Way to go! 

Until you feel calmer and more trusting of the facility...can you shower at home so you can still get your support, encouragement and work out in?  Perhaps a female staff member would be willing to "stand guard" for a bit for you? 

My word! Are people INSANE!

I hate it when people in my gym don't use the family changing room. But there's never been a man in the ladies locker room. That's just RIDICULOUS!

Too right he got his membership suspended.

I'd say that it's unlikely to happen again.

Hope you find it within you to continue your training and continue with your progress, it sounds like you've found a helpful and supportive gym.

The guy was stupid, he should be suspended not revoked. I'm a single father with a daughter and I can relate to his situation. He's a stupid person not a predator it sounds like.

I'm also a recovering victim of abuse and I had to overcome the fear of being with other MEN in a locker room. I also discovered that much of my weight was due to that trauma. So what I want to say is that 1) part of my recovery is going to the gym to lose the weight so nothing should prevent me from going. The other part 2) is that I had to accept that I was abused by a person not a gender and I needed to really get with that because I was causing myself a bunch of pain and misery because I was constantly reacting improperly to preceved threats that weren't threats at all. Sometimes I injured or harmed other people because of MY fears and traumas in an attempt to preempt a projected threat that didn't in fact exist.

Just something to think about before you go nuclear on a man who wasn't thinking (which is something we're prone to do at least 4 times a day, 5 on weekends and holidays)

Something similar to this happened to me in my locker room.  I had just got done showering and was dressed, I mean just pulling up my pants, and the male janitor started walking in with his push broom.  I walked up to the door (he was looking at the ground) where he was walking in and he saw me, was startled, and said "ooooo ummm aaa" my response was "there's still other people in here showering."  It was 7pm and the gym doesn't close until 10.  I didn't want to be a b-tch so I didn't report him.  But I wish I would've.  Now whenever I'm in there showering and I hear a janitor come in I wonder if its him.  And I'm a bit of a nudist - I skinny dip and hang out on nude beaches whenever I can - but this still greatly bothered me. 

And as for what gottwins said -- I hear where you're coming from but entering into the womens locker room for any reason is unacceptable.  He should've used the family locker room or had a female staff member enter. 

I am so sorry to hear of the gym incident...hope you are well.

Everyone has posted sound and valuable advice.

Being a survivor I empathize...

This man was as wrong as wrong can be!

Giving him the benefit of the doubt...accidents happen, stupidity happens.

He could have and should have requested any female’s assistance even from a  nearby lady member – explain his situation and I cannot imagine a lady refusing to take his girls their personal effects.

 --Although, I have to state- I put my husband in awkward positions –he would not violate a lady’s facility

I have a life long medical issue (only 3-4 years diagnosed) where I can choke and have accompanying issues out of the blue.

I am almost homebound except for occasional outings; months go by without leaving home for a “breath of fresh air, change of scenery”–a restaurant/2 on a good week and sometimes SHOPPING.

Since moving 7years ago my husband and I mainly keep to ourselves -we visit nearby family though the majority of our relatives are in other states.

We were socializing at first but now are not.

As the years roll on  (21yrs together) my condition deteriorates he has seen the evolution from rare occasions till present, it is the worse it has ever been * try counting calories.

I am embarrassed in social situations, it is difficult for others to understand and yes scared, in one of my worse incidents I wanted out of the car –choking I could not recover, and I felt as if I was suffocating (the window / air conditioner did not help) with an hour till home my husband talked to me trying to relax me while I was sick, we were on the turnpike and it was too dangerous to pullover, he got me home.

With the brief history as I have stated my husband accompanies me everywhere!

He is afraid to leave me alone except at home while he does the grocery shopping.

He is with me at my regular Dr. office because it has become too difficult to communicate and sometimes people are short with me and if I need assistance I am not alone, for water or anything he is there. He is with me until the Dr. arrives though sometimes he stays if I ask.

I have an app. this week with gyn Dr. she requests that hubby stay in the car (we understand-my husband used to sit in the waiting room however it was uncomfortable for Dr’s. clients) the office manager always ends up speaking to him in the parking lot for any medical info plus I write out a lot of responses.    I told him this time to drop me off, go to breakfast but he said he will wait- he would not relax unless he knew I was alright –after tonight’s episode, yet again it emphasizes my need for him.

Shopping, as I said we no longer socialize and with family out of state, shopping is an event for myself alone and I cannot do that any longer sooooo my husband is left tagging along with me sitting outside of the dressing room-getting the looks and yes being questioned and if there is an emergency –making explanations and apologies.

Difficult situation but he never is far from me.

Again, he never would enter a ladies room though he has been known to knock at the entrance calling to me and even sending in a woman but that is in an emergency.

He would not enter simply for an errand.

I know I rambled and got off point a little-where I was headed was to explain that not every odd appearing instance is a danger...

Take care, stay safe keep doing your best and above all be happy

It sounds like an honest mistake.  I've been put in similar situations with my nephews where either there isn't a family area that I'm aware of or they are now just old enough to want to try being in the mens room (they're really too old to go into the ladys side) and I've had to go in to assist.  It's awkward, I try to stare at the floor rather than the poor men that I occasionally run into and so far it's all worked out okay although I'm sure some have wished me to perdition.

Hopefully since it's his children he'll come up with a better solution than I have so far, but I hope that the gym owner/manager will make sure to give the children an earful as well if they're part of the problem.

This is most likely a one time situation and not something that you should worry about happening again.   How are you feeling about it now that you know what actually happened?

Maybe thinking about how he feels would help to make you feel better.

His initial intent was to give his girls their clothes or whatnot by zipping in and zipping out, hopefully without seeing anyone else in the locker room. Hes most likely feeling mortified that he probably embarrassed you! And even worse now because his gym memberships been suspended. Hes probably worrying that you and other gym employees or members think that he is some sort or peeping tom. I imagine at least, that he is feeling very very bad about the whole situation.

Gottwins12 makes a great point. You of course always need to place your safety first, but you need to make sure that you arent harming others by losing perspective.