How long have you been gaining?

so theres probably simething similar to this somewhere but im just curious as to how long people have been gaining for and whats the hold back for you? is it because your scared, health reasons, your metabolism or because you simply don't know how to do it probably. im just curious as it seems some people have been posting for ages and others less, as some are gaining quicker and some are really slow at it.

im also wondering if the age level makes a difference in weight gain like height and metabolism does.

i have been 'gaining' since january this year but only truly started gaining in July. My weight loss started in April and stopped this year in January, December last year is when I thought I had an Ed and it was confirmed I was an anorexic this year in April.

my initial holback was of course confusion and thinking I knew what to do. now i feel as though waiting is useless as there is only one shot at each day so i might as well make the most of that day instead of waiting on the future or dwelling on my mistakes of the past.

ive had anorexia for 14 years it took me about 5 years to actually admit i had a problem . most of the beginning was spent ip this seemed to worsen my anorexia as i didnt trust people . ive had several relapses over the years for numerous reasons such as my mum and dad splitting up, my grandad dying  not saying these were entirely to blame but were all things that distracted me away from recovery . i had a period last summer where i gained from 34kg to my highest of 59kg but i let things slip and ended up at 45kg. i think i always relyed on others to get me better . i came to the point where i realised it was only me that could do it and regardless where i was i had to take responsibility and do it . i could stay in hospital and let people feed me but at some point id have to do it myself. so i left hospital and really knuckled down ive been gaining since feb now and im currently at 52kg. what i have noticed is my metabolism isnt as high as it was in my young days as the weight used to drop off me , i feel ive been able to eat lerss this time to gain weight. ive also noticed that although i dont lose weight as fast and i gain weight faster as before i used to gain about 3oz per week. my body deteriorates far quicker now ie physiacal things bloods etc . it shows the longer you have this illness the more it wrecks your body. for the first time in my life i actually feel im getting somewhere like before id increase my calories and then the day after id cut bk this time hard though it may be ive kept everything in and it has got easier. i still feel guilty but eating has become a habit which im determined not to stop. sorry for rambling its good to hear how its been for you

well what's your reason for holding back? what is going to push you forward to give it an honest effort each and every day?

I totally want to times-a-million what Tessa said to do it now, asap, and completely.

I had my original bout with Anorexia very young and truly did recover as a teenager.  It was so much simpler then, physically and mentally.

Now, I've got SO much more saga on both ends.  Physically I am much more messed up--back then it was just as simple as refeeding and gaining weight.  Now everything's messed up and so much more damage has been done by being underweight for longer time, despite it not being as "severe."

The monster is a lot trickier to. It's not just a matter of dieting or not, eating or not.  My whole relapse happened under the guise of me thinking eating more/better was good!

In sum: The sooner you can completely recover the better resuts you will have--and more life at your best!

thanks for the replies guys.

chrissy, im not holding back anymore. my holdback at the beginnig was because i thought i new what to do. which was true, i just wasn't doing it. i fooled myself numerous times saying i could do this but now i am doing it because the ed feelings and thoughts are passing and i know whats right for myself.

lilmis, altohugh i have no experience being an older recoverer i too beleive that its easier to recover at a younger age.

The monster is a lot trickier to. It's not just a matter of dieting or not, eating or not.  My whole relapse happened under the guise of me thinking eating more/better was good!

thats exactly what i mean by the way!!! although i haven't had a relapse, its just how i feel in my recoverey.

HI ..

Can you guys explain what you mean by relapsing even though you were eating more....uh..how does that actually happen?  I'm having trouble.  Im 5 feet 5.5 inches and 94 pounds.  I have had a gain of one pound so far, (started to try to gain in June) and do feel as though things are holding me back.  I had severe anorexia for about 3 years in my late 20's...got down to 74pounds.  But then i got better and got up to 109.  After maintaining at that weight for several years i slid again...and have been 96-93 for the past 5 years.  The last two have been at 93.  I eat 3 meals a day...usually get between 1,600-1,700 cals.  I see other people eating this much who aren't so thin...so it's hard for me to consider myself ANOREXIC.  For me anorexics just don't eat...i do...so therefore i can't be anorexic i say to myself.  I do want to gain...but these voices just keep reasoning for me to maintain at my current weight.  It is so difficult.    I went for an assessment at this hospital nearby to possibly do ip.....and i seemed to be ok in the medical assessment part....no real weird abnormalities except the ammenhorea and low blood pressure, and osteoporosis which i can't reverse now.   So i left thinking...if im ok why should i do ip?  Why put myself through that...and others who are more severe and aren't eating might need that bed.  Do you know what i mean?  HAve you guys felt like this...what did you do to get past it? 

VIC-u r so sick, sooo sick, really, so many things u said i cant even begin to answer/comment on.

youre 94 pounds? ur not a 13 yr old, ur a grown adult, ur not eating enough for someone UNDERWEIGHT, yes, ppl at a normal weight may be able to eat that much but im coming to realize, they really dont! most healthy ppl are able to eat 1800 and up.  "just" ammenorhea? JUST? what do u think that indicates? not severe anorexia? not severe?? ur bmi is so scarey low.  do u feel comfy walking around naked infront of others? can u go a bit of time w/o eating, hows ur stamina? mental processes? i think u need IP, anything, ur stalled, the 109 wasnt healthy for u either.

im sorry to be rude, im just a bit flaberasted my the post, i wish u the best of luck!

HI Agruskin,

I think you misunderstood my post.  I was relating what the ED was saying to me.  If i didn't realize i had a problem i wouldn't be here.  By the way i am in the middle of having my period...i got it 3 days ago.  THe impression i got from the hospital was more from the people who gave me the assessment...they were so nonchalant it made me feel like ...why did i come all this way? I felt bad about it....i recognize im stalled....and i want to get unstalled.  I hate to think of myself as soo sick...so very sick though....that was a bit insulting.  Im just stuck...and i will get better.  I was just asking what anyone else did in this circumstance and hoping to get some good pointers. 

im sorry vic, im sorry ur so stuck too.  what really got me going wasa that i was graduating w/my masters and starting to look for a job, 1 that i knew no one was about to hire me for looking the way i did.  i now have that job and im back to gaining, bc i know where i am now, a bmi of a bit under 19,isnt sufficient,  and my future is what keeps me on track+motivated, all the 'ifs" and "maybes" that may be out there.

good luck

Well, I began my first recovery around the end of February/Early March. I gained roughly 15 lbs and reached 125. But I soon found myself relapsing to my old habits. I began my second (and hopefully LAST!!!) recovery effort in late August/early September, and have been gaining ever since. I see no reason to hold back. I know some days are hard, but I figure, why prolong the process?? The quicker I get this over with, the quicker I can live a normal life. :)

Thanks Agru....and may i say well done on getting your masters degree.  What a feat to accomplish while you're battling an ED....i hope you're really proud of yourself...you should be.  I will be hearing tomorrow sometime what the good folks at the hospital are advising my team here about treatment recommendations and so on.  I think i have to "let go" and follow other's advice right now.  I'm struggling with meal plans...i tend to always eat the same stuff.  Maybe ip would be good for me...even if just for a few weeks..i dont know....but it makes me feel juvenile..and somewhat defeated.  I WANT to be able to do this at home. 

Had ED since mid 2008, started treatment with psych and dietician in Feb 2009 and made progress but relapsed and lost a few kgs in May/June. Been fully committed to recovery and gaining since August 2009. Since then I have gained nearly 3kg and am now 2kg of my heaviest ever weight (nominally my goal weight).

I started treatment in October 08 and started to gain in January 09. I gained 22lbs in about 7months, then I relapsed and am now gaining again. So far I've gained 13lbs in the past few months.

I starte treatmwent and therapy about two years ago, and I'm afraid to say it has been one long haul for me.

In two years I've gained a pound or two here and there but keep slipping back, so I guess the overal gain in two years is no more than 2-3 pounds.

That sounds so terrible when I read other posts on this forum from people who have gained so much more.

It's a long hard battle but I'm still here and I'm still fighting.

ED, you don't knock me down that easily!

Recovery means gaining weight if under and then one can be healthier mentally to work on the issues. I had an ed for 14 years and tried every way to recover while maintaining a low weight. It does not work that way. This time I regained the weight as the starting point to a better life. For many years in therapy and treatment they said if I worked on my issues that I would want to be healthy body wise and intake. This never happened cause my mind was too starved. There is never an easy time to gain the weight and still I have days I cry when I look at myself or eat but one must push through that to get past the ed. Wish there was an easier way but there is not. Just got to do it.

Abbi, you took the words right off my keyboard with your post.

I couldn't agree more - it is a long hard slog and not something that can be done easily of quickly.

I also have episodes of crying, particularly if I've eaten what I consider too much.  I guess it's my underlying fear of gaining weight (or too much weight) that makes me feel a certain loss of control if I eat what I feel is too much.

i spent yers looking for some other way to get out of this, thinking someone else could get me better . finally ive come to the conclusion people can give you the stepping stones but is you that has to take those steps the only way is to eat and restore your weight then the hard work begins

You know waycat a nutritionist back in the day once said the fears many people in weight gain recovery have in the future don't come true and when they are healthier for a longer time the person begins to see that. My tears I think are fears more of being able to cope in life and having to feel my feelings and also experience cares as I call them. For a long time I could care less about things and now I do care and in life one often feels let down and that is hard for me.

Tessa wow you were just like me as I looked for someone to do recovery for me or make it easier but it is about using them as support.

Sorry to take over your thread.

Hi! I have a q about this. Technically I have been gaining on and off for three years. Heres the details

2006/07-first ip-gained 2 stone (28lbs) to 116 lbs

2007-out of ip-lost weight-second ip-gained 1 1/2stone to 119lbs

2007/8-out of ip-lost weight-third ip-gained 1 1/2stone to 106lbs

2008/9-lost weight, got my act together alone-gained 24lbs to 106lbs

So what the hell have I done to my body!! All this happened during ages 17-21, crucial growing years, what have I done?I dont know what my body is supposed to be like. Im kinda scared, i havent been at a stable healthy weight (above 106lbs) for longer than 3 months in around 5 years.

Drivenlass - unfortunately it's usually a situation of "time will tell." You might be lucky or you might have issues later on to deal with, but the most important thing is gaining and staying well now to maximise your chances of staying healthy later on.

I spent about 18 months gaining around 90 lbs to a BMI of 22 after anorexia. The first year I gained most of it to a BMI of 19.5, then gained the last pounds more slowly.