LONG- I’m looking for support and encouragement. I don’t know if this is the right forum

but just want to get it out…I’m not looking for pity just to vent…sorry it’s so long

I am married but my husband is in a state correctional facility for something he didn’t do.  He will be in there for the rest of his life if we don’t win the appeal.  We are in the appeal process.  We were denied at Superior Court, but they didn’t do their job and the way the answer was written it’s like they didn’t bother to read our case.  So now we are Petitioning the state Supreme Court.  The way this works is that we are asking permission to appeal to them.  So now we are waiting on their response and this is done randomly…so we have no clue with the answer will be.

I love my husband more than anything.  I believe in his innocence.  This is such a long and hard process.  He’s been incarsarated for little more that 2 years.  I visit him but for some reason he was placed as far away from where we live as possible.  So it’s hard to get there often.  We write everyday.  He calls me everyday and twice a day on weekends. 

We have a 2.5yr old daughter.  Because of the nature of his charges she can’t visit him…or we’d have to have a non contact visit.  Right now we are both not comfortable with doing that.  Also because other inmates don’t really know my husbands charges it’s better and safer for him this way as not to throw up any red flags and cause him trouble where he is.  As I said he’s innocent…he was the product of bad lawyering at trial, being set up (police never researched case or accuser), a vindictive x-girlfriend who cut a deal and has since tried to appeal her slap on the wrist.  The prosecutor has withheld and hid evidence (some of which has come out after the trial & is in the appeal).  One may think your innocent until proven guilty but that’s not the case. 

When we met we had the perfect relationship.  We fell in love got married, had a baby.  I stopped working when I was pregnant because we were fortunate to be in a position to do this (it’s how we both wanted it to be).  I was a stay at home mom.  We love and supported each other with everything…we still do. 

But since his incarceration I had to find lawyers for various stages (our trial lawyer fell of the face of the earth, would return calls and even ignored court filing dates).  I also suddenly became a single mother and had to run my husband’s business…as best as I can.  I managed to stay in our house for a little more than a year.  I did have to get a job and sell our house.  We are currently rent (which is not for me but had to be this way for now).  WE have support from our family and friends and I don’t like to complain.

My husband is as hands on with his case as he can be.  I help but wish I could do more.  My day consists of waking up 6:30-7a getting ready for work, waking up dd and getting her ready for daycare.  We are out the door by 8a.  She gets to eat cereal in the car (I wish she could have a sit down breakfast but no time for that).  I get to work 8:30a-4:30p.  Then I pick up dd.  We get home 5-5:15p.  I let the dog out & feed him. Lately if it’s nice I’ll take her to the playground…if not crowded I’ll take the dog with us.  Make dinner.  I do my best to sit down with her for dinner every night.  My husband calls a 7p.  Then it’s bath time (more recently I’ll fit in my crunches or planks  pushup & tricep lift or squats & lunges while she plays in the tub).  Then she get her pjs, snack, brush teeth and bed 8:30p.  We read stories and do kisses & hugs so it’s closer to 8:45-9p.  Then I fit in 30 min cardio/weights/video (this working out’s only been the last couple of months because I’m making myself).  I check emails and do work for husband’s business (send out quotes and orders…this takes 5-10hrs/wk).  I then almost always have correspondence with the lawyer(s) for my husband.  I now get breakfast and lunch ready for the next day.  I’ll watch my soap opera while I fix this and flip to news between commercials.  I get to bed 11:30p12m.  I’d love to get up early to work out…that was my plan for this morning…even just a half hour but…my sleep is always broken by my daughter wanting something and the dog needing to go out.  So by the time I try to get up for working out comes I’m still exhausted.

I’m sorry this is so long.  I have found working out has helped me with stress…this is also why I try to squeeze it in.  Before I was getting short fused with my daughter and dog and I didn’t like it.  I still get stress, but I don’t cry and much.  I think I’m okay with compartmentalizing my stress.  I’m sure I’m depressed…I don’t know that I’d say clinically.  I don’t need a therapist to tell me I’m depressed because of my situation.  I’d think there’s something wrong if I wasn’t.

I do my best to be happy and up beat for our daughter.  She talks to her daddy every night.  He sends her special letters everyday that we read too.  She more lately wants and asks for him.  She says she misses him.  I can’t explain to her where she is.  We are hoping we’ll have his case overturned before she’s really old enough to realize what happened.  We tell her that he’s working to come home…I don’t know what else to tell her. 

I married my husband for better for worse and I want to do everything to get him home.  There’s nothing wrong with our marriage and I’m proud to be his wife…I don’t like to complain, but sometimes it’s just so hard.  I don’t know what to do.  I just want this over so we can get on with our lives.  I only want the life he and I want together. 

Like I said we have good family and friends and I talk with them but it’s hard to express how I feel.  i'm afraid they feel sorry for me.  And they really don't know how to help.  God forbid we don’t win or that it takes so long to finally win his freedom…what do we do?…what do I do?

I am very sorry about your situation. I really don't have any advice . Just wanted to say hang in there for a little longer, things will work out. You'll get the answer and whatever the outcome is at least you'll know and you can move forward.

Hat off for finding the energy to work out and taking care of your diet! Don't lose hope, Im sure everything is going to be all right.Take care

You keep doing what you're doing, honey. You just keep on keepin' on. Trite but true. Your situation sucks but there are some things to hope for. Try to channel all positive energy and stay strong for your girl.

You are doing everything you possibly can. What else can you do?

There's no doubt your situation is difficult.

With your husband incarcerated since your daughter was 6 months old, you have basically been a single parent as long as she can remember.

Your husband is doing what he can to stay in contact with your daughter and at least that little bit, is better than none at all (he is not absent through choice). If you haven't already, make a scrap book of the letters he has sent her, so that she can look back on this time later on and know that she was constantly in his thoughts, even though he could not hug her (that may be of some comfort to her, especially if things don't work out).

I would stick to the responses you have been giving your daughter regarding her father. Children that age are generally accepting of the status quo. By the time she is old enough to really question the situation, it will be resolved one way or another.

I'm sorry that I have no thoughts on how to make things easier for you. I hope that your husbands case turns out the way you want it to and that you do not have to fight this for too much longer.

From what you describe, you are doing everything you can to keep everything balanced and keep things as normal as possible for your little girl. Good Luck and try to stay positive.

Thanks

We do have special box (shoe box) where we keep all his letters to her.  We also mail him pictures of her, me & our family and she makes pictures we send him as well.  So he can see how she's growing and progressing as well.