How long before you moved in together?

So I've never lived with an SO before.  In fact, the relationship I'm in now is the only truly serious relationship I've ever been in.  I'm 25, he's 30.  We're both in fairly serious and stable careers, no kids, etc.  We've been dating for 6 months, and he's going to buy a condo within the next few months.  It seems like it would be a convenient time for us to move in together, by then it'll have been probably 9 months or so.  For the record, I have no reason (religious or otherwise) not to live together without being married.  We see each other almost every day (except when he's in the field for work), and we definitely talk every day when he's gone.  I've already got some things at his place and I often sleep over (we don't do this much at my place b/c I have a roommate).  But it's not all that convenient, I forget stuff and always have to go back to my place to get it, etc. 

For those of you who've lived with SO's:  How long did you date before moving in together, and was it the right decision?  How difficult was the adjustment?

My honest opinion would be to wait longer.  But then again I know people who get married after not being together for that long.

I'm 22 and my boyfriend is going to live with me for a while (starting tomorrow) until he finds a new place - we've been together 11 months, but have known each other for four years.  And I feel like I'm ready to move in for real - we spend like 5 nights a week together anyway.

I also know someone who is 20 and moved in with his girlfriend after only 3 months!  I think that is destined for disaster.

I doubt my post is helpful, but I just felt like saying, I think it's too soon, even if you are 25.  I mean, I would only suggest moving in if you think it will be a forever type deal.. Not that I have gone through this, but I can only imagine breaking up AND moving out has got to be horrible.

I was dating my current boyfriend around a month before we moved in together.  I had a place of my own, and since he is in the airforce they have to live on base for 3 years, So instead of him going back and forth to base I made him a key and we've lived together ever since :)Even though it does take some getting used to, it was hands down the best decision I made!

Edit: wanted to add.

Also, it definitely depends on the people involved. I moved in with my ex after being together for over a year, and it turned out horrible. I quit my job and dropped out of college to move an hour and a half away with him, and 3 weeks after being there I found out he was cheating! So then i had to repack my things, and search for a new apartment, all in a week. So if you do end up moving in, make sure its a solid relationship, and that you are at least hoping for it to be a long term/forever thing.

I'm one of those old fashioned people who think you shouldn't move in together until you get married.  My wife and I were dating / engaged for 4 + years until we married and got our first place together.  I was living with my brother and she was living with her mom up until then.

hmmm thanks for the opinion. 

Actually my brother (22) and his girlfriend dated for about a year and then moved in together..and then about 4 months later broke up.  And yeah it was messy.  I think when people don't know who they are and what they want..the relationship is doomed.

Not that I'm arguing with you, because clearly I have my doubts, but I don't so much think in terms of forever (my parents got divorced after 15 years).  I think more in terms of worst case scenarios..as in if the worst things happened, would we be able to handle it?  Not even necessarily stay together, but handle it in an adult way.  I trust him enough to know that no matter how **** things got, he'd do the right thing, and so would I...lol, this isn't maybe the most clear way to put things, but it feels right to me.

 

 

Personally, I wouldn't live with someone that I wasn't current willing to marry and knew that they felt the same.

Original Post by deely617:

I'm one of those old fashioned people who think you shouldn't move in together until you get married.  My wife and I were dating / engaged for 4 + years until we married and got our first place together.  I was living with my brother and she was living with her mom up until then.

 How difficult was the adjustment to living together by then?

I actually don't place a lot of value on marriage per se.  Don't get me wrong, I am all for a stable, permanent, monogamous relationship.  But I don't feel the need to actually have a wedding, get the certificate, etc.  I'm not opposed to it, but I don't need or particularly want it either.  He feels the same way about it.

My gf and I moved in together about 6 months in. We both didn't it plan it that way but it was the result of the circumstances. We are almost at 2 years now. It has had its up and downs but its always nice to come home after a long day to a place you share with yourloved one.

I definitely reccomend living with your significant other before marrying them. It's the only way you REALLY get to know them.

we moved in together after a year and a half. But started discussing it after about 6 months. We delayed so long due to money and other life issues, but in a way i'm glad. Our relationship has grown and feel more comftable now than i think i would of had we moved in earlier... but i dunno. i know i may be young but i've made the completely right choice.

We moved in together after a year.  It was the right decision, I think, even though our relationship didn't ultimately work out.  We lived together happily for about 5 years.

I never lived with my DH until we were married.  I had my own apt.  He stayed over maybe twice in our whole relationship.  We spent the weekends together only -  mostly at his place.  We did that for 5 years.  Of course we talked every day; but we had our own thing going on as well.  It's just how our relationship started out and evolved.  We took a lot of trips together-  camping, flying cross country-  so I knew his habits and he knew mine.  We decided to get married and then lived with eachother a month before we tied the knot.  It really wasn't an adjustment living with him; I knew his habits.  The only thing I had to adjust to was hiding my cigarette habit more carefully :-P  (I quit after we got married!!)

I just moved in with my boyfriend the weekend after christmas 07.

He bought a house with the intention of me moving in with him - it is kind of  the next step for us before marriage.

I'm 24 and so is he - we dated for 7 years before moving in together. Seems like a long time, however - keep in mind we were juniors in HS when we started dating.

I don't think i would move in with someone unless i knew they were the one. Thats just my personal opinion though. It seems like it would be such a hassle if it doesn't work out.  - repacking, finding a new place to live, taking any bills out of your name etc.

However - living with my Boyfriend is awesome. I feel like we get along better, we spend more time together obviously - but never get tired of each other. We hardly ever get in fights (though we hardly ever did that before).

 

I moved in with my boyfriend after three months.  We lived in seperate states and only really hung out in person together twice (once for five days, once for a week) before we moved in together.  It was definitely a gamble and I was really nervous about it (it was my first time living with someone), but I had a feeling it'd all work out and I knew we'd have a difficult time growing in our relationship with so much distance between us.  I felt like it was a good time to see if we'd sink or swim together - and we're still swimming two years later 

I think at some point you just have to take that gamble, no one will be able to tell you if you're ready except you!  Plus, there are things I think you should know before you marry someone (i.e. do they pick up after themselves? do they have similar sleeping patterns?).  Minor annoyance, however minor they may seem, can cause things to crumble.

lets see 24 hours maybe and we will be married 24 years on Monday Sept 1st  We also had only met maybe 3 days before our first date- I guess love at first site is what it was.  It was right then and its still right now.

Oh also I was 24 and married once before to someone I dated for years we were only married 2 years never lived together before we got married and if we had we would probably have realized marriage was not the right thing for us.

I just moved in with my boyfriend a month ago, after dating for 10 months. He actually asked me to move in with him after 4 months, but I had to wait until the lease was up on my apartment. We had some very serious conversations beforehand, like, regarding the fact that me moving in would be leading up to an engagement, etc.

We talked over just about every topic we could think of, shared our pet peeves, annoyances, crazy behavior, haha, etc before as well, as to try to avoid running into dumb problems along the way. We are very open and communicative with each other, and can talk about anything, which is very beneficial. We also both agreed that when something came up that bugged one of us, we would let the other person know ASAP, even if it was kinda rude, haha, to avoid having one of us, 10 years down the road, freak out and divorce the other one because we can't stand how the other one leaves their socks on the floor, or something else equally lame.

I have really enjoyed living with my BF so far. I love getting to see him everyday, and we have learned a lot more about each other already. 

It's obviously different with every couple, but I think that living together before marriage is a good idea. You learn so much about each other, and really, isn't it better to find out BEFORE you get married whether or not you can live with this person for the rest of your life? 

My husband and I didn't move in together until we got married, and had never stayed over at eachother's places.  Personally, I don't believe it is right to move in together before getting married.  As for the adjustment afterwards...I personally think marriage is an ongoing adjustment - one that will never end.  I think some people forget that.

There is no way to throw two (or more if roommates) people together, and not have their upbringings clash at some point, even if it's silly stuff (why do you fold the towels like that?  i dunno, cause that's how they had to be folded to fit on the shelf at my parents?) 

I had 5 roommates for the year before I got married - going from 6 people/6 backgrounds/6 ways of eating, etc, in the house to just two made it seem like a piece of cake ;-) 

My SO and I dated for a year and a half before he moved into my condo.  I lived and paid for my condo on my own for slightly over a year before he moved in.

 

When we got married. Living together makes it hard to break up if it doesn't workout . Keeping your independence until then make life alot easier.

we dated for about 2 years before we moved in together... the day after my 18th bday i moved in (meaning we have been together since i was 16). We have been together almost 10 years now... still not married... but we are thinking about it LOL, its just not a big deal for me to have the certificate... but i DO want a wedding... a gorgeous day all for me lol.

I say when the time comes you will know, you won't really have to ask anyone, you will know.

About a year after my ex & I split up I met a man on my return flight back home. We connected. I was heartbroken when I never heard from him again. A couple of months later I called him...long story short from the very first date we were staying over at each other's place, he commuting on weekdays & I staying at his place for the weekend (we lived a few hours from one another). Less than a month later we made it official. We only lived together about 6 mos. before he was killed, but it was no doubt one of the best decisions I ever made. Regardless if things would have turned out differently & no matter how they would have turned out if he had lived and if the relationship would have been a lifetime, as planned I know without a doubt it still would have been a good decision, the right decision; and I do not say that lightly. I lived with the prior ex 18 yrs. & to this day we are best friends & as much as I love him dearly & respect him I couldn't say that it was the best decision of my life (nor could I honestly say it was a bad decision.... honestly 18 pretty good years later I was no more sure of that decision as the day we discussed moving in together).

You know when you know. Your head may throw nagging little "what ifs," but your heart knows. So follow your heart & no matter what happens you will have made the right choice. If you still have to ask, debate, drag your feet, question & rationalize on what a great guy this is you may want to wait.  It is a lot easier to pick up & move in later than to move out later, even if it is your decision.

Follow your heart. Good luck & best wishes!

 

I had been dating my SO for 3 years and we've lived together for a little over 2 years since then.  It's pretty much perfect; there's no one I'd rather live with.