How long does it take to get used to baby?

I know that after birth getting used to your newborn is a very challenging time.  How long does it usually take to get into a groove?  How long before parents and baby get used to each other so things aren't quite so hard anymore?  I need to make some post-baby plans and am trying to figure out if they are realistic at all.

In my experience, a few days and you'll get into some sort of routine? Its a huge shock to the system the first few days- everything will revolve around the baby's feeding/changing times, but to be honest, the baby sleeps for much of the time, so you should be able to keep on top of things and still have a little time for yourself? If you can keep the visitors to a reasonable amount! LOL! Try and include your partner as much as you can so they feel involved- don't push them away when they offer to help- they have to learn too? And try to make some 'alone' time for just the two of you- maybe a meal out for an hour or two where 'baby talk' is restricted. Don't lose sight of the two of you as a couple, not just parents?

After a few weeks, the night feeds will start to ease off, and baby will be awake for longer during the day, so your routine will be constantly adjusting as the baby develops. It's all a learning curve, so try not to be too hard on yourself and realise you'll have to 'go with the flow' to an extent for the first while?

9 months.  I say about nine months only becuase that's when you start falling into your own routine and incorporating your wee one into your life so that both of you can be happy.

when julia was born and I had 13 weeks at home w/ her before getting back to work my life was ruled by the clock for the first few weeks.  nap time at 10.  feeding at 12.  OMG have to get home this, that.....can I shower?  can I sleep?  can I eat?  what if she wakes up and I'm in the shower?  can i watch normal things on tv?  silly things, scary things-  it took me  LONG time to get used to having a baby.  And then factor in a spouse/significant other???   they want to do WHAT?!  have SEX?!  I can't even find time to shave my LEGS!!

Then you have the body, the boobs that leak; the hips that are wide and sore; I had a c-section incision, and my belly was this huge poof.  How did I get used to that??  have no idea. 

But then after a while the baby starts to smile...then giggle...then full blown laugh at you.  And she/he will stay in a toy for more then a few minutes-  they'll nap when they want to nap....So you start to take them more places, have the courage to ask for help b/c it takes so long to figure out you ARE NOT wonderwoman and can't do it all yourself.  Factor in a full time job, a baby, a husband's whose life REALLY HASN"T CHANGED ALL THAT MUCH; and boom....9 months; you start the acceptance that this is your life now; plus your baby has so much more of a personality that you can get to know her.

There is no wrong way to feel about your baby just so long as you are rpoviding a supportive environment for emotional, physical well-being.  But you have to remember YOU, and that takes a while.

Never, everytime you get into a groove, they throw you a curve ball. 

You think you got it down and then they start walking.  So you gotta do bunch of preventive child-proofing, Then they start potty training, then they start school, then they have boyfriends (or girl) and then they get jobs, and then they move out. 

Eh, mine are 25 and 28...  and now the 25 year old is back.  My life never stops changing. 

I don't have much to add.

Very well said, Vanessa. Your post is exactly how things go at first. It actually brought a tear to my eye.

It took me about a week to get used to my second. We'd been there, done that so getting into a routine was easy. I don't know when we got used to having our first at home but I know it was quite some time.

Really, it's not something you can't put a time frame on. Each person will be different and so will each baby. It's all about what you're comfortable with. I was carting my second around when he was a mere three weeks old because he was on a dependable routine and I had already learned to roll with the punches. I have a friend who hesitates to do anything with her 3-month-old besides hang out at home.

If you can commit to the post-baby plans with the option to back out once baby arrives, that would be best. If it's either do or don't, I would say don't. It's just not worth all the (possible) stress if things aren't going as planned.

Well you have lots of different replies here, so people clearly experience things their own way. I think that the wording of your message is quite revealing though: 'a very challenging time', 'so things aren't quite so hard'. It sounds to me as if you are rather panicky, and as a result, you may be seeing life with a newborn through a negative filter. It is difficult to describe what it's like to have a newborn without repeating meaningless cliches. It's the kind of experience that nothing can prepare you for. The reason I did it three times, is that I lived it each time as the most unspeakably profound experience of serenity and intimacy that I have ever known. Even when I had no idea what I was doing with my first child, I did not see a challenge or hardship, I looked for help from people who knew, but I lived every second with a very intense inner peacefulness. They were warm and soft and smelt of sweet milk, they loved cuddles, they loved being soothed, they looked at me straight in the eyes with indescribable purity. I could go on... The first week was as if time had stopped. Gradually, things fell into place, but with a supportive partner, you can start getting some freedom pretty much straight away. At first, the baby will probably want to be fed every two hours, but after a few days it will be three and then four. Four hours is plenty of time to go out for an evening with friends, or do other things. And, of course, newborns are very portable. I was never worried about breastfeeding (discreetly) in public. This is a type of intimacy which for me is one of the most  sensual things I will ever know. And I wonder if one of the reasons you don't like to talk about your unborn child all the time (as you said in a previous post), is perhaps that you are already beginning to experience this deeper, inexpressible, connection.

And now I am all broody again, oh no!

Original Post by huggitbear:

I know that after birth getting used to your newborn is a very challenging time.  How long does it usually take to get into a groove?  How long before parents and baby get used to each other so things aren't quite so hard anymore?  I need to make some post-baby plans and am trying to figure out if they are realistic at all.

Never, my 30 year old still wakes me in the middle of the night.  Granted she is in OH and i am in CA and she forgets the time  but you love them anyway so no big deal.

Presumably, she's not a newborn then, at 30?

I agree with Vanessa's post but the time is different for everyone's child, and it may vary if you're nursing well/with struggles/not nursing, and what your infant's temperment is in the beginning, if always awake and checking things out, or is a sleepy couch potato as to how routines develop. I'd say the first 3 weeks, count on having no pattern at all, when baby cries, it's time to feed or cuddle or take for a walk to soothe, when baby naps YOU nap (or you'll never get any rest at all!). Those are your only priorities in the beginning and will happen all day and all night until the baby becomes more accustomed to being outside of you.

Some say there's a 4th trimester of pregnancy and that's the first 3 months of the baby's life, while they get used to being outside of the womb. Once they're through that, if patterns haven't yet developed, they soon will. If you're trying to figure out maternity leave or family assistance, you'd do well to plan for at least 2 months, 3 if you can, by 4 you may be ready for a change yourself!

Whew, Nat1968, you got me all bleary-eyed too! It's much too soon after having my baby to be reading all these sentimental things!

bier-  i feel the same way!!!!!!  LOL; whenever I look back at those oh-so-tender moments I get teary!!!

My sister-in-law just had her first baby this past weekend at the same hospital I delivered both of my kids. Being there for the entire labor and after delivery was a TRIP! It felt like I was reliving my experience all over again!

... and that absolutely incredibly sensual moment when you feel the baby sliding out of you... lucky you Huggitbear, you've got all that to look forward to... I am so envious...

Yes, I know, I am incorrigible.

As much as I wish I had experienced that, I didn't. I've had 2 c-sections.  But the overwhelming feelings following the births are the same.

Original Post by nat1968:

... and that absolutely incredibly sensual moment when you feel the baby sliding out of you... lucky you Huggitbear, you've got all that to look forward to... I am so envious...

Yes, I know, I am incorrigible.

 UGH!!!  No wonder I have a negative view of it

Original Post by huggitbear:

 UGH!!!

Well, its different for every parent and baby.

My daughter is 4.5 months, and I am so close to her now, but for a little while i after I had her, I loved her in all, but i felt...distant in a way...Like I didnt know her the way I thought I should. It took me a good month or so to REALLY get attached, and every day, my love/attachment grows more and more (even though its impossible to think i COULD love her more when i love her so much already :) )

I think what really helped our bonding was when she first started smiling at me, before she started smiling/cooing, she was only pooping, crying and eating, and didnt seem to care at all for me...like she could hjave cared less if I was feeding her/taking care of her or someone else was. It truly brings you to a WHOLE new level of love and bonding when you see those smiles meant JUST for you :)

I asked my husband how he felt in the beginning, I asked him whether he felt attached or not, just because i was curious, and i asked if it was normal that my attachment, TRUE attachment took a little while to get started, and he said he never saw a difference for himself, and that he always feels the same- In a Great way though, and i thought it was odd, like something must be wrong with me.  but he ALSO was not the one to change diapers most of the time, do nighttime feedings out of a sound sleep, or deal with most her colicky days- so he got most of the "happy" times with her, while i got the cranky ones.

So it all depends on the parents and child. I have ALWAYS loved my daughter, and would always give up my last breath for her, but it took me a bit to get used to her, so its nothing to worry about, its normal. Think about it- a baby is changing your WHOLE life- from your eating habits, to sleep, to sex, to your relationships, EVERYTHING, so as with every BIG change in life, it takes time to get used to. Hope I helped. :)

Most babies start to smile around 5/7 weeks. My grandmother used to say that this was the reason there were not lots more abandoned babies in the world... By that point, a lot of parents are ready to give up! And my grandmother was a very wise and experienced woman. So I think, Aceyleigh, your experience is likely to be very very normal.

Certainly, with my first child, when he first started to smile (and he took his time the little rascal), the relief and elation that we felt is something I can still remember vividly.

It took me and my daughter about 2 months.  Scheduling is very important.  After a few weeks I figured out how often she would like to eat and since I was breastfeeding I felt as though I could wear a shirt again without having to rip it off moments later.  I stopped being so sore and could move about with ease.  Sleep time became more of a routine too. 

You just have to be prepared.  It is always hard doing anything with a new baby but don't limit yourself to staying inside just because you have one.  Plan ahead and over prepare.  Worst case: there are so many drug stores to buy supplies at! Good luck!

23 years and counting!