How long do you wait?

I'm just curious, but how long do you wait before you sleep with a new partner, or do you jump in first night?

Do you think men show more respect for women who hold back or does that not go for anything anymore?

How long would be considered too long to wait....more one for the guys to answer i guess.

Does it matter to you how many partners they have had (men and women).

Do you tell a new partner how many people you have had sex with casual and relationship wise?

totally depends on the situation with me. if i saw potential for a relationship, i'd try to wait. if i know it's just going to be a casual thing, it doesn't really matter to me. sometimes sex is just sex.

i think there are some men out there who would lose respect for a girl if she gave it up on the first date, but i also know people who've slept with someone on the first date and then ended up marrying them.

to me, a month would be too long to wait. i need to know that that part of the relationship will click like the rest does if i'm going to put more time than that into something.  

i don't really care how many partners someone has had, unless it's something really over the top like 50+

i practice a don't ask don't tell policy when it comes to disclosing the amount of partners i've had. i don't want to know how many girls he's been with, and he doesn't want to know how many guys i've been with (even if he thinks he does).

My answer is pretty much ditto what jules said. I don't see any reason to discuss numbers. As long as everyone is "healthy" why do the numbers matter? I don't get why guys always want to know that?!?!? I would never want to know.

I've gone both ways with the waiting - jumped in fast then had a long relationship, and waited  a few dates, then had a long relationship. I don't have a "rule" as far as that goes.

It's an important thing for me so again, like jules, I wouldn't want to wait to find out we're not compatible and having wasted all that time. But I also don't think you have to do it on the first date/interaction with someone. (I don't have moral beliefs either way. Ex, I don't think it's morally "wrong" to have %*# on the first date.)

I agree with you jules (and amy), can't say i have ever told how many, but i know women who insist on it!

I think you and your potential partner should decide when you are ready. Some people have different views about sex and think, "I only want to have sex with a person if I love him/her." Others want to try it right away and get a "test drive." It's all personal preference.

My boyfriend told me that he had only been with one other girl, I think because he wanted to show me that he is committed to relationships and values sex more. But some guys/girls lie about how many people they have been with to brag, make themselves seem less dirty, etc. In that case, I don't think there's a point in telling them numbers if you're just going to lie about it.

I am personally more attracted to a girl that is holds out for a bit.  Which is kind of odd because the other thing that I am attracted to is a girl that is direct...

People actually wait?

Original Post by schnooder:

People actually wait?

ahaha i was thinking the same thing. My ex and I were together for 8 years and I jumped on that before he knew what hit him. Good guy, just not for me so it wasn't the we had sex too soon thing, although that's probably obvious after 8 years

Geez spirochete stop blabbing. I have a problem today

It depends on the guy and the chemistry and your particular hormones and issues for the moment.  If you literally can't stand not to have sex with them and cannot wait and there's no reason why you should then go for it...however, in retrospect I'm generally glad to have waited for the immediate urge to pass.

Too long depends on what you want and what you're giving up to wait for it and if the trade offs are worthwhile for you.

Numbers don't really matter, but there are a few that I've passed on because I know their #s are so high that I just don't want to take any risks on how careful they've been and how careful their prior partners have been...for example a musician who constantly has drunk girls throwing themselves at him, those who brag about a different girls all the time, those who indicate a preference for group sex, etc.

It's none of their business how many partners I've had in the past and I don't want to know for them either (aside from the categories previously mentioned and the #s still aren't my business but I'll pass), the number that I'll have while I'm with them is entirely their business.

I've never actually 'waited'. It didn't always happen the very first time we were together but that was due to circumstances/how things played out. I've also never done the typical dating though, except for one guy I already knew them all in some way. My bf and I work at the same place, but we didn't really interact much until the work Christmas party. Then we started talking on facebook/msn, then I went Christmas shopping with him, and then boxing day I went home with him after work - had Aunt Flo not been visiting we would have done more than fool around. Actually he had said on our way there that he didn't want to have sex yet so it wouldn't ruin anything, but I still think it would have happened haha. Once you're comfortable enough with them, I don't see the point in waiting.

Number of partners doesn't matter per se, I mean I would find it kinda gross if he had been with many random girls, but as long as he checks out clear I wouldn't not date him I guess.

My bf and I haven't discussed numbers, just through conversations I know he's had a few girlfriends, and a casual thing with one woman.

Hmm. I slept with my boy on the first date... though I guess we'd been out for drinks a couple of times before that, and I knew him as a friend before that. We've been together a couple of years so it worked out fine. Though he is very proud of that, gah!

And I never want to know how many people he's slept with. Not if it's 1, definitely not if it's 100.

I don't wait.  I like sex . . . a lot.  And if he isn't good then I usually end it because I don't want to spend time training him.  Cruel, I know, but at this point in my life I like a guy who knows what he is doing.

And as for my current bf . . . I picked him up in the bar and he knew what he was doing. 

Never, dear. Once the father of your children is out of the picture, the only choice is complete and total celebacy.

Original Post by kathygator:

Never, dear. Once the father of your children is out of the picture, the only choice is complete and total celebacy.

I don't think my mom went that route when she started dating what would be her future wife . . .

Okay, I live in a small town.  If my gf says she slept with 30 guys...chances are I know 25 of them...awkward!!!  Guys talk.  I wouldn't want to walk into the local bar and have everyone be like "oh man, did I ever tell you about...".

Get my point?

I take things super extra slow. Like, I don't kiss on the first date (thus far anyway) =)

I think some men do show more respect for women who hold back, but there are just as many men who don't care.. It just depends on who you're dating and what their expectation is.

I'm not sure how long would be too long to wait, I waited about a month with my last (and only) serious/long-term relationship, and I think I was comfortable with it because I knew we would last longer than a few months.

If I end up finding someone worth seriously dating, I'd probably wait abotu 6 weeks -2 months.

For me it does matter how many partners they've had. I want a guy who values/takes sex seriously, as I do. I am 19 though, and when I'm older I'm sure that would change, as the older you get the higher # you're going to have.

Original Post by jules817:

 

...i think there are some men out there who would lose respect for a girl if she gave it up on the first date,...

 

Because I'm cranky and going through a really long dry spell right now... :P

I have to say that's not fair.  And I know it's the general consensus, or the general consensus that is reported, but it's still not fair!  What about the men?  They're not holding back.  Do they lose respect?  No!

Not freaking fair...

You're right it isn't fair.  Women who have sex with men on the first date are having sex with men who are HAVING SEX ON THE FIRST DATE! 

And yet men lose respect for women who have sex on the first date.  Hrm.

I think, as adults, we should have the freedom to introduce sex into a relationship when both participants are ready.  I hate the stress of jumping in too soon vs. holding out too long.  It's insane.  

I don't care how many partners my husband has had.  It's the number of partners AFTER ME that concerns me.     We've talked about previous experience - not in a "full disclosure" way but in a "this is what I've been doing all these years" way - and it doesn't matter to us. 

Original Post by jpoage:

You're right it isn't fair.  Women who have sex with men on the first date are having sex with men who are HAVING SEX ON THE FIRST DATE! 

And yet men lose respect for women who have sex on the first date.  Hrm.

I think, as adults, we should have the freedom to introduce sex into a relationship when both participants are ready.  I hate the stress of jumping in too soon vs. holding out too long.  It's insane.  

I don't care how many partners my husband has had.  It's the number of partners AFTER ME that concerns me.     We've talked about previous experience - not in a "full disclosure" way but in a "this is what I've been doing all these years" way - and it doesn't matter to us. 

Exactly!  It kind of takes two to tango.

I like and agree with your points. :D

I think you guys are making it a bigger deal than it is. At least where i live, guys who sleep around on the first date get the same treatment as women. And, usually its the girls who do the negative talk about others.

I have no set rule, but it usually happens around the 2nd or 3rd time we hang out after I've decided I'm interested in that. I see no point in playing games like "wait until he says this, or takes you here..." if you want to have sex.

As for what men respect more, I guess it depends how traditionally minded the man in question is. Though I should prefer a man to respect me for the things I say and do, not how well I play a waiting game.