Looking for support

Hi, I'm starting a program to put on some weight and I would like to find someone to communicate with who can relate to the kind of issues I am dealing with.  I am 48 and have been anorexic in the past, as well as a compulsive overeater.  I got past the overeating many years ago, but the anorexic tendencies sneak up on me from time to time.  Over the last couple of years, I lost 15 lbs or so, which brought me down to 101lbs, the lowest I've ever been.  I am journaling each day, and talking to people, but I find most people don't understand, as they haven't been there! I thinking talking to someone would help me stay on track. Thank you!

Hi. Good for you for getting help. All ed's have a common bond and I hope you can work on the why behind all. What type of program are you in? Are you seeing a nutritionist/therapist? In any regards though scary to beat this you have to nurish your body and be at a healthy weight. It sounds like you are reaching out for support too. If you want an email buddy I am here too.

Well, there are many people on here who are recovered or are actively going through recovery who would love to help you through it, myself being one of them.

Aside from journaling, which is great in tackling the psychological and emotional side of the ED, what are you doing to recover physically? Are you seeing a nutritionist or dietitian?

How tall are you? Weight restoration should be one of your primary concerns, but also identifying what causes the ED thoughts to resurface is extremely important because it will keep popping up when you let your defenses down until you've identified why it happened in the first place. You've been struggling with this for some time now, what treatment options have you tried in the past? why didn't they work? asking yourself these questions can prevent the same thing from happening again!!

Congrats on wanting to recover and committing yourself to getting your life back. You have tons of support here!! feel free to PM me if you'd like advice or just want to vent/rant/talk anything at all!

You're welcome to message me anytime.  I can definitely empathize with how you're feeling and what you're going through - I'm almost 31 and recovering from my second bout with anorexia.  One of the hardest things for me right now is not having anyone to talk to who "gets" how hard this is and what I"m going through, especially being someone who's older than most people on ED support boards (i.e., not a teenager) and has to deal with work and family and other responsibilites while trying to recover.  Anyways, if you need to vent or just talk feel free to send me a message. 

Thank you so much to abbi333, chrissy1988, and ksrunner, I appreciate your responses and offers of support!  I have been in therapy in the past, and I know that I had issues with my father, like feeling that his anger meant I was not ok the way I was, not lovable.   I was quiet and tried to be "good" as a child.  I put on weight as a teen and felt bad about it.  When I was 15, my Dad suggested I go on a 21 day fast.  You know that was the rage back then!  People thought it was healthy.  I actually completed the fast - 21 days of only water!  At age 15.  I'm sure that was not too healthy for me... After the fast, I lost more weight, because I was scared to gain it back, so that's when the anorexia really started.  I was eating 4 - 600 cals a day and running.  I lost my period for about 6 months and lost some bladder control.  My mom finally took me to a doctor, and he told me to eat at least 1500 cal a day and I could keep exercising.  I listened to him, and I did put on weight.  Then I went the other way for a while, and overate compulsively.  I worked a long time to find a healthy weight for myself and achieved it for a few years.  But I find when I am under stress, the anorexic tendencies kick in.  I realized recently, that even though I have generally good eating and exercise habits, I'm in a pattern where I'm consistently slowly losing weight.  I can't keep that up!  I have studied nutrition a lot , and I hate counting calories, it seems to bring up my issues more.  What I want to do is just redirect my pattern and slowly gain for a while until I reach a healthy weight, then find my maintenance pattern.  I think to do this, I need to relax more (part of my issue is I push myself too much, and when I am busy or stressed, I don't eat enough) and just let myself eat more.  But I know I need to keep an eye on my weight to make sure it is working.  And I know I need to talk to people because those tendencies sneak up on you, or you trick yourself.  Journaling and affirmations have been helpful, but I know talking is different, as you learn from each other.  So please write back, and tell me what has stood in your way, and what has worked for you!  Thanks.

Hi Sarodeacon...I have some things in common with you ..I am 48 ( but male ) , am 5ft5.5 and currently weighing 102lbs ( 101.75lbs last weeks weigh day to be precise ) and have had to face upto the fact that I have an ED. I have lost weight ( down from 16st7lbs in Oct 2006 ) but somewhere along the way lost my perspective.

I am now attending a psychiatrist  and am awaiting a psychologist and dietician referral so am in the very early stages of my recovery journey but have at least faced up to having an issue . It may be that we are on a similar journey facing similar issues so feel free to PM me or share your thoughts here..I may learn much from you as I already identify with some of your behaviours and that constant downward trend ( which I have levelled off in the last 4 weeks but am struggling to reverse ).

Take care