Looking for support in northern Michigan. Husband hates my weight.

I need help!! I just turned 50 need some support. My husband hates the fact that I'm fat, and says so to my face. I know he worries about my health, but his attitude is not helping to motivate me AT ALL!! I know he loves me, but I can't rely on him for support. It would be nice to find someone nearby that is in the same boat as me (weight wise that is). I'm 5'5 barely and weighed 234 today.  I'm usually a very funny and upbeat person, but today I've got the blues.  I've never been very open about myself on this site, but what the heck......I will stick my neck out today, and maybe post a picture, and hope to make a few friends.  I need all the help I can get.

You'll find plenty of support here!  I've actually found more, and better support in my journal.  You might want to try that.  One nice thing is you can make journal entries "friends only", allowing you to be more open.

I'm sorry your husband is well meaning but not much help.

It tough when the loved ones round you put you down and don't show positive support.  You have only two options - prove him right or prove him worng.  I would use his negativity to prove him wrong.  Everyone on this website is so kind & helpful and supportive.  If you're committed to making a change you will be successful. 

When I quit smoking one of my friends told me that no one ever really quits - everyone starts up again.  Those words stayed with me during my hardest  times.  I was pissed and was bound & determined to prove her wrong.  That was 4 years ago and I know I will NEVER smoke another cigarette again. 

The most important thing to remember is that the beginning is the hardest, so don't get down on yourself if you slip up.  Its going to happen here and there.  Just don't let one bad day snowball into a bed week, or worse, put you off track permanently.

Good Luck, I have faith that you really will do this and show your husband that he was WRONG!

Thanks Minie.  I also quite smoking about 4 1/2 years ago.  That's where 25 of my pounds came from.  I wish I could take that commitment and use it here.  As my (also large) sister says.....it's harder to quite something when you HAVE to have it.  It's almost easier to quite smoking because the moment you stop, you're a non smoker, but the moment you start eating like a thin person (portion control etc.), you're not thin.  Pretty discouraging.

Very good point.  Plus, you can't quit food, only change what you eat.  But, I have a feeling that your sister is supportive of you - at least it sounds that way.  Focus on the positive people.  And when you feel yourself slipping come here for support - or a friendly smack across the face (LOL) to get you back on track. 

Maybe if I smack myself silly every time I eat something I don't need, I'll get the point!! LOL!!

Hey there!  I live in Michigan too!  My husband was not out right about my weight however I brought it up when I was at my heaviest.  He agreed that he was more attracred to me when I was smaller.  We actually talked about it, and he said that it's not that he doesn't love me or find me attractive it's just that he wanted to feel special.  Then he explained to me that he felt I had let myself go a bit and he thought I didn't want to be fit and healthy for him anymore.  Once he told me like that I understood and was no longer angry with him.  Since then I have lost 40 lbs and we do so much more things together.  It had gotten to a point that I didn't want to do anything... go out for drinks, play pool, or any sports with him, let alone allow him to see me naked.  He missed his old wife that wanted to be active and felt good about herself.  So, here I am 5 months later 20 lbs from my goal (the weight I was when I met him) and feeling so good about myself!  I even planed a weekend get away for us and I bought some 'special' things from Victoria Secret!

I just want you to know that you're not alone and men think and act much different then us women.  Oh and 235 lbs is not that big and I must say that you are closer to your ideal weight then it sounds.  I started at 235lbs and the weight just melted off once I put my mind and body to it.  You and your husband will be so much happier once you love your body again.

You've come to the right place for support. The people on here have been so helpful to me since I started here in January. Its good to stick you neck out now. Maybe the group on CC + can help you get rid of those blues.  Just give a holler if you want to talk! 

Well hello from a summer UPer, I am in Wisconsin until the school year ends then we beat our way North! I have 2 more years before I hit 50, and I am closing in on my goal weight..but still...

Guys don't always GET it that we need TLC and encouraging support, they think in terms of a kick in the pants to get us going when that is more crippling than helpful.

Tell yourself your going to get in better shape than he is!

Think of the beautiful country you have around you and all the activities you haven't felt up to doing carrying extra weight. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel and how much more energy you will have!

Make some goals: 15 lbs by... or XYZ lbs by July 4th. Track your progress here on CC+, there is a lot of personal reward in watching those green and blue lines falllllllll !

Feel free to contact me if you would like.

Hello From Indiana!

 My guy doesn't say anything rude to my face but I know he'd like me thinner than I am , ( he is naturally thin) I came to this sight for support and understanding from people who also struggle. It has helped alot.  I am an emotional eater and emotions do trigger my eating. It can be hard to stay positive when a partner doesn't give positive feedback...but you have us!! You will feel more confident about yourself as you lose and you will lose weight. I feel so blessed to have found this sight. Feel free to contact me also!!

Hi from the Saginaw area! Not only are we trying to lose weight we are house cooped : ) Glad you opened up a bit - sometimes letting things out is very helpful to the process. I am also trying to get rid of the ex-smoker weight. I quit 3 years ago and scale has been creeping up ever since. I figure if we can beat cigarettes we can beat anything!!! Hang in there and feel free to contact me any time!

hello...I'm not from Michigan but my sister is a doctor in Ann Arbor so I feel somewhat connected!! I read your post and was really touched...here's the thing: Positive energy is so much a part of this journey. I hope your husband can understand what you are going through. In the meantime, you can find some support on this site! Here's what I would recommend: think about, focus on and literally FIXATE on the number 200. You WILL Get there if you want to! I have found that with some relatively minor changes  food-wise (i.e. stop getting takeout, planning my meals and drinking  a TON of water--i think this is a key component, by the way) I have been relatively successful so far. But seriously, the biggest component is all about positive energy. So I hope you can find it here...in fact, I KNOW that you will! Have a GREAT Tuesday and week and I'm so glad you posted and shared your story!

Original Post by stewies76:

Maybe if I smack myself silly every time I eat something I don't need, I'll get the point!! LOL!!

 

Yes, but then he will just complain about the bruising. ;)

 I'm in Michigan, lower penninsula, but I have a lot of trouble losing weight in the winter. Something about the body wanting to store it up so I can hibernate, I think.

 I've found that the walkaerobics type videos help since we obviously can't get outside easily. The walking for seniors is pretty easy on the joints, and I bet you'd be into harder workouts in no time. Being able to "graduate" to longer indoor walks helps to keep me motivated.

I'm sorry your hubby gave you the negative inspiration. I think it's especially hard for them if they've never had a weight problem themselves. A man's metabolism is just so different. My ex gave me infrequent but very hurtful comments thoughout our marriage and it really didn't do anything positive for my weight loss efforts. Everyone is different, but if I had it to do over again I think I'd just try and leave him out of my thoughts. Do things that make you feel good about yourself and don't look to him for reinforcement.

I'm not trying to make him out to be such a bad guy, in truth, he has no control. I think I actually sort of blamed my weight on my ex. When we split, I lost it all. Obviously I was the one holding on to the habits that kept that weight on me. I suppose it was my way of keeping control and not rewarding his hurtful comments.  How dumb was I? wasting all that time feeling bad about myself just to get at him. BTW, I'm turning 50 this year too.

Do this for you. When you reach a milestone, reward yourself with a new outfit, a massage, or whatever makes you feel good.  Good luck!

I'm nowhere near Michigan, but I never got the support from my man and that was the biggest motivation to me. I was so determined to get to my 40 b-day as I imagine and prove him wrong in the same time that I was like a bulldog.

Yesterday he saw me finishing my sons dinner (I had the reserve and new how many calories were there and logged it... he didn't know), but he made comment "I see you are back in finishing after kids"! Now I feel like to go to body building or run marathon to give him the "smack in face" he needs. Guys are just clumsy in giving compliments or getting point across the way we take it. I don't think they mean to hurt 90% of time.

You need to find the strength and motivation.... support is here, no doubt. Sincere good luck to you. We are all here to help one another. 

Hey!  Can I tell you?  I think you're gorgeous!  I really like the picture you posted...  :)  Anyhow, sending you support from Chicago.  Our "better halves" often mean well but try to support and motivate us in the wrong way.  Especially if they have never been there themselves.  15 years ago I lost over 30 pounds and was down to a quite trim 165 for me.  I'm 5'8 with a big frame and 165 looked and felt great on me.  I kept it off for 5 years but slowly started to creep up until I hit 238 last year.  My doc diagnosed me with pre-diabetes around Thanksgiving told me that I MUST lose weight and had a chat with me that scared the daylights out of me.  She and the dietician prescribed 1800 calories a day and a sustained sweaty workout of 45 minutes a day.  I weigh in every Tuesday morning and despite being sick for the past 8 days and watching my intake but not logging it and also not exercising, I am at 208 pounds.  So lost 1 pound since last Tuesday.  Can't complain...  :)  My doctor wants me to get down to 185.  So, I'm half way there.  Just remember, it's hard, but you can do it.  Weigh and measure everything, exercise if you're able to.  Both my dietician and doc told me that anything less than a 45 minute sustained workout will not help with weight loss.  Good luck and remember you're not alone. 

I think you can take the weight off if you really decide too. Gotta do it for you - not for him. I porked up to 406 and have struggled back to 314 as of today. If I can do this I know you can.

As for the hubby - sit him down and have a talk. Make an outline etc. If he wants to help, he should be willing to quit talking and start walking with you. Ask for support in action not in words. If he's thin and it sounds like he is that means getting rid of some the junk food he probably helps bring into the home etc.

I just wanted to thank all of you for your great imput.  I can't belive how much support I've recieved by just posted one topic here.  I wish it hadn't taken me so long to open up to people.  I have lost another 2 pounds this week so I feel great!!  You guys are wonderful!!

Way to go! Just think, if you can do that when it is this cold...imagine how much easier it will be when it (finally!) warms up and you can get outside!

I actually try to be active outside in winter as well as summer, but this winter has been tougher...just sooo cold...and I have knee issues that have made skiing more of a challange.

But you CAN do this, and maybe your guy, well, maybe he is just worried about you and expresses it REALLY poorly. I like to think the best of people..

I am new to the board and I wanted to share what looks to be a helpful program for me.

I have tried every diet available throughout my adult life and here at age 51 I am still almost 100 pound overweight.  It always seemed to me that after a few weeks my mind would start to work against me and I would eventually fall back to my old habits.

About 6 weeks ago I was invited to a Home Hypnosis Weight Loss Party by one of my co-workers (felt like I had to go) and I am soooo glad that I did end up going.

In the 6 weeks I have lost almost 11 pounds and it has been very easy to get through.  The session (there were 14 of us) lasted 90 minutes and we learned a lot about nutrition and calories.  They  provided us with some hypnosis tricks that we can use when we felt the need to eat.  There were also 2 hypnosis sessions that really were very very relaxing.  We were given a work book and a CD to listen to (about 13 minutes long) for 31 days.

I will keep you all posted on my success.

Thanks

Len