You could lose weight if you really wanted to.

Has anyone ever said this to you? Or, "If you were really serious about your diet, you would lose weight."

So you starve yourself and lose the weight. Then you try to eat normally. Not gobs of cake, but perhaps a cup of pasta for dinner, or an extra snack here or there. The weight comes flooding back, and you cry and feel terrible about yourself for having regained the weight. Then, that jerk who told you you would lose weight if you only tried acts as though they are "so disappointed in you".

This is the terrible cycle of yo-yo dieting. 

Have you ever been on it? What are you doing differently to make sure that it never happens again?

I've been reading up on the causes of yo-yo dieting. Unlike the aforementioned jerk suggests, weight regain after extreme dieting IS NOT you fault. It's not because you "reverted back to your bad habits". It's because your body thinks that your extreme weight loss was a period of starvation. It actively works to regain the weight you lost by lowering your metabolism and boosting hunger signals.

This REALLY makes me angry. Why does society paint failed dieters as gluttonous pigs who just can't resist their deep fried candy bars?

Because unless you have ever had a problem "they" have never really studied the problem and how to fix the problem. 

The critics understand only that some people gain weight through eating massive amounts of food and have  no knowledge of how the body really works.

I find the same critics surface in relation to exercise as well.  They have a picture in their heads and anything outside of that picture does not compute.

These days I don't give a hoot what anyone else says about what I do or do not do.  I have finally found the truth.  If they want to know what that truth is I will tell them what I know.  Otherwise I just let their comments run out the ears.

Hurray for the truth! 

You know, I have thought and said that first statement a few times throughout my life. At first it was because I was ignorant, bias, and deeply inculturated into American values. And I still find myself saying that, but with different reasons. I have experienced starving, dieting, stepping on the scale hoping it would change every day. It freaking blows and is the hardest thing ever to do (even harder than this 50 page anthropology assignment I am in the middle of). I think we suppress enough things as human beings let alone trying to suppress natural drives (hunger). So those that say that who have never done it, most likely have no idea what they are talking about and are most likely fortunate to have the genetics to never have to worry about such tom foolery.

But going back to that I still say it today. I say it with extreme moderation from a human health perspective. Eating things that harm your body and were never intended to be on this earth are my focus. Do I deny that I have desires to eat crap sometimes, helllll no. And do I, oh yea. I just do it selectively. Such as a cheat day during the week, or maybe two.

So I stick by "you could lose weight if you want to" if one dies not have any kind of medical problem. But my idea of weight loss simply comes from eating things that your body deserves, sometimes craves, and using your body as a mobile machine as it is intended. Its all about prolonging your short moment on this earth to me.

Oh and as for the whole society thing, yeah, that bugs the hell out of me. What the world has turned into and how people are raised is a crime, but unfortunately perpetual. I attribute a lot of the problems we have today to industry and advertising. The glorification of slim and rich has become common like no other time in history. So from my perspective, I blame the American dream. And now that the world is so globalized and hegemonic, its not just America any more : (.

*End Rant*

The only people who have ever said that to me are people who have lost weight and gained it back themselves. HEY I'M NOT YOU

I completely feel your frusteration!!

I'm always getting negative comments from people who are thin, don't care or have never endured the weight loss journey.

It's an emotional and physical roller coaster that takes a lot of willpower, strength and hard work.

If I ever happen to complain about cheating, I always get the standard "Well, why did you eat the ice cream? Couldn't you control yourself?" How about you try depriving yourself for weeks, constantly weighing yourself and always thinking about how you're gonna get rid of all that fat.

It all ties in with the same misconception that every non-skinny person is lazy and constantly gorging themselves. I always kick myself for talking about my weight issues with people who have never thought about this process. All I get when I mention that I'd like to get rid of the fat on my stomach is "just do some sit-ups" in a condescending tone. As if it was "just" that easy. And on top of that, are you stupid?! You can't spot-reduce. They (the ignorant ones) just think it's a matter of not being a pig and eating McDonald's 24/7.

Rant over :)

Original Post by nads101:

I completely feel your frusteration!!

I'm always getting negative comments from people who are thin, don't care or have never endured the weight loss journey.

 

Huh, weird. We have totally different experiences. Thin people I know are always supportive and NEVER judge. Ex-thin people seem to love to bring you down with them. Not all of course, but those are the ones who always have something nasty to say, at least the ones I know

whoops, I spelt frustration wrong.

I just find that the people who have never attempted weight loss (the thin ones who don't need to) assume that it's easy. The ones in my experience. The ones who have gained in back are bitter and jealous (the ones you experienced)

I think madamq is right.  "They" don't know why you failed or what made you fat in the first place.  "They" just assume that overweight people eat too much and exercise too little.

As for the comment, I think it's relatively accurate.  "If you were really serious about your diet, you would lose weight."

We just have to focus on the methods used, in most yo-yo diet cases, and not so much on how hard the person tries or how serious they are.  If you work really hard and lose weight, horray!  But how did you do it?  Did you cut out all carbs, drop a massive amount of weight, re-introduce carbs, and then gain it all (plus some) back? 

If so, I'm ok saying 1) you were serious about losing weight, but 2) you weren't serious about being healthy.  As a society we need to focus more on being healthy and less on losing weight, per se.  You will lose weight if you make mostly healthy choices.  (Everyone needs an ice cream cone once in a while!)

you have to always think of it from the outside persons view too. when someone hears a problem they want to throw out a solution or supply some sort of motivation.

most people do not have proper knowledge on the weight loss subject so it leaves a lot of people in an awkward situation when one brings up how and where they want to loose weight. peoples ignorance often causes inconsiderate sounding things to spew out of their mouth.

but i understand your frustration also. i have an issue with kashi cereal and my mom just tells me to just "use some self control" like it is that easy with it staring me in the face each time i come downstairs for breakfast.

i just dont eat it at all. i would indulge a little bit if there wasn't enough kashi cereal to feed an army (hence enough for a giant binge episode that could lead to a purge)  :P

Thankfully no but losing weight is not as easy as it sounds so people who say that are lacking in understanding. Starving or doing faddy diets never works which is why people put the weight back on.  Doing it slowly is best. Don't take your favourite foods out of your diet just eat them in smaller amounts then you won't feel like you're missing out :)

Luckily I don't have people like that in my lifle, but I know what you're talking about.  You need to think about them and if they have any "addictions".  Then your response is, "And you could give up (smoking, drinking, shopping, your BMW, **** remarks, being a dick) if you really wanted to."

i hear it from thin and fat people.  my mom is a classic yo-yo dieter.  she has been known to fill the house with cakes, pies, and cookies, then yell at me and tell me to control myself and resist temptation if i even look at the desserts.  she's overweight.  i got it from a skinny bitch at work too.  one time she said, to my face, that watching fat people eat disgusts her.  and she said that WHILE we were eating dinner.  WTH?!

i guess in theory you could lose weight if you wanted to.  but you also need to be willing to commit to a weightloss plan and a whole new lifestyle.  even then, it's hard!  you have good days where you think "boy, this is easy!"  then you'll have bad days when you just want to go eat everything that panera has in stock.  just like everything else in life, you have to work hard to get what you want.  critics don't take that into account.  they either don't understand, or they need to put you down in order to make themselves feel better about their own lifestyle.

my advice is to ignore what they say and vent about it in these forums.  keep counting your calories and working out.  don't let them get the best of you.  what they really want is for you to fail so they can put you down more.

bob kelso from scrubs once said, "nothing in life worth having comes easy."  words to live by.

Ha ha, I like that, Kthompson92.  Being overweight, if it is a negative thing at all, is so much less bad than being selfish, greedy, snobby, rude, or shallow-- but those things take time to discover, rather than immediately observable.  Imagine how much different the world would be if all faults were plain to see.  Some people are overweight because they eat too much, yes, but maybe they are hurting and that is the only way they can think of to be kind to themselves, a sort of self-medicating.  Change is hard, and I am constantly trying to re-train myself to remember that to truly be kind to myself, I should eat things that nourish my body and make me feel great instead of making me feel sluggish and crappy. 

Tealpenguin, I hear ya.  I keep gaining and losing the same 15 pounds.  If I eat as much chocolate and cookies as I want, I weigh around 160 (I'm 5'5").  If I eat healthy portions and limit sweets, I will naturally stay in the low 140s.  The writings of Geneen Roth, like "Breaking Free From Compulsive Eating" have helped me the most in this regard.  I like when she talks about how when she was little she liked Hostess Pink Sno-Balls.  She sometimes craves them because she always wanted them as a child.  She realizes that they are just hydrogenated oil, sugar, fake marshmallow and dye, and says to herself, "I'm an adult.  Now I can think of a better treat."  If you like chocolate, she says to buy the best chocolate you can get, and allow yourself a piece to savor.  I try to do this instead of picking at everything in the kitchen, trying to be satisfied.  I really think about what I want-- a salty olive?  A hot cup of tea?  A cup of creamy coffee?  A soft pretzel?  A sweet-salty Reese's Cup?  I try to figure out what it is I really want and then allow myself to eat just enough to feel satistfied.  If I am not hungry, I try to use something other than food to satisfy the craving. 

Your post reminded me that it can be self-sabotage to go on a severe diet and that the results will not be long-term.  Sometimes I find myself wishing I could be one of those people who has the control to eat less than 1,000 calories a day.  Then I have to remind myself that this is like starving yourself and that it will not result in good health, which should be the goal over just weight loss.

Good luck to you, and don't let anyone get you down with negative vibes!

hi. i just want to say DON'T STARVE YOURSELF. i did that and it didn't work. i lost 4 pounds in 2 weeks by eating an average of 1300 calories sometimes more sometimes less and when i starved myself i just looked bloated and was cranky. diet and ignore everyone else-that's what i do. i think, sure those thin ppl r snobby and think your a pig when you take 2 chips and they only took 1, but they'll be jealous when you've lost the weight. Why? because you'll get all the attention while they won't get any. they've been thin all your life. also, you've made an accomplishment. what have they done? once you've reached your weight-loss goal you'll feel so good you won't care what they think. my cousin was losing weight but then she let ppl get in her way; she let them pick at her insecurities. she tried as bunch or crash diets but when she ate one thing-maybe a pretzel or spponful of ice cream- she was so hungry and she'd binge and she kept gianing weight. don't get me wrong she's happy now but never was able to lose the weight.

Original Post by tealpenguin326:

Has anyone ever said this to you? Or, "If you were really serious about your diet, you would lose weight."

So you starve yourself and lose the weight. Then you try to eat normally. Not gobs of cake, but perhaps a cup of pasta for dinner, or an extra snack here or there. The weight comes flooding back, and you cry and feel terrible about yourself for having regained the weight. Then, that jerk who told you you would lose weight if you only tried acts as though they are "so disappointed in you".

Don't take this as a personal attack.  I'm not talking to any one person with this response, but here are my (I'm sure to be unpopular with some) thoughts.

A large number of overweight people are indeed that way because they eat too much and don't exercise enough.  I used to be one of them.  So while for some, there are medical reasons why they are overweight, these people are the exception rather than the rule.  And it was indeed the case for me that once I really tried to lose weight, I did.

The statement you made about starving yourself to lose weight then trying to go back to "eating normally", I think is a sign of the wrong thinking that many people trying to lose weight engage in.  I think that you realize that "going on a diet", then "going off a diet" when you reach your goal doesn't work.  A person who wants to lose weight, in my opinion, should think about their eating habits and try to come up with ways to regulate their eating so that they:

1.  Get proper nutrition (a good balance of vitamins and minerals from the foods they eat and a proper balance between fat, protein, and carbs).

2.  Allow for foods that appeal to them by planning your meals.  Just because you are cutting back on calories doesn't mean that you are starving yourself.  If you choose the right foods, you can be satiated but not bloated and not have a diet filled with junk calories.  Think about foods that have bulk without a lot of calories (cucumbers are a very good example).

In addition, adding any type of exercise to your lifestyle will help.  It has been said often here that simple things like taking stairs instead of an elevator, parking farther away from a building, or taking a walk in the evening or morning can be very beneficial to your diet.  I even read a study that indicated that fidgeting can help you burn extra calories (like I'm doing right now by bouncing my knee while sitting at my computer).

Basically what I am saying is that people need to change their eating habits to lose weight.  Make eating healthy equal "eating normally".  The wrong thinking I was talking about was that you are supposed to eat one way when you are trying to lose weight and then you can go back to your old way of eating once you reach your goal.  The more correct way of thinking, again, in my opinion, is that you adjust your eating habits as described above so that you get quality food in reasonable quantities and when you reach your goal, you can increase your portions a bit to maintain, while still eating the same healthy foods.

It is my personal opinion that unless you have a medical condition that is interfering with your weight loss, that the steps to a successful weight loss and healthy plan are as follows:

1.  Take a close look at your eating habits to identify the changes you need to make to have a healthy diet.  This includes things like reducing or eliminating saturated fats from your diet, reducing the number of empty calories you consume, fighting the urge to eat for reasons other than hunger (boredom, stress, etc), and once you decide on the changes that you should make, make them.  You don't have to do this all at once, but can do it incrementally.

2.  Take responsibility for your own behaviour.  Unless someone is holding you down and force feeding you, then you have control over what you put into your body.  You have to make the decision to eat right and blaming stress created by bad relationships, lack of support from friends and family, or any other reason isn't going to help you to be strong and do what you know is right for you.

3.  Educate yourself on weight loss, nutrition, and exercise.  Many of the most successful people when it comes to weight loss are those who make up their own weight loss regimens.  You know best what you like to eat and what activities you can work into your life on a permanent basis, so if you educate yourself and use what you learn to create your own diet and exercise plans, then your chances for success go up.  And a willingness to experiment with new ideas based on what you read or hear from others who are losing weight is a good thing.  When something works, you can incorporate it into your plan and when it doesn't work, you can reject it.

4.  Once you find what works for you, talk it over with your doctor or a nutritionist to see what they think of your plan and whether or not they see any issues that you might not have considered.  Never be afraid to question their responses either, because no one knows everything and just because "common wisdom" says that something is right doesn't make it right.  Common wisdom once held that the earth was flat and that the universe revolved around the earth.

5.  Once you have a workable plan, stick with it.  This is the "eat healthy for the rest of your life" part and is the part that many people don't get.  You don't lose weight and keep it off by "going on a diet" and then when your goal is reached, "going off your diet".  You lose weight by consciously choosing to eat healthy, which implies sensible portions, and being active to the degree you are comfortable with, which should not be totally sedentary.

Once again, I am not directing this response at any one person, so if anyone takes this as a personal attack, then be aware that my intention is simply to discuss my personal opinion.  But basically, I personally believe the following to be true:

For many people who are overweight, it is your own fault and if you really tried you could lose the weight.

I would, however, not be intentionally rude to someone by commenting on their weight or on how they choose to manage it.  If, and only if asked, would I discuss my opinions on weight loss and why I hold those opinions.  (And I consider the original post as "asking"  for opinions.)

I wish everyone here success in reaching their goals.

If it makes anyone feel better, feel free to flame away.  I have a thick skin.

thank you so much!!! i love your plan! though i think most people become heavy becaus eof:

A-having children

B-having a horrible life( really bad family, dangereous neighborhood, lack of healthy food)

C-death(people gain weight when love done die)

but there are a percentage of ppl who gain weight because of their lifestyle.

i lvoe how you say to pick the workout and diet that's god for you. sometimes people on here have success stories but they've only eaten 1,000 calories every day and ran 2 miles in the morning and night. i just can't do that. i have a small injury so i can't do the complicated excercise i've been doing for almost a month, but you have encouraged me to start doing some classic running on the old treadmill. today i moved down to sedentary activity and i'd have to consume about a little over 200 calories less but now i realize i can still do excercises.

have any good runnig workout strategies? should i start with walking, then jogging, then runniong, then jogging, then walking?

crazyperson01:  I assume you were responding to my post and if so, I don't disagree that the reasons you stated do contribute to weight gain, but with the exception of reason A (having children, which I can't claim :) ), that the other reasons can be overcome.  Growing up, my family was poor, my father wasn't around (divorce) and my mother had weight issues, but I don't let that be an excuse for me to not be the best me I can be.  And my mother died at a relatively young age (in her early fifties), so I have known loss too.  But the reason I gained the weight I did was that I wasn't careful about what I ate and I didn't exercise enough.  I have no one to blame for that but me and I don't make any excuses.  I made myself fat and the only one who can change that is me.

As for your question regarding exercise, then I stand by my suggestion to just do whatever you are comfortable doing, because any exercise is better than no exercise.  I don't do much running, because I have a history of shin splints, but I do enjoy bicycling.  I did that today with my nephew, who is living with us for a few months.  So it was a chance to not only get in some exercise, but to do something fun with him.  So if you want to start out just walking, then later try jogging, then I say go for it.  But if you can afford it, then get a new pair of well made walking/running shoes.  Your feet will thank you for it.

As usual, techdog is 100% right on.

you seem to be argueing with me. i was supporting you. i think it is...strong of you to blame yourself. but some people are so overwhelmed with stress and grief they need to eat. asnd if they gian tne pounds, so what? but i agree with you that once they're done and they want to get back on track, they should try to go back. but NOT blame themselves. they were having a rough time. just keep going and tr yto lose that weight not blame themselves and then gian weight because of it.

I understood that you were supporting what I said, but I just don't agree with 100% of what you said.  If that constitutes arguing with you, then I guess I am, but if we all agreed on everything, the world would be a pretty boring place. 

My intention was to state my personal belief that the reasons you gave for gaining weight, other than childbirth, are things that we have control over.  You can believe as you choose, however, I don't believe for one minute that eating is the proper response to being overwhelmed with stress or grief, so I disagree with your statement that they "need to eat" to get past the rough spots.  I have had plenty of my own rough spots, and it wasn't until I stopped making excuses and did something that things got better.

Let me clarify my position.  There are a myriad of reasons why people gain weight.  Some are out of our control, like medical conditions or pregnancy.  Others are in our control, like eating to relieve stress or boredom.  For those things in our control, we have to make a conscious choice to do the right thing.  Responsibility and blame aren't the same thing.  When I recognized that my weight was becoming more and more of an issue and that it was destroying my quality of life, I started looking at myself for those things over which I have control, like eating when I wasn't hungry, and then choosing to stop that behaviour.  Choosing to eat unhealthy foods.  It was my responsibility to make the hard choices that had to be made to turn my life around.  What I didn't do was look for excuses for my behaviour, like stress from my job, depression over the loss of my mother, or anything else, because if I let myself make excuses, then I would never do what I knew in my heart to the be right thing.

I am not saying that it is easy to make any of these changes.  I am just saying that if you want to succeed, then blaming your boyfriend, or that your parent died, or anything else won't help you to succeed.  I'm not saying that you should beat yourself up if you gain some weight while you are grieving, but you must realize that "eating" isn't the solution to your grief and use that realization as an incentive to make better choices for your health, both physical and mental, because eating might distract you from your grief, but it is just that, a distraction, and your mental health will suffer if you don't work to overcome the grief in a more positive way.

One other note.  I firmly believe that if people eat when they are stressed or bored, that it starts a cycle where you eat to distract you from your stress, which causes you to gain weight, which makes you feel bad about yourself, which adds to your stress, etc.  There are so many better ways to deal with stress.  Read a book, go for a walk, read to a child, plant vegetables or grow herbs in a window box, take up woodworking, or meditate.

What seems to hang people up about what I say is when I say take responsibility for their own actions.  For some reason, people equate this with blaming themselves, which has a negative connotation.  What I am really trying to say is that if we find ourselves engaging in behaviour that is harmful to ourselves, such as eating unhealthy foods or overeating, that once we recognize this behaviour, that we take action to correct ourselves.  We look at ourselves and say, "I would be happier if I stopped overeating and lost some weight."  Then if we don't know how to do that, we educate ourselves.  Once we have an idea how to proceed, we make a plan and once the plan is made, we execute that plan. 

You will notice that nowhere in there is anything negative.  No self pity, guilt for not controlling ourselves in the first place, beating ourselves up if we slip up and get off track, or anything like that.  It doesn't matter how we got here, what matters is that we are here and that if we work hard, realizing that it won't be easy, that we can do something about it and make things better.  If we let ourselves become overly concerned with negative things that contributed to the current state, then it is difficult to move forward.

Agree with me or not.  It doesn't matter.  If you find encouragement in what I am saying, then I'm happy for you.  If you don't, then reject my ideas and find what works for you.  As I said in my original post, this is all just my opinion.  Take it for what it is worth.

techdog, you are awesome!!!.i used my pregnancy as an excuse for being obese for like 2 years,till my best friend had a baby and was back to normal weight withing 4 months,she kindly asked me to workout with her,she went to the gym every day.that's when i stopped blaming my pregnancy for my layers of fat.(all my obese friends have their own excuses too.i don't blame anything but myself.)