losing battle w/ parents

GIBBIT WROTE THIS EARLIER

You're lucky your family supports your diet, I wish mine did. My parents home is filled with junk food and it drives my mom crazy that I don't like eating junk food or things like cake, fried food, or white breads, etc. She thinks that's the only way I'm going to gain weight and blames my healthy eating, and makes me feel guilty for "not gaining fast enough". I also get the "you eat sooo healthy!" from my friends. AAh it's annoying! but I don't want to start ranting about all that lol.

 

 I SWEAR you are quoting my family… I live in mississippi, biggest unhealthiest STATE IN AMERICA…. There is SO MUCH CRAP in my house and it's an everyday CONSTANT battle w/ my parents… I don’t eat white bread, junk at all or sweets & any of the fried gross food the south has or my parents make... i have no choice but to eat what she cooks for dinner so she makes sure its RICH AND pasta filled with junk... endless mashed potatoes and just crap... they yelled at me again last week for not eatting white bread, chips and the like i dunno how to say it any clearer i want to be HEALTHY and EAT healthy... they come back with "well youre not healthy right now so you're being a hypocrit"

HOW DO i defend myself and stop the arguing??

I am not sure what to say. There are many people in life who will not be happy for you, when you try to make a positive change. It is not that they don't love you, it is just that it is hard for them to adapt to your change. Gaining weight in an unhealthy way is very dangerous.

I would sit down with your mother and maybe show her some articles on the danger of high fat and refined foods. Often times, and I am not sure this is your case, these types of foods are cheaper to obtain and prepare, especially for large families, who do not have a whole lot of money. She may feel that you are rejecting the way your family lives and take it personally. You need to help her to understand that you are not looking down on her or your family. You just care about your health and well-being and hope she will support you. See if you can include your family in this new dietary lifestyle. White bread and chips are not healthy. YOU ARE NOT a hypocrit and they know that. They are just scared of your change.

Positive communication is my recommendation. Educating them are to the benefits of healthy eating is great ammunition. Once they realize how you feel and why, they may be more accepting. Fights are not good, as it turns into a battle of who is right and who is wrong and the issue at hand never gets addressed.  

Are you recording calories on this site?  Could showing them that you ARE eating enough calories in a healthy balance help?  Are you working with a nutritionist who could include your parents in discussions on how to gain weight with healthy foods?

If you have had an ED in the past or even bordered on it, your parents must be scared out of their minds - which makes parents do some pretty unreasonable things (I know because I am one :).  Also, sometimes our children do things that put the spotlight on our bad behavior and that really makes parents uncomfortable because we really WANT to be the good role model instead of the other way around.  They may be feeling judged and just need some grace.  Lead by example but don't judge them for their eating choices.  Parents aren't perfect. 

This is an important excersize for you to go through because, hopefully, you will lead a healthy lifestyle for the rest of your life and, unfortunately, you will have to defend it graciously for that whole time.  I'm 38 - no ED now or ever- but people still give me grief when I make healthy choices because if you are thin they say, "You can eat whatever you want"...unless, of course those things are healthy foods (according to them)!!

But here's the catch... your best defense will be living well.  So, make sure you are beyond reproach by TRULY eating enough calories.  Make your choices with integrity because, when you lie your head on the pillow, you and God are the only ones you answer to ultimately.   

thanks for the quick replies everyone...

 

unfortunately it is really a losing battle... they dont listen, agree, etc etc with ANYTHING my nutritionist says, dont think or crae one bit about healthy eatting, and would LOVE for me to down pizza, cookies, cake etc.... it is SO ANNOYING and when they get on me about not eatting the crap they make it stresses me out and we ALL KNOW what stress turns to(control and restrictiion)... i have TRIED to tell them/show them/include them but it seems like no use... i swear its worse for me sometimes to have to listen to them bI*&#^ at me

but they DO support me and of course me getting better they just dont think a pound a week is worth it or noticable on me... i am 5'8 almost and feel like i am gaining healthy at a good pace...

not to mention i HATE how i feel when i have eatten refind/processed food pasta/bread/crap of any...you get no fuel/energy/happy healthy refreshed feelings

maybe im just looking for sypathy who knows... if i am then DONT GIVE ME ANY i dont want anyone to "feel sry for me" b/c i dont deserve that. i am the last person in the world to ever complain or say somethings wrong, just seeing if anyone has dealt with this and maybe some tips

My parents were like that for a while despite the fact that we ate healthy way before my ED and despite my dietitian's encouragment.I continued pointing that out to them and I also told them that I wanted to gain healthy weight and BE healthy, which takes a lot of healthy foods. I told them that I didn't feel my best when I ate overly processed products because I just wasn't used to them. I was tired of feeling sick and wanted to avoid that. It took a long time for them to actually listen to what I said, though; most of the time it was like talking to a brick wall.

Maybe if you ate some sort of "treat" food in front of them they'll back off. From what you're saying it sounds like you're cutting out all "junk foods". I did that for a while until I realized that I was basically being Orthorexic. Deep down, your parents just want you to heal, and they're likely afraid that if you aren't free-willed around food that you may relapse. My mom was especially upset by me gaining weight by "only" a pound per week rather than 2 or 3 pounds. She hated seeing me so emaciated and was impatient about getting her old daughter back. It's hard to understand from our point of view, but parents have a really hard time accepting their children's EDs and accepting how long it takes for them to heal.

I don't know if that helped at all, but that's what I did. I know that that post was directed towards me, but I failed to mention that it wasn't always that way. After I returned from the hospital the fridge was packed with prepackaged crap and my brother was eating refined cereals for practically every meal. My parents had dropped the whole Nourishing Traditionsdiet and were extremely annoyed that I insisted upon following it strictly. Only when I realized that we had never followed it to the dot, and that we would allow ourselves to go get "junk foods" once in a while did they trust me. Very few people consider ED patients recovered until they can allow themselves to splurge once in a while. It sucks, but that's just the way this judgemental world is. I honestly feel better now that I am carefree about occasional treats...I guess that ya can't knock it 'til ya try it.

I'm flattered that you'd quote me! I really haven't managed to get them off my case, but it's gotten better mostly through compromise on my part. I eat healthy  on my own but eat a little bit of the junk in front of them. This kind of sucks because I honestly don't like the junk food, it tastes like chemicals to me (probably because it is!) and makes me feel gross and sick. But since we've both had problems with food I think they're just worried about our need to control what we eat, even if we eat enough now and eat healthy. I think my mom just wishes I'd relax a bit around food too.

It's really hard for us to actually talk about this, they don't really listen to me when I try and explain why I eat this way or tell them things I've read about eating healthy, the benefits, the harmful things they do eat. They also get kind of defensive if I criticize what they eat. My mom has backed off a bit since I told her numerous times and she finally understood that the last thing I need is more stress about food, and that I can't eat in a stressful environment. Like you said " we ALL KNOW what stress turns to(control and restrictiion"

Sorry I can't be much help, but I'll be sure to post if I ever do manage to convince my family to back off. Do what feels best for you!

Oh god, I know I'd have gotten a lot worse if my parents didn't start buying healthier foods.  I kind of just fell into this disorder.  I didn't understand what a calorie was or count them, I just had the vague "knowledge" from others that they---along with fats and carbs---were somehow "bad."  So I just stopped eating them (fats and carbs) altogether, and pretty much just lived off some fruit, vegatables, meat, and packs and packs of sugar-free gum.  Anyway,  it was only when I started recovering that I started to get obsessive thoughts about food and its preparation.  It was only then that I started measuring each little bit, and counting each little bit.  I still count and measure obviously, but now I am determined to gain weight on nutritious foods.  Sometimes that doesn't seem to make sense to my family members though...like you've all been saying, sometimes it seems like they'd be more content with watching me stuff my face with ice cream, candy, doughnuts, etc. , rather than slowly enjoying a slice of 100% whole wheat toast with peanut butter, banana slices, a strawberry and raisins.  Maybe they don't like the idea that one can even gain weight on healthy foods...(I try my best to, but its hard for me to keep my mouth shut when I see my dad sitting on the couch with an entire jar of nautral peanut butter, a spoon, and an apple...)  I've been starting to feel worse when their birthdays come around because I really don't feel comfortable eating cake or ice cream no matter how healthy I regularly eat or the amount of excercise I usually get.  I just end up feeling pressured and put on the spot..I can't help but get anxious, and then I feel like all the attention gets put onto me instead of whoever's birthday is being celebrated.  I also start to get afraid that maybe they think I WANT the attention, when I'd actually rather not be noticed at all.

For the most part though, my parents have been buying much healthier foods, and luckily, they enjoy them too.  That underlying tension is still often present though..

ohhh my geeez kate i can relate to EVERYTHING YOU SAID 1009283642908364106438%

it seems like once i started recovering i am 92834532 times more screwed up with how food is prepared, the amounts i eat and making sure i get in my exercise(just an hr walk at the moment) and i ALWAYS make sure im trying to meet my meal plan and blah blah... before i started i lived off some fruit, lots of veggies and a TON of lean meats... i just touched NOTHING refined or processed and it got to the point certain fruits i wouldnt touch and veggies b/c or their carb content.. i was like an "atkins" dieter gone mad and it was controlling EVERY aspect of my life.

im always think people thin ki try to avoid things and stay low key around foods i am utterly scared to eat ( cake icre cream white pastas etc...) b/c i want attention... it is SO FAR from the truth and sometimes i feel like i'd bring more uncomftorable attn to myself if i DID go have a big ol slice of bday cake..

eatting outside of my plan for the day still drives me nutso and i get so stressed when it happens... i wish this head game would end and i could be normal and live my 22 yr old life grr

hahah i always turn into a rant...sry guys

thanks so much for the support and related feelings

Kate and malibu, I could basically just copy and paste both of your posts here because that's exactly how I feel!

I hate parties, and birthdays, and any of those situations because I feel pressured to eat all the things I don't want. But I either draw attention to myself by not eating it or I force myself to eat it and then feel horrible and stressed. I have a ton of graduation parties coming up so I'm REALLy worried about those! I'm even starting to worry about my birthday coming up in June because I know all my friends will bake me something, and my family will take me out and everyone would think I was insane if I didn't eat my own birthday cake. Grrr why does our society revolve itself around putting unhealthy disgusting things in our bodies and calling it a celebration???

Oh and I also still freak out if I can't stick my meal plan too lol. I try and eat every 2 hours and I really only feel comfortable with things I prepare myself so it sucks if I have to be somewhere else when it's time for me to eat, or if the right kind of foods aren't available. I'm terrified of going hungry or not having the options I can eat there when I do get hungry! I wish I could relax already when it came to eating :\