Has losing a significant amount of weight changed the way you socialize?

I have been overweight my whole life. I was 212lbs by the time i was 11 years old and now im 20 and i weigh 228 lbs. My highest weight ever was 252lbs and Im a 5 foot 4 girl. I have always been shy, and I believe that fat or skinny I would still retain a bit of shyness, but I have noticed that everything I do involves me being uncomfortable with the way I look. I am kind of a shut in and have a lot of social anxiety and I think a lot of it stems from having spent every day of my life being different from others. Most people 20 years of age and younger had never experienced obesity--REAL obesity, not just a couple extra pounds. Even most adults who are obese had a time in their life where they were just healthy and normal, and thus learned how to socialize that way. I have not experienced this. Im all about being an individual, but spending your whole life standing out for bad reasons really damaged me.

I am planning on losing at least another 80lbs or so (hopefully). From anyone has experience childhood obesity and overcome it, or to anyone who has lost a significant amount of weight, have you experience a significant difference in the way you socialize and live your life? Do you feel that a mental weight has also been lifted off of you? What has your experience been like?

Thanks everybody.

Yes, it does slightly alter the way I socialize.  I'm pretty much the same now, but in a strange way, I am more shy and more outgoing at the same time.  I'm more shy because I feel like now I'm being looked at by guys more often, so I tend to be more conservative with my words and actions, as well as clothing, once in a while.  There's a strange psychology that happens.

I dropped 35 pounds from the summer after my freshman year to now, my first semester junior year.  People had been asking me or my roommate if I was okay, or if I was anorexic.  It was actually sort of upsetting.

Don't get me wrong though.  I got made fun of as a child as well, and I am still scarred by a particular experience at the swimming pool when I was little.  I may be skinny now, but a lot of people don't realize that I went through struggles, as well-- they just assume I'm a "skinny bitch" who doesn't understand. 

I am sure that once you get confident- not necessarily lose weight- you will open up more to others.  Surround yourself with people who lift you up and make you feel beautiful no matter HOW you look- then when you lose weight, it won't be such a drastic change.  It wasn't for me- yes, people started treating me a little differently, but since I had a strong support system when I was 35 pounds heavier (I wasn't obese, but I did have a few extra pounds), I didn't feel so exiled.  I lost weight because I wanted to- not because anyone made me feel bad.  Make sure that you're hanging out with people who lift you up and accept you for who you are, and shut out the people in your life who aren't making you feel like you're gold and 100% worth the love and attention you deserve. :)

Hope that helped a little!

<3 Jewel

I have always been a social butterfly no matter what my weight.  When I was heavy the weight was always in the back of my mind.  The whole are they laughing with me or just cause I'm fat?  I have lost 40 pounds in the last 4 months.  The same people are still laughing so it must have been with me.  There are more people who talk to me now and some I still chose not to socialize with.  I love to laugh and tell jokes.  I definately feel like the mental weight is being lifted everyday.

I hope helps.

Oh and when people comment on how much weight I lost I tell them I snort coke for lunch and walk away.  I don't really, but you should see the look on their face.

I became fat when my 1st grade began. I became thin during the summer brake in between 7th and 8th grade. I'll always remeber all the insults, laughs and humiliating moments at the school nurses scale. No, I was never offically obese, but very very close to it. In May 2008 my BMI was something like 28. I was 5'2'' and around 153 lbs. Now Im 106 lbs, and have gained so much confidence! I was very social before school, but during 1st-7th grade I became shy and unsocial, because I was so scared of getting mean comments.

My fat mindset has yet to change completely, but Im not embarrassed of my body anymore when I walk through malls and streets, so thats good. I also find it easier making new friends and just talking to people.

Oh yeah, someone mentioned about this "skinny bitch" thing... I have a friend who is...not fat, but overweight, maybe slightly obese...she has never seen me fat, as we met only a month or two ago. Lately she got a VERY nasty comment  about her weight at school, she cried a little and I tried to tell her "it's okay, I know how that feels". She just snapped at me; "How on earth could you know? You're so damn skinny you have no idea what it feels like!" Thats when I told her my story, she was all like "oh...".

yeah, stella confident (lol good use of words) and everything....but i lost into dangerous levels at first, so i was anti-social, so i belive what you at effcts how you feel, im great now at goal weight and everything!

I can really relate to this, OP. I have been in a very similar situation. I was around 180 by the time I hit puberty, and ballooned to ~220 by the time I was 14 or 15. In college, I gained an additional thirty pounds, so I was around 250 at 5'5 by the time I was eighteen or nineteen.

I just turned 22 and I weigh 166 lbs. What I find to be most disconcerting about having lost so much weight is the fact that I just do not feel like the same person. I find that my social (and personal) anxieties are still there -- for example, going shopping in regular stores, sitting in the seats on the T, getting my picture taken, etc. -- but my body feels different. I have never been thin, and I'm still not, but it's really strange to be thinner... Almost like I'm not me?

I am not good at socializing, still, because I worry what people think of me and if they're mentally picking out all of my flaws. I know that seems silly, but I guess I'm still not "over it." It does take time to see yourself differently and to be a more social person. My social life has improved in that more people want to hang out with me or want to go out with me, whereas I wasn't necessarily invited before, but I do not feel as though I have improved socially, if that makes any sense.

Thanks for all the responses.

Sprk, I can relate to that.  Sometimes I wonder "What am I actually supposed to look like?"  Its hard to envision something you've never seen ya know?  I even asked my sister what she would think I would look like if I was skinny and she got a really confused look on her face and just said "that would be weird".   I just think I'd be more at ease if I didnt have to wear my biggest flaw on my sleeve, for the world to see at all times.

I'm another one who has been overweight my entire life.  I was 9 lb 15 oz when I was born, and it's just been downhill from there.  I was a chubby toddler and young child, but when I started to get older I grew out as well as up.  My high weight was 267 when I was about 16; I lost about 70-80 pounds by the time I was 18 to get down to 185-195.  I've been in that range ever since (I'm 22 now, so it's been about four years).  I was 5'8" at the high weight so I was actually morbidly obese; now I'm in the overweight as I'm 5'10" now.  However, I still have a long way to go, and I'm not working on losing 50-60 more.

I've ALWAYS been shy, and a lot of that has been caused by being overweight.  I have no doubt about that.  I have a little more confidence now that I've lost weight, but not a whole lot.  I think that even if I lose 60 more pounds and get down to 130, I will ALWAYS be the insecure, shy, fat girl in my head.  I don't think there's a way to get rid of that.

I find that it's easier to socialize now, after losing almost 60 lbs (I'm so close!). I'm still the same person. I still have the same interests, and the same views/beliefs.. but I'm much more comfortable with myself.

Beforehand, I would always worry that people were looking at me and judging me. I would always be pulling my pants up and adjusting my clothes so they covered the fat. I used to hide in the back of conversations and just listen. Now, I actually speak up and say what I have to say.

I think it is all a confidence issue. I still have some weight to lose... and I am by no means skinny, but it feels so good to have come this far and just be "comfortable."

For me it certainly has! I started at about 235 or so and I'm down to 190ish now. I still have a way to go, but I feel so much better about myself now. I stand up straighter and I actually want to leave the house. When I was heavier, I was cocooning at home and was reluctant to go out at all, which of course just meant I spent more time lurking in drive-thrus, being sedentary etc. Now however, I walk to the store, I enjoy this new feeling of my clothes feeling loose and billowy when they used to be binding and tight. I smile at people more, I make eye contact. I feel so much more confident now and I intend to keep it up and reach my goal. It's really worth it, jessicaasbc! Part of it I think is that I actually feel proud of myself that I'm mastering my binge eating and that my monstrous appetite is a lot less now that I've dropped weight, especially off my stomach. I used to think it was impossible to lose the weight and to resist the need to eat too much, but it isn't. It gets easier the more progress you make! I can do it, and I AM doing it and that makes me feel a lot more confident and outgoing with people because I feel in control!

I lost 30 lbs and it has entirely changed my life. I was depressed before, anti-social, avoiding things left and right and now I am much happier. I don't stress out when going clothing shopping, it's fun now. I enjoy seeing old friends, I am no longer embarassed and humiliated because of my shape. I am more confident in every aspect of my life.

I've lost nearly 70lbs and I'm still as outgoing as ever. I've always made friends easily and I'm known for being a comedian of sorts. Though I do have to admit.. sometimes I wonder if I'm just the "fat funny friend". 

I still hate having pictures taken of me and I don't really see myself as smaller than what I used to be. It's weird. I guess I wont feel different until I'm 140lbs LOL.

Jessicasbc,

I totally understand where you are coming from.  I was chunky throughout 9th-11th grade, but the summer after 11th, I lost 35 lbs.  Senior year was great - I dated for the first time, felt confident, and was 100% more outgoing.

Sadly a few years after high school, I met my husband and packed on an obscene amt of weight.  I now weigh 202 lbs (though I was 230 at my heaviest), and I have become a shell of my former self.

I am now shy, withdrawn and I don't even know who I am half the time.  I have already dropped 28 lbs and am more determined than ever to lose the remaining 57.  It's hard, but worth it, since I know I will get myself back.

Don't give up, Jessicasbc, you will feel so much better about yourself after you lose weight.  You will see another side of yourself you never knew existed.  I know some people say you have to become comfortable and confident before the weight loss happens, but that's not something I truly believe.

I think the weight keeps you from being happy with yourself because the weight is a symptom of what is wrong - eating to comfort yourself.  As long as you are doing that, you will never be totally happy.

I wish you the best - I know you can do it!

I have been over weight my whole life. i was much like you i would stay at home and had just one really good friend I was like that until i was about 20. I realized that it did not matter my weight but how I perceived myself I felt I did not have the right to do the things that skinny chick's did and that guys did not like me because I was overweight. I was so WRONG. It all comes down to yourself. You have to love yourself no matter your weight before anyone else will appreicate you. if there is anything you want to do, DO IT Live your life and stop worrying about what other people think. because that is really what you are worried about. And yes your social life will change along with your weight and age. Being overweight is a shield to keep people at a distances and you can hind behind that but now that you are losing weight and felling good and looking good you aren't in the shadows anymore, but on the front line. Enjoy it and embrace it feel good that when you go shopping you aren't in the plus section anymore. Be the young fly chic you know you are. I wish I was 22 again but that is ok because I am fly at 35.

Oh and when people comment on how much weight I lost I tell them I snort coke for lunch and walk away.  I don't really, but you should see the look on their face.

LMAO. May i use that one?

I definitely have been overweight my entire life.  I was a size 16 in elementary school.  Stuck around 22 throughout high school and shot up to 26 by the time I started grad school.

I started at 340 in May 07- am down to 176 now. 

I'm not sure that I've changed drastically.  In all honesty, I still see myself as the "fat girl" and fear that I always will.  What Has changed is the way that other people react to me.  They pay attention!  Guys hit on my all of the time, and I don't even know it!!  Other people have to tell me when it's happening.  I do hope that with time I become more outgoing, but it's hard to be that way when I grew up the way that I did.  I'm just too used to being the fat girl that everyone ignored...

I was overweight/obese until I was 18, when I (finally) started exercising & eating properly.

I am not as socially paranoid as I used to be. I don't mind walking past a group of kids because I know they won't make fun of me (even though it was rare that people would actually do it back then... but when you're fat, you think everyone is making fun of you).

I'm still an introvert (I don't think weight loss can change that!) but I'm more outgoing now because I'm 100% more confident than I was as a kid/teen. If someone doesn't like me now, I know it's not because I'm fat! Losing weight also allowed me to "love myself" more and ultimately, if you're confident & people can see that, the more appealing you become.

When I was 18, in April 2006, I had a bout with insomnia one night and caught the movie Zorro on television. I've never admitted it to anyone because I'm generally not influenced by people in the media, but I watched Catherine Zeta Jones salsa dancing and thought, "Wow. I would love to be able to do that." She was just so gorgeous and had such a lovely, healthy-looking body. I was 220 lbs.. I got off the couch, turned the television off, and did some jumping jacks. It rekindled a competitive spark in me that turned into a full on weight loss spree. By February 2008, I was 140. lbs. At 19 years old, I clocked in at a lesser weight than I'd had since I was in 6th grade. I stand 5'4" tall.

People who don't know me would mistakenly call me an extrovert. I have a tendency to talk freely and openly about things others deem inappropriate, irreverent, and even taboo. I was raised by my grandparents, who placed emphasis on values like open communication, lack of shame, and personal education (not to be confused with academic education). I can see why people would have difficulty making the distinction between extroversion and introversion in me. It's even hard for me to figure out.

I don't think of personalities as changing. They evolve along a continuum in my mind. They never jump ahead a few steps. Personalities flow along, picking up new facets and shedding old aspects like a snake sheds skin as they go. The key word in all of this is "evolve." Sometimes we even react to how we perceive our personalities and intentionally go against them if they don't meet our own standards.

I was obese all of my life. I've spent more time reacting to myself than I have to others. I remember playing the roles others assigned to me all of my life out of self-consciousness. In elementary school, others told me I was funny, so I became the brazen comedian. People lacking a keen eye would never have guessed how much I was hurt by myself, by who I was, and by how I knew others perceived me. I shifted along becoming the next outspoken version of myself and then the next outspoken version of myself. I never took a step forward. I know it's such a cliche to say this, but I always felt as though I was the wallflower at a masquerade ball, mingling among those who seemed so much more self-assured than myself. I quickly rose to the challenge and became the a farce of that self-confident person. People reacted strongly to me on both sides. I was always either loved or hated. I always loved or hated myself, and I was never complacent. I felt that in order to not be ashamed of my body and how big I was compared to everyone else, I had to act the part.

I was self-delusional. I used my weight as an excuse to not face who I was inside. I used my poor self-image to create an image for myself that hid how I felt. I remember a friend once telling me, "You're big but you don't let it get to you. I wish I had that kind of confidence."

At the time, I wished so too.

Now that I'm a little over half of my previous body weight, I've felt this internal pressure slip away. I I'm working on becoming the person I want to be with intentions of moving forward rather than sideways. I'm still naturally self-conscious, but I can say now with confidence that it manifests as a productive and healthy curiosity rather than a self-loathing reaction to the roles I fit into as a child. I don't settle. I don't reside in a state of complacency. Now that I realize how I used my weight against myself emotionally, I'm in the process of regaining what is rightfully mine: the peace of mind that comes with knowing that you're doing the best you can with the best you've got. Now I'm comfortable with letting myself evolve and not resisting the flow of my experiences.

I am a life long fat girl turned thin person and was always painfully shy because I was so self-conscious. Yes, it did change me quite a bit and I am more outgoing now. I can have conversations without worrying about if the person is looking at my chin fat and wanting the floor to swallow me. I feel more CONFIDENT but being fat my whole life scarred my brain as much as it did my body. I don't know if I'll ever get over being nervous and self-conscious when I talk to people, I just know that it's gotten better. I'm still new at this, maybe with time that will fade away too.

I know that going from skinny to obese has made me more shy.

I feel more confident and more attractive now that I have lost weight.  It has definitely improved my marriage because typically I was so shy about my body that it was hard for me to feel attractive.  My husband has always found me attractive no matter what (which is why I married him ) but that still didn't change my perception of myself.  I am more willing to socialize with others when I lose weight and I feel like a different person.