Has losing a significant amount of weight changed the way you socialize?

I have been overweight my whole life. I was 212lbs by the time i was 11 years old and now im 20 and i weigh 228 lbs. My highest weight ever was 252lbs and Im a 5 foot 4 girl. I have always been shy, and I believe that fat or skinny I would still retain a bit of shyness, but I have noticed that everything I do involves me being uncomfortable with the way I look. I am kind of a shut in and have a lot of social anxiety and I think a lot of it stems from having spent every day of my life being different from others. Most people 20 years of age and younger had never experienced obesity--REAL obesity, not just a couple extra pounds. Even most adults who are obese had a time in their life where they were just healthy and normal, and thus learned how to socialize that way. I have not experienced this. Im all about being an individual, but spending your whole life standing out for bad reasons really damaged me.

I am planning on losing at least another 80lbs or so (hopefully). From anyone has experience childhood obesity and overcome it, or to anyone who has lost a significant amount of weight, have you experience a significant difference in the way you socialize and live your life? Do you feel that a mental weight has also been lifted off of you? What has your experience been like?

Thanks everybody.

When I lost 50lbs and started to really look good, I lost many of my friends :(  Luckily God compensated me with a wonderful husband.

Original Post by jazmine24:

I know that going from skinny to obese has made me more shy.

 Same here. I'm not obese, but I'm running towards it.

I used to be a dancer and performer, asked out all the time, and always having fun with friends and parties.

Now, after quitting smoking, and gaining 45 lbs, I don't want to even leave the house. Clubbing? No way! I can't even think about going to me closet with all my old stuff that I either couldn't fit to save my life, or I do barely fit, but makes me look like a sausage.

I love the motivation on this thread, it reminds me that I can get back to that, and my confidence can maybe, just maybe, come back.

I remember vividly in 3rd grade the annual weigh in - they shouted out 75lbs! I was mortified as all the kids laughed. They did it EVERY YEAR so I would get sick on that day to avoid the humiliation.

While I was a child I shut myself into my room - I read and ate. I was very shy. Somehow as I went into middle school / high school I started to become unshy and I did my first starvation diet - WOW - 120lbs.  I became a social butterfly, I had a great looking boyfriend. But I was very uncomfortable with the attention of my body and looks.

My highest weight was probably 260 or 270 - and I am also 5'4". I am now down to 189 or so. I am still very uncomfortable with the attention.  I know that I will continue to lose weight for my health - this is not for vanity in general.  My husband is the one that encourages me to wear clothes that flatter and show off my body - if it were up to me I would wear loose men's shirts over jeans.

Don't miss out on life and learning. Take some considered risks / chances to meet people. I am glad that I did.

Yes & in ways you wouldn't believe.  I lost over 40lbs & people have never been meaner to me in my whole life.  There is a clique of moms at my son's kindergarten who WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME!  I've never seen these women before in my life but when ever I say Hi or good morning - they are F'ing Queen Bees. 

i too have been fat most of my life. I'm not really sure when i started gaining weight but i'm pretty sure i was almost always one of the biggest girls in my class. I was definitely at my highest weight during high school, i weighed about 178-180 or more lbs. I had no clue that i was that large. I knew I was bigger but i had no self perception. Every once and a while i'd see a picture and think, "Woah" but then kind of forget it. At the same time i had no self confidence to speak of- and i still kind of don't.

i'm a 20 and a junior in college about 20lbs lighter than then and i want to lose another 20lbs, nothing has really changed since high school. I think it is because even though i know i have lost weight, i still think i am that same size. When i see a reflection of myself in store window or something i always think, I wish i could look like that, because i don't realize that i look like that, i think my mind is playing tricks on me or something or the glass is convex. I always used to perceive myself as skinnier than i actually was during high school so now for some reason i still do the same thing but think i am at my high school weight... i know confusing.

My social skills haven't really changed at all- actually i think they've gotten worse. I stay in my room a lot more, if i'm hanging out with friends i always am the first to go back home so i can be alone. I cherish the moments when i can be alone, i can't wait for them. I think i used to be a lot more social and outgoing during high school even though i was heavier but now- i don't know.

I really hope that losing more weight will bring back my old self again. I know i wasn't at my best during high school, but i was way better than i am now that's for sure. 

This is an interesting question.

I have always been the shy type. As a slightly chubby child I was painfully shy and clung to my sister, as a lovely but womanly pear-shaped teen I was painfully shy and clung to my very outgoing best friend, and as an overweight young woman,,,well you guessed it, I was painfully shy and drank to loosen up. A lot. I always assumed it was the hyper-awareness of my weight - of being different - that made me so shy.

I don't think losing weight now has made me socialize differently - I think age and maturity has done that. Losing weight has made me realize that I am who I am, and that is a good-hearted, sincere, rather introspective person who will never feel comfortable in crowds or meeting new people, but I've learned to fake it pretty well so that's ok by me. I am content with myself - it's OK not to be the life of the party, it's FINE to eat alone in public, I no longer feel panicky when I walk into a room of people I don't know because it makes sense to be shy when you don't know anyone! My ex-boss, who was impressively outgoing and wonderful to everyone, told me that she is actually very shy on the inside. I think that really made me realize....everyone is shy to some extent, you can either accept that about yourself and work with it, or you can let it cripple you forever.

I always thought that losing weight would turn me into a social, outgoing person. Now I am realizing it's just not my nature, and that's ok. I have good family I am close to, and an awesome boyfriend who is my best friend, and I have a few acquaintances I work to keep on my radar....sometimes I wish I had more friends, but my life is full and amazing and I love it.

I think that being super-aware of my weight and how it made me different from everyone else was actually a symptom of my shyness. I read somewhere that shy people are actually very self-involved  and self-focussed. That resonated with me - I always feel like people are paying more (negative) ateention to me that they likely are. Whenever some jerk made a rude comment, I was destroyed, and felt like it was a condemnation of me as a person, and that everyone must agree. If you think about it, that's pretty self-centred. People mostly just go about their own lives, and couldn't care less if you ask for a seat belt extender on a plane or struggle to get through a turn style or whatever the case may be. You can't let what you think other people are thinking keep you from living life.

So, to sum up my essay here, losing weight has made me feel more comfortable with myself and more competent and confident and self-assured....so I guess that effects how I approach social situations in general and am not afraid as much as I used to be...but mostly I have learned to be happy with myself and ok with not being a social butterfly. I like me the way I am.

ya know. its funny you mentioned how shyness can equal self involvement because all the time i think to myself how superficial and ridiculous it is to be so hypervigilant about the way that i look and everyone else looks.  sometimes i think that the more weight i will lose, the more trashy i'll become.   right now i am constantly tugging at my clothes, making sure my clothes look perfect, and i notice how perfect everyone else looks in comparison to me.  the weird thing is that once i get down to a normal size, all i really want to do is shop at a thrift store, and wear sweatpants, and tank tops, etc..  i think that if i can finally be comfortable with myself then i will be free to just be casual.  that to me is why i want to lose weight.  i want to know that i am in control of my life so that I dont have to be so self conscious.  i think my current self consciousness is almost like survival mode.  im kind of just trying to make sure that i dont get into situations that make me feel worse than i already do. 

more than anything, i would love to just know that i am strong enough to be in control of my destiny.  of course vanity and weight loss go hand in hand at least a little bit, but i think if i could just get out of survival mode then i would be a lot more casual and open.

i think my current self consciousness is almost like survival mode.  im kind of just trying to make sure that i dont get into situations that make me feel worse than i already do.

SOOOO true.....that's exactly how I have felt. It's nice to feel less hyper-vigilant now...I too look forward to the day I just don't even think about it.

I went as The Incredible Hulk for Halloween. I just had purple shorts and painted myself green and went shirtless. I would have never done that two years ago. Luckily it wasn't cold yet.

I lost about 115 lbs a little less than 2 years ago.....I totally have so much more confidence and simple things like taking my shirt off at the beach are no longer obstacles (although I am still kind of self-conscious about my body after years of being so for a reason).... I lost most of my weight during the transition time from hs to college...so while my hs friends knew me as shy, polite, ate and wore whatever and "fat" most of my college friends always knew me as someone who was a little overweight and is now a just randomly obsessive about being thin and paranoid...

I would say socially losing all that weight has made me much more straightforward with people and less shy....this has been kind of problematic in my hs relationships since people just labeled me as now being vain and mean even though that's not the case at all....and I def. have an attitude with people now (which is bad in some ways) that I NEVER had before

I would say that I definitely have much more confidence now compared to the time I was heavier. I used to be so conscious about the way I looked that I spent more time at home as if I was hiding from the world... And when I did have a plan to go out, I always tried on all sorts of clothes that I had, but I was never happy with any of them. Now I'm not afraid of meeting new people or seeing old friends. After losing weight, I feel like I'm not only treated better by people in general but also approached by people who would never have said hello to me before. It really reminded me that looks do matter in this world...

yeah.  it sucks that looks matter, but if you think about it, its natural to find healthiness attractive in a person and its natural to feel best when you are healthy.  thats what i want.  just to be healthy.  i think this will give me the pride in myself to socialize better.

yea that's another thing....I have also found myself approached by a lot of people who sadly would never have tried to befriend me when I was overweight (at least I don't think they would)...but again this has caused a lot of problems when my old hs friends meet my college friends...they are just so different

before this site i lost around 20 pounds, i was 200 frekin pounds at 13, messed up, i still have 30 pounds to lose to be at a normal weight.

I am more outgoing and I can actually do sprints and football in gym without having to walk or sit out. I am happy but i will be ecstatic when i lose that last 25-30 lbs.

Have a good one,

       &nb sp;               &nb sp;   T.J.

Well we have similar situations. By the time I was in the fourth grade I was 120. My heaviest I was 270 (when I stopped looking). In March of 2008 I started on my New Years resolution to just stop being fat and unhappy. I started doing an hour (throughout the day) on the elliptical, sought out a good therapist, and started tracking what I ate. I did this slowly so that 1. I would stick with it and 2. so I could continue to challenge myself. Now I have lost over 100 pounds (just like tjfatboy I have about 30 to go) and I want to go out more. I am surprised that I am wearing size 8 clothing (it is still a shocker) and I am now finding myself wanting to spend money on clothes rather than on food or gadgets. I finally found bra's I like (was wearing sports bra's for the longest time). I can't wait to get a boob job (lost them when I dropped the weight...didn't have much to start with but it is still a tragedy) and I have researched cool lipo to get rid of patches of pudge and tighten the loose skin without having to get it chopped off (yeahhh!!!).

I am still bound and determined to do for myself and I have no problem being selfish when I say no to food. I highly recommend it as a matter of fact especially if the person offering you really bad food gets pissy. Screw them I say because as much as they wish you well they will try to derail you and you already know you are so much more important than that munchie they are trying to stuff down your gob.

You know it's funny because as often as I have had set backs they have actually helped me get past plateaus and so I am really looking forward to getting past this last plateau and seeing what the 150s feel like. Wish me luck! And good luck to you!

Original Post by jessicasbc:

yeah. it sucks that looks matter, but if you think about it, its natural to find healthiness attractive in a person and its natural to feel best when you are healthy. thats what i want. just to be healthy. i think this will give me the pride in myself to socialize better.

Well if you think about it a lot of heavier people are quite negative and have a bad aura. As you continue down your healthy path you will find that you don't want to have those bad vibes and that as you continue to work out the vibes become more past tense. Do you want to hang out with people who try to drag you back into the negative?

Original Post by theactionman:

I went as The Incredible Hulk for Halloween. I just had purple shorts and painted myself green and went shirtless. I would have never done that two years ago. Luckily it wasn't cold yet.

What no pics of that in the gallery? Come on! Ya gotta show us!

I dont think most heavy people are negative and there are definately some skinny miserable people out there.  I just think that biologically we are tuned to find healthy people attractive and feel best when we are healthy.  I think its a nature thing that even the twisted up media and society cant really mess with.  Healthy is the way we are meant to be.

When I was slightly overweight, my classmates would shun away and make fun of me.

Now I am considered grossly underweight and I get random men hitting on me. It really makes me wonder how shallow-minded this world can be.

Yes I know that my size has everything to do with my social life. Even when I lost a lot of weight I was constantly looking at myself in the mirror in disbelief at how great I was actually looking. It's a mental thing I guess that takes work getting over.