losing weight and falling in love ...

I don’t know if any of you out there have experienced this, but here goes:

I’m 18, trying to lose weight, and have never been in love.

All my life I am convinced I am ugly. And the childhood photos show. Ever since 12 my face has been pimply and oily, and wearing glasses just add to the horror. Of course I have admired other guys before, but knowing how terrible I look, I just learn to give things up – they never like me anyway.
I am 18 now, but things have not changed much. My skin is less pimply, but it is still oily. I’ve struggled with losing weight, but I am still stuck at 115 now (I don’t exercise much, so the flabbiness really makes me feel and look fatter than what the scale says. No, I definitely do NOT have an ED, just in case I sound too obsessed).

Recently, I’ve been practicing with the concert band in my school for an upcoming concert in the end of May. There has been a senior in my section who has been talking to me. Somehow I think he is interested in me. Okay, get this, I’ve never been in love, and I don’t think anyone has ever like … flirted with me? So I really cannot tell the difference. I don’t even know … god, maybe this is all my wishful thinking. He is 3 years older than me; imagine all the girls he have seen. Me? No!

So, I am starting to avoid him, although he still tries chatting with me. And this is messing up my eating habits, because … I know I want to be more beautiful, all these years I’ve been trying so many pimple creams, doing so many weird routines just to shake off my childhood shadow. But when good(?) things happen, I don’t know how to deal with it at all. I am just squirming back to my childhood shadow now; trying to find security in the ugliness I am so familiar with.

I’ve been eating badly recently – too much carbs, too little exercise. The scale is going up, and I hate myself for losing self-control. And when I see him every week for band practice, I hate myself for being so fat and not good enough for him, but I don’t want to be good enough – it’s unknown to me.

I don’t wish to let my self-perception ruin what I really want in life – to be fit and enjoy myself and not let the lack of confidence in myself prevent me from missing any opportunities in my life. But I really don’t know how to deal with this. So, I’m wondering, do you guys have any similar experiences like this or any advice? The concert is coming soon, and I wish to end this fight with myself, once and for all.

Thanks in advance (:

I haven't really experienced this to the same extent you have, but I think every girl has felt like you at some time. 

 First, be yourself! That's the person your guy wants to flirt with and get to know so relax and don't act differently than normal. Second, don't doubt yourself--if you have to change who you are for a guy, he is not worth it AT ALL. And any guy who truly likes you (and that's the type you're going for!) won't expect you to change and will like you for who you are, whether you are the skinniest or not. Third, confidence is good! (and attractive!) If you believe in yourself, you have this magnetic quality. Don't let thoughts like "I'm not good enough" weigh you down--positive and happy thoughts make even the least attractive person (which I am SURE you are not) glow and be pleasant. You deserve these good things to happen to you!

So, in summary: Be yourself, relax, have fun, and be confident. About dieting and being healthy--take a deep breath and BELIEVE that you can and WILL start over. Pretend that the past bad eating didn't happen and you have a clean slate. Lose those self-doubts! If you begin to believe in yourself and NOT belittle yourself, there will be a huge change, I promise.

I know that all of these things are easier said (or in this case typed :) ) than done, but I know that I believe in you and wish you the best. Feel free to email me if you need a cheerleader at any time :).

*M*

ps. Good luck at your concert!

Hey! First off, let me say that I can totally relate as I am also 18 and play in band :) and of course am also a teenage girl who has dealt with image problems and concern about my weight.

If you want to lose weight and/or get in shape, do it for you - not the guy. If you truly believe that a healthier lifestyle will make you feel better and put you in a better place, go for it. That said, healthier does not necessarily mean less or more or whatever. So I would do some research if it's something you want to try. I know this site has helped me immensely. Don't worry about being good enough for him but yourself, rather. It is your body and your being and if someone doesn't appreciate that for what it's for, then they don't deserve you.

Don't put yourself down! I know what it's like to look in the mirror and not like what you see...I think we've all been there at some point but you know yourself better than anyone and you know all the good and beautiful things that lie inside of you. Here is where I have to agree with speedangel10, be yourself and have confidence in that person. That alone works wonders, trust me. If you still feel like you need to lose weight (again, for YOUR OWN WELL BEING) then just go for it. I was surprised at how much better I felt about myself both physically and mentally after I'd get up and go for a walk around my neighborhood.

And now to the boy, it seems to me (and this is just what I got from it) that he has good intentions. Whether he is really interested in you like that or just as a friend is uncertain but maybe you shouldn't avoid him. Give yourself a chance! If he is giving you the attention by trying to talk to you and such then he probably is because he appreciates who you are. Don't feel like you aren't good enough. That type of attitude will never make you happy. Let yourself grow and come into your own and don't be scared of unknown territory. We all go through it in life. You just have to live and enjoy as best you can :)

I also haven't experienced what you're going through, but like speedangel, I think every girl has felt like you.

No girl is happy with how they look. Not a single one. The main thing is to embrace the things you do like, and let your confidence stand out. There is nothing more attractive than confidence. And at 115.. you are/were NOT fat. Honey I'm 20 pounds more than you, and IM not fat, so you, not a chance. Everyone is there own biggest critic, and I'm sure you are much more beautiful than you give yourself credit for.

As for this boy, no more running away! =) Get to know him, let him get to know you, and see if there really is something there. Don't question why he's talking to you, instead make a point to be yourself and let him be happy he started talking to you in the first place. Just don't let your weight/looks completely control your confidence. And don't be heartbroken if it doesn't lead to love, you'll find it one day, when you're ready, and it's going to be worth the wait =)

It makes me feel terrible to read this. I can hear your insecurities and I can relate. So I'll start by saying that everyone's posts above are great advice, be yourself and be the best of who you are. If you beleive that you can have anyone you want, more people will want you. If you're getting attention from this guy, you must be doing something right! Let him know that its not going unnoticed by returning the attention. Second, do you want to lose weight to impress a guy? If you think about it, wouldn't you want him to like you how you are now, to know for sure that he likes you for you? The BEST thing you can do is find someone who likes you when you feel the worst about yourself, because that is real love.

Next, you should not even be considering losing weight. If you are struggling with body image, you're going about changing those attitudes the wrong way. If the scale says you're in an ideal weight, but you FEEL fat, then you don't need to change what the scale says, you need to change how you feel. You are in the appropriate weight range (actually you're underweight) so if you're concerned with "flabbiness" you need to focus less on "losing weight" and more on toning the weight you have. Remember, muscled weighs more then fat, so in working out-the number on the scale may go up, but the number in your jeans may go down! I know working out is the HARDEST part. Anyone can diet. But if you really want to look and feel better, do things the right way. You sound like you're starting down a path for destruction. Destroying your metabolism at a young age not only increases your risks for health conditions, but also is setting you up for being an over weight adult. If you're truly concerned about being healthy, RESEARCH. You should be eating AT LEAST 1500 calories a day with a sedentary lifestyle to survive, you need probably about 2000 or so to maintain. Use all the tools available to you on this website, that's what they're there for.

Lastly, I'm obviously not a dermatologist, but I have oily skin as well and I can tell you a few things that work WONDERS for me (ohh, if only I could show you before and after pics, I could be on late night infomercials!):

-Every day make a cup of green tea. After you drink the tea, use the bag and pat it on your clean, dry face.

-Once a week, put an egg white into a bowl. Take a cotton ball and dip it into the egg, apply it to your clean, dry face. Wait until it starts to feel really tight and then rinse and pat dry.

-Don't ever wipe your face, pat it dry, leaving the moisture on your face will stop your body from feeling too dry and trying to make up for it with oils

-Eating healthier foods will clear up your complextion

-THE BIG ONE: NEVER, EVER leave home or go to sleep without moisturizer. If you have a clean face when you leave home, your pores are open and waiting to take in dirt. Moisturizer seals your pores and dirt sits on top. You will IMMDIETLY see results from this. People with oily skin are always afraid to moisturize, you just need the RIGHT moisturizer and to use it regularly.

Hey all

Ok, this is pretty lame, like, replying to my own post? Still, thks for all the great replies out there. You guys are really motivating, the best! :-)

Anyway, the concert is over, so, just as an afternote ...

Well, nothing happened. Or rather, nothing really happened. After reading all these posts and sorting out my thoughts, I think the relationship between my senior and I are just like that: senior and junior. I can sense that he likes me, maybe a bit, but to me he is just a friend. Like what most of you point out, my behavior towards him should not be polarized - either good or bad, lovers or enemies.

During the concert, one of my friend (who was also performing) got upset because her friends are not coming to see her. She was pretty sulky and went to the toilet. Just then my senior came by and asked for a group photo. Well, I ... avoided him. Argh, I know. But I needed to comfort my friend, so I was like "ok, you guys take the photo. bye!"

At the end of the day we still took a big group photo. And I was thinking, what really matters to me at this point in my life is just friendship. With people of the same and opposite sexes. I'm not ready for love, not yet, anyway. With studies and all *roll eyes*, I've got enough on my hands already.

Still, I believe good things do happen. With determination, there can be results. And girls, we all know this, but may be too afraid to admit it at times, that we really ARE fabulous!

Wishing everyone great relationships ahead, with yourself and others!! YES WE CAN!!! (: