At a loss! what advice to offer?

Hi, OK so here's the problem. I have twin nephews aged 5yrs old one of them was diagnosed with autism just at the beginning of the year.

They started school this month and the authorities decided that it would be best that they are in the same class. Initially this sounded like a good idea because it would mean that he would have the normality of his brother still always being around.

However this is actually starting to cause problems because his brother won't sit beside him and has made his own little friends. The result is he is left on his own in the class and in the playground watching as his brother plays.

The other kids have singled him out as "different" and to a minor extent have been teasing him, he has reacted to this by attacking them.

My sister was called to the school because he had hit one of those kids. So he is being even more isolated and labelled as the trouble maker!

My sister asked his brother if he has any friends and he said no he sits on his own all day. He has only been in school three weeks and already he doesn't want to go!

What can you do? you can't make other children play with him or make friends our fear is that this is going to escalate out of control, but what can be done?

First, you need to seperate the two.  Give the autistic kid a chance to be someone other than "that other kids brother."  Talk to the principal and see if its possible.  How big is the school? Is it big enough to move him to a seperate pod where no one would no him yet?

Has the school IAT's him yet (suggested he needs intervention?)  Depeniding on the level of his abilities related to autism, he may need an Individualized education plan (IEP).  If he is need of certain help, he could be pulled out during the day and during that time he would be with other kids who have "problems." With may be an outlet to make friends, and, of course, he would be getting the help he needs to function in school. 

I don't know your school district, put I have found that if parents push enough, admin tend to give in.  (Usually not a good thing for us teachers.)  Tell your sister to keep pushing the issue with the principal and see what can be done.  If he is a lower functioning student, make sure she suggest getting him an IEP if he needs one, if he is not, I would at least get him a new classroom, with a fresh start.  Especually since he is just starting his school career. 

It's already out of control if he is isolated from the group and is attacking the teasers. I can understand mainlining someone but the brother shouldn't have been put in the position he is in at 5. If the other kids picked up on his brother as "different" then honestly he could be embarrassed or worried he'll get teased as well. And then he could feel guilty at home because I'm sure they're best buddies. Lot of weight for those little shoulders.

I can't for the life of me understand where the teacher is in this. If a student is being teased on any level it's up to her to maintain control of the class. He is responsible for hitting the other child but when provoked on such a level it's expected, given his diagnosis. I'm in no way saying he should get a pass because the poor lil guy is getting double jeopardy. He defended himself the only way he could think of.

It's hard to not lash out but reinforcing it's not okay to hit and giving him a line to say like "Please stop" trying to ignore someone teasing him may help. I would say to have him just tell the teacher but he'll end up getting more grief being labeled "the tattle tale" in the end. Can only hope that him repeating please stop or similar when someone is teasing him will get her attention before it escalates to him lashing out again in defense.

I'm also just flabbergasted reading he's being isolated and sitting out from the group. I would get a conference with a guidance counselor, the teacher and the assistant principal NOW. No child (at this age) should ever be left out like this, especially with only being there 3 weeks. Moving him out completely will play out like he is being punished and for the class it won't teach the other kids a thing about how some people are different but all of us are special.  I don't know if there is an early intervention class (what they're called here) but they have a teacher (and aides for students that need them) and the kids are moved there and work on social skills and get extra practice/explanation with the material they're learning in the mainstream class.  It might be able to get that sorted talking to the school.

Finding something special to integrate him into the class is key. I don't know if it's possible but perhaps having him help hand out papers with his teacher or being the line leader or something that will make him feel more part of class since he's isolated from the other kids. This worked with my daughter who is immensely shy when she started school. She wouldn't talk for literally the first month of school unless she was right next to her teacher. Now, you'd never know it 4 years later.

hugs to all of you, hope this starts to settle soon and he can start enjoying the fun at school.

This is probably going to start a debate on the benefits of "mainstreaming", but maybe the autistic brother isn't ready yet? Maybe he would benefit more from a class or a teacher specially trained to work with autistic kids, teach them interaction skills and such.

What you described as it stands doesn't sound beneficial for either brother. The autistic brother is isolated for his differences (I can't blame him for attacking teasers though. But I know it also won't help the situation.) He's probably not comfortable there.

The not-autistic brother, meanwhile, wants to develop friendships, play games, and explore new things at his school. That's not unreasonable. And it's also kind of heavy responsibility to place on a five year old that he be responsible for his brother's interactions. He can't MAKE the other kids decide to accept his brother.

Honestly at this point the autistic brother may be better off in a program that addresses his specific needs.

I agree with coffin.  I realize that the current trend is to "mainstream," but the fact is that the early education experience of both boys is in jeaprody here.  It certainly isn't fair to expect a 5 year old to handle the socialization of his twin regardless of how close they might be.  A child that young simply doesn't have the skills necessary for such a task, and expecting him to take care of his twin undoubtedly interferes with his own learning and socialization.  On the other hard, the autistic twin is losing out by being in a situation that is clearly quite hostile to him and he can't possibly learn well in that environment.  I suggest a meeting with the teacher and administration as soon as possible and insist the autistic child be put in a situation where he would enjoy a better experience and have a teacher who knows how to handle children with special needs, and (this one I think is very important) so he is with other special needs childrens so he doesn't feel like he's inferior.  Both children deserve the best educational experience possible and it doesn't sound like either is getting it.  Good luck!

Thank you for the help with this I haven't replied on it because I don't know what is best but I am taking it all in and will pass it on to my sister.

Thank you again

My youngest nephew got into a program for children with autistic tendencies around the age of 3.  He's hopefully going to get mainstreamed next year in the first grade. If you didn't know for sure, you probably wouldn't realize that he has autistic tendencies, the individual attention without his older brother around to distract has really worked well for him.

With twins I'm sure that the differences are highlighted and some kids have a tendency to act like pack animals at any age (ever read Lord of the Flies?).

If he's hitting kids who are teasing him then I'm sure that the teasing is far from minor.  While he shouldn't be taught that hitting is okay in response, those kids should not be acting like little velociraptors all of them should be receiving appropriate punishments and sincere apologies offered imo.

You can't make other children like and want to play with him, but I would suggest removing both children from that environment and giving both of them a clean start.  While the class as a whole could certainly use an education in how to behave like humans instead of wolves that lesson should not be taught at the expense of your nephews.  Neither needs to be around a bunch of children who are just plain mean.  Another option, if one of the parents is stay at home or has a flexible schedule would be to volunteer in the classroom.

A child who has been diagnosed with autism should not be left to fend for himself.  He needs to be tested within the school system if he hasn't been already and at the least, he may be entitled to a "shadow", an aide whose job it is to look after him. (I have an autistic daughter who is now 15.)

this subject has interested me for ages... i worked with an autistic boy for a few years. it was really quite intriguing. at the time, i did a lot of personal research. i'm not a qualified therapist but i have taken in oodles of information.

one documentary i saw dealt with a child who was trying to be "mainstreamed" into public school and experienced expected problems socially, including violent incidents. they found that what was actually the most effective way of easing his relationships was to EDUCATE HIS CLASSMATES on autism (or asperger's, as it was). 

as soon as they had insight into the subject, they were much more compassionate with him and the violence between them stopped. yes, he was "different" - your nephew is "different" - but teaching children that differences should be valued is so important. teaching anyone to be more open and accepting at any age should be valued. if your nephew does not feel threatened by these kids, he won't "attack" them. 

so that's my advice. get your sister to talk to the school about talking to the class about what autism is.