Loss of patience for overweight people?

Has anyone else found themselves starting to lose patience/empathy (...I'm not sure what word to use don't exactly...) for people who are overweight, since losing weight themselves?

Last week I was watching an Oprah rerun, and they were talking about the stigma against overweight/obese people. They showed some people talking about what they thought of overweight people. They were making a lot of very rude and judgemental comments. I thought to myself that that was pretty harsh and narrowminded. However, they then showed overweight people talking about their experiences. How they are embarassed to be seen in public, how it was hard to play with their kids, how it is difficult to go places, etc.

I'd seen this show before, and can remember watching the segment and thinking the whole thing was horrible, and how itwas unfair anyone should have to feel like that. This was a few years ago-I was an average weight at the time. But now, having become overweight, having recently lost enough to put me *just* back into the healthy range, I couldn't muster up much sympathy for these people. I don't think it's fair to make fun of someones weight, but that's about as far as my sympathy would stem. It aggravated me so much that they were complaining about their weight in the first place. If you're unhappy about it, then do something. Be overweight if you're cool with that-but don't then go and complain on the Oprah show about how hard it is to buy clothes, or how much it sucks to go to the beach.

Maybe these people on the show actually were doing something about it; maybe they had problems that stemmed beyond simply overindulging, I don't know. I'm just so surprised by my sudden change in opinion. Having now experienced what it is like to be overweight, and how hard it is to lose weight, I'd think I'd feel more supportive, if anything.   

Has anyone else found a similar change in themselves? I've only been counting calories for about 6 weeks, and wonder if I might "soften up" a bit once the initial novelty of weight loss has begun to fade... 

I still have sympathy.  I know  how long it took me to get motivated to lose, it's not a simple thing.  And being fat sucks, at least being really fat. 

People (not just overweight folk but anyone in a similar sort of situation) really don't deserve much sympathy when all they do is complain about something but make no effort to help themselves.

I've always held that opinion.

I'm overweight and hate it but I don't go around feeling sorry for myself and make my situation worse by eating more. I got myself into this mess so I'm getting myself out. It's not easy but it's definitely not an impossible task.

I think people like that just need a kick up the back side and get a little will power organised. If they hate the situation they're in that much then surely finding the will power isn't that hard.

I have sympathy for those who are overweight and I try my best not to pass judgement just because I don't know anything about them (unless they're a friend). But I agree that I get annoyed, if say, a friend of mine is overweight and CONSTANTLY whines about being overweight, yet s/he does nothing to lose weight (not accounting for any medical reasons for weight gain). I don't think they have a right to whine unless you do something to change it.

Just my two cents though.

I don't think your opinion is wrong as long as you are not treating people cruelly.
My husband is working on losing 120 pounds. He has lost 25 since the new year and has totally reformed his eating and exercise and I'm so proud.
Recently at the gym he was wearing a pair of headphones but didn't have his music on while walking the track. A couple girls were making fun of his weight because they didn't think he could hear them. He then got a stationary bike at the same time they did and they again made a comment that he would probably only last on the bike 5 minutes.
20 minutes later the girls were getting off their bikes and my husband was still pedaling away. As they were walking away he turned and yelled "Ha!" at the girls. They left the gym red-faced and he continued riding for his normal 45 minutes.
While my husband used their cruelty as fuel to motivate him to work harder, it still doesn't excuse people treating someone who is obviously working to improve himself that way. Though instead of going on Oprah and crying, he is making sure is never one of those people again.
And both of us have found ourselves getting a little more queezy when we see people, especially overweight people, scarfing down huge portions in restaurants. We go "God that used to be us." and it's hard now to remember why we thought it was OK to do that.

I get annoyed when someone complains about being fat and that "they just can''t seem to lose weight" while they are in the midst of shoving a 800 calorie burger down their throat.  If you don't mind being fat, ok. But if you are going to complain about it, do something!

However, When I do see an obese person eating a salad or going for a walk or even turning down a cookie or anything even really small, I feel like screaming "You go girl/guy! You can do it!! keep it up"

oh Danabliss, Im proud of your husband he acted very mature in a very immature way. haha.. oxymoron. I love it! Darn those girls though.

I have never been in the clinically obese range, but I am highly sympathetic because I have several friends and family members who are, or have been.

IMO there's a big difference between going from overweight to normal weight (been there, done that... twice now!) and going from clinically obese to normal weight. There are simply different challenges altogether when one has hit the obese level!!

Just the simple act of walking is a major challenge. For example I once ignorantly told my 300 lb girlfriend that it wasn't really all that hard! Just get up and go walking for an hour once a day!! Duh.  

Once you get to a certain level, the weight gain truly does become a sort of self-perpetuating thing. You get trapped in a prison of fat.

So I am consistently amazed and impressed and in absolute awe for  anyone who's tackled such a weight problem!!! They are my heros! Yes, each and everyone of you out there!! It's far beyond the sort of will power I could ever imagine having myself.

And btw I have never heard a single one of my obese friends or family members - whether they were working on losing or not - whine about their weight. Nope. But I sure hear a lot of my overweight or normal weight friends whining (including me!!).

I guess I don't hear overweight people complain about their weight that often.  Most overweight people I know are some of the happiest and funniest people I know.  However, I've seen some shows where some people were extremely overweight and simply don't know how to get started and it becomes that much more difficult to even get out of bed, I feel for those people.  What happens I guess is that most overweight people don't realize they're overweight until they're really overweight and then by that time their eating habbits are fully established and exercising becomes that much more difficult.  It's just really difficult overall I guess.

I have sympathy for people who can't help being overweight - parada willi syndrome, underactive thyroid disorders etc.

People who just eat too much of the wrong stuff, I don't feel sorry for. If they're trying to do something about it then more power to them but if they're whining and then doing nothing then I have no sympathy at all.

Especially seeing as I went from bordering obesity to a now normal BMI. It is possible.

It's quite simple in my mind:

Whatever it is that someone's complaining about, be it weight, job, relationships (or lack thereof), friends, family, etc - it comes down to action. Taking it, being responsible for it and how you feel and respond to it - whatever "it" is.

Passivity, regardless of the matter at hand, is pointless. It's like being a hamster on a wheel (without burning the calories, he, he, he!) - you ain't gettin' anywhere. Whine all you want - to Oprah, your family, your friends - whomever - that changes nothing. Getting started, one metaphorical (and actual!) step at a time, is what creates change and growth. That's all.

Here's to getting somewhere. Cheers, everyone! :-)

I'll be very honest here.

Overweight people who are doing something about their health (or can't physically but try to be as close to the normal range) are people i have respect for because they are proactive and take responsibility for their actions.

obese or overweight people that deny their's a problem and start reflecting their problem by calling others too thin anyway and don't take responsibility when they *are able to* with no physical problems.. i have a problem with those people. they're irresponsible individuals who don't deserve the worry others waste upon them. it's like trying to walk into a wall and go through with those people, i've faced so many. it's not HARD to not be grossly obese.

At first I thought there's no need for me to even respond to this thread, eveyone is entitled to there own opinion and if this is the way you all feel then that is just fine.   But since I've read it yesterday I just can't get it off my mind - so here's my 2 cents...

First of all most of the comments here have come from people who (according to profiles listed) have no idea what it is like to be morbidly obese.  Just as jenmcc said going from "overwight" to normal weight is NOT the same as going from morbidly obese to a normal weight. While 30-40 lbs. was/is a struggle to lose, and is a great accomplishment, I'm sorry it's just not the same as 100-200 lbs. to lose.

Until you've felt the abosulte despair and hopelessness of knowing that your current situation is a direct result of your own actions yet feeling completeiy incapable of controlling them...until you've suffered the humiliation of having to stand up in front of hundreds of people to walk off of a roller coaster ride because the lap bar wouldn't close, or ask the flight attendent for an "extention" because you can't fit into a normal airline seatbelt...until you've felt like the lowest form of human being you could possibly be - I wouldn't expect you to have sympahty or compassion for someone who is feeling this. 

But really... is this (cc) the place to get something like this "off your chest?"  What if one of these whining fat people you speak of just happened to stumble onto this site, much as I did just 1 month ago, and read this post first, instead of all of the positive and supportive posts that I found (and don't get me wrong - I know this thread is a needle in a haystack of positivity!) I garuntee you I would have logged off and not come back. 

As I said everyone is entitled to their own opinion and the sad reality is there are probably more people than I realize that feel this same way, but it's just a shame it ended up here on this site!

I have found that since I started C-C I am judging people a lot more. It's like, "Hey, it took me a while to kick my butt into gear, but I did it and so should you!" And it's partly an image thing and partly a health thing. So I guess I'm becoming more of a bi#$% than I already was. But seriously, if you can do something about it, do something about it.

 I don't wanna be mean, but when I watch shows like "I Eat 33,000 Calories a Day" I just don't get it. I don't know how someone could allow themselves to get to that point. I also don't understand how their family lets them keep eating that way. I mean these people can't leave their bed, why are their loved ones bringing them bags of chips? Bring them a friggin' salad!!!

TiaTorilla, YOU GO GIRL!  You are absolutely right.  While I don't think that CellarDoor was deliberately attacking anyone (just sharing her feelings and wondering if that was a common one), I don't think that was an appropriate post in the Weight Loss Forum.  You got back to a healthy weight in 6 weeks.  6 weeks!  That's a wonderful thing, but I don't think that an obese person could have lost weight so easily.  

I agree wholeheartedly Tia.  I mean, did you all who posted in this thread start on a diet immediately when your BMI reached 25.1?  Or 30.1?  Or even 40.1 if you've been there.  Surely you must have a small inkling of the denial that can come with being overweight, with the helplessness over food.  Or maybe not.  But if not, surely you can respect that others do have these problems.  I was morbidly obese, I no longer am.  But I walked around that way for at least several years before doing anything.  Sure, I look back and it's easy now, but my dh has been through 3 job losses in the past 5 years and I've had 4 children including a set of twins.   That is some serious life stress.  So now it's abated and I'm doing something.  That means that no one should have empathized with me?  Should have blamed me?  I don't even blame myself, at least not in a shameful manner.  I don't believe in looking back so I don't.

I have a question for cellar_girl... and everyone else.

When you look at a person, how do you know who is or isn't trying to be proactive and take responsibility?

What if the person you're calling a lazy and irresponsible has been trying for years to lose weight and failed, with no luck?

Do you really believe that simply because losing weight is easy for you that it's easy for everyone?

What if the person you believe was lazy and irresponsible had already lost 30 lbs., and knew he or she needed to lose that other 90 lbs, just to be overweight (forget obese), and was working on it?

What if the person you believe was lazy and irresponsible had lost the weight they needed, but was unable to keep it off due to PCOS or hypothyrodism or certain antidepressants?

And most importantly, as you gaze at those "Fat, Lazy Bastards" you've lost sympathy for, how do you really know? How do you know a person's past, or what a person IS or IS NOT doing with just a look?

{{{{hk}}}} Well said, young man.

I think that 1200calgirl made it pretty clear that she is talking about situations where it is very clear that the person is or is not being proactive. Basically, are they eating a cheeseburger and then complaining that they're fat or are they making a conscious decision not to have that cheeseburger because they know the reprecussions.

I think it was quite obvious that she was talking about situations where you KNOW the person enough to know how they are handling their weight situation.

Really?

I eat Cheeseburgers. I eat Buffalo Wings. I eat Chocolate. I eat Pizza.

So... are you saying that seeing someone eat these things means they aren't working towards being thin? Because I bet you 66 lbs. that you're wrong.

U know just as Tia said i thought yesterday when i seen this, erica maybe this time u should just keep your mouth shut. But it REALLY did upset me. As tia said unless you are in that situation where you are obese U HAVE NO IDEA how it feels, or how hard or easy it is. I see so many ppl on this site complain how fat they are or overweight an most of the time these are the ppl that only have like 10-20lbs to lose (loseing that is an accomplishment, dont get me wrong) but i hear the skinny ppl complain more then they obese ppl. For someone like me i've tried so many differant diets etc, i always told my friend i wish i could just find a place where i knew what was really right for u and what wasnt, how much fat u need, sodiem, etc..Then beg Febuary I found this site, and i have stuck to it, and im so thankful. But when u have kids as i do, (4 of them, one being 6m) and u work full time. U DONT HAVE THE TIME to go to the gym for an hour, or even go walking cause by the time u get home with the kids, its dinner, homework, shower, etc time. And i do agree this post could discourage ppl away that maybe could of been helped as ALOT of us have been.