Lots of ladies...

But not many guys here that I see. Well then, I guess I'm looking for advice on how to get motivated to drop some weight....

My wife is telling me to lose weight or hit the road (basiclly).  I am 6'0 about 225lbs and have never really "cared" too much about my weight. She has been "withholding" for awhile now because she's not attracted to me.  I never cared how much or little she weighed (at one time last year 180+ and 5'8) I just cared about her. She lost a bunch of weight, got new clothes, the whole nine yards and is telling me to do the same. I guess it's time to drop a few pounds. I just need some good tips on introductory weight loss.  I have a desk job, school, and little drive for any sort of exercise program.  Any words of wisdom out there? Is this "proper motivation" or is it "giving in" & paying the equivalent of ransom for  a relationship?

wow..

i'm not a guy but i must say i'm shocked.  I'm shocked that anyone would use that type of emotional blackmail to get someone to lose weight.. whatever happened to that saying "for better or worse"?  and anyway 6' and 225 pounds is not that overweight..

that said.. do you want to lose the weight for you or for her?  I have said this time and again.. the only way to be successful with losing weight is if you want it 100% for yourself.. not someone else.  People have wanted me to lose weight all my life.. i haven't.. i finally want it and the weight is coming off. 

If you are ready to lose the weight for yourself then you came to the right place!  you should use those nifty tools that are available here to figure out how many calories you need a day and then you need to count those calories and exercise. 

I guess I gotta learn how to use all of the tools here... it may take awhile but I'll get the hang of it...

I could stand lose about 30 pounds or so.  I used to be a lot more in shape and active but realisticly I'm drained, tired and down most of the time.  I don't sleep much but I'm always tired.  I gotta get rid of my gut, the rest is actually ok (in my book).  I used to work out & walk during the day (about 5 miles or so) but then winter hit... instant couch potato.  She walks too but she does the "power walk" and I think I look like an idiot doing that and would rather go slower than her pace... that usually gets us into arguements and me being "lazy"....  I know I gotta do something here but starting is the hardest part.  My weight has always fluctuated about 20 lbs or so from winter to summer but now it's harder to get off.

Ditto. You need to lose weight when you're ready to do it for yourself, not someone else. No offense, and please don't hate me for this, but I think it's the wife you need to drop, not the weight.

Before I was on this diet, I was 220 at 5'7" and I'm a female. I am pretty bulky for a female, so a lot of my weight is muscle, but still, I was not too "big" for my husband. Nor does my 160 lb. husband want to leave me for my weight.

You were there for your wife when she wasn't as small as she is now, and I think she should have the decency and respect enough for you to care for you no matter what you look like. I hate it when women lose weight and then get all conceded and self-centered. Matter of fact, I know a guy who's wife just lost some weight, and now she's cheating on him because she thinks her sh*t don't stink cause she looks better now... Sorry, that hits a nerve for me.

i like you ssndl!  you said exactly what i was thinking but didn't want to say it.. my hubby is losing weight right now too but not because i am.. i told him over and over again that he didn't have to follow.. i need to lose alot more than he does but he's always been there for me.. he said he married me for who i am NOT what i look like.. i think that anyone who tries to force another person to lose weight because they are "disgusted" by the way they look is shallow.  love a person for who they are and support their decisions.. don't blackmail them into doing what you want them to do.   

Yeah... she's at 125 or so now... I thought about the cheating thing too.  It's possible, but what seems more likely is that she plans to start a new life at 40... who knows... but back on point, I still gotta lose the gut (and learn this site/tools). I got crap for energy and need to change my outlook and view of myself.  I feel the way she says I am... unattractive.

Obsidyan, that was the nice sugar-coated version of what I really think. :) haha.

But ya, I do seem to remember vows... hmm... I think it said something about loving each other... hmmm... what was it? In sickness and in health... poverty... wealth... hmm... TIL DEATH DO US PART...??? :) Something to that effect. [wink]

Shallow people disgust me. There's this nerve in me that's specifically set to explode every time shallowness shows up... [that nerve is right next to the one for ignorance]

Can you say HENPECKED?!?!  I'm sorry but you'll never be good enough... If she dont love you the way you are, she wont love you if your shorter, skinnier, smarter or rich. She's LOWERED you below herself. Your no longer her partner, the one who stands beside her. She thinks she's too good for you now. I'm sure if you really looked at the big picture, this isnt the only thing she's buggin you about.

*shrugs* Kick me if I'm wrong.

wd, start slow. A few minutes of cardio a few times a week, and every week, kick it up 5-10 minutes until you're able to do an hour of cardio. Cardio does best for fat loss at a moderate pace. Also, resistance training and muscle toning will do well also since muscle burns calories at rest... I have lots to say but I have to go to lunch now. I'll probably jump back on this thread in an hour. :)

Guy here.

Hey Walter.  Welcome to the forums.  I saw on your profile Football and Motorcycles, you're my type of guy.

Man, that's a rough situation you're in.

The rougher part is everyone else is right, you're not going to loose a pound if YOU don't want to.

I can recommend a book that will step by step explain how to begin working out and eating correctly.  Big Arnie's Education of a Bodybuilder

This book is pretty much required reading for any guy who attempts to get a gym membership in America.  =P

The second half of the book is a no nonsense guide to getting fit, written for an absolute beginner.  The first 4 month workout routine does not even involve going to a gym.

My best advice; think about the position your wife is putting you in, use it as motivation to drop some weight and gain some muscle; then use your new look to find someone who will care for you the way you care for them.  :)

Good luck brother.

So... who is/was in the same boat as me, no energy, motivation, etc. and did it anyway... How did ya do it?

you are letting her choose how you feel about yourself!  stop that right now!  if you let someone else choose your emotions you are no longer in control.  Just coming here and saying this stuff shows that you have the ability to take back that control.. but you need to feel good about yourself! 

ssndl- yeah.. i'm all about sugar coating everythign.. oh.. that's why i'm fat! haha  but i hate shallowness too.. i also hate people who think they are better than other people.. it makes me soooo mad! 

wdv- i can speek for myself only.. i didn't do it when i had no motivation or energy.... i had to hit rock bottom and i'm clawing my way to the top.. i have more energy now that i've been exercising but i had to have the motivation before i could get to the exercising point.  My motivation was finding out how far i'd let myself go (324 pounds at the last dr's appointment about 3 months ago.. down 50 now).  i'm not saying eveyone has to hit bottom but you have to do it for yourself!  

wdv.... I got crap for energy and need to change my outlook and view of myself.  I feel the way she says I am... unattractive.

Lets take her out of the picture for a moment... sorry for exploding.

Look at what your eating.... Lots of Carbs, fat not enough fruits veggies and protein? You really have to learn the tools under account... you can track your caloric intake and analyze your carb, fat, protein, sodium and fiber intake. Most of what I read reccommends 50-60% carbs 23-30% protein and fats. Drop the sugary drinks for water. Take up a gym membership and go and play. Theres lots of options there. You will more then likely find something that works for you and that you enjoy. Dont think about her, think of doing this for your health. Your the one who said you lack energy and have a poor self image whether self inflicted or not.

There are guys here that are about your height who can probably give you ideas of what works for them. Just create a post titled CALLING ALL MEN 6FT AND OVER... Introduce yourself and ask them what they do for exercise and how they use this site.

Its not to say that us females are going to avoid you... we'll always be herefor support... just as you have seen our supportive reaction to your.....wi... (fe or tch?). I wish you the best in your path of self discovery.

I have to admit that I am in a very same situation. My wife got up to about #230 on a size 5-4 frame. Lost a bunch of weight, started wearing very different (sexy) clothing, and then went through a string of affairs, most with other married men she met at the health club..

Not once while she was gaining weight for 10+ years did I ever same anything at all, I always told her she was beautiful, I always desired and nothing about her appearance could change the way I felt about her in my heart.

Hang in there. It does get better.

Thanks dude!  Looks like I have a little positive support here as opposed to hostile support.

I'm really sorry for my initial comment, it was a hostile reaction. But I think it speaks volumns when women react in this manner when another woman gives her husband the lose or else option. I dont think we would react any different if it was a man telling a woman.

Again, I apologise. I wish you success no matter the circumstances.

My eats are usually a variation of this...

banana/apple/orange; coffee; yogurt; coffee; oatmeal; coffee and 1 or 2 times a week about a half of a cup (or so) worth of hash browns...

lunch is usually "balanced" because I work in a place that has everything portioned out.. sometimes I gotta go for the burger, brat or pizza; and I usually throw in a piece of cake/pie dessert of some sort with my milk

dinner is one of two ways, I cook like a midwesterner... lots of good food but not much in the way of healthy; some nights I just don't eat much

I'm not a smoker, drinker or druggie so my vice is bad (but tasty) food.

By the way... I don't really get angry for what anyone says.... it isn't new or news.  No one really knows me so I can't take anything personal... and I don't.. Don't hold back tell me what you think in detail and I'm cool with it.  No need to apologize.

yeah.. listen.. i wasn't telling you that all is hopeless.. but i just want you to know that if this isn't for you then it will be harder! 

i'm in the midwest too and i know what you mean.. we sure like our casserolls don't we? hehe..

do you do any of the cooking at home?  if you do, try and find ways to make the old favorites better for you.. substitute the whites (bread, pasta, rice. etc) for brown and whole grain versions.  try and avoid anything that is fried because that gets way too much fats into your diet..

the other very important thing is find out how many calories you need and spit it 6 ways like this:  three bigger meals, breakfast lunch and dinner, and 3 smaller "snacks"  it's very important to eat 5-6 times a day as that will keep your metabolism up and it will keep you always feeling full. 

hope you aren't mad that i ranted.. but anyone who's been here a while know's i'm a ranter.. heeh.. :)

I do 99% of the cooking at home.  We have teenaged kids who don't eat the "health, flavorful, different" foods... they want basics. I usually have to make what each person wants as opposed to a "family dinner"... that usually causes some problem with somebody.

Like I said, I don't get mad too often.  I "bounce" in a night club as a second job so if those people can't get me going, no one here really can.  No worries....