Love advice, please...i really need it..

Okay, so I have a bf who is amazing :) But we just got into a huge fight, because I was upset at him over something. Let me give you a little beforehand knowledge..I'm moving to fl in a few weeks, but the date in particular is up to me. He's encouraging me to go be with my dad, who i'm going to be living with. To give me and my dad a second chance at being a real father and daughter. (long divorce story) Now, me and him are realls serious, even though we're young.

So, on his 18th bday, *a few weeks after im in fl* he's going to up and leave to somewhere, i dont know exactly where "to be on his own" for awhile. But he still wants to be "together" with me. I don't see that working for very long, though. Time wears down bonds. But, abscense makes the heart grow fonder - which to believe, I dont know.

I really dont want him to leave, but i don't want to stop him from doing what he needs to do. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to keep him locked up.

I really need some advice and what you guys think...

Original Post by mynameismush:

Okay, so I have a bf who is amazing :) But we just got into a huge fight, because I was upset at him over something. Let me give you a little beforehand knowledge..I'm moving to fl in a few weeks, but the date in particular is up to me. He's encouraging me to go be with my dad, who i'm going to be living with. To give me and my dad a second chance at being a real father and daughter. (long divorce story) Now, me and him are realls serious, even though we're young.

So, on his 18th bday, *a few weeks after im in fl* he's going to up and leave to somewhere, i dont know exactly where "to be on his own" for awhile. But he still wants to be "together" with me. I don't see that working for very long, though. Time wears down bonds. But, abscense makes the heart grow fonder - which to believe, I dont know.

I really dont want him to leave, but i don't want to stop him from doing what he needs to do. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to keep him locked up.

I really need some advice and what you guys think...

maybe i'm confused...how exactly do you not know where he's going? is he not going to tell you? is he going to live there? wouldn't you guys be apart anyway since you're moving, so really youre making the choice not to be with him, not the other way around. absence won't deteriorate your bond if you really love each other but being so young i think time apart will be good for the both of you so that you can understand how you really feel. i had this experience when i graduated HS and went off to college, i think for young couples its very necessary since a large part of growing up you guys probably did together if you've been together for a while and you guys both need to learn about yourselves. i hope this helps. dont shoot it down and not try because you're unsure of how it will turn out, don't stop him from going because he'll likely resent you later, and honestly if you're meant to be together things will work themselves out regardless of the time or distance. even if it doesn't work at first, i am a firm believer that in time your hearts will come back to one another if that's where they belong. separate and enjoy it, live through the pain of being apart, and grow as an individual!!

I don't know because he hasn't decided. yes, he's gonna live there for a bit, so he says.

And yeah, you're right, thank you :) I will try to keep in mind and heart what you said, because he's the most important to me in the entire world. I believe what you said is true, and It's just hard to work through the pain.

Maybe Im reading into this, but saying he wants to "be on his own" sounds like he wants to take a break from the relationship. Then he wants to get back together later. In other words have his cake and eat it too.

The question is: why would he want to be single for a little while? Sounds a little sketchy.

This is going to sound weird but its always easier to analyze your life from a distance, when you arent dealing with the people everyday. Go to Florida, spend some time apart and see if you miss him. Spend time thinking about whether he treated you right. If he is really commited to you and if youre commited to him, you guys can always reconnect.

Yeah, it sounds the same to me, too. :/ And I wish he didn't feel the need to go, but I understand it. And about reconnecting, you're right about this too. But once you love someone more than anything, it's hard to go willingly to a place you know might end up breaking the two of you up! But I do understand where you're coming from, and I'll keep that in mind also :)

Thank you so much for replying, i need all the feedback I can get. I'm just so lost on this.

OK, so this old, well-known saying is gonna sound really cheesy, but considering your circumstances - both of your lives are still a little up in the air, undecided and unsettled, and changing, which is normal when you're young - it fits.

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.

its a true saying though! and I hope he does come back to me one day :)

thanks for saying that...i really appreciate it :)

Relationships, if extremely strong, can survive the test of time and distance. I personally know of a few examples. But it isn`t easy in the slightest bit, and being apart can definitely eat at an otherwise serious and promising relationship. What I`m saying that if you guys survive this, it was definitely meant to be, but the other way around may not be exactly true.. It depends so much on the individuals and at the stage they are in their relationship when they part ways.

What confuses me, though, is the 'on his own', but 'together' part. I think you need to have a deep, honest conversation about what both your views are on this time apart. Will you stay committed to each other? Or, as I understand it, does he want to start dating again? Do you want to test the waters too? And if you don`t, but he does, how comfortable would you be with that?

I`m not saying you should enforce a strict set of rules here, just find out what`s going on in his head, and whether it`s compatible with what you`re thinking or not. It can save you a lot of unnecessary trouble and pain.

If you want a personal point of view, I have never taken someone back if they went on to pursue another girl during time apart or a temporary break up, and never will do so, under any circumstances. IMHO it just encourages an unhealthy behaviour, in that it means you are okay with him not respecting you, and doing this again any time he gets the hots for someone else.

I agree with the other posters who said that he seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.  It seems strange that he "wants to be alone for a while."  It sounds like he wants to be single and keep you in the wings pining for him. 

As for the distance, if you truly love one another (I don't doubt you, but I kind of doubt him) AND have a healthy relationship, then your relationship can withstand the distance.  I, myself, am a prime example.  I met my husband while studying abroad in Rome, Italy.  I left 3 weeks after I started dating him.  We were apart for one year (I had to finish college), and we continued our relationship (without complete insanity).  I never doubted him for one second and he never doubted me.  We never even fought.  Long distance relationships can be difficult if you don't completely trust the other person.  To make a long story short, we have been living together for one year and we have been married for 3 of those months.  So, long distance relationships CAN work, but it all depends on the two people involved.