I am in love with this boy.....

and we can't be together.

We have been best friends almost since we met over four years ago.

Setting: Spanish II with crazy Senora. Billy is in front of me. Starts to tease me. I make a smart reply. From that moment on, well.....history in the making.

Flash forward to four years later. He has been there when I became estranged from my father for ahem lots of sad reasons. He was there when the guy I was dating broke my heart. He comforted me over that stupid boy even when he himself wanted to date me throughout the entire time. He's been there through 3 am hang outs. Coffee at our favorite place. Telling him all about my hero, Audrey Hepburn. He's been there when I couldn't seem to study for an exam. He's been there when I felt like I just wanted to die. And yet....

We would go months sometimes without talking. It's because of this other girl you see. This girl he has dumped to be with me time and time again. This girl who is nothing! like me. This girl who doesn't make him laugh. And I do. And yet...

Even when he dates her he still says "I love you" to me. I don't initate that. He does. He still hugs me like he can't let me go. He sometimes when too far than what a friend who has a girlfriend should do. And I put him in his place. Gently...until January. When I really gave it to him. I told him he can't have it both ways. We didn't talk for six months. I tried to get ahold of him. He only responded via facebook. And yet....

I love him. Sometimes as a friend. Sometimes as a boy. I had my chance with him this last summer. But since we went to two completely different colleges in very different cities, I decided it wouldnt/couldnt work. I couldnt bring myself to say yes.

As of right now, he barely talks to me. Mostly because he is with her. When we did finally see eachother, he told me " I looked really good." He couldnt stop hugging me.

But. I'm cuttin himself off. My heart keeps getting broke. I can't just be in his life when he wants me. I love him, but I love myself more.

My question is: Is this right? What should I do? How can I say goodbye? I think my heart just might break. I get all teary just thinking about walking away.

oh this sounds terrible! my heart goes out to you after reading through what you said, and because i was similarly hung up on a boy for two+ years - and only recently have gotten over him.

long answer short: you are right in doing what you plan to do. the point is, even though he has been so sweet and caring all through history, he isn't caring for you in the right way -- in the committed way that he fully CAN. and since he's not doing right, you should by moving on and letting go.

it's a sort of dead end until either he comes to his senses, which it sounds like he might not because he's too comfortable with the way things are - being able to have the 'best of both worlds' (my favorite phrase for a while...) OR until you walk away. things are stagnant and he needs to work out what he wants with his on-again/off-again girlfriend.

and the fact that he can have such an effect on you when you're together, and then just go away for periods of time, doesn't bode well.

ultimately it is up to you, but i walked away because 1) he got her pregnant, and 2) i was really, really fed up and realized it will never be. and even though she miscarried, and even though i still saw him twice after i made that decision, it was still a relief to be free of the pain. he told me he didn't love her, and had never felt like this [i.e. when he was with me] with anybody else...etc etc. those words sounded like the sweetest music to my ears, but...

nothing followed it up. and now, they are engaged, and quite happy, it seems. i no longer express more than a passing interest.

i realize i empathize with you, but my experiences are not the same as yours, so best of luck with whatever you decide, but know that i will be thinking of you!

thanks soo much! I have some serious issues regarding boys, so for him to get this close has been kind of a miracle.

You are right. He isn't caring for me in the right way. I know his gf is uncomfortable with us talking and stuff because well...I would be too if I was her. I doubt he has ever told her about those little back rubs (under my shirt sometimes) he would try to give. Those under the shirt backrubs were approached toward my chest. Yeaaaa...that wasn't cool. The random squeezes down my leg or something similar. Yeaaaaa...that wasn't cool either.

Totally have it beforesunrise. He wants it both ways. I'm the fun, crazy girl. She isn't liked very much and in my opinion is slightly dense. However, he gets sex with her sooo that's basically the slammer.

He has come to senses before. I'm trusting he will again. But this time on my terms. If he does come to his senses, and fails.....than it's adios time. I will be in a city far away and returning home only a couple times a year. So there that goes.

Im fed up too. How can love be such a pain in the as*? Correction: his version of "love"

Anyone else have any ideas? Guys you got any?

I'm not sure I understand--you say he repeatedly dumps this girl but also he's still with her? Why do they keep getting back together? As "dense" and unfunny and unliked as you say she is, there has to be something more than getting sex that keeps him going back to her. It sounds kind of like he's playing the both of you, sorry.

Having experienced a lot of mind games with a guy who was involved with someone else, I tend to somewhat agree with coffincritter. And while the sheer thought of pulling away might horrify you right now, I assure you that once you are "cured", all these things he does that currently make you happy will suddenly become sickening.

All in all, it is your decision if you prefer to carry on this way or not. But IMHO you deserve much better, someone who respects you and sees and appreciates the beauty within you. And there is no way you are ever going to find such a guy while you are still hung up on your friend. Just some food for thought, I guess. (also the reason that made me get out of the sticky situation before it was too late)

Throw yourself into college, talk to new people, call existing friends and arrange something, distract yourself.

Time is the healer. You will find your man who treats you like the Queen that you are, I promise!

Honestly, there must be a reason why he is with this girl.  It's not like she is forcing him to be with her.  I think you need to definitely move on.  At best the guy has no idea what he wants and cannot follow through(and who wants a guy like that???), at worst he is playing with both of you.  Cut the strings.  Sorry, girl. 

see for me, it would be one thing if it was different girls that he was dating in between all of this....if they were diff girls then I could see that he's stuck on you and no one else works out andt hat's why.

BUT, it seems more like he's afraid of being alone, but really isn't into either of you. I mean, if he was really stuck on you like that, then this other girl just wouldn't cut it and he'd have figured that out awhile ago. He's obviously not stuck on her, cuz then he wouldn't be like that with you.

Sounds more like he really only wants what he can't have. When he's single, is he still lovey dovey with you? Or only when he's seeing the other girl, too?

I think that maybe you are holding on to the 'what could have been'...sometimes fantasy is way better staying as fantasy rather than actually happening. You've obviously daydreamed about how good it could be. Maybe that's all it should ever be......

He is still lovey dovey even when he dates her. We have repeatedly talked about dating...even he is dating. (gulity face) He would than wait a day or two and poof! "I broke up with her."

When I was **** footing around trying to decide last summer if we should date he would tell my friends great things. "She is so beautiful, I have waited for so long to be with her, She is one of the greatest things in my life." Yea, holy junk.

I used to ask him why are you dating this girl? He barely comes up anything besides that she is nice. So, I always thought she was pretty disposable to him.

He has dated other girls besides this one; the cycle is though after a couple of  months where there is nothing from me or I rebuff him, he dates her again. I've come to the conclusion he likes relationships a lot.

Oh don't worry, guys. I know he wants two different people for two different reasons and he is content on just hanging on to both of us. Basically, you guys are right. My intuition is right. I should say good bye and hello to something better.

p.s.- I'm going to remember the comment that what he does now is not cute..it is "sickening." :)