made a complete idiot of thyself

am i a complete idiot!!!!!!Yesterday,for some reason (mostly because i HAVE to study my history!)I ate 1 and a half tub of nuts(not sure which) chocolate ice cream!!!THATS A WHOLE TUB!!!!!Like one tube is 1300 ml=1.3L=900g...Among all that, I finished off half a can of fried ham and a large stir fry? or fried salmon with stir fry vegetable and sugary drink!

man...i feel so bad today..should i eat today? cause i'm thinking of fasting..actually, i'm fasting today..Hooopeeee I can last until tomorrow..sigh...

I need some support and encouragement..Critism is welcome too..

Fasting doesn't solve anything..... it's just the dietary equivalent of a hair shirt.  And I see from your journal that you've opted for a Snickers anyway.... so, if you're going to eat (and I would strongly suggest that you do), then make it good, nourishing food because that'll make you feel a whole lot better. 

If you're 60kgs and 166cm tall your BMI is 21.8 which means you're already very slim.   Losing more weight won't make you more beautiful or more popular - in reality the anxiety and self-loathing generated by calorie restriction and obsessing about the number on the scales or the nutritional information on a jelly will only make you more unhappy than you already are.  You have a history of bingeing and purging as it is.   Cutting calories to lose weight is the most logical reason why you ate a lot yesterday.... overeating follows undereating as sure as night follows day.

Why don't you work on ways to accept & love yourself as you are rather than indulging in all this misdirected self-punishment, feeling bad and calling yourself horrible names?  You're not an idiot.   Work on your self-esteem in ways that don't invove freakishly low weight ambitions.....(your target weight would leave you emaciated)...... I'm sure you can think of some.

In the meantime, work on maintaining your current perfectly slim, healthy weight by eating good nourishing foods, eating regularly and getting the right amount of calories for your age, size and level of activity.  I think you'll be a lot happier if you do and episodes like the above would not happen so often.

Totally agree with everything gi-jane says and would only add this, have you ever considered volunteering to help out at say a homeless shelter or a dogshome or something. I think you might benefit from something else other than your self to cencentrate on. It could give you a wider perspective on life and make youahppier with your self and your lot in life. I'm really not being judgemental I just think sometimes it's easy to get into a downward spiral with ourselves and it helps to have a little perspective when we do reach that stage. It certainly helpe dme when I was going through a bad patch a year or so ago.

Jane said it all.

Was just going to say that amethystgirl. :)

Don't be so bumped out. It is all good. Today is a new day, eat more sensible today and do not worry about yesterday. It is in the past. Don't beat yourself up. The good thing is that you are conscious enough to KNOW you did not make good choices and that is 1/2 the battle.

I'm trying gi-jane..To accept and love myself..It isn't easy..there's a lot of people putting me down..

Exm :

1. My mum , though she already cut down a lot of those putting down moment after my bro choose to stay at college instead of home. I think she's afraid I'll leave her also and most importantly, she started to put on weight so she can finally see why i struggle so much.Ps : We got the same weight same height, just not the same figure..sigh.. 
2. My idiotic of boys friends. One of them said loudly,during class, with everyone in there, "Hei MY! You gain weight and look so fat!" Man, damn it ,I was embaaaaaaaaaarassed!
3. Another friend who keep on saying, "Hei, get lost. You're so fat." or "Hei, stop eating already. So hard only lose the weight now you're gaining it all back! Look at your face! So round and pudgy!"

sigh..its hard..I'll try to eat better.. oh ya : I binge in again yesterday..Retard me..

I wonder..

I'll try to tell myself this every morning,

• I''m not a loser, I'm cute!
• I'm not stupid, just not a genius
• I'm beautiful!!

guess if i'll survive for more than 1 weeks?

Original Post by weightconsious:

there's a lot of people putting me down..

 People say all kinds of things and you have to develop a) a thick skin and b) a few sharp comebacks if you want to survive in life.  Of course you don't have the same figure as your mother... she has 20 to 30 years on you, most likely, and bodies change.   Ever occur to you that the immature boy in class is being sarcastic?....  Calling the skinny person fat is like saying to the tall person 'oh you're so short!!!'.   And if someone is insulting you with personal remarks or making comments about what you eat or don't eat then they really aren't a 'friend', are they?  Don't go around with this person any more because all they are is a bully.   Practice saying 'p**s off' and meaning it!

Don't 'try' to tell yourself you're cute, beautiful and intelligent etc .....trying gets you nowhere.....  actually do it.  (By contrast drop all this reference to being a 'retard'... no good getting rid of external bullies if you're only going to bully yourself.)  Dress nicely, do your hair, experiment with make-up... that's good for your confidence.  And set yourself a small challenge this week - you sound rather shy so it could be something like contributing more in class or joining a club/society that you're interested in..

And I'm going to recommend a book to you..... 'Jane Eyre' by Charlotte Bronte.  If you've never read it, I think it could prove inspirational for you.  An unremarkable girl with the worst start in life but who creates her own chances.

cool..not only your words, but you are cool, gi-jane..I would have probably wish that you are my mother but I still love my mum, for her strength. She's a single mum, having to deal with 2 rebellious teens and she never give up. Instead, she work real hard to give us the life most single family can't have. Its just that I wish that she can just give me more support and compliments on the things i did instead of putting me down, like in exam. She mean well but it hurts mentally..

Anyway,will look for the book you suggest. Nice timing since I don't know what books to read (a bookworm, I am..haha) cause CHERUBs newest book wasn't here yet..

Thanks again gi-jane..