Major Life Breakthrough! Im actually starting to like myself!!! Read this if your feeling bad about yourself!!

So, to give you a brief history of myself:   I have been obese since elementary school (over 200lbs in 5th grade).   I was the poor, dirty, white trash kid (my parents got charged with child neglect when i was 10), and ive struggled with social anxiety for the past 11 years (im only 21).   Basically, my life has been one big ball of self hatred and hopelessness.  I have spent most of my life convinced that life will only get better when I get to a more normal/medium size.  I convinced myself that something was innately wrong with me and that I was just flat out different from other people.

Two months ago I got up the courage to move into the college dorms.  My first week, I had a mini mental breakdown, sobbed during my first ever conversation with my roomate, and almost went home.  My school is only an hour away from my parents house, so my mom came to visit me and convinced me to stay in the dorms.

Living in the dorms has been like therapy for me.  For the first time in 11 years, I am making friends.  This friday I will go to my first party ever in my life.  I also think I just had a guy flirt with me today (ive never even come close to having a guy flirt with me before).  

 Most importantly, I am coming to realize that all the corny stuff that they say about positive thinking is true.  I have been making a conscious effort to eliminate all negative thinking and increase the positive thinking.  I have finally come to truly BELIEVE that my body size is not that important.  I actually believe now that I am worthy of happiness and CAPABLE of achieiving happiness even though I'm still obese.  For the first time in my life, I'm actually starting to believe in myself as a person.  Its freakin' awesome.

I know this is long, but I just wanted to post this because just a few months ago I had a pretty grim idea of what my future would hold.  I thought I'd never achieve happiness.   If you are struggling with body image or social anxiety just know that ITS NOT HOPELESS.  You are a wonderful person who is capable and deserving of love and happiness.   Just start thinking positively and literally tell yourself to shut up when those negative thoughts come into your head.  

At one point, I was actually considering suicide.  Now, the thing that makes me saddest in life, is looking back on how mean I used to be to myself.  

Please dont make the same mistakes I did. 

To give you a little bit of an idea of how I felt before, read this other thread I started in February.  Thats only 8 months ago.http://caloriecount.about.com/feel-like-youre -far-gone-ft116786

Wow, thanks for this post. Me and you have a lot in common in the way we have thought (and our history of weight). I'd also like to say that college has helped me immensely also. I still don't have friends, nor am I sociable, but my anxiety has decreased enormously.

And I'd also like to say that good for you!! :D You should be really proud of yourself, I'm super proud of you. ;D Positive reinforcement oddly does work, and I was skeptical at first too.

The OP is just so full of awesome!! :D

thanks cptbunny.  i always appreciate your posts since we do have a lot in common.

It was awesome for you to share this. I used to hate me too at one point. Considered suicide when I was 9 (yikes!) flirted with the idea a few times after that....and I know so many others who have, so I hope your post really inspires someone to get out there and really live.

I also think that it is awesome that you noticed the guy flirting. The voice of self hatred will tell you that there is no way he is interested, but if you love yourself, that will tell you that you are worth it! I choose to believe the latter.

Way to go!  That's awesome.  I too have been on the brink of suicide and it's amazing to look back on your life and see how far you've come... and how much you never, ever, ever want to go back there!  Keep up the good work.   :)

congrats on making freinds :-)  they are very important, but enven better congrats on liking yourself, next step is to love yourself because your are the most important person !!!

You go girl! Chin up!

'Do not let difficulty conquer you. You must conquer it!'

That's great! I'm glad things are looking up for you.

yes i remember a few posts from you before, but even then it sounded like you had the will to come out of your shell. i don't have a clue who you really are but your realization doesn't surprise me.