Major Motivation Problem

I am having a major motivation / eating issue.  From Feb 2008 to Feb 2009 I was extremely diligent about eating and working out.  I ate 1200 calories per day religiously and did 20-30 minutes of pilates everyday.  I wasn't doing much cardio, but to be honest, that did not matter one bit, in terms of weight and muscle mass.  I continued to maintain my weight and was nice and toned.  I might also mention I was 99 lbs, and am 5'1.

So ever since Feb 2009, things have gone downhill.  Coincidentally, that same month I began going to school full time while working part time, and my motivation and control have completely disappeared.  I just started eating whatever I felt like it and stopped working out.  I am currently a whopping 104 lbs - yeah, I know, it's not something to really complain about; it's 5 lbs.  But when you are short like me, and have a small frame, trust me...it's enough.  I've gone up a pant size and bra size and no matter what I do, I can't get the motivation to work out or eat right.  I'll tell myself, "tomorrow you'll do it" and then find a reason not to.  I can't figure out what happened to me.  I was so good for so long, so lean, and felt great.  I have to be honest, my time is very limited with my current school and work commitments but there must be a way for me to fit it in.

I know I am still "thin" but I am not toned at all anymore, and am not healthy, eating all this saturated fat like pizza, Mexican, grilled cheese, etc.  How do I get out of this rut???  I feel so helpless.   I literally feel like the food is controlling me and I am totally helpless in its grip.  I try to eat healthy one day, and by the end of the day I'm saying "screw it" and eating cookies and then not going to the gym the next day, as planned.  Do you think it is because I have such a full workload with a job and school that somehow it has changed something within me, subconsciously?  How could my habits have shifted so severely???  Any suggestions would help...I'm so angry at myself and I keep "punishing" myself by continuing to eat badly and not working out.  I am just so frustrated!

Just focus on changing one bad habit at a time. At 5'1" and 104 lbs (BMI 19.6), you are hardly overweight, but if it makes you feel good to be at 99 lbs (BMI 18.6) - then take your time to shift that "extra" 5 lbs that you DON'T need to lose.

Honestly speaking, consuming just 1,200 a day is unhealthy in a long run. It's the minimum amount you should eat simply functioning - and I bet you do a lot more than just sleeping on the bed! I suspect that your undereating habit is putting your body in the starvation mode, causing it to pack on the weight.

Since you're not overweight and you don't need to lose weight - try doing some weight-lifting exercises to tone up your body and focus on increasing your calorie intake to something more 'realistic' in the long run, so you won't have to struggle with yo-yo dieting and constant weight gain/loss cycle. Good luck!!

I can see why you don't have any motivation, you sound totally stressed.  I would be too.  As hard as it is though, you have to cut yourself some slack.  Comfort foods are just that, they make us feel better when we're stressed and getting away from emotionally eating is extremely difficult, but you know that 's what you have to do.  I'm not saying you should go straight to munching on carrot sticks, but try to find healthier snacks you can munch on and some quick, easy, healthy meals. 

As for no longer being as toned.  You may just have to accept that for now until your schedule calms a bit.  During the week, just try to squeeze in 10 min. breaks of some sort of exercise.  And if you aren't working weekends, make time then for a full workout. 

Good luck to you!

I agree with the above posts.  It sounds to me like you have put yourself last on the priority list-understandably.  That, combined with the low calorie intake you were on prior to this has probably caused your body to "grab"onto the calories you are consuming, thus the weight gain.

I think you are just baby steps from being in a healthy lifestyle.  First, forgive yourself for your change in routine.  We all get into a rut sometimes, and eat things we know aren't the best for us.  We are human.  The difference here is that you have to put that behind you and move forward. 

Try fitting in some walks into your day.  They are relaxing and help boost your metabolism.  I think you will find as you start making better food choices, a little at a time and incorporate some sort of movement back into your lifestyle, you will start to feel better.  It should get rolling from there.

Of course, check back in with us here for motivation.  That's what CC is for! 

Thank you all for your great advice and support.  I really appreciate it.  Like I said, I don't think I am fat, I am just frustrated because I am not toned and I am not healthy by doing zero exercise and eating lots of saturated fat.  Not to mention it's both annoying and costly to go up a size and buy new clothes! :\  If I were to stay my current weight while eating healthy and working out, then that's totally fine - but the important part is for me to be lean, toned, and eating better.

You all are right: I need to forgive and accept myself first.  I am doing a ton of work right now and that has limited my time to workout, have ample forethought in preparing meals/grocery shopping, and my willpower.  In Jan 2010, I will be finished with school, so I'll be back to working full time without that pressure.  Maybe I should just try these baby steps of 10 or 20 mins a day of some kind of exercise, and try to eat a little better (at least at one meal a day) and start over in Jan after the pressure is off. 

Original Post by sdsarah:

 In Jan 2010, I will be finished with school, so I'll be back to working full time without that pressure.  Maybe I should just try these baby steps of 10 or 20 mins a day of some kind of exercise, and try to eat a little better (at least at one meal a day) and start over in Jan after the pressure is off. 

Well, I don't know if working full-time is going to ease the pressure. It's all in the mind. I find that when I work full-time (as I do, right now), it makes working out tougher as I become more focussed on the job and less of myself. Whatever it is, you have to understand that you have to make time for yourself most importantly regardless of whatever commitment you have for school, job, family and everything. I used to sacrifice a lot of my personal time for others and ended up neglecting my health... but now, not anymore.

I am very sure you can do it - if you really want it bad. :)