not going to make it through the day

Im feeling really really down today.  I am recovering from an ED and have been doing really well the last couple of weeks, feeling fit and healthy and strong and accepting of my heavier weight which I have maintained for a few months now (127, 5'7).

  But today I feel so dispondent.  I can feel rolls on my stomach when I sit down, my thighs now touch at the top.  I feel so ugly, so matronly and I really miss the feeling of being thin.  Im crying because its so so so hard for me to get there but I read about everyone else losing weight, or maintaining at a lower weight than me and I get so angry at myself that I am three kilos bigger.  And Im petrified of it being more!

I just want to give up and laze around and binge all day, something I havnt done for years but its so frustrating, I try so hard exersizing so much and eating so healthily yet Im not an ounce smaller (im really maintaining by default)

Im so angry at myself I can barely function.

Aw, hun, I hate to see you so upset! I'm so glad for you that you are on the road to a healthier, and ultimately, happier life. Recovery can be both very uplifting, but harsh, as well.

You also sound very stressed. Instead of calming yourself with food and binging, take a nice, long, hot bubble bath and listen to some music. Or, treat yourself and get a manicure, pedicure, or massage. Stress can sometimes just bring us to feel like failures and harshly criticize ourselves. But take a look at where you are and what you have overcome. If you were a failure, you would have lost against your disease and died.

So please take a day off for yourself to calm your body and mind, and start tomorrow fresh. You are beautiful inside and out.

Tani- don't feel depressed about your new and healthier weight.

Instead, you should feel proud and happy! Remember that you are a beautiful girl who is REAL. In fact, you should throw out your scale and live your life with healthy eating habits that satisfies your appetite, not your weight. Life is too short to not enjoy.

 

Wow, if only I can practice what I preach!

But good luck and I really hope you feel better.

i wish there was something i could say or do to make you feel better but i'm in the exact same boat.  Been binging since the beginning of April and i'm now living proof of the results.

 I can't look in the mirror because i look so ugly and unrecognizable.  I can't bend down without feeling my stomach protruding out and how uncomfortable it is.  my inner thighs touch each other.  my clothes don't fit right and it's bothering me to the fact that i cannot function during the day because i dwell the past actions of binging and just literally cry my eyes out swollen.  While i survived the weekends, i fell back today and couldn't hate myself more. 

my! at least you're 5'7, i'm only 5'1 and my highest weight was somewhere around you current weight.

After all this tough time, I actually still have a little hope.  what i do believe is that the more obsess i am about something, the harder it is to get by.

Well done on getting to a healthier weight.  Don't forget.  Healthy food is 'good mood food'.... grains, vegetables, fruit, pulses etc.  Processed food tends to do the reverse and will make you feel down.  So it's good that you're eating more.  Make a conscious effort to eat 'better' at the same time and you'll feel 100% more positive.

And then how about getting out in the fresh air?  I don't know about where you are but where I am the sun is poking around the clouds, the spring flowers are fantastic and there's chance of a sudden shower - always fun!  Exercise is good for the soul but it's become corrupted to mean 'working out at the gym' when a brisk walk is a perfectly good way to get exercise and sort your thoughts out at the same time.

Well I managed to make it through the day without a binge.  THANK GOD.  After so long without binging I think if I ever did it would really really set me back.  I managed to have a fairly normal day actually despite walking around it unable to make a decision on anything or even take a simple shower?!

  It was storming outside so no chance of any exersize, (I dont do gyms) so by the evening I was a mess on the couch.

Still ffeeling disgusting and diisgusted today but going to take gi-janes advice and try to eat more 'good mood food'.  I also have to keep telling myself over and over and over that I am not fat and maybe eventually I shall believe it.