Does it ever make you sad to see your family members eating junk?

My dad eats so bad, but he thinks he's eating healthy.  He is a big guy: 6'6 with lots of muscles, but he also has a huge belly.  He weighs about 300 lbs.   Today my mom bought him literally 20 yogurts from the store.    Since he is a big guy (and I believe that he is depressed and addicted to food) he will probably eat all of those in about 1-3 days.   My mom and dad think that yogurt is healthy (because he could be eating worse stuff), but each of those yougurts has 37 grams of sugar!!!   If he eats all 20 that will be 740 grams of sugar, plus all the other food he eats in just a few days.  

Also today at the store my mom was looking at some zero calorie flavored water.  The problem is that the water has 6 carbs per serving and 2.5 servings per bottle.   Thats actually 60 calories, regardless of what it actually claims.   I told my mom, why dont you just drink regular water and she said "I just dont drink water.  I just dont like it."    She also eats tons of cereal which has a lot of sugar even though it is the "healthy" cereal.

My parents have been eating slightly healthier because i have been forcing them too, but they still are eating mostly crap.   My parents are only 49 and 52 years old and they have this mentality that they are too old to make changes.   My problem and fear is that they are too old NOT to make changes.   I cant even fathom something happening to them and I just wish they could see the light.  I have made a big turn around myself and I have been obese since I was a little kid.  I drink tons of water, whole foods, watch my sugar and my blood pressure has actually gone down since the last time i went to the doctor.  I just dont know what to do.  They are so stubborn and it scares me.

Show them your post.

I bet it will help.

dawnprado, thats a really great idea, except it wont work on my parents.  i have voiced these opinions many times and they think im asking too much of them.  ive already made them change a lot of things in their diet, but its still not enough.  i mean, the way we used to eat made me weight 200 lbs by the time i was 10 years old.  we have already made improvements, its just still not enough.  they think im some kind of whacky health nut.

of course it not TOO late for them, many of us have made great lifestyle changes in our late 40s -- with great success.  However -- the desire to change HAS to come from them.  All you can do is present them with information and reasons why -- but be careful about shoving it down their throat, you risk alienating them.

I know its not too late, but my parents arent exactly go-getters.  it just makes me sad.  my dad's doctor tells him to change his diet to fix his blood pressure and he just gets pissed off and complains that a doctors job is to give him medicine to fix the problem, not lecture him about his habits .  my mom has high blood pressure too now.  i dont shove it down their throats, but they just roll their eyes when i tell them about healthier foods.  it makes me feel guilty for caring, ya know.

don't feel guilty for caring -- but you can't help those who don't want you help -- you can only offer them support when they do make the smart choices

His habits are the reason he HAS a problem.

I feel you on this, completely. My parents are the same. My mother is obese, my Dad is muscular, but has a ROCK HARD beer belly that isn't from beer, but from all the bad food choices.

Dad has given himself high blood pressure and diabetes, and Mom is so depressed because of how she looks that she eats more, and thus the cycle starts over again.

Neither one is really CHANGING, even though they want to change.

My advice? Talk to your Dad. Tell him that the road he's on leads to serious health problems, and you want him around to see your kids, and your kids' kids. Tell him this isn't about vanity, or wanting him to look good. You want him HEALTHY for life.

Tell him that his Doctor is supposed to lecture him on his habits, especially if changing his habits will SAVE HIS LIFE. My parents pay over 6,000 US dollars a year in co-pays on all the doctor's bills, medicines and other things. If they didn't have insurance it would be over 35,000 dollars a year. Just in doctor's visits and medicines.

Tell him that changing his habits will save him money, save him time, and save his life. There's more than just his health at stake (if the money trick will work why not?!), but he's got to want to change, and that takes some serious thought on his part. My Dad is changing, slowly but surely, but he stalls now and then. The same with my Mom.

Hopefully this will help some. Good luck to you! Also, when in doubt about what to do? Just be the example. Explain why you're eating what you're eating and then eat it. Eat healthy around them, and maybe it'll brush off. Don't feel guilty, you are not bragging, you're helping them learn and grow. They did the same to you when you were little, and were unaware of what they knew. They don't know all that you do, as I'm sure you've educated yourself. Share your knowledge, and I hope it helps.

thanks.  you guys are so nice. 

since i have talked to my parents a thousand times about this and they still dont listen, i guess the best thing i can do is be the example.   ive lost about 30 lbs now, but its not entirely noticable.  maybe when i lose another 60-80 lbs they will see that im not just some wacky, annoying health extremist or something.  i think the problem probably goes deeper than food anyways.  like i said, now that they are getting older, they seem to have given up on trying to make things better.  they are very stagnant in general.

edit: oh and my dad also has the rock hard beer belly, but hasnt drunk alcohol in 20 years.

I know what you're getting at.  I'm finding this weight loss thing really difficult because of the food my mum buys.  She just doesn't seem to have any idea on what healthy is.  Last time she went shopping she got loads of stuff for the freezer.  pizzas aren't great for a diet.  I want to see more veg in the fridge but there's just more in the freezer.  I'm not overly fussed on those veg steamed in a bag things.  Also, I'm getting really bored of pasta.  I love it but not that much.  Salad draws also looking pretty empty aswell.

Anoyingly you just can't forse someone to change their habbits.  I'm always watching my mum and sister eat things like McDonnalds and chip shop chips.  All I can do is refuse to eat them.

Original Post by jessicasbc:

i think the problem probably goes deeper than food anyways. 

Maybe another part of it is that they don't want to admit that they may have a thing or two to learn from their daughter :p

My parents are much like yours, too. They think they're buying healthy stuff when it's really not. It doesn't really bother me except for the fact that the food is around to tempt me =/. I've pretty much given up trying to get them to change because they're too stuck in their own ways.

Both my parents are over-weight/obese as well and have high blood pressure, but they also just seem to want quick fixes without working for any real change. They've successfully lost weight in the past, but they put the weight back on soon after.

Perhaps if you can't really change their eating habits except by setting an example, you could at least get them exercising a bit with you? Next time you go out for a walk or go to the gym, ask if they'd like to come along?

my mom does go to the gym with me 3 days of week and i definately give her props for that, but her eating just counteract the working out.  my mom is a lot better than my dad and she knows that i recognize that.

I understand your concern, but you also have to take your parent's personal rights and preferences into consideration.

How would you feel if someone who felt they had a healthier lifestyle than you chose to comment on everything you consumed? I know I would get pretty pissed off.

Nobody likes to be judged and condemned, even if it's done with good intentions.

Original Post by jessicasbc:

i definately give her props for that, but

 That says it all. You're lucky your parents are so patient with you.

i never judge and condemn.  i plead. 

i plead for them to not always think that they are stuck. like i said, i think the issue goes deeper than food.  my parents never try to solve problems, they try to avoid them.  i deal with this on a regular basis and have come to accept it, but eating is different because continuing to eat bad will KILL them.  avoiding other problems wont.

Original Post by freshbakedpi:

Original Post by jessicasbc:

i definately give her props for that, but

 That says it all. You're lucky your parents are so patient with you.

 im sorry, but you dont get it at all.  if only you knew my parents.  you seem to think im some kind of brat, but you have no idea.

Listen, everybody has problems. Your parents are not exempt. If you spend your life trying to fix everybody else (no matter your intentions), you're not only going to make other people dislike being around you, you will also neglect the problems you have that you could be spending your time working on.

/irony

have you ever heard of being protective, or caring about someone so much that you cant stand to see them hurt?

you may find me unlikable, but all i want is for my parents to be okay, and since they arent doing it on their own, i feel like its my responsibility to help make  sure that they're okay.  you have no idea the pressure i feel to make up for my parents mistakes. 

im not saying that i CAN change them, but my heart breaks that they are so stuck.

Jessica--ignore the folks who are emitting negativity. You've clearly got nothing but love for your parents and although I can't relate to this specific example, it must be so hard. :(  I have seen people I love do some self-destructive things and it's heartbreaking. These are not people you just "know" or even your friends. They are your parents. I don't blame you in the least for feeling the way you do.

Just be the "adult" with the food and set the example. My boyfriend needs to lose weight (and admittedly, I'd like him to, although I'd never tell him that). Anyhow, he is literally astounded at my success...only about 8 pounds depending on the day. But he seems to notice big changes in my body. Anyhow, he recently told me that he is sick of looking at his belly and asked me for food suggestions. (he eats yogurt everyday for breakfast because he thinks it's "healthy." Each yogurt has 15 grams of sugar and he eats two. Other than calcium, there's no nutritional value, really.) So I talked to him about working on eliminating some of the processed foods from his diet. If he loves yogurt--why not get plain and add in fresh fruit, for example? He hasn't...yet, but he's working out more and added this pushup workout to his regimen. He hasnt' told me this, but I do think it's because he sees what I'm doing. So, although not as serious as your story, perhaps the same can happen with your situation,....

thanks erin.  im going to do my best to be a good example.  i guess i just feel a sense of urgency because we are talking about my parents health, ya know.

Original Post by jessicasbc:

have you ever heard of being protective, or caring about someone so much that you cant stand to see them hurt?

you may find me unlikable, but all i want is for my parents to be okay, and since they arent doing it on their own, i feel like its my responsibility to help make  sure that they're okay.  you have no idea the pressure i feel to make up for my parents mistakes. 

im not saying that i CAN change them, but my heart breaks that they are so stuck.

Erin, I'm not "emitting negativity."

Again, Jessica, I totally get what you're saying here. Everyone loves their parents, but putting pressure on yourself to parent your parents is not healthy. It's not your responsibility to change them, and your coercive tactics to "motivate them" will probably just make them feel bad instead of make them feel like they should change.

The "pressure you feel to make up for their mistakes" is stress. Stress is seriously unhealthy. Instead of doing something unhealthy for yourself and your parents, focus on doing healthy things together, sans coercions.

My step dad smoked until he died. I totally "get" wishing someone would do something differently. In the end, I was glad I spent my time loving him instead of coercing him. Think about it.

the way you worded it before was very negative, but i agree with you about putting stress on myself.  i know that its not healthy for me.   like i said, im going to lead by example and hopefully they'll follow.