What makes a woman more than an item?

What makes a woman more than an item? It had never occurred to me that men might think this way, but it was brought up in one of my lectures which very briefly touched on the porn industry.

When you go out for the night the guys are almost always more interested in the thin, blonde girl, who’s well dressed and has make-up perfectly applied, Barbie. Okay, the other two, three, girls are pretty, but the most of the time, the one they want is Barbie and hell, even for the rest of us, it’s a struggle to remember her friend’s names.

What makes us different to Barbie dolls? Okay, the obvious response is perhaps ‘personality’. So, perhaps women aren’t items as such, maybe pets. You should take care of them and enjoy their company and perhaps ‘quirky’ personality, and there’s even pets who control their family’s decisions.

So to flip this question on the reverse, what makes a man more than an item to a woman? Is it simply just a measure of value, that perhaps you would do anything for the man in your life in a way would wouldn’t a pet?

What do you think?

Interesting topic!

I think a lot of our culture still has the effects of previous decades instilled inside of us.  A lot of women still want to be the preppy house wife, nothing wrong with that.  But there use to exist a time where, that was the only thing you could do with your life, no choices.

I think young people are generally more of the mind set that other people are "pets".  And young people I mean younger teens to early twenties.  I think it's a very hard concept for ANYONE to grasp as committing yourself fully and loving someone, even so much that you'd give your own life to save theirs.  I know some people who would defend their pet's life with theirs, including me, I'd try my best to save my cat, but people would also give their lives for their children.  So where is the difference?

When I see adds with a male model advertising a perfume or different product, I do think they are objects (same with female models).  If I met that person in real life, it would be different.  I think a lot of our culture wishes to keep women's personalities a secret so no one will have a guilty conscience over abusing us.  It's better for those particular people if we have no "feelings" or "opinions".

you do it to yourself! Shop for a "pet" yourself and turn the tables.

This topic is probably better suited for people who use their brain to think, not their crotch.

LOL! SOO FUNAY!    come back to me and talk about picking people up when you can actually do it :P

Why? You'd have absolutely nothing new to say, you're like a broken record.

I'd have better luck getting a decent conversation from a wall.

Naw if i knew you could actually get out there and mange to pick up 3 guys that were intrested in you other than just for sex, i'd say you might have a reason to speak in a thread about such things.  See the difference? Im high class in the sense of items :) you are like the old broken garbage sittin'  on the clerance rack ^_^.    ....awful analogy but its all i can come up with! 

Knock it off ... back on topic.

MOLLY

You know, I hear about these kinds of guys, but I have never honestly seen them.  Sure, I've had guys look me over for one of my friends (probably because I looked like a guy around this time) but whenever I go out now, I'm the centre of attraction.  If some hot blonde walks past me, yeah the dudes around me will take a peek (mostly because I do, too!) but they'll immediately turn their attention right back to me.  Whether I'm a size ten or a size twenty, I've got my make-up perfectly applied or I just rolled out of bed and have mascara smeared under my eyes, I still get hit on more than my conventionally pretty sister.  Before she got all ugly and crap.

It's got to be a confidence thing.  I've been out in a dress I made from a bedsheet that obviously looks like a bedsheet with a friend wearing a sexy little corset, miniskirt, and thigh-highs and I'll still get the attention 'cause I rock what I've got.  She's thinner than me, her hair is pulled back and her make-up is on nicely, but I guess my confidence outshines hers.

Having the confidence is what make us more than an item.  I'm not one to be gawked at and walked right past, you'll have to stop and talk to me because I'm not something on a shelf on display. 

And if you haven't noticed, I'm on a majour confidence high right now.  I just got back from a driving lesson and I pwn the road.

Good for you. I've finished a driving lesson myself, and well, it wasn't as bad as the last one, so I'm in a good mood.

'Confidence' you say? I think I can work with that.

I suppose having had my mind on all this, I was hoping that there'd be something(s) that other people noticed that I hadn't. Something that would mean that I could be more than an item to a person and that would stop me from treating someone in that way.

Still, although genuinley believe I have been in love, and though I lost it, and am in the 'early twenties' category, I couldn't come up with anything more than that another person, that you care about that deeply, was just simply more valuable.

Original Post by fluttergoodbye:

What makes a woman more than an item? It had never occurred to me that men might think this way, but it was brought up in one of my lectures which very briefly touched on the porn industry.

When you go out for the night the guys are almost always more interested in the thin, blonde girl, who’s well dressed and has make-up perfectly applied, Barbie. Okay, the other two, three, girls are pretty, but the most of the time, the one they want is Barbie and hell, even for the rest of us, it’s a struggle to remember her friend’s names.

What makes us different to Barbie dolls? Okay, the obvious response is perhaps ‘personality’. So, perhaps women aren’t items as such, maybe pets. You should take care of them and enjoy their company and perhaps ‘quirky’ personality, and there’s even pets who control their family’s decisions.

So to flip this question on the reverse, what makes a man more than an item to a woman? Is it simply just a measure of value, that perhaps you would do anything for the man in your life in a way would wouldn’t a pet?

What do you think?

Maybe I'm totally missing your question. Can't a guy might be more interested in said "barbie doll" because she is the one he is most attracted to? The girl you're describing is often outgoing; leader of the pack. She's a challenge to get and that makes her even more appealing. Why does this make her an item/pet?

From the reverse side, I don't really think of men as items, except perhaps strangers. We might joke around about how one of us got the better "catch" of the night because he's younger/older, more attractive, smarter, more polite, etc. But as soon as you leave this "night out" setting, men are just people again. If you had one you loved, of course you would do anything for him as opposed to a pet. o.O;

Okay, perhaps a Barbie doll wasn't the best analogy. I'm not saying that only blonde, thin girls get all the attention. I'm saying that a lot of the qualities that seem to be displayed in what attracts someone to another person are, apperance wise, ones that could easily be that of a toy, and personality wise, ones that a pet could easily have.

And yes, I do believe that people, especially someone you love, is more than just a pet, they are a person, but I couldn't pin down what it is that makes the distinction. 

If it helps, it was this picture http://blogalice.com/files/beaut2.jpg which was brought up in the lecture with the fact that it was banned for advertising in the UK because it glorifies gun culture, but also because it glorifies rape and the idea that a woman is an item to be used. 

Objectification is a tricky thing. I think both sexes do it, though neither necessarily does it maliciously or even, necessarily, with intent. I think what it comes down to is we both have idea on what does or does not make the ideal person for us.

I think we all judge each other by our appearances, regardless of sex. Does that mean if I'm judging you that I'm turning you into an object? Common Wisdom says yes, but I don't believe that at all. I think it's just one of many processes that people, even wise people who know that a person is more than their physical beauty, go through.

I must admit - sometimes I do feel like its the blonde slim one getting the attention - although not all the time.

Sometimes, if im not feeling too great about myself and go out with my ever so pretty, slim best friend (blonde btw), she seems to get all the attention...HOWEVER...the more confidence I have...the more it seems to go the other way, or at least balance.

To be honest - im not really bothered anymore - Ive been in a relationship for over 3 years now - but sometimes the attention is a great confidence boost.

It's very simple.

"Barbie" gets the male attention because is usually viewed as having the highest best reproductive potential.

If your confidence is good, then that can superscede the "Barbie's" appearance and cause men to "see" not only the shallow side of attraction but the long term potential. See a woman that is really confident sends the message she is TRUE LTR material that can survive and deal with life.

Confidence wins because it's not just enough to reproduce the offspring, they have to survive. A confident mother would have been a massive plus back in the stone age.

Humor is another massive plus because it often indicates a sharp intellect that lurks below. Might not show up on an IQ test but that's true none the less. That sort of person tend to be able to think out of the box and survive when others fail too.

PS - human brain is still wired for the stone age about 95%.

On the rare occassion, a woman has the look, the confidence and the humor - watch out...

I agree that confidence is attractive to men (and women).  WHo wants to be with an insecure person?  Also who wants to be with a stupid person for very long either?  I think that initially both men and women are more attracted to better looking people but very quickly other things become more attractive and more worthwhile.  I also think that some women objectify themselves (by dressing trashy and acting trashy) because they think that is the only way to get male attention.  But seriously ladies, how many of the guys that you have met out at clubs are actually worth your while?  Men with good jobs and good personalities usually do not pick up girls in bars if they are interested in having a serious relationship with them.  And if you are only looking for a fling, then you get what you got coming and therefore have nothing to complain about.

You have no control over what other people think. You can only change your own mind.

Original Post by kathygator:

You have no control over what other people think. You can only change your own mind.

 

Well said, Kathy. (As always!)

My boyfriend bounced at a bar. I was there several nights a week during college. I didn't see what you're talking about. I saw guys going for attractive guys when all they wanted was superficial physical stuff. I saw guys going for outgoing, friendly girls when they wanted something real. I guess what I want to pose back is: do you really think you can find a life partner in a bar when you're just looking to score? I saw a few relationships begin in a bar, and fewer turn into anything besides short-lived flings. I did see a few relationships start in bars and work, I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but honestly, people, going out to meet people at the bar isn't exactly setting yourself up for the best rate of success.

And I have found that there's a hotness to time being picked up correlation. Typically, the hotter you are, the faster you get picked up. But after last call, even the least physically appealing woman stands a chance of getting picked up, then again, the guys left at that time aren't too physically appealing themselves.

If you're searching for a real relationship, with trust, compatibility, friendship, and committment, you'd be much better off joining a club or getting involved in your community. At least there you'll know that the guys share your interests, and aren't just there trolling for hotties.

Unfortunately, first impressions and initial attraction are all pretty shallow really...for men and for women alike. When you are out at a club or somewhere social, you tend to look for the prettiest person...and yes, it does have something to do with base attraction and the perpetuation of the species. In short, people do not use their minds at first or foremost. They DO think with their "crotches" as giggle puppy so eloquently put it (as usual.) But if you spend any amount of time with said object of your desire, you might find that beyond a superficial hook-up...they aren't life-partner material. (most times you DO find that out...that's why dating is no fun...if you had found someone, you certainly wouldn't be dating!)

I think it's fortunate that gp is so out there and in your face about himself. It really gives good forewarning to any female in the vicinity worth her salt to steer clear.

Im with you MaggieAnn186.

I don't think men are that way at all.  I think men are attracted to women who act attractive.  And, no, I don't mean in that cheesy "beautiful on the inside" way.

When I go out, I get attention.  I get as much attention now at 5'9" 130 pounds as I did at 180.  And it doesn't matter if I'm wearing a short skirt or a t-shirt and jeans.

I go out with the knowledge that I know I'm hot, I'm gonna have fun, and I don't give a s*** what anyone else thinks.  If I'm at a party, I'm going to be loud and laugh and enjoy myself.  I'm going to be fearless.  If I want to dance, I'll get out on the dance floor whether I'm the first one there or not.  If I want to sing, I'll be the first one to sign up for karaoke.  I'll strike up conversations with strangers, I'll find the wallflowers and make them have fun, and I normally leave with a larger entourage than I walked in with.  People are drawn to that, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

And when I was younger, yes, I had a few "pet" boyfriends (cute guys who adored me but were dumb as bricks).  Now, I'm happy to say that my husband and I adore each other, but as equals.