Managing Your Emotions: Coping Skills
By Diane Petrella, MSW
You’ve eaten your meals for the day. All is well. Then…there’s that sensation. Hunger. But, are you hungry…or sad? Do you want a second helping…or do you want to feel less anxious? Do you want to eat something…or is something eating at you? Learn a strategy to hold down eating when hunger isn’t the issue.
STOP – BREATHE – REFLECT - CHOOSE
This four step process, outlined in The Wellness Book by Herbert Benson, MD and Eileen M. Stuart, RN, M.S. is an effective stress management technique easily adapted to manage emotional eating.
What is emotional eating?
Emotional eating is using food as a coping mechanism to manage difficult feelings. It doesn’t necessarily mean satisfying a sweet tooth craving or eating an extra helping of your friend’s baked pasta. The difference is the emotional motivation underlying the urge to eat. For example, do you simply want an extra helping of fantastic tasting food, or do you feel anxious and are desperately trying to calm yourself?
Emotional eating gains momentum by an often frenzied response to overwhelming feelings. Difficult feelings are more easily managed when you’re able to pause and reflect on what you’re experiencing. The following strategy helps you create space between your initial thought, and subsequent behavior, of overeating. You then regain control to make a conscious choice. This helps you manage your emotions in a self-loving way rather than through compulsive overeating which usually leads to self-loathing and guilt.
Four Simple Steps
Step 1: Stop
The moment you recognize the impulse to overeat use a “thought-stopping” technique. This imagery technique acts like the pause button on your television remote control. For example, visualize in your mind a large, red stop sign, or an outstretched hand in a HALT position. Find an image that commands you to stop before overeating. You are creating space between your thoughts and your actions.
Step 2: Breathe
Now, take a few moments and focus your attention on your breathing. This helps to calm your emotions. For some emotions, however, you may need a more structured process to regain control. If so, try this: count each breath up to ten, and repeat that cycle several times. Another strategy is to focus your attention on your right big toe (or any specific body part) for about sixty seconds. You will immediately experience relief as your mind shifts to a neutral state.
Step 3: Reflect
Now, take a moment and ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” and “Why do I want to eat right now?” Are you feeling something difficult and don’t know how to cope? Try to identify that feeling and give it a name. Is it sadness, loneliness, fear, anxiety? Maybe you’re confused about what you’re feeling. That’s OK. Simply reflecting on your experience interrupts the cycle of emotional eating and strengthens inner control.
Step 4: Choose
Now it’s time to choose what to do. An empowering question to ask yourself is, “How do I want to feel one hour from now?” This question helps link your choice with a desired outcome. If you still want to eat, that’s fine. Eat mindfully and with conscious awareness. Sit down at a table that is set with a plate, utensils, a napkin, and even a candle! If you choose to eat, own that choice with confidence. Or, choose from a list of calming or uplifting activities that help you manage your emotions in a self-loving way.
What to choose? Here are some suggestions: Write in a journal. Call a friend. Take a walk. Color a mandala. Take a bath. Organize a closet. Wash the floor. Pray. Read an inspirational book. Watch a funny movie.
Your thoughts....
What’s on your list?
Diane Petrella, MSW is a psychotherapist and life coach. She offers her clients a spiritual approach to weight loss and helps them develop a loving, respectful relationship with their bodies. Receive a free copy of Diane’s Seven Easy & Effortless Weight Loss Secrets by signing up for her monthly e-newsletter, Living Lightly, for spiritual insights and tips to release weight with confidence and love. To contact Diane directly visit her website at www.dianepetrella.com
Comments
I eat from boredom not anxiety but I think that everything here still applies and is very helpful, thanks!
Eating from boredom. Smoking from boredom. Drinkig from boredom. Nothing comes good from boredom. Boredom is very dangerous thing. I am working hard on avoiding boredom. It is like an addiction, it creeps up on me and it wont let me go. Be you got to keep yourself entertained. Find hobby that you will enjoy doing. Find a person that shares same views about healthy lifestyle. Get a pet that will get you out of house. Join Library, YMCA, or go to county college (cheap) and take some fun classes. Try learning another language, or sharpen your cooking skill. Learn how to install floors, tiles or similar so you can improve your home. Maybe you can start the herb garden in your backyard, or balcony. Join a bike club, or dancing. Lots of things around you that you could get yourself interested. Do all you can that will distract you from sitting at home in front of that TV and munch on things. Good luck:)
will try this. find myself very hungry late at nite. have tried drinking...but too many nite wake up calls. dont think its stress emotion...im just very very hungry every nite. i am staying under my calorie goal and excercising daily.
Original Post by: craftyminouI eat from boredom not anxiety but I think that everything here still applies and is very helpful, thanks!
Dear craftyminou,
I'm glad you mentioned this about "boredom". Many people dealing with emotional eating experience boredom as well. Boredom is an emotional state that often masks underlying feelings. When you're experiencing what feels to you like boredom, continue to ask yourself, "What am I feeling?" Even if you can't immediately answer that question, that's ok. Just put the question out there and let it go. Over time the answer will emerge.
This may or may not apply to you, but boredom can often mask an inner unrest or low level anxiety or depression. It also may reflect difficulty just "being" with oneself as a way to avoid dealing with difficult emotions. As a client once said to me, "The more quiet it gets on the outside the more noisy it gets on the inside." Emotional overeating then becomes the "noise" on the outside as a coping mechanism to keep that inner "noise" or unrest at bay.
I hope this helps.
All best,
Diane
This was a great topic. One of the techniques mentioned that will be the most helpful for me is naming your thoughts. The thought that you want to eat is just a collection of words in your head and they will pass. If you can see them for what they are recognizing that they are in your head and not your stomach I think this could really help.
Original Post by: leahmolthanks so much for posting this. This is definitely my biggest problem.
Keeping your hands busy is another helpful way to avoid eating while watching TV. I knit. In fact I find knitting boring unless I'm watching TV. I never stop to snack while I knit.
Perhaps that could help with some boredom eating
Hi, this is the best website! I am really good all day and then at night I start going into the kitchen. And although for the most part I will eat a healthy snack, an apple or some sunflower seeds, I know I am better off without it. I brush my teeth to stop me from eating but that doesn't help. I will try these suggestions. Thanks.
What about overeating during or a few days before the menstrual cycle? Is that a health related issue or is it just the body's way of recuperating from the loss of blood? Does anyone know?
Yes, boredom eating is definitely one of my biggest problems. Just like bklynsu said-I'm great all day and then it can be all lost at nite. I like the one question, "how will I feel in an hour?" I will remember that question tonite and see if it helps.
I have issues with eating at drive-thrus between meals. Feeling anxious? Drive through and get a few biscuits in the morning. Feeling bored because the drive home takes an hour? Drive through and get some french fries and a small Coke.
Other than the Drive Thru, I only eat healthy foods in the correct amounts. My emotional eating sabotages all my weight loss efforts.
I will try these techniques. Thanks.
wow! what a great time to post this! I KNOW I am an emotional eater & with all the upcoming events in my life this couldn't have come at a better time. I will definately have to try this technique
STOP – BREATHE – REFLECT - CHOOSE.
Original Post by: thinndskiesI have issues with eating at drive-thrus between meals. Feeling anxious? Drive through and get a few biscuits in the morning. Feeling bored because the drive home takes an hour? Drive through and get some french fries and a small Coke.
Other than the Drive Thru, I only eat healthy foods in the correct amounts. My emotional eating sabotages all my weight loss efforts.
I will try these techniques. Thanks.
In your car or handbag, try keeping a healthy snack such as beef jerky or carrots. Pick something that provides crunch factor and chew-ability without needing refrigeration.
Also, I've read elsewhere on Calorie Count that if you are battling with temptation from the fast food restaurants you pass each day, they suggest that you simply change your route so you don't pass them. After a while, the temptation will pass and you will break the habit.
I hope this helps!
Nanisacan,
I do try to not drive by tempting places. Funny story about that. Yesterday in Charlotte, NC we had some black ice from a wintry mix that came early Wednesday morning. I purposely chose to drive a route that would not pass drive thrus. Wouldn't you know that two wrecks on the black ice forced traffic to detour--right down the street with all the drive thrus.
I laughed and said "Why, God?"
Very interesting concept. In situations like these, I don't really think I was aware of how I am feeling leading up to the decision, it was simply action with an end result of guilt in most instances. I plan to try this technique and hope to add it to my routine.
Thank you...Allen :-)
Thank you! I love the motto and it's really going to help me with my diet plans! Thanks Calorie Count!
I was dealing with this exact problem last night ... I was so tired and strung out from PMS and all I wanted to do was have some comfort food. I had dinner and really done so well all day, even resisted the Shamrock Shake at McD I almost caved to in a moment of weakness while driving by because of said PMS ... So I tried to reason with myself, I knew why I wanted to eat — The PMS! I ended up with a pretty good compromise with my remaining few calories and only went a few over with some nonfat chocolate frozen yogurt. I felt better and satisfied and I didn't blow it. And my scale confirmed it this morning.
I don't think, according to the description given for binge eating, that I binge actually. Like I love Black Crows licorice. Hard to find but when I see them I will buy a box. A serving is 11 crows for 130 calories. I always intend to eat only 11 but I alway end up with 3 servings and hate myself for doing it but could still go for more. Same thing with cake with buttercream icing and same thing with other trigger foods and there are many. If I don't start eating them there is no problem. It's only after taking the first bite. Does anyone else out there have this problem and what do you do?
I had a loss of control eating day yesterday because I was in pain (fybroid cysts) and it was rainy which really effects my mood. My daughter told me I was eating too much candy and was going to get a tummy ache (which I did). I will use these ideas next time I am having an off day.
Great topic. I just started journaling and keeping track of calorie counting for the day and what emotions come up. It is very insightful. Two evenings ago as I started the process I was feeling like I wanted to go on a food hunt. I don't say that I feel hungry because most of the time I don't. But I get this strong sensation that I want to find something to snack on. Doing something similar to the suggested formula I stopped and asked myself, "What's really going on?" An almost immediate response came out of my head: "The baby is crying." I spent time thinking about how some incidents in my childhood affected my eating habits. Simply having some basic compassion for myself caused the "hunt" to dissipate. I took another deep breath and let it go.
Very good to now have these 4 steps to use to stop unnecessary eating! I have been monitoring my appetite and the monthly hormonal cycle is a bear- about 1.5-2 wks I am fine and not hungry or tired- the rest of the time it is a struggle- but keeping busy is a big way to fight this and now I have the 4 steps to help me, too.
Just into my third week toward becoming Slenderella. Looking forward to fitting into clothes that I have not worn for a while!
Thanks everyone! Enjoy your day!
I like to STOP – BREATHE – REFLECT - CHOOSE to drink 2 glasses of water quickly. If I think I'm still hungry, I look for some to melt in my mouth just to taste.
If all else fails, I try and go to sleep or eat a bowl of high fiber cereal.
Can't say it works all the time 
This is a good article and I eat because of boredom and trying to cut down on my smoking. It is hard and you try not to do one and then another one replaces it. I will try the four steps . Thanks
I have no problems keeping on track through the day but I am a night eater. I think for myself that I am home alone at night after my son goes to bed and well if I have had a bad day I find I can continually nibble and it is never healthy, hehe. I think STOP, BREATHE, REFLECT, CHOOSE sounds promising and will give it a go, cheers
I notice that if I'm depressed i dont feel hungry at all. I wished i didnt have to feel depressed to do this. It would be a great help for me to lose weight.
I have no appetite when I am upset!! I have been very UN-upset for the past
2 years and gained 25 lbs. BUT-- I do not want to be upset so I will just keep exercising and counting calories and eating better
Boredom seems to be the main contributor to my unpredictable eating habits. So I look forward to trying this method.
I am definitely an emotional eater and this article helping me tremendously today. I followed the steps and ate half of what I normally eat...THANKS!
Wow! great advice. Thank you very much. I like knowing that I CAN gain control over sentations and emotions that frighten me. Your essay has made me feel much stronger!
Yeah.. when you're in that mindset of binging, or whatnot, this whole stop and think and breathe thing and whatnot is a WHOLE LOT EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
This is an extremely useful article and brings about a new insight to manage your weight and guilt setting on from unnecessary eating. It was quite some days i was kind of getting into emotionial eating trap which thankfully to this article i have been able to identify.
Very impressed and feel that some new insight to managing myself and weight more effectively.
Thanks calorie count.
A trick that works every time for me....brushing my teeth!!! For some reason, it stops the hunger feeling. I read somewhere that mint sends a message of "satiety" to your brain...works for me.
You could be right about the mint, for I find if I eat extra strong mint non sugar gum workd with me to take away sugar cravings away 
Original Post by: marilyn1876I don't think, according to the description given for binge eating, that I binge actually. Like I love Black Crows licorice. Hard to find but when I see them I will buy a box. A serving is 11 crows for 130 calories. I always intend to eat only 11 but I alway end up with 3 servings and hate myself for doing it but could still go for more. Same thing with cake with buttercream icing and same thing with other trigger foods and there are many. If I don't start eating them there is no problem. It's only after taking the first bite. Does anyone else out there have this problem and what do you do?
Marilyn186 - I totally have this problem. Abstinence seems like the best solutin, especially if it's junk food. :( the other problem i have is that if something catches my eye in the kitchen, i'll want it - whereas i wouldn't have even thought of it - somtimes things i would never even buy for myself. The best thing i do is hide them or freeze them - preferrably both. I'm also making a big effort to not use the microwave anymore - that has had an unbelievable inpact on what i eat, for the good!
good luck -
k
Yes, it is very helpfull.... but we need to force myself to apply....
"Do all you can that will distract you from sitting at home in front of that TV and munch on things."
that is the problem
Original Post by: sskokoEating from boredom. Smoking from boredom. Drinkig from boredom. Nothing comes good from boredom. Boredom is very dangerous thing. I am working hard on avoiding boredom. It is like an addiction, it creeps up on me and it wont let me go. Be you got to keep yourself entertained. Find hobby that you will enjoy doing. Find a person that shares same views about healthy lifestyle. Get a pet that will get you out of house. Join Library, YMCA, or go to county college (cheap) and take some fun classes. Try learning another language, or sharpen your cooking skill. Learn how to install floors, tiles or similar so you can improve your home. Maybe you can start the herb garden in your backyard, or balcony. Join a bike club, or dancing. Lots of things around you that you could get yourself interested. Do all you can that will distract you from sitting at home in front of that TV and munch on things. Good luck:)
Excellent..... you have put your finger just..... on the problem for everything bad.... I stopped smoking by this philosophy ... I hope to do some and apply your Devices .....thanks
Well, tried it last nite. I had dinner, had my pudding cup. Wanted another one. Wanted more food. My stomach was full. I'm laying there on the couch, and thought "what will I feel like in an hour if I go get more food?" Going to bed on a full stomach makes me feel defeated. Good news- I didn't eat more, drank a glass of water-fast! Someone here said if you take that first bite, it's over. That's so true for me. It got me over it once, maybe it will work again-thanks for that self question, it really hits home for me. Holly
Hello Everyone!
I'm so pleased that my article was helpful to you all. Thank you for your comments!
A few of you mentioned you found it useful to ask the question,
"How do I want to feel one hour from now?"
(or depending on the situation, "tomorrow", "next month", etc.)
This is a very powerful question to ask yourself in any challenging situation where you need to make a choice. It works so well because the question directs you to focus on what you want. Whenever we focus our attention on our desires that helps us link with the positive feeling of that desire. And when we further link the feeling with a visual picture in our mind of what we want, we create the mental blueprint to make that picture a reality. This helps you make an inspired choice in the direction of what you truly want.
To your success!
Diane
good on you holly with giving it a go and sticking with it and successing, well done, Robyne
good on you holly with giving it a go and sticking with it and successing, well done, Robyne
I'm a college student with a full load of classes and a ton of homework. I'm always sitting infront of a computer and I guess to get away from the monotony of it all I eat. If I cant focus I go grab a snack. It almost seems like I cant focus unless I'm eating something and I'm tired of it. I try to pick up an excersise routine but I'm always up late with homework and up early for classes and I'm just too tired most the time to get up earlier to work out. I've tried not buying snacks or sweets, but I have 7 other roommates who do so its really hard for me to just abstain. Any suggestions....?
What kind of things do you enjoy and can you think of ways to intersperse some of them into your time at the computer so that you begin to trigger an emotional response toward one of them instead of thinkng "bored" equals "food".
Thank you so much for writing this. I have struggled with my weight for 2 decades now and this article clearly states the issue that causes my poor eating that has led to my weight issue. As a young adult I had anorexia and I can see now IT IS THE SAME ROOT ISSUE!! People talk about control issues, cravings, and self esteem issues and I knew they weren't what was steering me and here finally in black and white is the problem I have been struggling with. Thank you! This should make it a lot easier to be effective in making the changes I want for my life.
Original Post by: zak88I'm a college student with a full load of classes and a ton of homework. I'm always sitting infront of a computer and I guess to get away from the monotony of it all I eat. If I cant focus I go grab a snack. It almost seems like I cant focus unless I'm eating something and I'm tired of it. I try to pick up an excersise routine but I'm always up late with homework and up early for classes and I'm just too tired most the time to get up earlier to work out. I've tried not buying snacks or sweets, but I have 7 other roommates who do so its really hard for me to just abstain. Any suggestions....?
Food/snacking is a crutch that you are using just like this article suggests, to cope with the difficult feelings coming up because you are overtaxing yourself in your studies. Numerous studies show that you will retain far more in your studies if you take a 5 minute break for every 20 minutes you study. When I first heard this I thought implementing it would be impossible, but as a mature student tackling a degree in physics with minors in sociology and math education I decided to try it for a week (it came from a VERY trusted source). I had to set two timers at first so I would stop after 20 minutes and ONLY take a 5 minute break ( I would go to the bathroom and splash water on my face or set up little 5 minute walk routes or stretch routines). Very quickly it became natural for me and I was on the honor roll every term after that, as well as graduating with numerous honors. So give it a try!
Original Post by: diane_petrellaOriginal Post by: craftyminouI eat from boredom not anxiety but I think that everything here still applies and is very helpful, thanks!
Dear craftyminou,
I'm glad you mentioned this about "boredom". Many people dealing with emotional eating experience boredom as well. Boredom is an emotional state that often masks underlying feelings. When you're experiencing what feels to you like boredom, continue to ask yourself, "What am I feeling?" Even if you can't immediately answer that question, that's ok. Just put the question out there and let it go. Over time the answer will emerge.
This may or may not apply to you, but boredom can often mask an inner unrest or low level anxiety or depression. It also may reflect difficulty just "being" with oneself as a way to avoid dealing with difficult emotions. As a client once said to me, "The more quiet it gets on the outside the more noisy it gets on the inside." Emotional overeating then becomes the "noise" on the outside as a coping mechanism to keep that inner "noise" or unrest at bay.
I hope this helps.
All best,
Diane
Well said Diane! There's one part of my mind that says just sit down and relax. Read a good book, enjoy a cup of tea. Right. That triggers more fear than getting chased down by a mountain lion. I can cope with clear and present danger much easier than a subtle, quiet unease. Give me a good crisis any day and I'm on it.
It is my goal to be in a place of quiet relaxation and actually enjoy it. 100% guilt free time of my own. I think I'll try for 1 minute a day. I truly envy anyone who can set aside that time for themselves and be immersed in the lack of being busy for the sake of being busy.
Eating is just another thing to do that keeps me 'busy'....
american
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Thank you! These are very helpful strategies for dealing emotional eating, but most importantly (for me) for how to work through anxiety struggles. Thank you again!