Marriage, Willpower, Weight Loss and Menstruation

I hit my 1700 calories much earlier this evening.  My wife sits down to have some ice cream.  All the while, she's complaining about how she's eating too much (eh, she's underweight; she could use more calories in her diet in any matter). 

When she finishes her second bowl, she then announces that we're not going to buy any more ice cream since she can't control herself.  I told her that I was perfectly fine not eating that evening, but I'd appreciate having ice cream around when I've got the calorie allowance for it and that I can control myself (in sum: Over my dead body).  Heck, I'm the one actively dieting, not her.

She then spits this one out: You don't have a period.  Meaning that since I don't have a period that I can control my appetite/diet better than she can.

All I've got to say in response is: It's great to be a man (as I roll my eyes)!  Women are the weaker sex after all (*sarcasm*)!

In other words, I don't believe it for a second that women (on average) have any less willpower than men do (on average) when it comes to losing weight.

Where's the proof that the cravings around TOM are stronger than what men experience, anyhow?  Contrariwise, where's the proof that they're equal?  Is there nothing else behind any of these  arguments than the selfish feeling that no one else could be going through what you yourself is going through (i.e. it's always worse for me)?  Does anyone, male or female, have the right to assume they know what another person is feeling and assert that their feelings are stronger?

Even if you assume that the cravings are more frequent or intense with periods, I don't think that frequency or intensity is an accurate measure of one's ability to deal with such. 

For example, I had a strong craving for a sausage mcmuffin with egg a couple of days ago and gave into it after about ten minutes or so of being trapped with that McDonald's at the airport.  Who's to say that the craving I had was any less intense than the one my wife felt towards the ice cream in our freezer?  Who's to say it was weaker? Where did my manly willpower go?

I did stand up to the desire I had tonight to go over my limit; does that mean the craving wasn't as strong, or that my willpower was just stronger tonight than it was a couple of days ago?

It just doesn't seem that cut and dry to me to blame temporary lack of control over one's appetite or diet on one's sex.

Then again, I guess what really matters here is that if you mess with the ice cream, you mess with me.

lol ~ i suppose i'll never really know how strong your cravings are for comparison...

but... how long have you been married? 

there are days when dh just nods & says *yes dear*

;)

and, fyi, women's cravings during pms are hormone driven.  they are truly real.

Your wife may hate me, but I have ice-cream in the fridge that hasn't been touched since my grandson was here.  It is TTOM and it does nothing for me.  Maybe but a flavour that she doesn't like?

oh, that's a good idea spoiled ~ i don't like a few kinds... wouldn't eat them even if... well, mostly not even if...  cherry, spumoni & licorice come to mind...

beets... beet ice cream i would not touch if you paid me!

TRUST me, when it's that time, I NEED chocolate, it's no myth :P

I don't thing he is saying that PMS cravings don't exist.  Just that everyone gets cravings now and then, and that they aren't just something women go through.  :)  My boyfriend gets intense cravings for sugary stuff in the mornings.  He will happily eat cake for breakfast, and I can't stomach it that early in the morning.  The thought of it makes me gag. 

 I get cravings for chocolate right before I am about to get my period.  Cravings are something that everyone has to deal with...periods or no periods!  <laugh>

If my husband tried to take away the ice cream on a normal day I would think he was trying to help and how nice. On a PMSing day I would probably    likely threaten him with a sharp object , bodily harm and  the vengeful memory of a wife PMSing. 

 Hormones?? Can't live with 'em, can't use them as defense in a trial.

As summer7 said... " I get cravings for chocolate right before I am about to get my period.  Cravings are something that everyone has to deal with...periods or no periods!  <laugh>"

I totally agree! I'm a woman, and I do have my cravings, but my husband? Oh my... it'll be 10 at night and we're going to bed, and he says, "honey, do we have any candy?" Since he is such a sugar-holic, we usually do, and he ends up munching some M&Ms, sour gummy worms, some Japanese sour candies... etc. etc. He was very underweight for a very long time so it's not exactly "bad", because he's not on a diet of any sort. But I understand that everyone has cravings... and I think that people who say men DON'T have cravings and that men don't understand are being a wee bit selfish ;)

Can I point out, that I plan to be part of a new generation of men... blazing a new fronteir! This new generation of man will not just meekly reply "Yes, dear" or "Of course, dear.", but instead will point out that feminism happened and that women TAKE the opportunities to screw up as often as men. We will not FEAR Women who suffer from PMS, but simply accept that they are crazy people and do not mean what they say, but they will be fine in another few days.

We are the new generation of MANLY men, and not the weak mamby-pamby men of my parent's generation!

*runs away now*

(For the record, I agree that women are capable of controlling their cravings during TTOTM, as evidenced by some on my friends list, and that men and women are equally capable of weakness against cravings.)

I'm quite lucky - I tend to get a real health quick right before my period.  Urges to go to the gym and the like.  Then, when I get my period, it all goes out the window along with the healthy eating!!

Hello dnrothx,

I appreciate your point of view and admire your courage for this post.  I am also very impressed that nobody has lam basted you yet. (ha ha)

Coodos to you for speaking up and to everyone else.  I also got a good chuckle because I think my PMS causes my husband's cravings to get worse as he is a little on edge with my moods!  Sugar relieves some of the stress for him.

thank you for my smile today.

Kim

I've had a carton of really yummy diet ice cream in my freezer for months now and I so have some heavy duty cravings during that time of the month.  I just eat more healthy food than usual.  It is a harder than normal time for a woman to maintain willpower, but that doesn't mean she doesn't need to have willpower.

I can only imagine how intense the food cravings during pregnancy must be (cause I've never been there myself), but I would like to fill my body with all the nutrition I can get during that time rather a bunch of empty calories.  I guess I feel like the time of the month cravings are like an early training for this.

undertherainbow:

It just goes to show how much men really do not know what a woman goes through during TTOM.

This is what I was talking about in the post.  Women claim that men cannot know what they're going through while claiming that they can know what men go through (i.e. my cravings are weaker than women's because women know what men experience).  I find it absurd.  If women know what I'm going through, then I can know what they're going through.  However, I don't think anyone can claim to know what another individual is experiencing, which is why I'm wondering how a comparison could ever be made.

I'm not saying that women don't experience cravings due to their menstrual cycle; I'm just wondering how the claim can be made that such cravings are more frequent or more intense than male cravings, when there's no real objective way of making that comparison (i.e. we're all different).

united2gether:

Been married almost 9 years.

summer7:

That's more along the lines of what I was getting at.

Kim:

You're welcome.

For me PMS doesnt make me hungry.... just very cranky which makes me want to do harm to my body and hence ...ice cream!!!

Honestly, I think men are luckier than us when it comes to weightloss because they can consume more calories than us. After 1200 cals worth of breakfast, lunch and dinner I cannot afford to have ice creams but my husband with an allowance of 2000cals can and he does...

undertherainbow, is it not maddening!!!!
Also, if my husband wants to loose weight , all he does is quit drinking beer and try to eat "somewhat" healthy... and there goes 10 lbs...
I dont think he has ever gone to bed hungry just because he has reached his "calorie limit". And with all our efforts we still have higher body fat percentage than men...Sucks!!!

HK, you described me perfectly.  On any normal day I am the most caring, understanding GF in the world.  But it is almost like a crazed TTOM demon takes me over about 3-4 days before.  It is so severe that I'm going to talk to my Doc about it.  Luckily my BF is understanding.  He is like you though and risks telling me that I'm being irrational at the risk of, well not bodily harm because I would never do that, but some kind of harm (probably just me screaming at him and being mean, petty, and jealous for the next three days).  And a day or two after it hits I start to become rational again and apologize and he says don't even worry about it.  I have tried to control it, but I can't.  And if someone wants to say I'm weak because I can't then you don't know what it is like because I have tried everything short of medication.

Also, I think that because we do have to deal with this on a monthly basis so that we can bear the children that men want, they could be a little more understanding of the symptoms (not just cravings).   And not treat the topic like it is the most taboo, disgusting thing in the world (I know that not all men are like that, but there are plenty out there who cringe at anything that has to do with it).

dnrothx

I have been married 27 years to a wonderful man who truly understands EVERYTHING about me.  We have been through monthly hell together, as well as a pregnancy, post-partum depression and raising a child to adulthood without killing him or each other.

Some men do truly understand about periods, cravings and willpower and how they are related.  Some women truly understand that men experience the same things, often with the same intensity as women, just not necessarily on a monthly, predictable basis (which can make it even harder to cope with).  Nobody can truly know what somebody else is feeling, thinking or doing internally, but it is possible to understand.

I am writing this during what my husband calls the "rational 3 weeks" of the month.  Had I read the original post next week,  during TTOM, my reply would have been either somewhat different (read defensive, scathing) or delayed a week until I could be rational again.

Any "heated discussion" we have during TTOM gets revisited when I am rational again if the situation warrants it.  If it's minor, he just kisses me on the forehead, says I love you anyway and we get on with our life.  About once every 4 or 5 months, he goes through an irrational period as well and I do the same for him - either revisit the problem when he is rational again or simply kiss him on the nose (he's taller than I am) say "I love you anyway" and we get on with our life.

My suggestion is to wait until she is over her period, then revisit the whole ice cream situation - or explore the underlying problem (ice cream is really a minor thing), but do it when you are both relaxed and receptive.

BTW my husband lost over 180 lb and has kept if off for over 15 years.  I am currently over half way to my 105 lb weight loss goal. Support Works!!!

but simply accept that they are crazy people and do not mean what they say, but they will be fine in another few days. - hk

Hk ~ that is the essence of *yes dear* so i see you understand the concept!   Now stand back from the choklit!!!

dnrothx ~ @ our house we call this period yum yum (days &) night(s) and dh simply knows that cartons of ice cream may zoom from car to garbage can w/o stopping by the fridge ~ lol ~ and I am unable to resist large open packages of cookies, chips, ice cream or candy.  they call my name, and dh's treats are seriously an endangered species at that time....

but you do make a good point.  dh also has real eating patterns that he struggles with and there are times when only chips will do... 

nonetheless, all I would say, is...

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE - the borg, star trek

:::giggles:::

just is

so maybe the solution is to share the carton or simply hand her the carton and go get another one in a day or 2... ;)

Very brave of you, Dnrothx, to bring this up on a female dominated forum.

Ive never been a man, so I have no basis for comparison, but pregnant women are famous for getting uncontrollable food cravings, so Id have to agree that there is a reasonable scientific basis for the claim that women get stronger cravings because of hormones.

By the way, go get more ice cream! If at least one of you wants to get some kind of food, then it belongs in the fridge. Its your fridge too! ...although out of courtesy to your wife, Id hide it in the back behind a bag of frozen veggies :)

First off, I am a woman.  I get the PMS, the cravings, the irritabilty . . . BUT I will agree that sometimes some women will use their periods as an excuse to eat whatever they want.

TTOM Cravings exist.  They can be ferocious.  I agree!  But if it's the average, run-of-the-mill-boy-that-pizza-looks-good-rig ht-now craving I try to fight it.

I would venture to say that dnrothx's wife may be using TTOM as an excuse.  Otherwise she wouldn't have been moaning about how much she eats.  (When I'm filling a TTOM craving, I tend to resemble a caveman getting his fill before the prehistoric hyenas descend.  I don't give a damn about calorie counts at that point.)