Meeting Guy off the Internet...advice

God this is going to sound like an Agony Aunt letter...

Basically I've been speaking to this guy on My Space - he's my age(19), lives locally, and we've been messaging every night for a week. I've not given him any personal info or anything but I do like him and would like to get to know him in person.

He's suggested that we meet up in a local town centre one weekend and go on to a local craft fair. I really would like to go (it would be my first ever date).

The problem is that I want to be safe while at the same time I don't want my parents to know yet (I know I'm 19 but I live with them and at the moment rely on them for travel until I pass my driving test - plus I don't go off often on my own so they would hound me with questions).

I adore my mum and dad and I trust their judgement, but while I love them, my love life (or lack therof) has always been a very personal, never spoken about matter. They always interfere in my life and its been suggested by other people that I do need some part of my life that's 'mine' away from them.  

So what should I do? Should I tell them (I'd *really* rather not)? Is going to meet this guy a bad idea?

I was thinking of telling my parents that I'm just going into town for some shopping or something while emailing my best friend with details of where I'm going/what I'm doing so someone does know.

If the meeting did go well I would have to tell them, but it's not something I want to bring up.

Could I have some advice on what to do? I'm not niave and I know how badly these things can go, I'd take my phone with me and make sure we met in public.

Emmy *who now feels like a stupid kid*

Don't feel stupid! It's ok. God, I'm thirty-seven and I'd be acting the same way. haha I think it's ok to meet the guy. Just meet up in a public place, which you already said you were going to do. And since you don't want to tell your parents -- I think that's ok too since you are over 18 -- give someone else details. And ... you already covered that as well (you're going to tell your friend)! So you're good! Oh -- one thing though -- try not to lie to your parents. I would just tell them that you're "going into town" which is the truth. Although, I guess you could say "shopping" and that would be true as well, because you might buy something at the craft fair. When you go on to the fair, will you be within walking distance? It's not a good idea to drive with someone you don't know. I don't do that myself.

you don't know this guy and there are a lot of creeps (sexual predators) out there.

be safe. take someone with you several times until you really get to know this guy. your life really does depend on it.

It sounds like you've put some thought into your actions, and your plans sound reasonably safe.  Have you thought about how it might change your relationship with your parents if you do this without them knowing ahead of time, but finding out later?

I'm a mom of a 21 year-old daughter, so I see a little different side of this.  Yes, it would be exciting and probably fun to meet him in person.  But is that really more important than keeping what sounds like a really special relationship with your parents?   If you truly trust their judgment, you would be open with them about what you'd like to do.  If they 'allow' it, then go with their blessing.  Or possibly they would have a better suggestion, knowing you and what is available where you live.  Very few parents are against their children having fun!

Many 19 year-olds are very mature.  You sound like one of them.  Even so, chances are really high that your parents will be part of your life a lot longer than this particular guy.  I think it would be wise to keep that in mind in your decisions.  Best wishes to you!

It sounds like you're very even-headed and responsible about this. I agree that you should take care not to leave the public space, at least until you get to know him.

I met one of my ex-boyfriends through the net, and he turned out to be pretty cool. This seems to generally be the case. But--as I'm sure you're aware--there're some freaking CREEPY people out there. But fortunately, this is the exception rather than the norm. Just be on your toes for a while, but it sounds like everything's gonna turn out okay. Good luck!!

take a friend with you at least the first time. better safe then sorry. If he really isnt a creep, he wont mind. Only been talking to him a week? Id say give it more time.

Dont overthink it. Meet in public area and have a nice time (nothing can happen while people are around). Get to know him that way, its not really much different then meeting someone in the store and making lunch plans.

For some reason, internet has a spooky "everyones a crazy murderer" tint about it. Most people are normal... and even normal people can be crazy (there are very few really crazy people).

Anything strange that can happen you probably already know and would see right away (if he asks you to try on a blindfold and wants to see if you fit in his trunk, you might want to pass ><) 

Haha! You're funny! ^^ You're right though. I mean, I think there are a LOT of crazies out there but yes, even the "normal" ones can be too. Plus, I really think the people that get into major trouble were doing something really stupid or were very naive ... not to say ANYTHING is possible, of course. :)

Ahhh just meet him :D and if you feel a lil worried take a mate. I've met quite a few people off the net, and i've never met anyone untoward. This is modern day... we don't always meet people in the park!

Thanks for the advice guys :)

I've decided to go ahead with it, taking my mobile with me, and telling my friend where I'm going.

I know that you're worried about my relationship with my parents...but they understand that I can be a very private person at times. I will tell them eventually, don't worry.

In the mean time I'll take a chance but be very careful.

Don't do this.  What if you get there and the guy isn't 19 at all, but a 40 year old sexual predator? 

Your parents need to know where you are going.  If you must do this, go with a group of friends. 

my thoughts are a bit different then other people... i am completely against internet dating. 

just becareful

~Tina

Emmylou, I met my husband on the internet, through match.com. I'd done the internet dating thing for years. It was a lot of fun! You can definetly meet some nice, genuine people this way. But you can also meet some creeps. I never met any really scary creeps, but I did meet one guy who I wish had never known where I lived, because he was very hard to get rid of. :-(

The experience taught me a few things, about how to be careful and keep it safe... some of these don't apply to you, but I throw them out there for anyone else who might be interested:

1) Never give out your last name, address or home phone number before a date

2) Never have the person come to pick you up at your house on the first date - meet in a public place instead (which you are doing - check!)

3) Do not call the guy from your home or work line until you get to know him. Why? He can *69 you and then find out your address through reverse search lookup.

4) Always ALWAYS tell someone where you are going, with whom, etc. (which you are doing - check!). Give this person copies of all your email correspondances - if something happens to you, it'll provide valuable clues to the cops.  Agree to call that person, or have them call you, sometime during the date, just to check in.

5) If you can, take someone (a friend) along with you. I highly recommend this in your situation. Can your friend tag along with you for this first meeting? There's always safety in numbers.

6) Never, ever go off in a car with anyone you just met.

7) When you first meet, ask to see his driver's license and/or identification. If he balks, end the date. He should understand why you want to see it. Confirm his name and date of birth. Later when you get home, run an internet search on him - if he has a common name, use the search string "name +convicted." Hee heee... I'm serious!! You can also pay a small fee to do a background check and find out if he's married.

8) Take enough money that you can call a cab to get home.

9) Above all, listen to your instincts. If something is just not right, get out of there.

10) If he's told you anything about himself before this meeting, it is a wise idea to google and confirm his story first. People can and do lie on the internet. Even though I made it a policy never to reveal any details about myself before a meeting, I found most guys were quite willing to reveal details to me, so I could google beforehand.

11) Don't drink any alcohol, and keep an eye on your drink at all times. Heard of the date-rape drug? Do not take your eye off your drink long enough to go to the bathroom.

If you can follow all these safety precautions, I'm sure you'll be just fine. Let us know how it goes!

(Always LOG) I know you're craving adventure and want to start your life, but chances are things can go very wrong.  Young girls HAVE to consider the fact that a predator IS depending on the fact that you will do the stupid thing out of impulse.  It's only been a week, does he want a relationship or an afternoon delight?

 Your risking your life on a chance that things will not go wrong.  Impulsiveness works great when you physically know the person.  If you haven't had much of a dating life, a predator will know you are a great target.  Get to know him, wait a full month. Let him know that you are in charge with your safety and will only meet if he and you both bring a single friend, if he doesn't want to meet your needs...he's not worth it because he only wants a hook up.

If you meet him without being smart about it and taking precautions, maybe you need controling parents because you're not responsible enough to make wise choices...this is not like meeting Gary from Math Class behind their backs, People DIE doing this.  Sorry if you wanted everyone to say, YES go for it...you go girl!!  Good Luck, I hope you make a wise decision and are safe.

P.S.  Maybe a cam would be a good idea to see a live person instead of a picture that May or MayNot be them. Watch out for weirdo's, don't use a cam until you've gotten to know them, because they might just want a show.

the first time meeting someone u should always bring someone with u that will help if anything happends so u know u will be safe

have you ever seen all the date line stings where guy after guy goes to get a little chickie

be safe. don't be stupid. you are not going to stop a guy who wants to hurt you. 

take a friend.  several times. get to know him first. 

why not? what are you afraid of?  that he won't like you if you take care of yourself and make sure you are safe?

if he high pressures you, that is NOT the kind of guy to date.

"but chances are things can go very wrong. "


 "Your risking your life on a chance that things will not go wrong. "

Woa woa woa, thats very not true! Things like that are what continue to keep people creeped out about the internet.

Society is advancing and the internet is a very popular place now... even little kids are picking up social sites like myspace (there are different ones for younger kids). Its not so strange anymore for people to meet online... people that are online arent crazy pedofiles, most are just normal people.

Meeting someone from online? Yea, you havent seen them before... but how is it different then running into someone at the store or school and asking them to do something? Everyone starts out a stranger, everyone could potentially be crazy... the person that checks you out at the store could potentially pull out a gun and go postal... but the chances of that are so low, its not worth losing sleep over.

Again, just stay away from obvious things (like dont eat any random pills he might give you ><)... but after that, its normal life...normal socializing... no need to become paranoid and buy into all the shock media about internet pedofiles (that stuff is played up to sell papers, most people on the internet ARENT like that).

hey jennmcc I met my husband on match.com too! 

I did a lot of online dating for about 3 years.   I would post my profile, get some emails, talk to some guys, date a few and then narrow it down to 1 (I was 39 and divorced when I started and knew what I wanted.) guy who I dated -3-6 months.    ;This happened a few times, and one ended relationship turned into a friendship that lasted longer than the dating! 

It is a great way to meet and date.  My husband is everything I hoped for and more!  Be safe.  Be aware.  Don't have too many expectations.  And, follow the steps in jennmcc's post.  Good luck and have fun! 

Well I met my boyfriend on the internet.. but I didn't meet him in person until I had talked to him online for 8 MONTHS. :P He lives far away so our visits are few and short. But we've been together for a year and a half now :)

I think a week is a bit too short to go and meet someone alone. Why not talk to this guy online a bit longer.. or take friends with you?

loriklorik, the internet is the up and coming form of communication and technology, but it is also full of porn and psychos.  No one saying don't meet the person.  People are saying be careful. Take a friend.  Chances are everything would be ok, but what if its not.  It would be tragic and can be prevented with a little common sense and precaution.  Just like looking both ways before crossing the street, or not walking the city streets after dark alone... people must take ordinary precautions.  Meeting a stranger off the net is NOT safe b/c of the sickos. No Parent would send their teenage daughter out to meet someone... because it is not safe.