Meeting the Indian parents ! help! Want to lose weight.

ok so here what is going on with me...im currently dating a guy that is indian (india) and i will be meeting his parents in jan or feb when they come here to live from india...now for anyone who doesnt know how indian parents are, well i need to impress them and they have to be convinced that i am the right girl for their son...so my bf suggested that i should try to lose some weight before they come...i already wanted to lose weight for myself anyways, but i need all of the motivation possible to be successful when this time comes...i have 5 to 6 months to lose some weight and i want to use this time well and not waste one minute...so is there anyone out there that can give me some suggestions or ideas on how to do this, or is anyone in a similar situation? i would greatly appreciate all of the help i can get...im so worried that i will fail and his parents wont approve of me, even though my bf says they will love me...help !!! =-S  waiting for your replies, thanks in advance

amanda

Your boyfriend actually suggested you lose weight so his parents will like you more? 

^ LOL (well, that is a red flag, innit?)

Well... cut out bad fats and bad carbs, limit your calories (go to a calorie calculator like this one to learn your calorie needs), and exercise regularly? All the usual stuff...

well he loves me the way that i am but indian parents are strict lol cause usually they are the ones that pick someone for their kids...i already want to lose weight for myself not his parents...

Pasting a reply from a duplicate thread that has been deleted:

#1 figurethefat Aug 07 2007 17:26
Hi Amanda

It's good you have a profile set up.  Have you been using all the tools on this site?  Start using the Food Log and the Activity Logs.  Use the calculators to find out how many calories you need to eat everyday to meet your goal.  Do something everyday if you can, even just taking a walk for 30 to 40 minutes. 

It's great that you gave up chips and soft drinks.  Maybe join one of the groups on the Motivation Forum so you can share your progress and also get some more ideas.

You can do this, but it won't just happen.  You need to take control and make it happen, not just for the bf's parents, but for yourself.  Best of luck.

thanks pandajenn =-D

For anyone who finds what her boyfriend said degrading, it really isn't. Indian parents are very, very judgemental compared to parents here. It's just their customs.

thanks avgpunk...this is so true, im lucky that they are open to him dating white girls since most want indian girls...

you are absolutely adorable and from the pictures I saw on your profile you seem pretty comfortable with yourself. So I would suggest losing weight for yourself and you already got some good reccomendations from everyone so use them wisely 6 months is a good time frame. But I hope you are not disappointed by their response to you because people can be very judgemental in any race and especially when it comes to their sons.

Good Luck and do it for you, you are impressive enough already!

You know Im behind you girl... You can do  this... I know that you have been trying on your own.... I understand your bf situation, so consider this your motivation........ you have an ultimate goal!!!!

You can do this baby!!! I PROMISE!!!! Its difficult NOT IMPOSSIBLE !!!!

i agree, indian parents can be very very strict and judgemental...but there are also exceptions.  i think that is true for any parent to be honest.  your bf is probably just as nervous as you and just wants to make sure everything goes perfectly...i don't think he means any harm by it.  he just wants you to feel confident as well as look great too so that things go smoothly.

by the way, what is your weight now?  just want to know how much you have to go.

also out of curiosity, what is your boyfriend's weight??  are his parents overweight?

Amanda,

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND! I'm indian. 5'6 and 152 when I started. Everyone in my community thought i was sooooo fat! Trust me its a torture. Indian girls are very skinny (Most of them)

On MY engagement party two people called me fat. They said it to my fiance at the time. They are VERY blunt.

I decided to lose weight when I saw that my in laws might be emberassed of me. They never said anything but what if someone else said omg ur daughter in law is fat. I dont want them to be uncomfortable for me. So I lost 17-18 pounds. Need to lose 15 more. 

Yes, its true you need to do it for yourself but it will DEFINITLY help with his parents too...

Let me know if you need anything :-)

I think I would be more inclinded to lose weight if I had that hanging over my head.  I need some motivation like that.  Unfortunately everyone thinks I look great and I'm fine the way I am.  I'm 5'4 and 210.  I think they're just being nice.  haha

amaresmom...awww thank you sooo much for the wonderful comments!!! your sooo nice =-D

loosingthepounds...i dont think i can thank you enough for all of the advice and encourgement i get from you !!! =-D

notalone...well i currently weigh 230, not sure how much i need to lose, i guess i ll wait and see how i look as the pounds come off...oh and he weighs 150 and his parents are small too... thanks for your comments !!! i appreciate it !

soniak...finally an indian who really understands lol, i feel so stressed about this, a lot of people dont know how upfront the parents can be !!! so you know how im feeling with the whole weight situation, thanks for your post =-D

lilmisszarah...yeah a lot of people think thats not a good reason to lose weight but i see it as a big motivator, the first 2 comments i got on this thread were not called for, but hopefully this will push me !

Once again thanks to everyone who posted...and thanks for being supportive of this topic !!! you guys are the best !

 

I think Indian parents rank a lot of things (i.e. family values, education, career) above physical appearance... I wouldn't worry too much about losing weight to please THEM; do it for yourself on your own terms.

Thanks everyone !!! =-D

Hi

Indian Parents (like all parents!) can be very judgemental, but there are a few tricks that you can use to easily impress them.  I am of Indian origin (ABCD -- ask your bf what that means :) ), and my wife is Caucasian.  She was able to impress them with a few simple tricks.

1.) Practice learning to eat with your hand.  Note I did NOT say 'handS'.  If you can navigate your way around a typical Indian dinner plate, tearing the bread, making little bite-sized teepees, and eating them solely with your RIGHT hand, you will be 1/3 of the way there in terms of impressing them. Extra credit for dal and rice.

2.) Practice eating spicy foods.  One trick here -- it takes 15 minutes for spicy taste buds to acclimate.  So if you can manage to have a very spicy (near your limit) appetizer 15 minutes before hitting the dinner table, you will find that you can tolerate spicy meals more easily.  (You MAY also be able to 'cheat' here by ordering spicy buffalo wings -- for some reason my Indian aunt and uncle had little tolerance for tabasco sauce.)

3.) Ask his mother how to cook his favorite meals.  Ask questions, take notes, take digital pictures of ingredients you don't recognize if you need, write down the phonetic spelling of the spices. You can take the pics to your local Indian food store (The first day we were in the family home after our wedding, my aunt showed my wife the family's 'secret' spice recipe.)

4.) For some reason, the Indian-English word for "homey" is "homely".  Do not be alarmed!

5.) Observations of fact are NOT judgemental.  Picture Mr. Spock saying "Amanda is very tall".  No judgement.  The mindset is captured by imagining a personified sugar cube -- if someone comes along and observes that he is sweet, that is only a reflection on the speaker, not the sugar itself.  If someone comes along an observes that he is sour, again, that simply reflects upon the speaker.

6.) Show little or no skin beyond your wrists, ankles, and neck.

7.) Come up with one stunt in which you can demonstrate that you are doting on your boyfriend.  Get him an extra pillow at dinner, fill his water glass -- just do one thing that is mildly outrageous in terms of bending over backwards about him.

8.) Get Pimsleur Hindi! Pop it on your iPod (and then return it? certainly not.)

9.) To impress the stereotypical Indian father, read samachar.com for 10 minutes once a day.  By January you'll have a base familiarity with current events.  (also, maybe read 'freedom at midnight', 'maximum city', and 'a thousand mutinies now'.)

10.) Develop a defensible opinion of the strengths and weaknesses of Amitabh Bachchan, Shah Rukh Khan, Karisma Kapoor, and Rani Mukherjee.

11.) Don't worry -- like all parents everywhere, if they're REALLY all that judgemental, they'll be WAY to busy picking on him to get around to sizing YOU up. :)

Good luck and don't sweat it!  Oh, eat salad. :)

Sanjay

sanjay,

I am rolling on the floor reading your post. Most of its true but if my parents would see my fiance eating with his hands...they would flip out!

It really depends how conservative they are when it comes to dressing. I think only showing ankles and hands etc is extreme unless they are muslim but I think they are hindu so show arms, legs below the knee would be okay.

Going that extra sep for your bf like getting a pillow or a glass of water is a VERY good idea. It shows you care and respect him.

GOOD LUCK, amanda!

Sanjay how long have you been married?

LOL Sonia and Sanjay..

Sanjay - You're totally right about most of those things. I'm an ABCD too, how the heck did you pull off marrying someone not Indian!

Amanda - Going a little extra for the bf is important, but going the extra for his parents is even more important! Offer something to drink even if they've refused a couple times - this is custom! 'No, no, I insist!' is very important.

Good luck!!

I know how you feel! Well, I'm not meeting the Indian parents..I have them! And they can be pretty..blegh with weight..well it depends on what parents you have..some really don't care. Anyway you have 5-6 months to lose the weight, huh? Well, I know that you can do it, and try to use all your exercise time wisely..if ever you feel unmotivated, remember why you're doing what you're doing, okay?