MEN! what is the deal with my BF??????UGH!!!!!!!!!!

Okay so I hope you all don't mind if I vent here....but I am sooo aggrivated I want to scream!!!!!

Let me start at the beginning....I posted on here a while back about my hair....well I finally got my wig and it looks amazing! so today I went and emailed my BF and well...I think I'll just post the emails here....make it easier....

I'll post mine in bold so you know who is who.....

 wore my wig out with Jen Yesterday and my friend Sue looks at me and goes...."did you do something to your hair?" hahaha!
She thinks I should wear it to California...and I was lke...oh yeah I have to worry about getting through the airport...finding Ash....finding and getting to the hotel....AND not moving to fast or bending over too fast so my hair doesn't fall off....?
thats smart!!! hhaha!

To be honest I'm finding all this wig stuff a bit disturbing and way too weird

well to each there own I guess....but it's no different than a person dyeing there hair or curling it or whatever....no different than fake fingernails or push up bras or anything else like that is it?

 

Just wear a hat or cap like normal people when thy have hair thy hate. **** youve known 4 months it was gonna be in march when we saw eachother. Who wears a wig? Cancer patients, hookers, clowns and people hiding from the law, old people......

first off i bought the wig because I liked it and I wanted to try something totally different.
 and I look awesome in it....I don't think I owe you an explanation for that....and if you have a problem than thats what it is YOUR problem.....Considering that everyone I saw yesterday told me it looked like I was just born with hair like that I just enjoy it and knowing it looks nice on me.....
 Cancer patients old people and hookers.....well now....aren't you just full of steriotypes......very nice.....
I like to experiement...and if that means you want to catagorize me and think i'm weird than I feel sorry for youclowns actors, people on the run from the law.....interesting......what about people who just wanted to have some fun with it and change there looks a little? obviously it doesn't look that different since not a single person knew it was a wig until I took it off!!!!!
why does it bother you so much? it's my head for goodness sake......

You  dont have a #*#&#^ clue do yu?.yor going 2 be meeting a middle eastern looking man in an airport whose stying in la a week with little luggage and a nz passport.wearing a wig? u dont think that will draw attention? this nt a game sara thy askd me about 30 personal ?s at airport last time.bring yor wig dont wear it on the plane or in the airport please.it may mean i will be sent bk 2 japan if things look 2 suspect

you're paranoid......
I never said I was going to wear it at all before you jumped all over me about it.....I said SUE said I should wear it and I made a joke about it....you need to relax.....I don't want to go at all if I feel like I'm going to be walking on egg shells or something.....you're making an issue out of nothing....maybe you need to go back and re-read the emails.....never once did i say I was going to wear it?

Thats fine.....I can just find someone else to help me enjoy my holiday in LA

oh please....how could you get so upset when all I did was say what Sue said to me? I thought it was funny since theres no way I would deal with the wig all the way there anyways....if you re-read the original email it was just a joke......damn....
besides that....you could have explained it to me before you came at me with all this crap about hookers and clowns.....couldn't you have just said you didn't think it was a good idea? why jump all over me about it when
A- I've NEVER TRAVELLED ANYWHERE did you ever even think for a second that the fact that you're arab didn't even enter into the thought process? I don't walk around thinking about what I should do or shouldn't do at the airport for goodness sake! I didn't even remember that....but your ethnicity isn't something i put much thought into....As I said....couldn't you have explained it nicely before jumping all over me? I mean....you want me to understand about you and airport security and such.....couldn't you have explained it to me in a way that wasn't so rude?
I've never even been IN an airport....how would I know anything about airport security???

Thats all before he started trying to sweet-talk me again because....well....I swear he can't admit if he was wrong.....but he doesn't think I have the right to be upset by this....whats everyone else think? am I wrong to be upset here? I'm willing to listen to everyone elses ideas so that when/if I do talk to him I can see things clearer....right now he makes me too mad to think straight.....


 

 

Your post was too long so I didn't read it, but "HEY!"

lol...."hey back"

I'll cut it down...lol

ok.....edited out as much as I could.... :)

Sounds like it's just a miscommunication.  Sometimes frustrating to have to "read" people via email .  I think you guys will realise it's not a big deal after 24 hours :)

It's still too long for "After four glasses of wine Heather" but ...

LOL. Yeah! Guys suck!

**hgielrehtaeh is not responsible for the views and ideas expressed herein.**

Original Post by hgielrehtaeh:

It's still too long for "After four glasses of wine Heather" but ...

LOL. Yeah! Guys suck!

**hgielrehtaeh is not responsible for the views and ideas expressed herein.**

Haha.....why he has to pull this crap a WEEK before we meet up....I swear.....UGH!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously!

WTF?

Rock whatever style you want to, girl!

Get on with your bad self!

i really dont get whats going on here.  Do you know this guy in real life, have you met him before?  Why would he get sent to Japan if he's on a NZ passport? 

 

*very confused* 

Friggin ridiculous, both of you. Wear the wig to the airport.

Original Post by singing_girl:

i really dont get whats going on here.  Do you know this guy in real life, have you met him before?  Why would he get sent to Japan if he's on a NZ passport? 

 

*very confused* 

Yes I know him in real life...lol...he lived in NZ....then...about 8 months ago he moved to Japan for work.....

little-black_dress.....I don't see how I am being ridiculous......lol......

Oh, Lord. Where do I start?

OK. First off, if you don't want to get dumb responses from your boyfriend (or any hetero man), don't engage him in conversation about ridiculous things in which he has absolutely no interest - i.e. wigs, hairstyles, nails, makeup, clothes, shoes, conversations with your girlfriends, etc. We don't understand these things, don't care to understand these things, and therefore will never understand them. That's why you have girlfriends or gay friends - so you can share this drivel with them.

Secondly, try to lay off the whole "blowing things out of proportion" strategy. It never does anything but foster resentment. Men like stability, so we will never understand - and always hate - how the future of our relationships can hinge on how we responded to your inane story about a wig, or what color you should paint your friggin' toenails, or which top makes you look fat. There is an expression I really like: Don't sweat the small stuff. Give that a try and see how it works.

(Aside: It never ceases to amaze me that women get insanely angry about leaving toilet seats up or never replacing the TP roll, but they make excuses for men that hit them. The way I see it, the bathroom issues are the small stuff, the abuse is the big stuff. But then again, I'm a man, so what do I know?)

Thirdly, how about a little quid pro quo on the sensitivity front? You demand that we are supernaturally sensitive to you when it comes your inconsequential little life experiences - you broke a nail, you've gained above average water weight this month, your new shoes are hurting your feet - but make no effort at all to be sensitive to things that really matter to us. For example, you berate your boyfriend at one point for being "paranoid" about his concern regarding the challenges of being of middle-eastern descent at an airport in this day and age, saying "...but your ethnicity isn't something i put much thought into.." Well, his ethnicity is certainly something that HE has put a lot of thought into, and I'd bet he'd appreciate some sensitivity from you on that subject. I understand that his concerns about being the victim of racial profiling aren't nearly as important to you as that awesome hat made of fake hair that you just bought, but you could at least pretend to be understanding.

I could go on and on, but I think I'll wrap it up and leave you with this thought: consider yourself lucky that this guy even wants to see you again after this appalling display of hysterical whining. In the future, I would suggest limiting your conversations with him to topics in which you have a mutual interest.

Haha...oh my....if I don't laugh about this I'm gonna make a huge fighting post.....so....all I will say is that I'm not going to walk on egg shells with him.....i'm not going through airport security with him anyways....so he IS paranoid considering we're meeting at the hotel! lol.....

oh my....

just tell him you planed on bringing a little nirtogliceren (sp?) with you, that way the wig wont seem like such a big deal...

lol Giggle_Puppy!!!

I dunno....I never put much thought into people's race....ethnicity....whatever.....

I have friends who are arican american, Japanese...ect...and I don't sit there and think...."okay I can't do this or say this because this person is african american and....blah blah....."

I find it interesting that people want equality and tolerance and all that jazz...then some turn around and say "well you weren't taking his ethnicity into account!!"

thats interesting......hmmmmm

ethnicity *is* an issue at the airport.  I suspect he gets hassled a lot.  Props for you not caring, but that doesn't mean TSA isn't profiling him.

I'd be nervous too.  If someone could sort of thoughtlessly screw up my whole vacation, and I asked them not to (more nicely than he did, admittedly), I'd expect them to respect that.

That said, his "hookers and old people wear wigs" statement is pretty silly.  No, actually it's asinine. 

I'm pretty sure you both have a right to be upset by this conversation, neither one of you comes across very well in it.  And you could try admitting you were wrong before asking him to.  Maybe he's not "trying to sweet talk you" maybe he just wants to get past the (totally ridiculous) argument that you just had and move on.  Try doing that.  And just say "hey, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.  You made me pretty defensive because you basically called me an old hooker with cancer.  So I blew up at you.  I think I look pretty good in my wig but if it makes you nervous, I won't wear it at the airport."  Unless you're actually an old hooker with cancer, in which case substitute "clown transvestite on the run from the law" there.  Yeah.

" And you could try admitting you were wrong before asking him to"

Hahaha....no way......I wasn't wrong....and he knows it....

which is why he started sweet talking me....he had to back-pedal it since he knew he pretty much stuck his foot in his mouth with this one....but he won't ever admit it tho. he'll sweet talk me and hope I just drop it.....

Regardless....it's his approuch that was sooo off base....I thought what my friend said was funny...I never said I was going to wear the wig....and if he had said he didn't think it was a good idea because of the whole racial thing FROM THE START....I probably would have understood....but coming at me about Hookers and cancer patients??? that was just plain wrong.......

Ruin his vacation? because of a wig????? this man has been all over the world for goodness sake...and if it did draw attention so what???? they ask some questions....I show them my ID and my luggage....take off the wig...whatever....I've got nothing to hide....and if he doesn't eather than let them question me......makes me wonder what he's hiding.......

Unless you're actually an old hooker with cancer, in which case substitute "clown transvestite on the run from the law" there.  Yeah.

 OMG!!!! ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!

It is fairly clear to me that you have never been through LAX, let alone with/as a person of Middle Eastern descent. You don't need to be hiding something to be stereotyped at LAX. Stop being ridiculous; don't wear the wig; calm the f down: you're both in the wrong. That is all.

Edit: oh and stop abusing punctuation. What has it ever done to deserve to be treated so poorly? 

It is fairly clear to me that you have never been through LAX, let alone with/as a person of Middle Eastern descent. You don't need to be hiding something to be stereotyped at LAX. Stop being ridiculous; don't wear the wig; calm the f down: you're both in the wrong. That is all.

I'm not going to change who I am and how I act because he's afraid of being stereotyped.....it's got nothing to do with ME....I'm not going through security with him anyway.....we are not even taking the same flights at all.....

and my wearing somethiing on my head...which by the way looks totally natural....is NOT going to change how security treats him....if they steriotype him they do it with or without my attire playing a part in it......it doesnt change his decent..... 

 

Original Post by p0nda:

Edit: oh and stop abusing punctuation. What has it ever done to deserve to be treated so poorly? 

p0nda: I think I just fell in love

seratuki: You need to decide whether being right is more important to you than being in this relationship.  Your boyfriend may have made some inappropriate and insensitive remarks (I seriously want to kick him in the face for being that insanely insensitive regarding cancer patients), but if you take a step back and look at the situation objectively, you were pretty insensitive, too.  He's going to have been on a plane for over 12 hours and simply because of his ethnicity, he is likely going to be bothered by some security person.  Do you really want to start off your time together by making him even more uncomfortable? 

So, I go back to my original statement, you need to decide whether being right is more important to you than being in this relationship.

first off....abusing punctuation. you have to be kidding me! atleast I don't short chat speak everything like....using U instead of You or crap like that. So take your punctuation police somewhere else.

and secondly. IF he had been smart enough to explain to me about the ethnicity part from the begining i might have been more understanding. But to come at me the way he did is not the way to make me listen or be underatanding in the least!

as I said. he IS being paranoid. I'm NOT....I repeat....NOT even going to be on the same flights! we're taking different flights at totally different times. If he was so concerned with being stereotyped then perhaps he shouldn't travel. because thats not something that is going to change if I wear a lime green garbage bag...a wig....or anything else. So why should I worry about it? what is the difference between my wearing a wig and simply dying my hair? both alter my apperance in the same way don't they??