Men frustrate me!

I'm not sure that this post belongs in Motivation, but I need to vent. I'm so sick of men being so...look oriented. I wish they would take the time to get to know my personality before totally ditching me on a date because of what I look like. (And I know that's why they ditched me because the guy later sent me a text saying I was too big for his taste.) I wish there was a decent guy out there who like me for me without being judgemental, a butt-face, or just a general loser. I'm sure he's out there...somewhere. *sigh* When I get ditched on a date, I know there's nothing wrong with me. I know the guy is just a jerk and shallow, but that doesn't it still doesn't hurt my feelings and lower my self esteem.

Just take pleasure in knowing these are the guys that end up with total bitches for wives... and are usually miserable for most of their lives :)

Being ditched while on a date though... why they would start a date and not complete it, I have no clue...

Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them.

Thanks for that, truly. :)

Hi ecackler;

Here's my two pennies of thought since I have been there and have the tee shirt to prove it.  COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.  You just dodged a bullet.  The heavens smiled down on you and said lets show you his true colors before it goes any further.  That wasn't a man - he was an emotionally under developed boy playing grown up for the moment.  There is someone for everyone on this great and beautiful plant and you will meet him; but while you're waiting work on yourself.  Know what you what and don't settle for less.  Know you are worth it. Enjoy your journey in life and trust that it will happen.   

Your looks are just a d*****bag filter. I can't believe that guy said that to you. What a jerk.

Question: Why is it that men are allowed to be overweight and unfit, but women always have to be perfect? It drives me NUTS! In my opinion, if you have man-boobs, you're NOT allowed to say ANYTHING negative about a girl's body.

Edit: That was a little harsh. I'm not really this much of a man-hater. I've just been frustrated by this sort of thing a lot lately.

Be glad to be rid of him Any guy who is hung up on appearance is not someone you want in your life.

My ex loves to make disparaging comments. (I've lost over 100 pounds, though yes I have gained back about 30, or  so). Never mind that he looks like Buddha on stilts. 

True loves accepts you for who you are,  and is more intersted in your inside than your outside, but still cares about your health.

Some guys have very low self esteem and think that it makes them look good if they can walk around with some arm candy to try an impress the other males. 

I understand where you are coming from.... But count your blessings he showed you who he was before he "fronted" too long.   Granted, ditching you while on a date is just plain rude...

I promise you "Mr. Right" is out there and you want to wait for him and not just "Mr. Right Now".   Yes, I know it's easier said than done, but  when Mr. Right comes along, you will love him even more because he loves you for YOU and not what you look like.   

Wow, what a pr*ck. I can't believe he said that and ditched out that way. I've been on dates where I know within the first fifteen minutes I'm never going out with the dude (romantically) again (although it's personality related), but I still finished out the damn dates like a champ. Some of them have become friends; you just can't force that romantic chemistry. Anyway, I agree with the posters above; you dodged a bullet. What woman wants a superficial, weak, cowardly man in their life? Sneaking off and sending a text?! Good luck to the woman he does find physically attractive; she probably won't find out what kind of guy he really is until a lot more is invested.

All that being said, I'm sorry that happened to you! Don't get down on yourself; some people are just stupid jerks.

And danaofdoom, that frustrates me too, the double standard. There are plennnnty of less-than-Adonis-like gentlemen in the media, but almost every woman I see on TV or in a magazine has to be beautiful and fit. Unless she's a character actress, supporting, never the headliner. Ugh.

There's a sad, sad double standard in the body department. :( However, you shouldn't be upset that that guy ditched, be happy. Anyone who's that blunt and rude shouldn't be with anyone worth while anyway.

The most critical guys I ever dated happened to be the least attractive. There were 2 actually. One was not hot at all and should have been extremely flattered that I was able to look to his personality which I thought was great until he started to talk, and the other was a shorty. I found that pretty interesting, but I think it boils down to this....insecurity. They wanted a perfect looking chick because:

A. A hot accessory might make them seem more desirable than they actually are.

B. It makes them feel bigger when they pull you down emotionally.

Luckily, I have always been the type to read the signs quickly and move on. Just remember that people can suck...not just men. I have met so many triflin' women. And there are so many desperate women who allow men to treat them like crap and never set them straight. Try not to expect them all to be that way, cause you will push away the good one when he comes. I met 4 losers in a row b4 by current wonderful bf came along. 

Put up a dumb man filter, but don't block them all out. You will be smarter, happier and less bitter that way.

You this may be irrational, but sometimes doesnt it suck to be rejected by someone whether they are worthy or not?

If you are trying to lose weight lose it. But do it because you want to feel better about yourself, and you want to do run 3 miles without getting winded or cross country ski this winter.

It's a double standard, however I honestly don't think it will ever change.

Rejection is crap. If I feel rejected or frustrated with men, I find a long, hard run and several G&Ts with my girlfriends is a great mood booster!

Love yourself! Be confident, its ALWAYS sexy!

*happy sigh* Thanks, guys. I needed some jerk-man-bashing time. :)

@ Claudb89- I agree. I think it sucks to be rejected even if they aren't worthy.

Being a guy myself, I will make no excuse for the "boy" the OP talked about.  But I do want to add a couple of things in our defense:

1) We are not all like that.  Many of us take a lot longer to mature than women and it just takes us a while to get through that "fraternity" stage, where we only want to date women we think will impress our friends.  But most of us outgrow that if we even fall into that stage in the first place.

2) It's not all one-sided.  Many years ago when I was a bartender at a restaurant, I had a friend who worked in the kitchen.  At one point his wife lost a LOT of weight.  She became a lot more confident, and, I'll admit, she was looking a lot better.

Then, out of the blue, she told my friend she wanted a divorce.  She told him point blank that now that she looked better, she could find someone much better than him.

Well, they got divorced and my friend hit rock bottom for a long time.  I've since lost touch with him, although I know he remarried.  But I did run into his ex a few years ago.  She had gained all her weight back and was with a guy that, IMO, offered a lot less than my old friend did.

Anyway, just don't let these experiences jade you and turn you into that kind of person as well.  Keep looking and keep trying.  You'll find the right guy.  There's a lot of us out there and we're not all pr*cks!

Here is a thought from a guy that has been around for awhile. Yes, guys respond to looks, but over time looks become less important and what is inside starts to shine. I think that is one of the reasons we don't notice new hair colors and style or the new top just bought. Don't forget there are a lot of older guys walking around with older women and they love them a lot. Not because of how they look, but because of the person he fell in love with and continued to be with over the years.

Does that mean that older guys don't look at young, beautiful woman. No we are not made up that way. And I have to believe that older woman enjoy seeing a good looking young man. But in the end, we go home w/ and stay with the person who we love because of who they are and not because of how they look.

For the guy who does not get to that point, well he is just now worth your time.

ecackler,

Okay, I have to say it.... "this post reminds me of that movie He's Just Not That Into You" If you've seen that movie you will know exactly what I am talking about.  But ecacker, everyone's replys are right...the guy is not worth losing sleep over let alone letting him lower your self esteem!  I know, I have been there...that is alot easier said than done!  Keep your chin up and work toward you goals.....for you not for a man!

Amanda

Girl, he just did you a favor.  I know it still hurts, but think how much more it would've hurt a few months down the road, or even after a few dates that you thought were going well.  I get tired of hearing it, but I'm going to type it anyway... He's out there, and you'll find each other.

Original Post by penkwin:

And danaofdoom, that frustrates me too, the double standard. There are plennnnty of less-than-Adonis-like gentlemen in the media, but almost every woman I see on TV or in a magazine has to be beautiful and fit. Unless she's a character actress, supporting, never the headliner. Ugh.

 Ugh, have you seen that new Comedy Central show, secret girlfriend? A bunch of fat, ugly, shallow losers basically just chase incredibly hot, incredibly dumb girls the entire time. And that's just one example. It seems like every comedy directed at my age group has that basic set up. So demeaning.

Original Post by majorpayne05:

Being a guy myself, I will make no excuse for the "boy" the OP talked about.  But I do want to add a couple of things in our defense:

1) We are not all like that.  Many of us take a lot longer to mature than women and it just takes us a while to get through that "fraternity" stage, where we only want to date women we think will impress our friends.  But most of us outgrow that if we even fall into that stage in the first place.

2) It's not all one-sided.  Many years ago when I was a bartender at a restaurant, I had a friend who worked in the kitchen.  At one point his wife lost a LOT of weight.  She became a lot more confident, and, I'll admit, she was looking a lot better.

Then, out of the blue, she told my friend she wanted a divorce.  She told him point blank that now that she looked better, she could find someone much better than him.

Well, they got divorced and my friend hit rock bottom for a long time.  I've since lost touch with him, although I know he remarried.  But I did run into his ex a few years ago.  She had gained all her weight back and was with a guy that, IMO, offered a lot less than my old friend did.

Anyway, just don't let these experiences jade you and turn you into that kind of person as well.  Keep looking and keep trying.  You'll find the right guy.  There's a lot of us out there and we're not all pr*cks!

 I agree with you, its not just men, and not all men are like that. Mostly I just get upset by the way the media portrays the relationship between men and women. I've noticed a lot of young men my age actually take this to heart. They expect women to be hot and stupid, and men to be hormone driven, drunken perverts. Its really sad.

That being said there are a lot of good ones out there. My boyfriend proves the stereotypes wrong every day and makes me have a lot more faith in men!

oh man this has happened to me a couple times and it hurts like crazy when it does.  I remember going home and bawling on my mom's shoulder..then sucking it up and going for a run like my life depended on it!  Sometimes even now when I'm at the gym I'll pound the punching bag or pump out those last sets thinking of those awful, vile, horrible men I met.

Like everyone else has said..just be so grateful that it didn't go any further then it did.  I feel sorry for the women that guy marries because what happens when she gets prego and gains weight?  Or what would happen if, heaven forbid, anything happened to scar her face or body?  I always think of that when those old hurts pop up and make me feel insecure.  I want a man who will love me at 100lbs or 200lbs and I want him to think I am beautiful no matter what.  And yes..they are out there.  I haven't found mine yet but there are 3 men in my life that make me believe there still are good ones out there.  My brother, my dad, and my best friends fiance.  All three are with bigger women and all three love them to bits and tell them how hot they are all the time. (well my dad doesn't say 'hot' but you get the idea).

Just keep the faith..the right one for you is out there and when you meet him you won't ever think twice about those other losers.  And trust me, they are LOSERS! 

For what its worth, if someone doesn't take the time to know you before rejecting you..., consider it their loss and move on. I understand rejection hurts, but its not nearly as bad as winding up with the wrong person....., trust me on this one.

One day when you are with that special person, the one you deserve, not only will you appreciate being rejected by the wrong person/people, you will be able to laugh at the expirence as a whole.

In the meantime, do what it takes to feel better about yourself and become the person you desrve to be.

Revealing inner beauty always takes time. The rush of modern society often make revealing inner beauty a tougher job. If you often find shallow men, perhaps you are looking for them in the wrong places. Look for men in a bar and you'll find men who like hotties etc. It's hard to find good seafood in a steak house and vice versa. Some of the men that I mentored never found the right women until they themselves enter into the world where people treasure inner beauty. The world of volunteers, of missioners, of people who care for others as much as they care for themselves. Those are the pople who appreciate and desire inner beauty.