Do men really judge women by their weight?

I have asked this question to several of my friends and relatives and most of them say that it doesnt.They all say that men go for the nicer girl, the sweeter and better person regardless of her weight. The problem is that they all say this with a shifty look in their eyes which really makes me doubt the truth in their answers. I belive that no matter how nice you are if you are overweight you will get passed over. What do you think?

Well... I have not been asked out on a date in over 6 years so I have wondered this too. I am not sure if it is because I am fat, or ugly... or maybe just unapproachable????

I too am interested to know!  I wonder if some former very overweight people who are now thin can give us some insight!

This question makes about as much sense as asking of men like mustard on their hotdogs.  Everyone is different.

sharmishtha1 - do you ever judge men by their weight? Is there a body type that you find more appealing? Probably.

Do you think that your tastes are shared by all other women? Probably not.

Same for guys.

oh... kinda like do you prefer a fat man over a mean one?

Fat.... definitely!

Original Post by amethystgirl:

sharmishtha1 - do you ever judge men by their weight? Is there a body type that you find more appealing? Probably.

Do you think that your tastes are shared by all other women? Probably not.

Same for guys.

Exactly. I mean I don't expect a super attractive girl to be attracted to me because most of these girls don't like overweight guys. The unfortunate reality is that if someone isn't physically attracted to you they're probably not going to be interested. Personality is very important but to pretend that looks don't matter is just fooling ourselves.

My experience: you get more looks walking down the street/in clubs, but not particularly more genuine interest from people who you talk to properly.

My boyfriend says I look much better in clothes (clothes are designed for thinner girls), but not really much better naked.

Right, but say you have in front of you a very sweet guy who is very overweight, and a relatively boring guy who could body double for Brad Pitt.

Taking fear of rejection out of the equation, who would you try to talk to first?

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Right, but say you have in front of you a very sweet guy who is very overweight, and a relatively boring guy who could body double for Brad Pitt.

Taking fear of rejection out of the equation, who would you try to talk to first?

but you don't know he's sweet or boring until you talk to him.....?

Maybe it's a confidence thing? What guy would want to be with a girl (long-term) if she's got low self-esteem? And while not all overweight people have low self-esteem, let's face it, most of us do and pretty much all of it is weight related in some way.

There are men who prefer overweight women.  Those men are in the minority, but they certainly do exist. It’s all down to personal preference.

But appearance is generally extremely important to a man.  There are men who are willing to overlook a few pounds over other important qualities but if they aren’t attracted to a woman physically it’s never gonna “work”.

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Right, but say you have in front of you a very sweet guy who is very overweight, and a relatively boring guy who could body double for Brad Pitt.

Taking fear of rejection out of the equation, who would you try to talk to first?

Well first I'd take the Brad Pitt guy off in the corner for a cuddl... but why talk to him?

Then I'd take the sweet guy out for coffee and talking!

But seriously! I'd take the sweet guy any day!  If he's in good enough shape to perform, then the performance then there's no problem.  A body can be nice to look at, but in the dark is it *really* that much better? 

Besides the sweet guy can lose weight and get in better shape, but the boring Brad Pitt look-alike is never going to get more interesting... and his looks won't last. 

The conclusion I've come to is that a lot of men are grateful for any kind of female attention and most are in no position to be fussy.  LOL!   

But a word of caution about the type of man who really does go for the slim, perfect 'body'  ... . be careful of that one because the minute you don't have that body any more you're liable to be replaced.  I remember a male colleague seriously telling me he was very, very worried about his marriage because, after bearing him two lovely daughters, his wife was still 20lbs heavier than before she got pregnant....   (You'll be pleased to hear I told him he was being an ungrateful and ungallant little wuckfit)

Original Post by karozel:

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Right, but say you have in front of you a very sweet guy who is very overweight, and a relatively boring guy who could body double for Brad Pitt.

Taking fear of rejection out of the equation, who would you try to talk to first?

Well first I'd take the Brad Pitt guy off in the corner for a cuddl... but why talk to him?

Then I'd take the sweet guy out for coffee and talking!

But seriously! I'd take the sweet guy any day!  If he's in good enough shape to perform, then the performance then there's no problem.  A body can be nice to look at, but in the dark is it *really* that much better? 

Besides the sweet guy can lose weight and get in better shape, but the boring Brad Pitt look-alike is never going to get more interesting... and his looks won't last. 

But take snapshot's caveat - you don't know which has which personality til you talk to them.

Well honestly I wouldn't take to either because it would likely piss off DH.

If I had no idea of their personalities I would likely talk to the cute one first.  But if he's boring the talking probably wouldn't get very far before I realized it. 

And then I could move on to the one with a brain. 

I hate to say it, but I am a little shallow to an extent in that there are certain body types i'm just not attracted to at all.  Interestingly enough though its the extremely thin people.  I just love to cuddle and have been with a couple very thin individuals who were naturally so, but the pointy bony-ness just made it very uncomfortable for me.  I just don't find people who are very thin to be attractive at all, and while i'd like to say i would be able to get over it for someone with a great personality, it would put some physical limitations on things because i dont like the feel of bones and sharp un-cuddly corners on a person. 

Original Post by sharmishtha1:

I have asked this question to several of my friends and relatives and most of them say that it doesnt.They all say that men go for the nicer girl, the sweeter and better person regardless of her weight. The problem is that they all say this with a shifty look in their eyes which really makes me doubt the truth in their answers. I belive that no matter how nice you are if you are overweight you will get passed over. What do you think?

My personal experiences and observations suggest that the truth is somewhere in between.

For one thing, most people are attracted to a given range of different bodies. You may have an ideal in mind, but will most likely find people who don't quite meet that ideal attractive as well. Some men have much wider ranges than others. Also, some prefer skinny women, some prefer curvy women, some prefer athletic women. There are even men who prefer obese women, though they are less common.

That being said, a good personality and confidence can sometimes go a long way towards building attraction, even if you are not someone's physical ideal. Also, being nice is nice, but being funny, interesting, or confident can be even more important.

Being a guy I'd have to say for me it's somewhere in between.  I don't mind if a girl is somewhat overweight, I can still be physically attracted to them, but if they're a lot overweight then I'm not physically attracted to them and it won't work.  I went to high school in a place where a lot of girls considered weight in a guy to be a deal breaker (I just got out of high school and was at the upper end of the overweight category most of the time).  I've asked out so many girls that have turned me right off the bat, some of them were overweight, some were in the normal category. 

Hi Sharmishtha, I'm going to answer an un-gendered version of your question: Do people really judge other people by their weight (in a romantic or potentially romantic context)?

From my own experience, no, they don't. 

Sometimes a very dark line is drawn between the categories of 'looks' and 'personality.'  But this line is false.  There is an in-between category that is the single most important factor when judging your own attractedness to a person:

it's called demeanor.  The way a person holds him/herself, the look that is on her/his face, that person's relationship with the world as it is expressed in his/her body language.

When I was a depressed and angry teenager, I was very attracted to people who acted isolated, dour, even belligerent.  It did not matter what that person looked like or what their weight was.

Now that I am a happier and better-adjusted adult, I am attracted to people who act joyful, discerning and confident.  Weight is not a factor unless there is something obviously amiss: a person is several hundred pounds overweight or obviously severely underweight, which in many cases is an indication of a difficult relationship with the world.