Why do men have to look at other women?

Normally, I really don't mind but recently,  it's starting to bother me.  I think it is so rude when your (husband or boyfriend) is walking or sitting with you and their eyes is looking elsewhere.  Sometime, the girls or ladies is not all that good looking.   I get so angry because it makes me feel like I am not good enough or what!!!

I am I alone on this subject????

Original Post by moody:

inhibitions for "staring and oogling" (again, HIGHLY unrelative terms here) are not so much societal, and comforted reactions to them are equally unsocietal.

By way of example, let's take a brief look at another aspect our particular society has suppressed for essentially the same reason: physical contact.

We in the AH Chat, as a thread, tend to be very chatty. We only like to be touched by strangers and random people we're close to (friends, family, lovers, etc), or only in very specific, socially accepted ways (a tap on the shoulder, slap on the butt, a handshake) amongst strangers.

Which is the more desirable? As it is, or as it could be if people could recognize their reactions are results of third parties conditioning them to react in specific ways, and that those reactions are not always in their beast interest?

*steps in and pulls up a chair... stares...*

I'm sure that was meant to be... uh, witty? Or something?

one part witty, one part something, one part else...

*still staring, almost to the point of ogling*

hahahahah well thanks for making my point. if "supressing your instincts" doesn't sound like a clear **** exscuse to you i think your missing something. lol i mean come on everything you said is so chiche. women aren't discreet about looking at men because their afraid of being called sluts, their discreet because its much more respectful to refrain from looking at other men when your with your husband of boyfriend. men like you seem to have mistaken biological traits with pure disrespect.

I read in some article somewhere that while men are aroused by images of hot women, women need to see or imagine some kind of relationship to get going.  In this particular study, the (hetero) men were aroused just looking at a picture of a naked lady, but the (hetero) women weren't aroused by the picture of the hot naked guy.  However, they were aroused by scenes of lesbian sex, hetero sex, and animals mating.

The same article went on to explain that women's arousal may be based on being desired.  When you consider our subservience to the beauty industry, this theory kind of makes sense.  If this is the case, then looking hot for anyone but your husband/boyfriend could be seen as equivalent behaviour to checking out hot girls.

I sure wouldn't like it if my husband gave me grief for trying to look good when I go to work or out with a friend, so I think its fair to cut the guys some slack. 

Original Post by flybee:

I read in some article somewhere that while men are aroused by images of hot women, women need to see or imagine some kind of relationship to get going.  In this particular study, the (hetero) men were aroused just looking at a picture of a naked lady, but the (hetero) women weren't aroused by the picture of the hot naked guy.  However, they were aroused by scenes of lesbian sex, hetero sex, and animals mating.

Maybe their idea of a "hot" naked guy wasn't the womens' idea of hot? 

well.  it's never bothered me if my bf looked at an attractive woman.  i'd find it mildly amusing because he would try to be discrete, so in that way, he would seem sweet.

it also never bothered me if he looked at pr0n, or maybe i should say that i never felt it had anything to do with me. (it would bother me if he'd been obsessive-compulsive about it, but that's also the case if he'd been o-c about hand-washing or making sure the door was locked -- but i would have a nagging in the back of my mind because there was no way to know if the women being photographed freely chose that career, were addicted to drugs and needed medical help, were in abusive relationships and needed help, etc)

but i do know this.  whatever you do, don't say anything that could in any way, shape, or form be construed as being 'negative' about his penis. only say wonderful things about it, if you have to say anything about it.  because however insecure a woman might become when confronted with her man's wandering eye, it is NOTHING compared to a man's insecurity about the adequacy of his penis.

and for the record, the average length of a vajayjay is 6 inches. ok?  so it's fine.  it's awesome.  it's perfect.  it's the most perfect penis in the world.

"Ogling" is so subjective, I think that's part of the problem here. On the receiving end, I am perfectly ok with an appreciative or even interested look, but there is a HUGE difference between that and the kind of ogling that makes you want to run home and shower. Ew.

If my partner did that to another woman I would be horrified for both of us. In fact I dated a guy like that, it was gross and a big part of why I dumped him...I remember one particular outing where I was treated to a running commentary of all the women in sight who were showing a bit of skin thanks to the warmer weather. He was practically drooling and frothing over a bit of cleavage here and there. EW.

Also, another ex used to do the whiplash thing when he saw a girl he thought was hot. He'd stop listening or lose track of what he was saying to me, even mid-sentence sometimes, it was really irritating. I don't care if you look, really I don't, but that is rude behaviour in any context.

I would not mind if my bf checked out other women, with some level of discretion, but oddly he does not. Sometimes I will notice a particularly hot chick, check to see if he's looking and he never is... I will have to point her out to him myself if I want to comment. I think maybe his past partners scared the urge to look out of him :/....though he does sometimes mention some girl he saw when I wasn't around, so maybe he just refrains while we are together. It's so sweetly considerate, though unnecessary!

Original Post by hatamoto:

So... how does one modify a basic, genetically mandated behaviour?

Make the offending person guilty for doing it, of course!

The church has been doing this for millenia... sex gets in the way of mother church getting the sweat, treasure and blood it wants from the peasants? Make one of their strongest instincts an evil thing that they should feel guilty even THINKING about! That'll keep the little buggers in line!

I see no flaws with this plan whatsoever. 1900+ years of sexual dysfunction is only a feature of this approach.

B.S. - both sexes do it for pure pleasure. not because it's "genetically mandated behaiour". total bulls**t. ha.

Original Post by cptbunny:

Original Post by yaza:

 im a man, and let me tell you, we all do it, some of us less some of us more, its just a man thing, and also mainly to do with testosterone.i f you women could only understand, have the same testosterone levels as a man, you lot would be humping anything that moves, lol. dont worry about it, haha.

Has nothing to do with testosterone. Everyone has testosterone. Sure, you have more (otherwise you wouldn't have facial hair etc). Women have sex drives, women like to look at hot dudes (or women), the majority of us is more discreet/respectful about it.

And since when is looking at other men considered "slutty"? o.O Just cause we're looking doesn't mean we're banging them because if so, I gotta talk to my husband lol!

LOL - seriously! ya'll men have been misinformed.  ..as far as women being more discreet about checking others out - i think that varies as much as it probably does with men.  i don't tend to try to hide it, anyway. i'm appreciated i nice bit of moving scenery, that's all ;)

OH C'MON!!! Women look too! We are just so much more sneaky and clever! Men, despite their varying intellectual levels all share a very low 'hot woman urge to stare I.Q.' 

I guess it's the manners issue.

He'd stop listening or lose track of what he was saying to me, even mid-sentence sometimes, it was really irritating. I don't care if you look, really I don't, but that is rude behaviour in any context.

That is seriously rude. And it's not uncontrollable. Would a guy making a presentation at work lose track of what he was presenting about and stop talking if an attractive woman walked in? No, because he would be focused on his presentation, trying NOT to be distracted. It's nice if you're out with a guy and he focuses on you (the odd 1.3 second eye-flicker aside).

First -- he's still going home with you, correct?  So all the looking in the world doesn't (hasn't/shouldn't) change his feelings for you.  You only need to worry if he gets up and goes to chat with her while he's out with you (I believe justifiable homicide covers this, btw (j/k)).

Second -- Roving eyes whilst in mid-conversation is rude, roving eyes (minus the whiplash) while walking or sitting side by side is incidental.

You could look at it as a visit to an art museum -- why shouldn't you appreciate a beautiful form/face.  In museums we look but don't touch.  We appreciate but don't covet.

Jealousy is a horrible feeling -- be secure in the knowledge that your man loves you and (presumably) stays with you because he loves you -- all of you, in whatever shape you happen to be in (bedhead, sick, etc).

Original Post by coach_k:

First -- he's still going home with you, correct?  So all the looking in the world doesn't (hasn't/shouldn't) change his feelings for you.  You only need to worry if he gets up and goes to chat with her while he's out with you (I believe justifiable homicide covers this, btw (j/k)).

Second -- Roving eyes whilst in mid-conversation is rude, roving eyes (minus the whiplash) while walking or sitting side by side is incidental.

You could look at it as a visit to an art museum -- why shouldn't you appreciate a beautiful form/face.  In museums we look but don't touch.  We appreciate but don't covet.

Jealousy is a horrible feeling -- be secure in the knowledge that your man loves you and (presumably) stays with you because he loves you -- all of you, in whatever shape you happen to be in (bedhead, sick, etc).

 

well said, coach_k!

The sex drive is a basic instinct right after survival; sometimes the instinct to procreate even supasses the survival instinct...take the black widow or praying mantis for instance.  Don't allow his oogling to upset you; instead, allow yourself also to check out whomever you find attractive.  I don't mean in a tit-for-tat kind of way, but in an open, conversation provoking manner.  Comment on the guy or gal that you find attractive and explain why.  My husband always marvels that I consistently find long-haired men with little body hair appealing, yet he has short, balding hair and a hairy chest.  It is also reasuring to me that he likes to check out women with some curves that don't appear as if a strong gust of wind might break them in half, as I myself am anything but the size 0 that some find so attractive.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts.  I know that it is in the male instinct to want to look around but don't be too distracted to the point that it make us (ladies) feels uncomfortable. 

I will take all of your unique advices into consideration the next time my husband want to look around.

Original Post by hatamoto:

You might as well ask why men have to breathe, eat or go to the washroom.

As biological entities our basic function is to spread our genetic material as widely as possible. That means we're constantly on the hunt for new targets, which means, yes, the infamous "wandering eye".

You'll never 'fix' it. At best, you can nag someone into trying their best to hide the activity, but it'll always be there.

That said, it's not a statement about you. There's not a heterosexual man on the planet who doesn't check other women out regardless of their social situation. That doesn't mean he's going to abandon his relationship or go out of his way to seek that variety that is his instinct to pursue... we have a neocortex for a reason: to moderate the urges of our more primal nature.

lol

Original Post by hatamoto:

I'm sure that was meant to be... uh, witty? Or something?

hatamoto, i know you like your women liberated so i get what you are saying. but there are just some people who don't know how to act in public. im sure every guy has some friend that they would actually be embarrassed to even be in a strip bar with (even if they don't go themselves). for the most part i think the majority of men do not oogle, they just look. but there's always one in a bunch, just like how some people can't seem to say thank you or excuse me instead of pushing you out the way.

me and my chick look together.....don't read into it so much....the opposite sex will always attract attention...looking together (to me) is a healthy way of scoping out the opposite sex without going overboard.  I understand you may feel upset.  My girl actually point women out to me and comments on other chicks and guys as well...no biggie...we are secure in our relationship. 

My hubby and I do as Eddie and his gal do and check the women out together.  I have discovered though that I frequently have a very different taste in women than my husband has LOL.