Should men never marry?

The truth of just cynical fiction?

This video is frightening, that is all I have to say. The most terrifying thing about it is that from my conversations with divorced men, this video isn't that far from the truth.

How have things become like this? This doesn't seem to provide a very strong incentive for people to marry. 

Well I couldn't bare his tone for the entire video, but I think I got the jist of what he was saying. Honestly, my thought is it can be competly true - some women DO abuse their marriages. Also, true is some men DO, too. There is no such thing as perfect... and I am assuming he was burned pretty bad in his previous relationship. I am married, and it is SO hard at times. However, it's not pointless, nor is it stupid. We don't have kids yet, because I'm not ready.. he's thinks he's ready for kids. But we are both still young, and newly wed's (only a little over a year, and he's deployed right now for a year, so it is/isn't a year really).

When you agree to marry someone - you are basically promising to put their needs first. To NEVER give up and to always love them, unconditionally. If both people get that from the start, then marriage isn't a waste. BUT it's NEVER going to be easy. Nothing worth anything is. But those are just my thoughts, and hopes!

Oh fortius...

I personally think marriage is something that shouldn't be rushed, and I don't think anyone should ever settle for someone they're not head over heels with.

There are plenty of marriages out there where both the husband and wife are satisfied. There are ways to get a marriage right, you just have to make sure you're with someone who is completely right for you.

People are always in a rush to get married... i would say anything under 30 is wayyyy too young to get married (people just change so much between 18 and 30...and even after that they are changing!).

*shrug* but if people want to get married, have kids, get divorced, regret their lives and all that other good stuff that happens so so so so much. Well....more power to them? haha

Nope. They should never marry. We should live in seperate huts like they did in Africa. I wish I had my own hut. For real.

If men should never marry, this youtube guy is not the one to make their case.

As a marriage-phobe, Im in a better position to plead his case, but he's seems more like a reason women might never want to marry.

The video was interesting ... sure, this happens in some cases, but not all cases. Marriage is an investment, and when something that you've invested in doesn't work out then of course it can make some people really bitter. I'm not really qualified to speak from personal experience, since I've never been married and I don't know how much of what the guy is saying about how much power the woman has over the man in court when it comes to divorce is true. I know of quite a few people who think that in order to lead fulfilling lives, they need to be married. I personally believe that if you don't find someone that you're absolutely in love with, then you shouldn't just marry someone who you're satisfied with simply for the sake of getting married. You either find someone, or you don't. It's very hit or miss. I don't think men should give up on marriage though simply because there's a chance that the woman might screw them over. I thought what he said about restraining orders was funny though, and true. 

Couples should live together for at least 2 years before talking about marriage.

You need a while to get out of limerence and figure out whether or not the person you enjoy having sex with a half dozen times a day is someone you'll want to hang out with and have a laugh later on when you scale it back to once a day or a few times a week.

At the end of two years, you've more or less got a good idea of whether or not you can see yourself as two little old people, 50 years from now, holding hands and walking through the park.

As for that video... dude is bitter and has been bitten, methinks. Lot of anger there.

Wow he was dull sounding! And disrespectful of his wife. Can you say "issues"?!

Fortius - I don't think you need to worry about the state of marriage due to what this man has to say...I would agree with hatamoto when he says "dude is bitter and has been bitten" ! It's a shame that someone can internalise in this way.

I had a male friend in the states that that happened to he got screwed over good and proper if what he is saying IS the rule throughout the US then it is very sad and I actually don't blame him/men for being cynical!

Thankfully here in Scotland (can't speak for England) no woman has the automatic right to anything anymore, it is worked out on how long they have been married and how much each has contributed to the marriage in both time (looking after house/kids) and money and basically/ thankfully no woman gets a meal ticket she has to get off her ass and go work for a living like everyone else unless the spouse is willing to keep her that is and there isn't many of them left, the men woke up! :D

Wow, that guy was a real jerk. I pity his poor wife, he obviously has no trust in her or faith in their marriage. I'm from NZ, so divorce laws here are pretty equitable. I'm sure there are cases when both ex wives and ex husbands get a raw deal... that's no reason for people not to get married though! Not getting married in case you break up is like not getting a degree in case you can't find a job later, or not asking someone out on a date in case they say no, or not getting out of bed in case the sky falls in!

A better reason not to get married is because you're not ready, or your relationship isn't strong enough, or you haven't found the right person. But if you have, then go for it I say. You only live once so love big.

There are two posts on here that try to standardize when one should get married:  One that said that you shouldn't get married under 30 and one that said that you should live together for 2 years.

I know of a good group of successful marriages of people (probably around 50 couples or so...) that were married under 30 (even before 25).  None lived together before marriage, out of these successful under-30 marriages of which I'm aware.  One or two dated for less than a month before they were engaged (which I find...reckless :D).

And, of course, I know of a smattering of failed marriages that were married under 30 and did not live together for 2 years as well.

My point is:  You can't assign arbitrary standards to whether a marriage will be successful or not...I'd even aver that mitigating "risk," although noble, will never be perfect due to the randomness of future events.  There are too many factors that determine whether or not a marriage will be successful to even suggest that by following some rule of thumb even assures some probability of success.

EDIT:  Shoot, look at my grandparents.  Both sets were married before they were 20.  My mother's parents were unhappy; my father's parents have one of the best marriages that I know of.

Go figure.

I think it's highly dependant on the people involved.  I was 24 when I got married and my husband was 27.  We've been married for a very long time now and while it hasn't always been easy, it's been a good marriage thus far. If you really want to make the marriage last, it takes hard work sometimes.  You have to be willing to stick it out when things get tough and it would be quite easy to just hang it up and say good-bye.  If you're not willing to do the work then it's not a good idea to get married no matter how old you are.  It's a committment that is supposed to be for life and you just have to take it seriously enough to stay around.  Of course I'm not condoning staying in an abusive relationship or putting up with affairs, but just because you have a few arguments isn't really major trouble.  I'm not even convinced that living together really prepares you for marriage.  We lived together for a year but marriage was very different.  If you are living together, you can just walk away, but if you're married, it takes a legal proceeding, and if you add kids into the mix it's even more complicated.  I highly recommend marriage, but only if you're really sure you know what you're doing.

well unless they change the law in most states in the us, if men shouldn't marry then no one aint getting married. might as well just abolish marriage.

i never really feel comfortable giving anyone advice on relationships & marriages just because they are all so unique even tho my husband & i have been married only for a few months but together for over 13 years. sure there were a few rough patches, more to do with what was happening outside of the relationship. life is just hard sometimes, but if you can stick it through it does enhance it. i look back on some of our rough spots as a building block. gives me faith that we can overcome things together.

but i can fully understand bitterness from previous relationships & friend's. there are some crummy people out there.

Original Post by moonikins:

I highly recommend marriage, but only if you're really sure you know what you're doing.

And there's the rub, almost no one knows what they are doing. Add that to the number of dysfunctional families of origin and that few parents actually teach their children how to work through difficulties or how to communicate and you've got a mess.

 Well nobody is completely prepared for marriage.  That's why it gets so hard at times.  The trick is to hang in there and work out the difficulties and in doing so you will teach your children the importance of working through tough times.  It isn't always pretty but it does work if you are serious about making it work and the rewards can be amazing.  Besides make-up sex is the best. ;)

As it stands, couples who want to get married have to take a blood test, sign a contract, get a license and then stand up and say 'I do' when asked, do you?

That is way too easy.

I think that couples should have to complete a series of tests, obstacle courses, large scale puzzles, and trust & communication exercises over a period of a year to two years, depending on how well they perform on each portion -- let's say you have to score 75% or better to procede to the next challenge, and THEN if they still want to, they can get married.  If you can't complete all the tests within two years, then you can't get married, or you have to start over.

Original Post by dnrothx:

There are two posts on here that try to standardize when one should get married:  One that said that you shouldn't get married under 30 and one that said that you should live together for 2 years.

I know of a good group of successful marriages of people (probably around 50 couples or so...) that were married under 30 (even before 25).  None lived together before marriage, out of these successful under-30 marriages of which I'm aware.  One or two dated for less than a month before they were engaged (which I find...reckless :D).

And, of course, I know of a smattering of failed marriages that were married under 30 and did not live together for 2 years as well.

My point is:  You can't assign arbitrary standards to whether a marriage will be successful or not...I'd even aver that mitigating "risk," although noble, will never be perfect due to the randomness of future events.  There are too many factors that determine whether or not a marriage will be successful to even suggest that by following some rule of thumb even assures some probability of success.

EDIT:  Shoot, look at my grandparents.  Both sets were married before they were 20.  My mother's parents were unhappy; my father's parents have one of the best marriages that I know of.

Go figure.

While your reasoning is true why its not perfect, its not about guaranteed success (good luck anyone seeking that) but avoiding likelihood of divorce and wanting to increase one's odds on such a crucial life decision. 

A CDC study found 39% of cohabiting relationships end in 3 yrs. 

Of the remaining 61% that endured, half ended in 5 years and half in marriage. 

So of the original couples, 30% marry and 70% breakup.  You dont need a guarantee but why enter into a contractual agreement (Im such a romantic) when the odds are so much against you since marriage is a gamble to begin with. 

Marriage is good for people. Strengthens the character, enhances one's sense of well being and affords one the oppotunity to rake in all those tasty tax breaks. :)

Original Post by sun123:

 marriage is a gamble to begin with. 

 Hence, why it is such a popular activity in Vegas.

Original Post by sun123:

Original Post by dnrothx:

There are two posts on here that try to standardize when one should get married:  One that said that you shouldn't get married under 30 and one that said that you should live together for 2 years.

I know of a good group of successful marriages of people (probably around 50 couples or so...) that were married under 30 (even before 25).  None lived together before marriage, out of these successful under-30 marriages of which I'm aware.  One or two dated for less than a month before they were engaged (which I find...reckless :D).

And, of course, I know of a smattering of failed marriages that were married under 30 and did not live together for 2 years as well.

My point is:  You can't assign arbitrary standards to whether a marriage will be successful or not...I'd even aver that mitigating "risk," although noble, will never be perfect due to the randomness of future events.  There are too many factors that determine whether or not a marriage will be successful to even suggest that by following some rule of thumb even assures some probability of success.

EDIT:  Shoot, look at my grandparents.  Both sets were married before they were 20.  My mother's parents were unhappy; my father's parents have one of the best marriages that I know of.

Go figure.

While your reasoning is true why its not perfect, its not about guaranteed success (good luck anyone seeking that) but avoiding likelihood of divorce and wanting to increase one's odds on such a crucial life decision. 

A CDC study found 39% of cohabiting relationships end in 3 yrs. 

Of the remaining 61% that endured, half ended in 5 years and half in marriage. 

So of the original couples, 30% marry and 70% breakup.  You dont need a guarantee but why enter into a contractual agreement (Im such a romantic) when the odds are so much against you since marriage is a gamble to begin with. 

I still think the key question to get a real answer to is: How on Earth does any marriage survive?  Ignoring the outliers (the successful less-than-30 non-coinhabitants) seems to lead one to an incomplete conclusion.

Dated 6 weeks - married at 20 - no living together because the man wouldn't have it.  He felt like why do all the work and get none of the contractual benefits - two kids - fairly good marriage - ups & downs.

In 24 years we learned the following:

How to communicate without character assasination
How to solve problems and face major life obstacles without falling apart
How to keep ourselves attracted to one another
How to control expeditures
How to debate politics without bedlam
How to find gratitude in simple things

Marriage is what individuals make it, pure and simple.