The truth of just cynical fiction?
This video is frightening, that is all I have to say. The most terrifying thing about it is that from my conversations with divorced men, this video isn't that far from the truth.
How have things become like this? This doesn't seem to provide a very strong incentive for people to marry.
Original Post by kathygator:
Dated 6 weeks - married at 20 - no living together because the man wouldn't have it. He felt like why do all the work and get none of the contractual benefits - two kids - fairly good marriage - ups & downs.
In 24 years we learned the following:
How to communicate without character assasination
How to solve problems and face major life obstacles without falling apart
How to keep ourselves attracted to one another
How to control expeditures
How to debate politics without bedlam
How to find gratitude in simple thingsMarriage is what individuals make it, pure and simple.
Well said Kathy! If you both want to make it work, it will work, it not, it won't.
i still think that it's too easy to get married
if you had to complete some challenges and solve problems together ahead of time, over a period of time, you'd have more chances to see potential red flags
living together first does not make marriage easier...I don't have them with me so I won't say it's a fact, but heard that people who lived together first have a higher divorce rate...
I married at 21...hubby 24 and we are happier now then when we married...17 years later...we got engaged after 2 weeks...married after 10 months...never lived together or slept together before the wedding...
marriage is great, but BOTH people need to go into it determined to make it about the OTHER person...if one of you makes it about yourself...it's doomed. that way both needs are being met. selfishness has killed all the marriages I know that ended. this may bot work for everyone, but for us it does...
we also had kids right away...I know...we did EVERYTHING "experts" said not to do and we are very happy still...
A marriage is like any other relationship in that you get out of it what you put into it and it's very difficult for one person to keep the relationship up alone.
Blood tests? I have never had to take a blood test before marriage. What is that for?
Original Post by monarch777:oh, I guess that varies by state... In NC you have to get a blood test, which both parties get to see and sign off on, which discloses if you are positive for HIV and I think some other blood-bourne communicable infectionBlood tests? I have never had to take a blood test before marriage. What is that for?
From my limited experience (nearing first anniversary, no kids), I agree with those that suggest that putting limitations on what does or does not work for marriage is just not true. I think the real ticket for whether or not a marriage can work is not age, but whether or not two people can learn how to mutually support each other.
It takes alot of Hard Work to make a marriage work. Everyone who has succesfully navigated the waters of marriage has said that. Learning how to communicate, how to support, how to argue without attacking.
But I believe everyone and I do mean EVERYONE has the capacity to learn how to do these things, the capacity to have a happy marriage.
My "live together for two years" suggestion is based on personal experience.
Those of you who've read the 'sex' thread know that I'm something of a serial monogamist. Several of the long term relationships I've been in got to the point where marriage was discussed (a couple times, fairly seriously) but in the end it didn't progress to marriage due to problems or complications that didn't show up until a long while of living together.
Of course there are a million anecdotes of people meeting, marrying the following week and living happily ever after and a million more of people living together for years, finally tying the knot and have everything promptly fall apart. My suggestion is designed to give you the best chance in a reasonable time frame to discover if there's big, unsolvable problems, to see if you are growing in the same direction, and to estimate if you're going to be able to take make it in the long haul.
Make use of or discard that advice as you will.
Either way I'd say posting things designed to humiliate and "punish" one's ex publicly after a breakup is juvenile and trashy.
To answer the question, I think both men and women should marry if they like, not marry if they don't want to. It's a personal life decision, and I don't think there should be any dictates saying you absolutely must or mustn't do it. Personally I agree with hatamoto about living together first and making sure this is someone you enjoy spending time with after the flush of sexual excitement wears off, but that's just me.
Original Post by hkellick:
From my limited experience (nearing first anniversary, no kids), I agree with those that suggest that putting limitations on what does or does not work for marriage is just not true. I think the real ticket for whether or not a marriage can work is not age, but whether or not two people can learn how to mutually support each other.
It takes alot of Hard Work to make a marriage work. Everyone who has succesfully navigated the waters of marriage has said that. Learning how to communicate, how to support, how to argue without attacking.
But I believe everyone and I do mean EVERYONE has the capacity to learn how to do these things, the capacity to have a happy marriage.
Agree. Also Ig is right- it's just like any other relationship in that the dynamics are defined by the people involved.
Sometimes it seems like we put up with a lot more at work or with friends than we're willing to 'put up with' at home. :)
Original Post by coffincritter:
My work computer has no sound. Can someone provide a synopsis of this video? From what I'm gathering, some guy got divorced and is now slamming marriage/his ex wife on Youtube.
Take one redneck, add some emotional trauma, the vocabulary of a 4th grader, a huge chip on his shoulder about women, government, divorce law and divorce lawyers, far too much free time and a videocamera.
Mix ingredients, let sit for just under 10 minutes. Serve bitterly cold.
Original Post by kathygator:
Original Post by hkellick:
From my limited experience (nearing first anniversary, no kids), I agree with those that suggest that putting limitations on what does or does not work for marriage is just not true. I think the real ticket for whether or not a marriage can work is not age, but whether or not two people can learn how to mutually support each other.
It takes alot of Hard Work to make a marriage work. Everyone who has succesfully navigated the waters of marriage has said that. Learning how to communicate, how to support, how to argue without attacking.
But I believe everyone and I do mean EVERYONE has the capacity to learn how to do these things, the capacity to have a happy marriage.
Agree. Also Ig is right- it's just like any other relationship in that the dynamics are defined by the people involved.
Sometimes it seems like we put up with a lot more at work or with friends than we're willing to 'put up with' at home. :)
excellent point Kathy~
Original Post by hatamoto:
Original Post by coffincritter:
My work computer has no sound. Can someone provide a synopsis of this video? From what I'm gathering, some guy got divorced and is now slamming marriage/his ex wife on Youtube.Take one redneck, add some emotional trauma, the vocabulary of a 4th grader, a huge chip on his shoulder about women, government, divorce law and divorce lawyers, far too much free time and a videocamera.
Mix ingredients, let sit for just under 10 minutes. Serve bitterly cold.
Best synopsis ever.
you put up with stuff at work only if you need the paycheck
you put up with stuff with friends only if you perceive that the friendship is worth it
you put up with stuff in a marriage if you perceive that you have few other options
when you are free and you know it, you don't put up with stuff, you fly away
then you circle around overhead to make sure you wanted to leave
and then you head down to costa rica
Original Post by hkellick:
From my limited experience (nearing first anniversary, no kids), I agree with those that suggest that putting limitations on what does or does not work for marriage is just not true. I think the real ticket for whether or not a marriage can work is not age, but whether or not two people can learn how to mutually support each other.
It takes alot of Hard Work to make a marriage work. Everyone who has succesfully navigated the waters of marriage has said that. Learning how to communicate, how to support, how to argue without attacking.
But I believe everyone and I do mean EVERYONE has the capacity to learn how to do these things, the capacity to have a happy marriage.
Exactly. Unfortunately a lot of people would rather bail when the going gets tough. I've seen that many times in couples that were together when hubby and I first got married that are no longer together. Each and every time, the problems could have been solved if the parties involved had really wanted to save the relationships. If you're not willing to learn to do what it takes for a marriage to work, then the smallest little thing is going to derail it. I learned that the most important things are honesty and respect for the other person.
Original Post by hatamoto:I see. Sounds refreshing, can I have it with a side of Glenn Sacks and a sprig of Dr. Laura Schlessinger for garnish?Original Post by coffincritter:
My work computer has no sound. Can someone provide a synopsis of this video? From what I'm gathering, some guy got divorced and is now slamming marriage/his ex wife on Youtube.Take one redneck, add some emotional trauma, the vocabulary of a 4th grader, a huge chip on his shoulder about women, government, divorce law and divorce lawyers, far too much free time and a videocamera.
Mix ingredients, let sit for just under 10 minutes. Serve bitterly cold.
Original Post by nomoreexcuses:
you put up with stuff at work only if you need the paycheck
you put up with stuff with friends only if you perceive that the friendship is worth it
you put up with stuff in a marriage if you perceive that you have few other options
when you are free and you know it, you don't put up with stuff, you fly away
then you circle around overhead to make sure you wanted to leave
and then you head down to costa rica
There's very little one cannot work through in a marriage, as long as both people still think "I love him/her, but..."
I admit the one exception for me was phsycial abuse, but meh, everything else is possible as long as there's love. :)
Original Post by coffincritter:
Original Post by hatamoto:
Original Post by coffincritter:
My work computer has no sound. Can someone provide a synopsis of this video? From what I'm gathering, some guy got divorced and is now slamming marriage/his ex wife on Youtube.Take one redneck, add some emotional trauma, the vocabulary of a 4th grader, a huge chip on his shoulder about women, government, divorce law and divorce lawyers, far too much free time and a videocamera.
Mix ingredients, let sit for just under 10 minutes. Serve bitterly cold.
I see. Sounds refreshing, can I have it with a side of Glenn Sacks and a sprig of Dr. Laura Schlessinger for garnish?
and some Anne Coulter cheesy puffs
Of course if abuse if involved all bets are off. Nobody, man or woman, should put up with 2 seconds of that.
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